bookthief Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Before I started dating properly recently (I'm 21), I thought I was pretty tough in terms of keeping guys at a safe distance and evaluating whether they were worth getting emotionally invested in before I jumped in head first. I was wrong. So, embarrassingly wrong. How does anyone do this? Any sort of rejection or split up or fade-out, no matter how minor, is really knocking me down! I was seeing someone for about a month, thought I was in total control of the rate at which I was letting myself feel/express emotion for them, and a few weeks after he suddenly vanished, I'm still really disheartened about the whole thing, to the point where I don't want to date anyone else out of total fear that I'll end up feeling the same hurt and confusion. I think the part that is really tugging at me is the fact that you can be close to someone emotionally and physically one day, and then it's perfectly acceptable to just vanish on them without explanation, because it's just 'part of dating'. I understand it in a way, but it still baffles me! Does it get any easier to brush it off? At what age is full dating-resilience achieved?
Emilia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Partly experience but really I think the best is to take time away from dating, experience life to the full, put yourself out of your comfort zone, get to know guys more on a friends/social level. Build up confidence and self-respect that way so you stop taking things so personally.
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I think the part that is really tugging at me is the fact that you can be close to someone emotionally and physically one day, and then it's perfectly acceptable to just vanish on them without explanation, because it's just 'part of dating'. I understand it in a way, but it still baffles me! Does it get any easier to brush it off? At what age is full dating-resilience achieved? Yes it gets better with experience. You know there is no guarantee in love. Not after 1 month, 1 year or 20 years. You can only be the best you can and let life happen. Each person coming in your life will teach you about yourself, your needs, wants, likes. You will learn to guard your heart a little, it takes more than 1 month for someone to prove themselves to you. No it's not right for someone to vanish on you without a word but it happens. They are weak, they lack integrity and consideration. The more reasons to not cry over them. 1
AntiSocal Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 You'll get better with age. Just keep doing what you're doing. Getting your heart stomped on will eventually turn you bitter and cold. And then after being bitter for a while you'll have a little epiphany about the true intentions of your fellow humans and you'll be able to accept them how they are whilst not expecting anything from them. Or you'll find a guy you really love, he'll spoil the crap outta you, and you'll get to skip the bitter stage of things. Either way you'll end up happy though. Just give it time. 1
Heatemyheart89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Hello. I feel the same way. Rejection hurts and it hurts like hell. BUT it is tied to self esteem. If you have good self esteem you will not take it to heart. Plus it does happen to the vast majority of people. Men get rejected far more than women on approach, women after a date etc. Often it is not even related to you being unattractive/bad company etc. just they aren't feeling it. I get rejected a lot and have rejected a bit. I mostly reject on the person not being right for me in a way I can't explain. I have been attracted to conventionally unattractive guys and vice versa.I am sorry these guys disappeared on you, you deserve better. Edited March 25, 2014 by Heatemyheart89
RonaldS Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 There's no reason to give a crap about a person until you've been involved with them for at least 3 months.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I think the more you experience rejection, you realize that it doesn't really matter in the long run and you turn out ok. Things that bothered me in my younger days have no effect on me now.
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