drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Ok so this is a follow up to an earlier post. The 5 second cliff notes was that a girl who I met online had a 3rd date, picked her up at her house, had a great time, shared our first kiss. Followed up soon after, she said coming over to my neck of the woods (not necessarily to my place) 'would be fun' but 'she was super, super busy' because it was her spring break. The general response was, although weak, that was a rejection. Followed you guy's advice of don't contact her anymore, if the small possibility she is interested, you will here from her. Enter this: *disclaimer* I do like her, during our dates she was very sweet and she is super smart, we would joke about our respective miseries being a math vs bio major, seems to have a very stable personality. These traits are actually really hard to find. Thursday: She actually texted me! I hadn't contacted her for a few days after I invited her out and got 'the busy' we had a conversation and she stated sorry I haven't had the time for anything. Tonight I'm doing this/that/a third. Friday: followed up with her how her night went because she seemed to be stressing about it. Immediately got a response, talked about how her week has been and her camping trip she was taking with her girlfriends from college. Seemed like everything was ok? These texts are immediate btw, she was getting back to me instantly. ver batum: Me: Hey there, how did you gals fare camping last night. Her: It was really fun at night but in the morning it got muggy and rained. ughh Me: Haha well if it makes you feel any better I left my sunroof open last night. Talk about a fun morning. Where did you guys go? Her: (local recreation park) Me: Oh I've been there its really pretty, that's cool. Hey if you are free this Thurs/Fri we should meet up again. The weather is supposed to change for the better those days. Her: I'll keep you posted! I do have two tests this week and it really sucks... Me: Aww yeah I know the feeling more than anyone of high-pressure tests. But hang in there you'll do great, you really are a good student (she has straight A's in grad school) Her: Thanks! I'm not too sure about that because I went camping instead of studying but I think I'll manage! Hopefully its nice on Wednesday so I can take out my stress with kickball! Me: Kick them out of the park! haha I bet you'll do fine. I know your kind of time crunched but I'd love to be the guy who takes you out for ice cream and gives you a little kiss for a job well done No response since then (Sun evening) We had already kissed, I didn't think that was weird, intentionally a little corny, but I was just trying to be nice. I have been led to believe that girls enjoy ice cream and little kisses? After all I did kiss her on her doorstep after our third date, after kissing during the Hawks game. What in the **** is going on here and what do I do? Am I just being used for attention at this point? I have no clue... all bets seem to be off Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Your texting style is a bit on the bland/boring side also. You have to be careful. Being so nice like you were is gonna send you straight to the friendzone. 2
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 *I'll keep you posted* is a soft rejection in my book, we're Tuesday, she knows already what's up Thursday and Friday, before telling you she's available she's checking her other options. Sounds like she is keeping you on the back burner. Yeah sure she's busy but if she is THAT busy what the heck she's doing on a dating site? When you go on there isn't it because you are *available* to date. You can find someone much more into you. I agree you're a little too slack with your invitations. Not getting back to you on your last text, when you were showing more personal interest is indicative you 2 aren't sharing the same level of interest. 1
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) *I'll keep you posted* is a soft rejection in my book, we're Tuesday, she knows already what's up Thursday and Friday, before telling you she's available she's checking her other options. Sounds like she is keeping you on the back burner. Yeah sure she's busy but if she is THAT busy what the heck she's doing on a dating site? When you go on there isn't it because you are *available* to date. You can find someone much more into you. I agree you're a little too slack with your invitations. Not getting back to you on your last text, when you were showing more personal interest is indicative you 2 aren't sharing the same level of interest. You guys do have a point. But my intention of just initially asking her let's meet up if you're free Thurs/Fri was because I had already talked to her about something when she was tied down. My thought (as wrong as it was) was she would say yeah Thursday, and I would say this place, this time. I had a place in mind, I didn't want to repeat it and sound desperate. I had hoped she remembered my earlier offer and kept that in mind. I know too well the 'where do you want to go Friday?' is the quickest way to annihilation. I guess she is just keeping me as an option just like guys do to girls. It sucks, I haven't really had any other luck online so far. Its so freakin' hard to just find someone. Yeah, one of my best friend's fiance gave a similar response. She became INCENSED at the texts in hand. Mostly because she knows multiple friends who cry to her about how they keep getting laid and chucked and can never find love. But she has to sit down with them and go over all the guys who didn't try to have sex immediately that they rejected and to not repeat that behavior in the future. She added a girl would kill for a boyfriend to buy her ice cream after a stressful midterm. Interesting girl perspective, nothing to do with I thought though. Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 There was nothing wrong in your approach. If the girl had been really interested she would have jumped on your offer to meet up Thurs or Fri. If she had been busy those 2 nights she would have said so and offer Saturday. When someone is into you there aren't many mistakes you can do to turn them off. They're not gonna get turned off by slight differences in wordings. 6
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Also, learn to trust your instinct. Your title says you are baffled. I have learn that when I am confused at someone's behavior it's because we're not on the same page. When you meet someone and you're both wanting to progress in the same direction it's easy, smooth and effortless from day 1. 1
sid3 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Well she has time to play kickball, so I don't think she has that much studying to do. IMO you came off way too interested.There's a razor thin line when it comes to trying too hard, (your corny last text) 2
Chalkdust89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 That text was a little too corny for my liking...it might be okay if a boyfriend said it, but not a guy that I'd only kissed once after three dates. It seems a bit like you're trying to mark your territory even after she has not fully reciprocated your interest. Something like, "good luck and let me know how they go!" would probably have been better - you're giving her space to work on her exams, you're putting the ball in her court as far as the next contact, and it saves a lot more face if she's not really interested.
