Girlfriend messing up my place and car!

March 25, 2014

OP: Everyone has good points. When I was your age, I dated several "super hot" chics, for I wasn't too bad look'n myself. They all had traits that were less than desireable...it goes with the territory. I found myself "putting up" with some of those behavioral maladies for the same reason that you claim...didn't want to rock the boat and the sex was awesome. However, in the end, I was in control of my own destiny and went on to the next "hot chic" when things got to the point that I just couldn't take it any longer with the current girlfriend. Over time, as some have already mentioned, my ideals changed and finding "super model" types was actually easier than finding a well rounded woman...someone who shared the same outlook on life, that I was compatible with on many levels.

Right now, you need to "enjoy the ride" as some have stated and slowly work out the discrepancies between the two of you that are bothersome. The happy-go-lucky approach may work...jokingly/playfully encouraging the type of behavior you'd like to see. If that doesn't work, then you really need to figure out what kind of impact she's going to have on your psyche, when she does leave you for a guy who's willing to stand up for himself. I'm sorry, but of all the women I've been with, the ones that allowed me to get away with everything, I had the least respect for...and I ultimately left, for there wasn't any substance there. A true relationship is about growing together, being in-tune with each others wants and needs. If one partner feels that he/she is being neglected or mistreated and no matter how they approach it, they can't ever get through to the other person, then the relationship suffers and resentment ensues.

You've got to stand up for yourself in order to feel good about your life. You can't feel good about a relationship with someone else, if you aren't in tune with your own needs.

I understand that you're going to do what you think is best...but is it best for you...or for her? What's best for the both of you has yet to be determined. That can only come about by being open with each other and expressing you feelings, desires, and needs within the relationship...some have called them boundaries...only you can determine what they are and mean to you.

Best of luck...

March 25, 2014

I don't think I'm a lapdog at all. She treats me very well and we have a lot of laughs and fun together. The Ness bothers me but what's most disturbing is I didn't pick up on it when we were just friends.

She showers every night but I'm not sure about washes her hair every night. It usually smells shampooey but I'm not I the shower with her every night. I was last night though :)

March 25, 2014

I have learned two things about the majority of women in my 34 years on this planet:
1) They are dirty
2) They are dirty

Most don't shower every day, none wash their hair every day and few clean up after themselves. I don't remember the last time I physically saw my sink from all of the make up, and crap all over the place.

You should have made that 3 things

3/ They don't take kindly to being told how skanky they actually are, and usually withdraw sexual favours as punishment.

March 25, 2014

So the general consensus is that I'm a doormat and she's taking advantage. I don't agree because..

1. She is very good to me

2. She isn't abusive, always sweet and polite

3. Always apologises and cleans up the mess or hugs me and promises she'll do it tomorrow

4. Loves oral but doesn't leave me hanging

I think it's just the way she grew up. Her dad calls her his princess. He even told me I have to treat her like a princess because she is one. Not weird at all oh well. She's not mean at all. Don't get me wrong. That's not why I started the thread.

March 25, 2014

The problem is that she wants to do it very often, and mostly just me going down on her.

This is such a cute complaint after all these topis you have opened I'm sorry that I laugh with your problem, but I couldn't help it.

Maybe she is used to her parents cleaning after her and giving her their things. But you are not her mom, you are her boyfriend and have other values/rules in your house.

Tell her that you love spending time with her, but you need to keep some things for you, such as your car, and some time for yourself, or whatever else you need. Also when she makes a mess ask her nicely to clean it up or help you clean up when things have accumulated. When she uses your things ask her to leave them in the condition she found them. It's important to show your boundaries, and yours are completely normal. She won't fall out of love with you if you become a bit demanding when its needed, don't worry.

March 25, 2014

You may have some valid points, if it turned into a long term relationship, but they have only just got together. They should just be enjoying their time together, getting out and about. Not worrying about crap that most married couples argue about. If they're still together in 6 months or so, then would be the time to discuss these matters.

If he starts getting all heavy-handed about what is quite a minor issue, then it will be over before it's began. Living with an unreasonably tidy person can be just as annoying. Call me old fashioned, but a 22 yr old dude shouldn't be complaining about his woman wanting oral sex instead of watching some crappy show that's she's already seen.

It's his first relationship, he thinks she's out of his league, so the odds are it will end within a year or so anyway. Why ruin whatever time they have together with pointless arguments? He's not going to change her actions anyway. Being messy is a learned behaviour that can't be changed just because someone moans about it.

The problem with that is she's making a mess in his house TODAY. Making a mess in his car TODAY. Demanding one-sided sex TODAY. Not six months from now.

This needs to be nipped in the bud TODAY if he expects this relationship to even make it to six months or a year with any of his dignity or self-respect intact.

March 25, 2014

I don't think I'm a lapdog at all. She treats me very well and we have a lot of laughs and fun together. The Ness bothers me but what's most disturbing is I didn't pick up on it when we were just friends.

