antineutrino Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Everything seemed perfectly normal with my GF this morning when we woke up. I turned on the shower, she hopped in, I quickly went pee. She thought I didn't wash my hands and got mad at me (since we like to shampoo each other's hair). She was finally willing to talk a little afterwards - I told her that I had and she said she was no longer mad at me. Okay, fine. This is the first time she'd ever really been like that, so I don't think it's a big deal. We started making out. After a little bit, she stopped and just went aloof on me. She wouldn't talk and after a little bit of prying, simply said that she needed to think herself. She indicated that she was still willing to talk today, but just didn't want me to bring up the whole 'her having to think about X' thing. I honestly don't know what I did wrong.... How should I proceed? Should I act normally (i.e., send her texts here and there throughout the day)? Should I send her something in the early afternoon apologizing, letting her know that if she needs space I understand, and I'm here whenever she wants to talk? Should I refrain from sending anything at all?
TXGuy Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 If you did nothing wrong, do NOT apologize. If you did something wrong apologize ONCE, no more. Go on about your life as if nothing is wrong. If there is something wrong, she will tell you. It might be that she is mad you for something you did. But I have the feeling that it is nothing you did. That she is making up reasons to pick a fight with you. I would bet it is something she did or is planning to do. She might tell you or she might not. You will have to wait this out. Being proactive will likely make it worse. I'd ignore it. Maybe it will go away. 1
Author antineutrino Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Okay, so basically resume normal communication as if nothing happened? By waiting it out, you just mean I'll have to let her come to me if she wants to ever talk about it? 1
Zimber Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Everything seemed perfectly normal with my GF this morning when we woke up. I turned on the shower, she hopped in, I quickly went pee. She thought I didn't wash my hands and got mad at me (since we like to shampoo each other's hair). She was finally willing to talk a little afterwards - I told her that I had and she said she was no longer mad at me. Okay, fine. This is the first time she'd ever really been like that, so I don't think it's a big deal. We started making out. After a little bit, she stopped and just went aloof on me. She wouldn't talk and after a little bit of prying, simply said that she needed to think herself. She indicated that she was still willing to talk today, but just didn't want me to bring up the whole 'her having to think about X' thing. I honestly don't know what I did wrong.... How should I proceed? Should I act normally (i.e., send her texts here and there throughout the day)? Should I send her something in the early afternoon apologizing, letting her know that if she needs space I understand, and I'm here whenever she wants to talk? Should I refrain from sending anything at all? Let her stew. In fact, pull back a little. Sounds like a **** test to me from an immature woman. You indulge this, it won't be the last time. From the exact opposite side of the fence, she is not testing, her interest level has dropped too low (or she's been distracted) and she's looking to make her decision your fault. If it's the latter, your in trouble and there is not much you can do. I'm leaning towards the former. Don't react, it fact neg her a little for its a nonsense test. Z 3
livingnightmare Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I would refrain, I use to apologize when I hadn't done anything and it made her always in the right and unable to see her wrongs, give her space to think about it, if you let her get away with it you can bet it will get worse. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 If I think something is wrong, I ask ONLY ONCE and then let her come to you. 2
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 How do you know this is about you at all? Maybe she started the morning thinking sex would help her through some other problem but when it didn't she went quiet. Did she get bad news at work? How's her family's health? Did she have a fight with a friend? There are lots of reasons she could have become aloof but not all of them have anything to do with you. When you get home from work tonight, do something nice for her -- pour her a glass of wine, make dinner, something -- & ask if everything is OK. I know a bunch of people on here are going to jump all over this advise & rail that you're teaching her to treat you badly & you are losing the power war in your relationship. . . . I'm not suggesting you allow her to treat you badly. I am suggesting that while maintaining appropriate boundaries you simply be kind to her while find out what's troubling her. If she says it was your behavior in the shower, that's nonsense & you can ignore her but if you find out she has a real problem, help her or at least be a sympathetic ear. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Dang it, please ignore my earlier post! Too hasty of a response... I agree with d0. You don't know if it's about you, do you? When you see her later do as d0 suggests. The fact of the matter is that I would not be as harsh as my last post suggests. I would actually give her the space/time to come to me, but I would also reassure her by touch, "normal" conversation that I am waiting, patient and open. That's more like it....
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Ever heard of PMS? Just do as your usual and pretend everything is dandy. No matter what you say or do, you will lose 3
livingnightmare Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Well if its not about the op then that is even more a reason she needs to realise she shouldn't take it out on him.
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Well if its not about the op then that is even more a reason she needs to realise she shouldn't take it out on him. Of course she shouldn't but we always hurt the ones we love . . .basically because they are standing there. My initial point remains, don't throw gasoline on this until you find out what's really wrong. 2
livingnightmare Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Of course she shouldn't but we always hurt the ones we love . . .basically because they are standing there. My initial point remains, don't throw gasoline on this until you find out what's really wrong. Definitely agree with that.
Author antineutrino Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I probably won't be seeing her again until Friday, since work has been quite busy for her recently (and as a result, also stressful). So I won't be able to pour her a glass of wine or make her dinner, or whatever else tonight. I know that she's on her period right now (though it's coming to an end), but she was normal over the weekend. Can mood swings like that come just like that?
livingnightmare Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I probably won't be seeing her again until Friday, since work has been quite busy for her recently (and as a result, also stressful). So I won't be able to pour her a glass of wine or make her dinner, or whatever else tonight. I know that she's on her period right now (though it's coming to an end), but she was normal over the weekend. Can mood swings like that come just like that? Yes they do as far as I've seen.