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Also, learn to trust your instinct. Your title says you are baffled. I have learn that when I am confused at someone's behavior it's because we're not on the same page. When you meet someone and you're both wanting to progress in the same direction it's easy, smooth and effortless from day 1. I agree. But when you get to date three with a girl that you like her for her and she seems interested, only for confusing (but attentive) behavior afterward you just kind of hope there is some hope. Our first date was actually my first date in about 3-4 months, and I got all the way to picking her up at her house and kissing her on her porch. Its just a base-line 'not-want' when you realize the next time you and a girl go out might be in July. I know the writing is on the wall I just wanted some un-biased advice :/ ... And the 'corny text' thing. Of course it was a little corny. I was just trying to mix in being nice, but flirty. Yes if we were bf/gf no issue, but its the line of too nice/too inappropriate. I was just trying to show I cared about her, that wasn't incredibly off the wall or anything, or so I've been told Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 And the 'corny text' thing. Of course it was a little corny. I was just trying to mix in being nice, but flirty. Yes if we were bf/gf no issue, but its the line of too nice/too inappropriate. I was just trying to show I cared about her, that wasn't incredibly off the wall or anything, or so I've been told Then you're going to have to try and understand why this text is a bad idea. The girls that would swoon over that last text you sent are in middle school. 3
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Then you're going to have to try and understand why this text is a bad idea. The girls that would swoon over that last text you sent are in middle school. My friend's fiance didn't quite think so. Again this is pitting what someone other than me thought onto this thread, she thought it was playful and sweet. Not exactly a 'closer' or anything like that, nor Don Juan status suave. But I could have said way, way worse. Being too friendly, well puts you in the friendzone. Like she said, 'I can envision a girl committing murder for a guy to buy her some mint-chocolate chip after a test' (obviously semi joking) I knew based on her personality, that she does like that kind of corny-but-light-hearted stuff. When I first kissed her at the game I said something super stupid, but sweet in its intentions, and she turned red as a beet and leaned in. The 'kiss-cam' on the jumbo-tron came on; I had my arm around her; we didn't get put on the first few slides; and I said 'I guess you are just too pretty to be put up on the jumbo-tron, people would freak out' and she went from white to RED and kissed me. That is over the top corny, but she liked it. So I figured rinse and repeat. That's why I am currently confused. On paper things were going great. Now it seems like a 180 Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 My friend's fiance didn't quite think so. Again this is pitting what someone other than me thought onto this thread, she thought it was playful and sweet. Not exactly a 'closer' or anything like that, nor Don Juan status suave. But I could have said way, way worse. Being too friendly, well puts you in the friendzone. Like she said, 'I can envision a girl committing murder for a guy to buy her some mint-chocolate chip after a test' (obviously semi joking) I knew based on her personality, that she does like that kind of corny-but-light-hearted stuff. When I first kissed her at the game I said something super stupid, but sweet in its intentions, and she turned red as a beet and leaned in. That's why I am currently confused. On paper things were going great. Now it seems like a 180 I dunno man. You're just coming off way too nice and accommodating in my view. Also, someone posts here frequently about putting girls on "pedestals" too quickly will cause them to lose interest fast.
slizl Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I think you were too nice, you have to throw a little ******* in there. I would have made fun of her kickball skills to get a date garanteed. 1
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I dunno man. You're just coming off way too nice and accommodating in my view. Also, someone posts here frequently about putting girls on "pedestals" too quickly will cause them to lose interest fast. Yeah I guess. Going totally for sex 100% is the way to go. Written off as a 'nice guy' even though I would playfully tease her in person, sucks. If I just would have tried to take her home and be an a$$, I would have gotten my answer way quicker....