She showers every night but I'm not sure about washes her hair every night. It usually smells shampooey but I'm not I the shower with her every night. I was last night though :)

Dude, you came on here looking for what? An easy out? You stated that she treated you like a 5 year old...your words, not ours. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think you don't particularly like being mistreated by her and ignored...nobody does. The truth of the matter is that you came here with a problem and asked for guidance, but you keep making excuses and justifications as to why you shouldn't take action. Further, any chic worth holding on to wouldn't leave you for telling her what your concerns are...if she does, then your better off finding out now then later on down the road. You can get another flat, another car, but you can't get your time back.

Now you are starting to see how she really is (and it hasn't been that long)...and you're not totally cool with it, or you wouldn't be here venting. I bet that if you have a serious talk with her you'll find out that she'll respect your wishes...OR...she's just using you. The great thing about this is it's YOUR life and she can't take advantage of you unless you let her.

If you're that lovestruck, then you'd better act fast and put a ring on her finger, before anyone else does...'cause she's "super hot"!

March 25, 2014

Look.. obviously there are issues or as you say I wouldn't have opened the thread. But at the same time, I'm wondering if I'm not overreacting. She's been fairly clean today.

A few of you have suggested booting her. And then? Go back to masturbating? Forget it.

Dude, you came on here looking for what? An easy out? You stated that she treated you like a 5 year old...your words, not ours. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I think you don't particularly like being mistreated by her and ignored...nobody does. The truth of the matter is that you came here with a problem and asked for guidance, but you keep making excuses and justifications as to why you shouldn't take action. Further, any chic worth holding on to wouldn't leave you for telling her what your concerns are...if she does, then your better off finding out now then later on down the road. You can get another flat, another car, but you can't get your time back.

Now you are starting to see how she really is (and it hasn't been that long)...and you're not totally cool with it, or you wouldn't be here venting. I bet that if you have a serious talk with her you'll find out that she'll respect your wishes...OR...she's just using you. The great thing about this is it's YOUR life and she can't take advantage of you unless you let her.

If you're that lovestruck, then you'd better act fast and put a ring on her finger, before anyone else does...'cause she's "super hot"!

March 25, 2014

And yes she is super hot! I know you meant it sarcastically but she is.

I actually stopped using porn last year and just used pics of her. Even with her clothed I got more aroused than watching porn. She really was my fantasy girl!

March 25, 2014

No!

That's not what I want either. I just want her to stop the messing up, but I want to tell her in a nice way and have her actually listen.

Power of the pussy, huh?

OP, put you foot down now, or you are a dead man.

March 25, 2014

I can't really say too much though, because I do think she's an incredible person and I don't think I will ever get such a hot girl again. I really don't know how to tell her how what she is doing is annoying me.

So what is this thread about? You looking for any excuse to not set boundaries?

That's great that she is good looking, congratulations. But since you are on here posting this issue you have, you have to exert some boundaries. What are your plans with this girl for the long term, assuming you want long term? What if she doesn't change for the better but for the worse? Will you be content with the state of affairs six months, a year, or two years down the road? Probably not if this stuff is bothering you now.

If you don't say something now, set boundaries, demand respect, then how will you react if things get worse (because they will since she know you haven't said anything)? It'll probably be ten or hundred times worse because you may explode in anger, and that will definitely scare her away.

March 25, 2014

Ok. You have a point, but how?

Keep in mind it has to be subtle because she is too sweet to upset. Seeing her upset makes me sad.

Well, tell her nicely and politely, that it really bugs you when she messes up your house/car, and you would like her to take your concerns seriously. If you deliver that in a nice tone and polite manner, and she still gets upset, it's not your fault.

March 25, 2014

The problem with that is she's making a mess in his house TODAY. Making a mess in his car TODAY. Demanding one-sided sex TODAY. Not six months from now.

This needs to be nipped in the bud TODAY if he expects this relationship to even make it to six months or a year with any of his dignity or self-respect intact.

One sided sex? haha. One sided sex is called jerking off alone, because your hot gf has left you because you took the advice of a bunch of ocd freaks from the internet.

When she starts flirting with his friends, or spending all his money, there might a good reason for some of the severe over-reactions in this thread. She's not purposely disrespecting him by being messy, or asking for oral sex. One is part of her character, and the sex is perfectly normal for people their age.

No amount of complaining or rational explanations will make his gf a 'tidy' person. It takes years to un-learn that type of attitude. It's like when someone throws litter in the street. They don't see anything wrong with it. Giving them a dirty look, or even saying something to them will be water off a ducks back.

