Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 It's not a joke and apparently it does happen It kind of just happened. She wanted to stay one night... then we both decided to make it 2...etc... then we stayed at her parents house but when I was leaving she asked if she could stay over again... and brought a bunch of stuff with and hasn't left. I can't believe you've let a chick you've been dating a whole week move into your place and start staying over every night. Is this a joke? Does this really happen? I PROMISE you, if she is annoying you this much now, it will only get worse. Conversely to what you seem to be thinking right now, asking her to move out and laying down some boundaries are pretty much the only thing you can do to NOT lose her. Going this fast is almost a guarantee of it crashing and burning pretty fast. And like others said, women don't respect men with no boundaries that they can walk all over.
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It's not a joke and apparently it does happen It kind of just happened. She wanted to stay one night... then we both decided to make it 2...etc... then we stayed at her parents house but when I was leaving she asked if she could stay over again... and brought a bunch of stuff with and hasn't left. All jokes aside, she uses you. It's way too soon to move in with you. If I remember correctly last week you slept at her uncle's house and slept in the same bed but got no action .... and now she lives with you...... This is a huge red flag. Talk to her because this is getting worse and the only one that will suffer is you. 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 All jokes aside, she uses you. It's way too soon to move in with you. If I remember correctly last week you slept at her uncle's house and slept in the same bed but got no action .... and now she lives with you...... This is a huge red flag. Talk to her because this is getting worse and the only one that will suffer is you. Yes. That's true. But that was our first time in bed together and she had her period. I can't really blame her for that.
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Yes. That's true. But that was our first time in bed together and she had her period. I can't really blame her for that. I was only trying to point out the fact that thing ar going way to fast. She already got comfortable enough to not care about your belongings. To give you an example a friend of mine just bought a brand new BMW 7 series. Of course he found a new girlfriend lol. He gave her the car one night and she managed to hit a fence and scratch it really bad. She cald him and demanded to come and get her because the car got a flat tire. And about trashing the car she said: O I'm sorry baby I just wanted to look for my lipstik. After 3 week she dumped him....
iiiii Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks iii I am willing to compromise for her. It's just difficult because I like things clean. But she's definitely worth it to me. That's cool. She should be willing to compromise for you, too. I think how you both deal with these minor issues sets the tone for the whole relationship that follows. No one is without annoying habits and minor character flaws. No one. If you're waiting for the perfect partner you'll be single a very long time. It's just a matter of working out if this particular person's flaws are deal breakers, or if they are something you can both live with (usually with a little compromise on both your parts). Maybe if this relationship looks like it's going to become more permanent, you could discuss something like having a cupboard or set of shelves in your room for her to put her things in (and keep the rest of your room free of clutter?) That might work for both of you.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 That's really bad! I don't have a problem with the way she drives. Just her leaving stuff in the car. How much effort is it to throw away an empty bottle of water? Or put your make up cap away? I was only trying to point out the fact that thing ar going way to fast. She already got comfortable enough to not care about your belongings. To give you an example a friend of mine just bought a brand new BMW 7 series. Of course he found a new girlfriend lol. He gave her the car one night and she managed to hit a fence and scratch it really bad. She cald him and demanded to come and get her because the car got a flat tire. And about trashing the car she said: O I'm sorry baby I just wanted to look for my lipstik. After 3 week she dumped him....
Art_Critic Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 IMO she is testing how much you will take, the more you take the quicker he will get bored and be outta here.. Set some decent boundaries for yourself, no need to go overboard but not cleaning up after herself should be a no brainer.. as far as the moving it too soon.. such as life.. sometimes there is nothing wrong with rolling with the punches. Just let her know that she needs to pick up after herself and let the rest go.. oh.. and don't forget to throw her down on the pile of dirty clothes on the floor and have your way with her 1
Pineappls Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks but I don't want to do this. She's so sweet and beautiful, I won't get another girl like this. She also does a lot for me... gets me a lot of gifts, writes me sweet messages, wants me to spend time with her at her folks, I don't believe she is intentionally disrespecting me. I just have to find a way to put the point across in a firm but kind way. Being angry with her is very difficult. She can melt me pretty easily. well dont complain then. take it or leave it. because you already told her the issues. and she acted like its a joke. so what do want to do?? 1
Keenly Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Sir, I truly pity you for being such a coward in this situation. Your testicles have long since packed up and left. Because you won't stand up for youself and you fall for the same bull crap daddy's girl manipulation she probably used in her father, this will never end well. 4
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Sir, I truly pity you for being such a coward in this situation. Your testicles have long since packed up and left. Because you won't stand up for youself and you fall for the same bull crap daddy's girl manipulation she probably used in her father, this will never end well. I don't agree. The rest of the relationship is amazing. I think this could be my own issue anyway. My mom was a neat freak and I guess I just picked it up. She's a daddy's girl but then again she's just a lovely person. She gets a long well with everyone. She was also the most often approached girl in our group. Every club or bar we went to guys tried their luck with her far more so than our other female friends (although they all had their fair share). It's actually sort of like winning the lottery to be with her.