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Yeah I guess. Going totally for sex 100% is the way to go. Written off as a 'nice guy' even though I would playfully tease her in person, sucks. If I just would have tried to take her home and be an a$$, I would have gotten my answer way quicker.... Heh, relaaaaax. Lol at what point did I say "be a pervert??" There's a way to flirt in a feisty, non-assholish manner, ya know?
preraph Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Well, she's a good student, and that does take work. So her excuses alone aren't too alarming to me. But if she was very interested, she would pin down a time and be eager to do so, and then she'd be there. So the excuses, combined with the lack of commitment is not good. And yes, your text about the ice cream and kiss were (sorry) sweet but WAY to corny and uncalled for, given you barely know each other. It's embarrassing to have a guy who you know is willing to go to these lengths before the situation warrants it. Now she knows you are a bit of a pushover and fall for women too easily before really getting to know them. Both men and women need to take it slowly enough that they let the other person earn their love, not just throw it out there like they'll give it away to anyone, whether they deserve it or not. You're too easy, my friend. You've got to have a little self-respect and not go rewarding a woman who thus far has only made up half-assed excuses. 1
sid3 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Well, she's a good student, and that does take work. So her excuses alone aren't too alarming to me. But if she was very interested, she would pin down a time and be eager to do so, and then she'd be there. So the excuses, combined with the lack of commitment is not good. And yes, your text about the ice cream and kiss were (sorry) sweet but WAY to corny and uncalled for, given you barely know each other. It's embarrassing to have a guy who you know is willing to go to these lengths before the situation warrants it. Now she knows you are a bit of a pushover and fall for women too easily before really getting to know them. Both men and women need to take it slowly enough that they let the other person earn their love, not just throw it out there like they'll give it away to anyone, whether they deserve it or not. You're too easy, my friend. You've got to have a little self-respect and not go rewarding a woman who thus far has only made up half-assed excuses. Agreed. It's not just that it was corny. That text took all the wondering, out of her. Always an attraction killer so early on. 1
Joaquin Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 There was nothing wrong in your approach. If the girl had been really interested she would have jumped on your offer to meet up Thurs or Fri. If she had been busy those 2 nights she would have said so and offer Saturday. When someone is into you there aren't many mistakes you can do to turn them off. They're not gonna get turned off by slight differences in wordings. Totally this. Girls that are genuinely into you (as opposed passing time or borderline interest) will go along with anything to the point of making it very easy for you. In fact you have to work quite hard to mess it up. If she's interested she'll make time for you on whatever terms you make. 2
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Well, she's a good student, and that does take work. So her excuses alone aren't too alarming to me. But if she was very interested, she would pin down a time and be eager to do so, and then she'd be there. So the excuses, combined with the lack of commitment is not good. And yes, your text about the ice cream and kiss were (sorry) sweet but WAY to corny and uncalled for, given you barely know each other. It's embarrassing to have a guy who you know is willing to go to these lengths before the situation warrants it. Now she knows you are a bit of a pushover and fall for women too easily before really getting to know them. Both men and women need to take it slowly enough that they let the other person earn their love, not just throw it out there like they'll give it away to anyone, whether they deserve it or not. You're too easy, my friend. You've got to have a little self-respect and not go rewarding a woman who thus far has only made up half-assed excuses. Besides the situation at hand, this is what confuses me the most. I guess I just suck at dating. Like I said before a few posts earlier this was my first date (our first, not the subsequent 2) in about 4 months. I resorted to the shame of online dating and get overall about a sub-5% reply rate. The one girl, in 2+ months, who I get to know personally and is sweet, we go on three great dates and I take it at a reasonable pace. But oops you're too nice and offered her ice cream after her big test. Attempted to mirror a line used at a game that made her blush. So you aren't perfect? What a piece. Rejected. It totally sucks when you're a dude and you get called too 'easy' and all you really wanted was a girlfriend. Meanwhile I have a friend, 2 dates, 2 lays, in a week, and quote un quote 'may call the hot one back because she's hot' a bummer for everyone Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365 1
