d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Medium.lumo As a 22 year old college grad with a good job, let me introduce you to a new vocabulary word: No. When she asks to drive your car, say No. You mess it up. You leave crap in it & I can't stand that. When she leaves stuff at your house, you pick it up, bring it out to her car & say No, you can't leave your stuff here. It's too early for us to live together & you're a slob. When she wants to have sex -- & heaven knows this will be a tough one for a guy -- you say No, not now. On that last one I really don't understand how the bloom could be off the rose already. Last week was your 1st date & all you cared about was getting into her pants. Well now you got that in spades & you are still complaining. What's up with that? If you cow tow to her every whim now simply because she's hot & you are inexperienced, do you honestly think this relationship will get better? If you do, you are delusional. 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 no ones really care about the job you have thou................ A lot of people at the university where I work as the senior storage administrator do care though. I'll admit one thing though, I don't have relationship experience... she is my first girlfriend.
Keenly Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Don't be sore because I called you out on your abuse comparison, brohemian. It's an insult to actual abuse victims. Why ask for advice if you don't want it? We get people like you all the time here. You didn't come here looking for relationship advice, you came here to complain but not actually do anything to improve your situation. You are with a girl YOU feel that you don't deserve, and you are terrified that if you say something, she will get angry with you. We are all here trying to tell you that she is walking all over you, and will one day grow tired of your lack of spine. You know what, don't listen to us. Then in a few months when you are single, come back and re-read this thread.
Zahara Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Medium, I have to say that at 22, starting on this road is not a good thing for you. You need to have boundaries and just because she has a hot body, is sweet and nice, boundaries still have to be in effect. You can't let someone run rampant because you're afraid of losing them. If you keep that up, you start conditioning yourself into being a doormat. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 This is ridiculous, Keenly. She's the sweetest person I know. She would never be abusive. But you do realise that walking all over you is abusive behaviour right? Plus, when you have tried to say something about it to her and she hugs you and tells you it'll be OK that she is simply manipulating you (another form of abuse).
HappyLove Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Eh. You're young and dumb (I mean that in the best way), you found a hot girl who knows she's hot and knows your obsessed because she's hot so she's taking full advantage. I think it's sad though that your willing to let someone walk all over you just because they're hot. You will live and learn. 1
InnocentMan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I hope not I've seen her reject much hotter guys. I'm still mystified that she started showing interest in me at all. There's no need to be in awe of her just because she's pretty. There's obviously a reason that she likes you. I see this is your first relationship, so just try and enjoy it for what it is. If her being messy is your only problem, then you have it good. Most hot chicks are messed in the head to a greater extent than this. If you make a big deal of this, it wont be difficult for her to find someone else who is prepared to let a minor character flaw like this slide. Some people in this thread are giving you truly awful advice. It's ok to mention her untidiness, but I would approach it in more of a jokey manner, as opposed to it being the end of the world. The problem is from both sides. She's too messy, and you seem to be an ocd tidiness freak. It's really not a major issue. 1
Sunfire73 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 She likes you because you put up with her, her childishness, immaturity. She smiles and talk her way out, have sex with you and she gets away with it. One day she'll get bored and find someone who is man enough to not put up with her crap. You're putting her in a pedestal, letting her walk all over you. But, you're young, if you like her, then enjoy and accept her, until she finally walks away. If you're serious about keeping her, then learn to give her boundaries and be firm. She will earn your respect when she learns she can't toy you.