March 25, 2014

You are sooooo overreacting.....you have a nice and sweet gf and she is messy....so the heck what? My wife can't fold laundry worth a damn and her in ability to load a dishwasher is the house joke. You can tell where she has been due to her clothes and blankets, magazines, drink glasses strewn behind her. I am OCD neat, product of the military. I have never said a word about it because she is awesome in every other way. She is the kindest, most generous person I know and her mess is just an extension of her. In the grand scheme of things, it is irrelevant to my quality of life if I have to pick a few things up here and there, refold clothes and reload the dishwasher.

Chill,

Grumps

March 25, 2014

Well, OP, it seems that it's not a deal breaker and you don't want to do anything about it. So I guess the thread is done.

March 25, 2014

Grumpybutfun is on the money ....you care about this girl , you think she is sweet and awesome....but she is a mess.......pick your poison ....no one is perfect......but let her know if she annoys you be honest and if she cleans up her mess then she obviously cares how you feel,as far as being selfish in the bedroom or nto respecting your me time....let her know that too...i dont think you should dump her, talk to her yeah...i wish you well......deb

March 26, 2014

What does her room look like at home?

Get a large, covered, decorative basket at Target. Everything she leaves around, first ask her once to pick it up, and if she ignores you, then toss it in that basket just commenting once that you bought it for her stuff. Then when she is looking for something, tell her it's in the basket. If she complains, tell her that if she doesn't want you to put it in the basket, she will have to put it away herself. Otherwise you will throw it away. Do it! "I thought you didn't want it because you left it on the floor so I threw it out."

Or you could do what my grandma did if we kids left our toys out. She'd tell us to put them away only one time. If we ignored her, she threw them away. We learned to be tidy in a hurry!

Edited March 26, 2014 by FitChick

March 26, 2014

Clearly the OP is only interested in her body, which is fine at his age. OP..have fun..quit whining about her cleanliness. You're using her for her body and she's using you for your apartment. You're not going to marry this girl. Have fun while you can.

March 26, 2014

She's testing you hardcore and you're folding like a house of cards.

I realize you're young and she's beautiful (for now), but you shouldn't allow that to be an excuse to just go where the wind blows you and simply stand by idly and without saying much of a word in order to stop this situation from escalating.

This is all cute and fun right now, but before you know it she's going to start moving deeper and deeper and controlling this relationship completely, she's not dumb, she's just winking and a walkin giving you the idea that you're in charge while in the end she's going to do what she wants.

In short: It's a trap...this attitude of like "Ohh, things aren't so bad overall" is just going to lead you to being passive and by the time you try to speak up later on it'll be too late.

She's tested boundaries and laid her claim to her woman kingdom where she's very quickly taking territory like the blitzkrieg, you shouldn't just allow her that freedom and nonrestrictive movement within your territory, it's time to load big guns and halt her advances.

I suggest a flanking maneuver, first take out her reserves of supply (unlimited amounts of toilet paper women need, it's a vital resource to their survival)...next take your keys back without saying a word, tell her she's got her own car and the only thing she's driving is you crazy. Finally retake the territory and take prisoners, telling where she can put her stuff and how much time you need alone during the week or what not.

You've got to be in control and manage the situation, the fact that you can't express yourself to her is a bad sign of a push-over, a push-over doesn't even notice when they're being pushed around because they need extremes in order to react.

She'll also appreciate that you know when to say no and put your foot down, she'll respect you more for that in the end, otherwise she may in the long run just get over this and start taking you for granted.

Either way, as one guy said on here...you could also just enjoy it for what it is too, this probably isn't going to go the distance no matter what you do at your age and still growing up, if you'd like to enforce some restrictions and learn the ropes a little bit of how to be more control of your relationship then this is good practice, otherwise those are skills that hopefully you'll develop down the road, you'll have more knowledge and experience at the end of this regardless...so you can choose to just eat it up and indulge in this fantasy then once your fantasy girl just becomes a routine relationship then you can figure out if it's what you really want, by then I'm sure you'll be tired of a lot of this and way overdo and then you can just break-up.

You'll see why allowing this is a bad idea in the future, but for now you're young and just learning, and one thing you'll learn is to never put a woman on a pedestal like this in a relationship and just allow her to do anything you don't want her to do or feel comfortable with, that's also an important quality to have as a man and you'll see why, you have to establish boundaries early on or it's nearly impossible to set them in the future...but it's all good man, I ain't mad at ya!

March 26, 2014

Clearly the OP is only interested in her body, which is fine at his age. OP..have fun..quit whining about her cleanliness. You're using her for her body and she's using you for your apartment. You're not going to marry this girl. Have fun while you can.

Yep this sums it up. She is arm candy for him and he is an escape from her parents house for her.

OP this will likely end with her leaving you, like I said before, for a guy who acts like a man not a puppy. ffs it's been a WEEK and you let her move in LOL. I give it 2 months MAX.

Keep us posted and try not to get emotionally invested cause this is going nowhere. This girl is probably very fickle and you'll be out when another guy catches her eye or she gets bored of bossing you around

March 26, 2014

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Girlfriend messing up my place and car!

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