Jiivy Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 My fiancée of 7 years left me 3 weeks ago. She cited that she wasn't happy but couldn't explain why... She of course also told me that there was someone else she's interested in now and had been talking to them for around 6 months. Her friends reaches out to me a few days after the breakup and either A) expressed indifference - they're her friends after all and weren't going to judge. B) became very angry with her. She has pretty much flipped and become a 15 year old again, and is running away from her problems. In hindsight, we had codependency issues. I have been in counselling over the past week and initiated in self-harming in order to cope with the immediate devastation of her change of heart. For context - I moved countries and took to being disowned by family for her...we lived together for a year and I've held a job to support the both of us for the 7 years we were together. Regardless. My last conversation was left in a fairly mature manner, I explained that the split was probably for the best and right now we needed to find ourselves. I said that I couldn't help but still love her completely, and would like to remain friends at some distance to see what's going on in her life. I made a mistake saying this. A few days after self harming, I realised there was zero chance I could keep a friendship. I went dark, blocked her on Facebook and removed all means of communication from my sight. The problem is that now she's contacting me asking how I'm doing and updating me on her life just 2 weeks after I ended contact. I feel as though i've lead her on with the idea of friendship because I realise it's not something I can handle. Whoever I loved died and became someone else when she left me and regressed to a teenager...if she comes back, she has to fix herself. Do I respond and explain I want no friendship now? Or simply remain silent.
Author Jiivy Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 nothing? I really don't know whether to respond and shut this thing down unless she's asking for me back - or simply blank her.
central Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Okay, two options: 1. briefly respond and say that for your health, you need to go no contact, please don't try to contact me again 2. block her and do not respond to any messages or calls She cheated on you, and left. She may now have regrets, but she has shown her true self, and it's one you would be better off and healthier for not having her in your life. It's time to move on and learn from this, which will take time.
SammySammy Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I was in a similar situation. She wanted to be friends after the breakup and I found that wasn't working for me. I simply told her to not contact me again and she hasn't. Just let her know the friendship is not going to work out and you're moving on.
Trovador Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I disagree a bit with Central... neither option seems viable to me... the first option makes her appear as if she is the second coming (oh, you are so special in a way that hurts me!) and one shouldn't explain about NC ... the second one, after telling her all that bit about friendship, etc. makes him appear like a db, pretty much like her... What about responding just Thanks. No. Yes. to some messages... she will get bored in no time or will get the point eventually and will stop contacting him... But, I think she won't pursue this supposed friendship... Feel free to disagree with me...
Author Jiivy Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I disagree a bit with Central... neither option seems viable to me... the first option makes her appear as if she is the second coming (oh, you are so special in a way that hurts me!) and one shouldn't explain about NC ... the second one, after telling her all that bit about friendship, etc. makes him appear like a db, pretty much like her... What about responding just Thanks. No. Yes. to some messages... she will get bored in no time or will get the point eventually and will stop contacting him... But, I think she won't pursue this supposed friendship... Feel free to disagree with me... I understand that NC is built for me to repair myself and move on. I'm trying that. Even in the 2 weeks of NC I've had, I have slowly started to reconstruct a little piece of myself...slowly. After 7 years I'm not expecting to shut off so quickly. I'm not going to try and second guess what she will or won't do depending on how I respond. It's not about her any more. I love her, I truly care about her and I'm glad she's pushing through with her life. But she gave up on me. I think I'm not going to reply. Frankly, I don't have the strength.
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