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Never mind what time of the month it is. There is something bothering her and it was something she didn't want to talk about at that time. Just be patient and talk to her later this evening on the phone. You say she's been stressed about her job? Anyway, I would let her know via texting here and there that you are thinking about her. 2
Fondue Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Chances are you did nothing wrong. So with that said, don't apologize for anything or coddle her in anyway. Back off for the day, let her sort it out herself, and wait for her to get back to you. Don't even tell her you're giving her space. Just give it. Don't contact her, either.
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 DO NOT SEND ANYTHING TO HER OR TALK TO HER AT ALL. Jeez, what kind of wussy advice do some men on here give. This is the makings of an immature girl. As a man, you should always be giving a woman half the attention she is giving to you. If she gives you 100, you give her 50. If she pulls back to 20, you pull back to 10. Never more than half. If she decides to go cold on you, you go arctic circle on her a$$. Stop apologizing for $h!t you did not do. Let her get over her moodiness and if you even did anything wrong, she will finally come and tell you. Don't shower her with attention, it will only disgust her and push her further. Remember the rule, give her half the attention she gives you. Never be afraid to walk away. Don't place her own emotions and feelings over you own. BE A MAN. What a selfish approach to relationships. Both people should treat each other with the utmost care & respect. Game playing as described above is guaranteed to leave you alone & miserable. If the person you love is hurting, find a way to help them. Abandoning them in their time of need is a sure fire way to send them running into the arms of someone who will listen & care.
Author antineutrino Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Well, she was actually quite receptive to snapchats during the day (she responded routinely and enthusiastically at times). She's said multiple times in the past that she enjoys receiving them since they're a welcome [short] distraction during the workday. I wished her a good night, and she said in response (among other things): "don't think I'd want to chat this week, sorry"... I know she's particularly busy this week, but the phrasing of that was weird.... I'm not sure why she said that instead of "don't think I'll be able to chat this week." How should I proceed? We're presumably supposed to see each other this Friday.... should I be scaling back (e.g., not snapchatting/texting until Thurs/Fri to ask for a confirmation)? or continue to proceed as normal? I'm so confused....
thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Maybe you should straight up ask her what's going on when you next see here, if she freezes you out for too long. I would because I'd get so frustrated. What does everyone else here think?
Author antineutrino Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Maybe you should straight up ask her what's going on when you next see here, if she freezes you out for too long. I would because I'd get so frustrated. What does everyone else here think? Yeah, maybe.... I'm just so confused..... A few friends I've talked to have all advocated cutting off communication (even snapchats) to give her space, and then checking in Thursday (or Friday) to see if we're still on for Friday. Does that seem best? I'm just so puzzled as to why she'd be so receptive to the snapchats today but phrase her not wanting to chat thing so weirdly.
thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Yeah, maybe.... I'm just so confused..... A few friends I've talked to have all advocated cutting off communication (even snapchats) to give her space, and then checking in Thursday (or Friday) to see if we're still on for Friday. Does that seem best? I'm just so puzzled as to why she'd be so receptive to the snapchats today but phrase her not wanting to chat thing so weirdly. I think your friends gave good advice. It will help you handle it without going mad. Maybe give her the space she says she needs and then contact her about Friday. I was kind of basing what I said on previous experiences (so kind of biased) but maybe it's best to not jump to conclusions about what this means. Maybe she's like me and has to be on her own for ages if she needs to think a lot about something.
ja123 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 It sounds like she's having fun with the snapchats, as she responded, but doesn't want to talk more in-depth. I don't think you did anything; it could very well be something else in her personal life (job/career/studies). She'll tell you when she's ready. Keep snapchattting, if she responds. Keep things light and cheerful.
Author antineutrino Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 It sounds like she's having fun with the snapchats, as she responded, but doesn't want to talk more in-depth. I don't think you did anything; it could very well be something else in her personal life (job/career/studies). She'll tell you when she's ready. Keep snapchattting, if she responds. Keep things light and cheerful. That was my impression as well. I'm thinking of adopting a compromise solution of sorts: don't eliminate snapchatting entirely, but rather tone it down to just the 'highlights'. I always text her good morning & good night when we're not together, but my friends suggested cutting that out as well. I'm not sure. Hopefully I'll have some more posts to mull over when I wake up in the morning.
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I'd reach out with a message of understanding. Something like If something is bothering you, know I'm hear to help. Have a good week. Call me when things calm down. Then I'd sit back & wait. If you haven't heard from her in a week then I'd reach out thinking that she's off doing something (somebody?) else.
Author antineutrino Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Rationally, I feel like she's just tremendously swamped at work, and wants to use any free time to relax by herself... that there's nothing really wrong between us. For example, she snapchatted the mouse I had given her to work more easily at home and added a caption that said "thanks dear :)". She also reminded me to wear my nightguard because I grind my teeth. She also said she hoped I'd get my heartburn/indigestion checked out if it got any worse. But the irrational part of my mind keeps thinking there's something wrong. Not sure why I can't shake it...
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