Els Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 You need to learn to communicate dissatisfaction and assert boundaries, OP. No better time to start than now. 2
Keenly Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I don't agree. The rest of the relationship is amazing. I think this could be my own issue anyway. My mom was a neat freak and I guess I just picked it up. She's a daddy's girl but then again she's just a lovely person. She gets a long well with everyone. She was also the most often approached girl in our group. Every club or bar we went to guys tried their luck with her far more so than our other female friends (although they all had their fair share). It's actually sort of like winning the lottery to be with her. You can make excuses for her all you want, but the fact that you made this thread means its eating you alive inside. You sound like a domestic violence victim... "he hits me sometimes.... oh bit he is such a nice guy and I love the way he makes me feel and he makes me so happy... its just that sometimes I make him mad " 1
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 You need to learn to communicate dissatisfaction and assert boundaries, OP. No better time to start than now. Ok. You have a point, but how? Keep in mind it has to be subtle because she is too sweet to upset. Seeing her upset makes me sad.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 well dont complain then. take it or leave it. because you already told her the issues. and she acted like its a joke. so what do want to do?? I don't really know... constructive advice (not kick her out or something). Would be welcome.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 You can make excuses for her all you want, but the fact that you made this thread means its eating you alive inside. You sound like a domestic violence victim... "he hits me sometimes.... oh bit he is such a nice guy and I love the way he makes me feel and he makes me so happy... its just that sometimes I make him mad " This is ridiculous, Keenly. She's the sweetest person I know. She would never be abusive.
InnocentMan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Some real drama queens on here today....... If she's as hot as you say she is, she'll probably leave you soon anyway. Best just to enjoy the ride while it lasts. So what if you have to pick up a few papers, and occasionally miss the odd tv show. Here's a little secret for you. ALL women are ballaches, one way or another. The messy ones will be the least of your troubles in life. Don't make a major issue out of it. Part of the problem seems to be your obsession with neatness anyway.
Pineappls Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I don't really know... constructive advice (not kick her out or something). Would be welcome. well this is constructive, but it doesn't matter anyway you got all the advices of the world but you have a why not for everything. so i think you should just walk behind her and clean up everything she mess up! :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I hope not I've seen her reject much hotter guys. I'm still mystified that she started showing interest in me at all. Some real drama queens on here today....... If she's as hot as you say she is, she'll probably leave you soon anyway. Best just to enjoy the ride while it lasts. So what if you have to pick up a few papers, and occasionally miss the odd tv show. Here's a little secret for you. ALL women are ballaches, one way or another. The messy ones will be the least of your troubles in life. Don't make a major issue out of it. Part of the problem seems to be your obsession with neatness anyway.
Pineappls Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 This is ridiculous, Keenly. She's the sweetest person I know. She would never be abusive. You sound very young and with not much life experience. Because that is not what he was saying thou:confused:
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 You sound very young and with not much life experience. Because that is not what he was saying thou:confused: Thanks for that. I'm 22, finished college and have a good tech job.
Keenly Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I understand now. You are one of those people that come on here not looking for actual, helpful advice. You want validation instead. You'll not find validation for unhealthy relationship behavior / happenings here. Here we actually try to help people, not enable them. 3
GorillaTheater Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 IMO she is testing how much you will take, the more you take the quicker he will get bored and be outta here.. This is exactly what's going to happen, and as Art says, set some boundaries. "I'm not okay with you trashing up my car. If you keep it up, I'm not going to let you use it." And if she keeps trashing it, follow through. Boundaries and consequences. It's not rocket science, and it doesn't require you to yell, pout or be a hardass. Calm and cool, yet firm. DON'T be afraid of upsetting her. I spent far to much of my married life going out of my way to avoid upsetting my wife. It didn't help the relationship, and it won't help yours. 1
Pineappls Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks for that. I'm 22, finished college and have a good tech job. no ones really care about the job you have thou................
Author Medium.Lumo Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I understand now. You are one of those people that come on here not looking for actual, helpful advice. You want validation instead. You'll not find validation for unhealthy relationship behavior / happenings here. Here we actually try to help people, not enable them. Don't be sore because I called you out on your abuse comparison, brohemian. It's an insult to actual abuse victims.
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