InnocentMan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Abuse? Walking all over him? Jesus wept. She's a bit messy. She's not abusing him in any way whatsoever. Some of you shouldn't be allowed access to the internet, really. 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks for this, and everyone who posted similar ideas. I'll definitely try it in a jokey way as suggested by innocent man. The shine hasn't worn off. But she wants it very often and I was kind of looking forward to re watching the old seasons of this show. She agreed but then started rubbing me after one episode. We had already had two sessions at that point so I thought she'd be on for the rest of the night. Medium.lumo As a 22 year old college grad with a good job, let me introduce you to a new vocabulary word: No. When she asks to drive your car, say No. You mess it up. You leave crap in it & I can't stand that. When she leaves stuff at your house, you pick it up, bring it out to her car & say No, you can't leave your stuff here. It's too early for us to live together & you're a slob. When she wants to have sex -- & heaven knows this will be a tough one for a guy -- you say No, not now. On that last one I really don't understand how the bloom could be off the rose already. Last week was your 1st date & all you cared about was getting into her pants. Well now you got that in spades & you are still complaining. What's up with that? If you cow tow to her every whim now simply because she's hot & you are inexperienced, do you honestly think this relationship will get better? If you do, you are delusional.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 But you do realise that walking all over you is abusive behaviour right? Plus, when you have tried to say something about it to her and she hugs you and tells you it'll be OK that she is simply manipulating you (another form of abuse). I don't know ... it's awfully sweet to be abusive.
iiiii Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 The shine hasn't worn off. But she wants it very often and I was kind of looking forward to re watching the old seasons of this show. She agreed but then started rubbing me after one episode. We had already had two sessions at that point so I thought she'd be on for the rest of the night. It's possible that she thought she'd please you by initiating sex. Really, it shouldn't be an issue for you (or for her) to say "not now babe". Just be gentle so she doesn't feel rejected - same as you'd like her to be gentle when rejecting sex with you.
clia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Ok. You have a point, but how? Keep in mind it has to be subtle because she is too sweet to upset. Seeing her upset makes me sad. "I would appreciate it if you would pick up after yourself at my apartment and in my car. It makes me feel like you do not respect me or my things when you make a mess and leave it for me to clean up." I don't care how hot she is. It's totally disrespectful for her to mess up your house and leave crap in your car, much less after one freaking week! I agree that you need to learn to say No. I can't believe you allowed her to basically move in and to drive your car already. Is she covered on your insurance in case she gets into a wreck? This whole situation sounds really bizarre. 4
Ruby Slippers Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Abuse? Walking all over him? Jesus wept. She's a bit messy. She's not abusing him in any way whatsoever. Some of you shouldn't be allowed access to the internet, really. Did you read the part where she always wants sex - oral sex for her, that is? This guy sounds like a complete pushover. She may enjoy "the power" he's giving her for a while, but it won't be long before her natural desire and need for a real man who won't be her housekeeping and sexual servant kicks in. He's put her on a pedestal and is scared of losing her. He's in a position of weakness. Not an attractive quality in a man. If I were the OP, I'd tell her she can't stay at my place or use my car unless she keeps them as clean as they were when she arrived, and enforce it. And I'd quit spoiling her with sex that's all about her all the time, and make it more balanced. He can make these changes and keep his composure. 6
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 It's an elite insurance plan, covers anyone with a valid license. It's under my dad's name but with me listed as primary driver. I'll think about telling her about the mess but in a less harsh way. Thanks! "I would appreciate it if you would pick up after yourself at my apartment and in my car. It makes me feel like you do not respect me or my things when you make a mess and leave it for me to clean up." I don't care how hot she is. It's totally disrespectful for her to mess up your house and leave crap in your car, much less after one freaking week! I agree that you need to learn to say No. I can't believe you allowed her to basically move in and to drive your car already. Is she covered on your insurance in case she gets into a wreck? This whole situation sounds really bizarre.
