Neden Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 When there is a problem my boyfriend will ignore me until he feels the problem has disappeared. After a day/more he will start to communicate again but not even bring up the fact that we left off talking about a problem. (Usually the conversation will end with him telling me I'm being dramatic) I am not sure how to deal with this anymore as I like talking about/solving issues before moving on. When he ignores me and then later on pretends there is no problem should I just be distant until he acknowledges that I am upset? (This is after me already telling him I'm upset and him ignoring me/the problem of course) Do all men do this? And yes I am talking about a mid twenties man, not a teenager
Author Neden Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 All we have here is what you're saying. We're not hearing his own side. Perhaps look at the constant problems/arguments you're generating. They're probably non issues and like he said, you're probably being over dramatic. Sound like my boyfriend...
OhThatGirl Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Whether OP is truly being dramatic or getting upset over non issues, ignoring her isn't necessarily the right way to handle it. He's conflict avoidant. Dealt with a guy like that myself and it ended in our issues never being resolved. These guys love to avoid "drama" but the truth of it is, it creates more drama. They just happen to ignore it. Not healthy. There may be some better conflict resolution method you guys can work on. Are you getting upset? Wanting to deal with things immediately while you are emotional? Try a time out. If he doesn't want to talk about the issue, it's valid for him to be able to say "let's discuss this tomorrow at _____ time." That way you've got some time to cool down, examine if you are getting a bit carried away or if your concerns are truly legitimate, and approach the topic without so much emotion. You can prepare ahead of time with some "me" statements. "It makes me feel ______ when you ______." When you tell him how things make you feel, he doesn't get to disagree. It's your experience of the situation. But he should start by first acknowledging what you've said "I hear you say you feel _____ when I do this." And then maybe coming to a solution that is workable for both of you. Or something. I don't know. It's on a website somewhere I think. The only thing I do know, having a guy who will ignore you until you get "over it" is only helpful in preventing emotions from flaring and things from getting out of hand. It doesn't address the actual issue though. Give us some examples?
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Are these the issues you have posted a thread about previously? If I were being dismissed and avoided for talking about that I would be packing my bags. I wouldn't care what he thought.
Author Neden Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Are these the issues you have posted a thread about previously? If I were being dismissed and avoided for talking about that I would be packing my bags. I wouldn't care what he thought. The post you are referring to was a family member who wanted advice on their relationship, not related to my own relationship. Thank you for your reply though Issues are just minor aggrievances that pop up for everyone, miscommunication etc
Eivuwan Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Avoidance is a terrible trait to have. It is also very hard to get rid of it once you're used to it. This is one of those things in which nothing will change unless you put your foot down about it.
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 The post you are referring to was a family member who wanted advice on their relationship, not related to my own relationship. Thank you for your reply though Issues are just minor aggrievances that pop up for everyone, miscommunication etc My apologies, glad to hear it's not that. They may be minor but even so the sooner they're resolved the better. If he won't communicate about the small stuff then I wonder whether he would avoid the big stuff too. Miscommunication type issues can be cleared up and resolved in seconds. No argument is necessary, just listening and understanding. I used to approach these kind of things badly when I was younger but I learned to speak as if it were to a work colleague pretty much. This really helped as feelings didn't come over as much and it was just facts so that the emotional side resolved itself because the issue was easier to understand. Maybe you could try a different approach like I did?
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