Heatemyheart89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Hello the title says it all really. 2 months ago I went on a date with a guy it went really well. We were in contact with each other etc.Saw each other in the presence of other people a few times after that. Then he went awol I asked him what was up he said that things hadn't developed how he expected. I was totally gutted, deleted his phone number etc. Thing is I can't forget him and his rejection. I hardly ever meet men/get asked out (due to a number of factors such as nearly all female work place/college ). I am really starting to think there is something up with me as I never usually go like this over anyone. What makes it worse is he knows some people I do so I get updates etc as to what he does. Can someone talk some sense in to me? Thanks!
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I hardly ever meet men/get asked out (due to a number of factors such as nearly all female work place/college ). There is your answer. If you were actively dating you'd get used to rejection and it would become something almost mundane. I suggest you get online and get yourself busy dating, meet different men, have fun exploring the world of dating. You will see there is a wide choice of men out there and it's silly to be pining over this one. I read a survey a few days ago and nowadays 72% of people are going online to find a mate. 2
quidproquo89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 unfortunately people get rejected all the time for all sorts of reasons. It isn't fault orientated, its just natural part of dating. I think the thing to do as Gaeta said is to get out there more. The other important thing is not to get emotionally involved too early. You want to keep your cards close to your chest until the dating has developed and you have perhaps had the talk about where things are going. Getting too emotionally involved too early, sets people up to get hurt unnecessarily. Try to enjoy the dating process, dispassionately and things will look brighter 1
Mo_Do Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I remember 7 years ago I met a girl online on some brand new dating site, we spoke on the phone multiple times, e-mails all day long etc. Hit it off very well.. I thought she was my soul mate!! (lol) We finally agree'd on a date / meet and the second I saw her I could tell she was expecting better from me. Regardless we had a pretty decent date and ended it with a huge make out session. I got the "You're not the one for me" FB message the next day and never heard from her again. THAT took a toll on me...big time! I was literally heart broken like I'd been dumped by a girl that I'd been dating for months and not ONCE. Why? Because I wasn't use to rejection, nor did I understand why she possibly couldn't like ME. Now a days? Pfffft...who cares, I still get rejected and reject most myself, often times we reject each other! Above advice is good, just get out there and "get used to it". 5
Adele0908 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 There is no telling what happened. It would be nice if people would be honest about what went wrong. But he may not want to hurt your feelings. Did you like him a lot? Maybe you came across as too eager. It's good to leave some mystery in dating. Instead of being like, " ooh I really like this guy, I hope he likes me!", you should be thinking "he seems nice, I like him SO FAR, but is he man enough for me? Is he right for me?" That way, you let the MAN prove himself worthy for you.
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 There is no telling what happened. It would be nice if people would be honest about what went wrong. Nothing needs to be wrong, you meet someone, you go on 1-2 dates and you just don't feel it, that's all. I have met men that were perfect gentleman, were my style of guy, they liked me and somehow they did not inspire me to see them again. No more to it than that. 1
Adele0908 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Nothing needs to be wrong, you meet someone, you go on 1-2 dates and you just don't feel it, that's all. I have met men that were perfect gentleman, were my style of guy, they liked me and somehow they did not inspire me to see them again. No more to it than that. Okay. Sometimes there isn't a particular reason. But for me usually there is. There would be something about that person that I'm not attracted to, and most times I know what it is.
Author Heatemyheart89 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the replies definitely right about getting out there etc won't be as big of a deal then I hope. I think he just wasn't feeling it he didn't say that really. Can't really help that in all reality. Don't want to know the brutal truth though ( i.e sorry your too fat/dumb/ ugly/annoying or whatever for me). Edited March 25, 2014 by Heatemyheart89 1
Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Okay. Sometimes there isn't a particular reason. But for me usually there is. There would be something about that person that I'm not attracted to, and most times I know what it is. But does that person really need to know why? If you meet a guy and you don't like his mannerism it's very personal to you, another woman will love his mannerism. All you need to tell the guy is you don't feel a connection and let him move on to a woman that will like him the way he is. I find it quite cruel to tell someone I don't want to see you again because I don't like your nose, I don't like you are missing a teeth on the left side, I don't like you got here in an old car, I don't like you're not as tall as I thought. I met a man once and he was perfect on paper, when we met in real life he had tiny hands. It's very superficial of me but I'm turn off by small hands on a man! I wear size small in gloves and his hands were smaller than mine! just to give you an idea. Was I gonna tell him I could not see past his small hands? lol, of course not! 2
Adele0908 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 But does that person really need to know why? If you meet a guy and you don't like his mannerism it's very personal to you, another woman will love his mannerism. All you need to tell the guy is you don't feel a connection and let him move on to a woman that will like him the way he is. I find it quite cruel to tell someone I don't want to see you again because I don't like your nose, I don't like you are missing a teeth on the left side, I don't like you got here in an old car, I don't like you're not as tall as I thought. I met a man once and he was perfect on paper, when we met in real life he had tiny hands. It's very superficial of me but I'm turn off by small hands on a man! I wear size small in gloves and his hands were smaller than mine! just to give you an idea. Was I gonna tell him I could not see past his small hands? lol, of course not! I guess not, lol. That would be cruel. Okay, maybe if it was just one or two dates, then "there just isn't a connection" is sufficient. I once went on a date with a guy who talked all throughout a movie. Commenting loudly on every dang thing like we weren't in a theater with a hundred other people. I think I did tell him it bothered me, but I also added that there was " no connection". I dated a guy with tiny hands AND feet, so I know how you feel. It wasn't a deal breaker for me, but I always noticed them. Now if it's the breakup of a LTR, then I think it would be nice to tell the person being dumped why they're being dumped. 1
thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 When I get rejected, it helps me if I think that it's better that it happens early on before I'm too emotionally invested. And in a way he has done you a favour because you are open to new people and new opportunities. If you give it time, you might realise you don't want him as much as you think you do. Who wants someone who doesn't want them? I think you will be okay. 1
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