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Yeah I guess. Going totally for sex 100% is the way to go. Written off as a 'nice guy' even though I would playfully tease her in person, sucks. If I just would have tried to take her home and be an a$$, I would have gotten my answer way quicker.... drg2365...don't be an a hole when you are not. Be a good man. Stick with it. It's massively attractive. I have a few thoughts. Do you call her much or is the chat and setting up of meets mostly via text? Calling or face to face can make ALL the difference. I have a stack of reasons behind this. Happy to let you know them if typing them out isn't going to be a waste of my time. 2
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Besides the situation at hand, this is what confuses me the most. I guess I just suck at dating. Like I said before a few posts earlier this was my first date (our first, not the subsequent 2) in about 4 months. I resorted to the shame of online dating and get overall about a sub-5% reply rate. The one girl, in 2+ months, who I get to know personally and is sweet, we go on three great dates and I take it at a reasonable pace. But oops you're too nice and offered her ice cream after her big test. Attempted to mirror a line used at a game that made her blush. So you aren't perfect? What a piece. Rejected. It totally sucks when you're a dude and you get called too 'easy' and all you really wanted was a girlfriend. Meanwhile I have a friend, 2 dates, 2 lays, in a week, and quote un quote 'may call the hot one back because she's hot' a bummer for everyone Dating is a learning process. Instead of the "woe is me" game why not invest your energy into understanding the constructive criticism you've received in this thread? As in, what type of closing text do you think you could have sent in place of the one you did? 3
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) drg2365...don't be an a hole when you are not. Be a good man. Stick with it. It's massively attractive. I have a few thoughts. Do you call her much or is the chat and setting up of meets mostly via text? Calling or face to face can make ALL the difference. I have a stack of reasons behind this. Happy to let you know them if typing them out isn't going to be a waste of my time. The massively attractive part I have to wonder. One of those on paper/in practice things I feel. But seriously feel free to offer the reasons, I do appreciate it so much. I'm trying to learn and not be so lonely. I never quite know when she is free for a talk on the phone so I mostly text. We've had a few convo's on the phone. I'm not a big phone talker even though I know its more personal. I hate the awkward situation of 'if they don't pick up, voicemail or follow up text?' Hopefully that sounds reasonable, she was/is a super eager texter Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365
Chalkdust89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 But oops you're too nice and offered her ice cream after her big test. Attempted to mirror a line used at a game that made her blush. So you aren't perfect? What a piece. Rejected. Your line about her being beautiful is cute. Your line about "being the guy to give her a little kiss" after she has told you multiple times she can't hang out sounds desperate. They're totally different. She already knows you like her and isn't reciprocating, so any flirting after that is just embarrassing!
Author drg2365 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Dating is a learning process. Instead of the "woe is me" game why not invest your energy into understanding the constructive criticism you've received in this thread? As in, what type of closing text do you think you could have sent in place of the one you did? I guess I have no idea which led me to think. Damn, I'm really bad at this stuff. Considering she had liked a few other corny things I did, I did not think that text would be the end-all be-all. Its just so awful when you can't get anything going for yourself dating wise. Online has been a total fail, and in-real-life is just over the top pathetic, with girls annihilating you in person, which over time destroys your confidence. I should probably give up on dating for a few years, after all this thread has mostly devolved into sharp criticism. Edited March 25, 2014 by drg2365
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I guess I have no idea which led me to think. Damn, I'm really bad at this stuff. Considering she had liked a few other corny things I did, I did not think that text would be the end-all be-all. Its just so awful when you can't get anything going for yourself dating wise. Online has been a total fail, and in-real-life is just over the top pathetic, with girls annihilating you in person, which over time destroys your confidence. I should probably give up on dating for a few years, after all this thread has mostly devolved into sharp criticism. Lol remember earlier when I said the "woe is me" thing won't get you anywhere? Look man, no one's perfect and no one starts out as a dating savant. So instead of being negative and giving up, leeeeearn and improve! Really it's just some minor texting tweaks here and there that I'm proposing. It's not too much. Though. As other posters have said, if a girl is truly interested in you, you could probably text anyyyything and she'd reply with interest. So there's that. But you still should tidy up your text game. 2
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