InnocentMan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Did you read the part where she always wants sex - oral sex for her, that is? Yea i read it. Must be devastating to be a 22 yr old man and have a hot woman always demanding oral sex. He'll probably need counseling after this is over. If that's all she wanted, he could probably still have watched his tv show, while doing it. I was forever trying to watch sports while trying to fend of women in my younger days. You get better at doing both at the same time with experience.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It's not about the sex or the messiness. It's about her treating him like her servant and him allowing it. He's obviously not cool with it deep down - hence the thread. His woman won't respect him if he has no self-respect. I'd tell a woman the same thing. Don't sexually service and clean up his messes if you're feeling resentful about it and only doing it because he's hot and you're scared of losing him unless you continue to be his servant. 2
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 It's not about the sex or the messiness. It's about her treating him like her servant and him allowing it. He's obviously not cool with it deep down - hence the thread. His woman won't respect him if he has no self-respect. I'd tell a woman the same thing. Don't sexually service and clean up his messes if you're feeling resentful about it and only doing it because he's hot and you're scared of losing him unless you continue to be his servant. That isn't all we do and anyway I enjoy it. She just seems to want it very often which is normally fine but not when we have agreed it's GOT night!
veggirl Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Ruby is correct. You're gonna get dumped for a man who acts like a man eventually. You can't even tell her to quit being a slob. Lol. Doormat to the max. Sorry. Quit being such a wuss! You wanna keep her, be her man not her lapdog or mother. 5
InnocentMan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It's not about the sex or the messiness. It's about her treating him like her servant and him allowing it. He's obviously not cool with it deep down - hence the thread. His woman won't respect him if he has no self-respect. I'd tell a woman the same thing. Don't sexually service and clean up his messes if you're feeling resentful about it and only doing it because he's hot and you're scared of losing him unless you continue to be his servant. You may have some valid points, if it turned into a long term relationship, but they have only just got together. They should just be enjoying their time together, getting out and about. Not worrying about crap that most married couples argue about. If they're still together in 6 months or so, then would be the time to discuss these matters. If he starts getting all heavy-handed about what is quite a minor issue, then it will be over before it's began. Living with an unreasonably tidy person can be just as annoying. Call me old fashioned, but a 22 yr old dude shouldn't be complaining about his woman wanting oral sex instead of watching some crappy show that's she's already seen. It's his first relationship, he thinks she's out of his league, so the odds are it will end within a year or so anyway. Why ruin whatever time they have together with pointless arguments? He's not going to change her actions anyway. Being messy is a learned behaviour that can't be changed just because someone moans about it.
KaliLove Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Here's what you do. Go to the refrigerator, grab the jar that she keeps your balls in, reinsert them, and tell her to clean her **** up. She has no respect for you.
ThaWholigan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 You're falling victim to a bit of that scarcity mentality. "She's so hot, I can't believe I have her - I must do everything to placate her". May not be the exact words in your head, but it's a similar dynamic. I've seen it. I understand that you are a bit of a late bloomer as you said in your other thread. So clearly this is somewhat new to you. As others say, it probably won't last for ever, so in that time I would practice myself to assert boundaries for things I will tolerate and things I won't - if I were you that is. If you think you can learn to tolerate her messing up your sh*t, then whatever. But I don't think you should personally. As for the sex part, being the late bloomer, I understand it will be difficult to say no. I mean, she's hot, and horny for you - why would you say no? In this case, I don't think this is too big a deal - the TV show isn't going anywhere, you can stream it online another time. At the same time though, don't let her completely dictate the terms of the relationship - and that includes the sex. All in all, I don't think this is too big a deal and you should treat it as such - but that doesn't mean you should just go "OK" and let her run amok. Teach yourself from early. Just my opinion really. 3
GorillaTheater Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Call me old fashioned, but a 22 yr old dude shouldn't be complaining about his woman wanting oral sex instead of watching some crappy show that's she's already seen. Can't argue with this one at all.
slizl Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I have learned two things about the majority of women in my 34 years on this planet: 1) They are dirty 2) They are dirty Most don't shower every day, none wash their hair every day and few clean up after themselves. I don't remember the last time I physically saw my sink from all of the make up, and crap all over the place.
Eivuwan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I have learned two things about the majority of women in my 34 years on this planet: 1) They are dirty 2) They are dirty Most don't shower every day, none wash their hair every day and few clean up after themselves. I don't remember the last time I physically saw my sink from all of the make up, and crap all over the place. I just want to point out that washing your hair everyday is actually bad for your hair... 4
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