awesome0 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Hi guys first time poster. I was with my ex-girlfriend for about 7 months. She broke up with me, which I now believe was the right thing to do. I was depressed unmotivated unattractive, not fault of hers just personal stuff. We stuck to no contact pretty well after a bumpy first week. Over that time I was able to reflect on it all and it turns out I am in love with her. I also have made nice progress on improving my life as an individual. about 6-7 weeks after no contact or limited contact I sent her an email apologizing for my behavior thanking her for breaking up with me, and telling her that I loved her and meant it. the next day she texted and asked to give her a call. I did and it was to inform me that she had met somebody else. The phone call turned into about a two hour conversation, mostly me being angry, not about the new man but talking about how I feel about her and how I wanted a second chance, or retreads about our failed relationship. She agreed to talk with me the next day, and I did in person, it was basically a reread of the night before's conversation, but I felt the need to tell her how I felt in person. She seemed angry and annoyed the entire time, which I guess is expected. I expressed my love, apologized for my mistakes, and what I could do better a second time around with her which I do want but don't need. I then ended our conversation telling her I hoped that the new guy makes her happy and is everything I couldn't be, that I would be there for her for anything other than to be a crying shoulder if this new relationship doesn't work out. I feel really good about myself and I'm dating and going out trying to meet new people which I have been doing anyway a few weeks post break up. I guess my question is, I'm moving on but I truly do love this woman, what are the chances of her coming back? thanks for reading Edited March 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
BradJacobs Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Even if it is greater than 0% you need to live your life as though she will never be in it again. 1
Heroeric Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 ^ I gotta agree. I know it's not what you want to hear, but you kinda made a big mistake when you talked to her after the break up. When someone tells you they moved on and is with someone else, you just wish them good luck and move on, that's all. You persisted in the conversation, drug it out far too long when the answer was clear. The way she sees it now, your obsessive. You got angry for her moving forward, you kept her talking when she didn't want too. I hate to sound mean man, but with that being said lesson learned, now you know what not to do next time. I know you wanna tell her you love her and all, but again that goes to showing her an obsessive side after all this time. You will push forward though, meet a new chick and try again this a little different.
maturityassets Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Was this your first serious relationship? Look it happens. No amount of apologizing or talking will fix any of this. Things like depression or anxiety do cost riffs in relationships, it happened in my first relationship. You can't take back anything you did, you have to embrace it all as a part of you becoming something better. You'll know better now of what it means to be a better partner and that doesn't mean this relationship is completely your fault. Some girls are more supportive than others, and some of them will stick around to help you. But she did care for you enough to give you time to talk, but she wants to move on. And she definetly won't comeback to someone apologizing for themselves. If you really think you can be different. Then change yourself for yourself. You feel unattractive? That's an outlook but something you can of course change by either working on your self esteem or looks. A combination of working on both shows a healing of mind and someone who chooses to live life 1
Arieswoman Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 awesome0, I'm sorry that this has happened to you and I know that it's tough but I think you can pretty much forget getting back with this girl. You learned a hard lesson but now you can work on yourself, and do it for you, not because you think it will get her back. We all screw up from time to time. The lesson is to learn from it and try and do better next time. Good Luck.
Author awesome0 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks for your responses guys. What I really didn't want is for her to show up later. And you all have confirmed that. I was moving on, that was why I had emailed her after that time, I just didn't expect her to ask me to call her and I truly wish that she hadn't. It was my first relationship in a very long time, and I was obsessive about the break up, I was just so angry that she called to tell me that, it seemed terrible shady to me, in the past I never called someone to tell them that especially after weeks. I think I needed to make sure she wasn't doing it to test me, as in did she tell me to get a rise out of me to return. I had 2 lady friends tell me that the only reason they had done that to an ex in the past, to see if it would spark them to reconcile, so I guess I had to find out. Maybe I did make her feel guilty, but she deserves to feel that in my view. thanks for commenting
erklat Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) It happens. I did almost all those mistakes. Either way, you have to move on. Until your feelings for her are same as for any other female you meet, there will be no reconciliation. I am pretty sure you will be the one who will refuse to pursue any kind of relationship in the end. Edited March 25, 2014 by erklat
Never Again Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 She broke up with me, which I now believe was the right thing to do. I was depressed unmotivated unattractive, not fault of hers just personal stuff. Unless you were depressed, unmotivated and unattractive for a majority of the time and/or unless she tried REALLY hard to point out that you were in a rut and offered to help and/or you made no attempts to change... ...then her leaving was not the "right" thing to do. It was the selfish thing to do. Yes, you can't hold it against her I guess. She wanted to be unhappy and the relationship had stopped making her feel GOOD, but love is about supporting one another even when the happiness and attraction takes a temporary nose dive. It's about believing in each other and seeing the potential of what you can build together. Personal stuff gets to all of us sometimes. If the situation was reversed, would you have supported and stayed with her? Despite what some people say, there will always be times where one partner NEEDS the other to carry them, regardless of gender. This is a problem if it happens for too long or too often, but it happens. I had an ex that was depressed and miserable for 6 months before I left. I tried my absolute hardest to help her out. I finally called it quits because I was putting more into it than I was getting out of it. Point is: People fall sometimes. Men and women both. We all have times where we're down in the dumps, unattractive, or lazy. A good partner communicates and calls us out on it. A selfish partner silently sulks until they no longer feel "in love" and bail. You don't want this girl back if she operates completely in her own self interest without an ounce of communication or respect for you. 1
Author awesome0 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 thank you for that, of course I feel hurt, and I think for her to contact me for no other reason than to tell me that she met someone, when I was finally starting to get on my feet again was also a hurtful thing to do. It's nice to hear it. thank you. My only fear is if she shows up down the road and I'm not over her. thanks
AlphaC Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Hi guys first time poster. I was with my ex-girlfriend for about 7 months. She broke up with me, which I now believe was the right thing to do. I was depressed unmotivated unattractive, not fault of hers just personal stuff. We stuck to no contact pretty well after a bumpy first week. Over that time I was able to reflect on it all and it turns out I am in love with her. I also have made nice progress on improving my life as an individual. about 6-7 weeks after no contact or limited contact I sent her an email apologizing for my behavior thanking her for breaking up with me, and telling her that I loved her and meant it. the next day she texted and asked to give her a call. I did and it was to inform me that she had met somebody else. The phone call turned into about a two hour conversation, mostly me being angry, not about the new man but talking about how I feel about her and how I wanted a second chance, or retreads about our failed relationship. She agreed to talk with me the next day, and I did in person, it was basically a reread of the night before's conversation, but I felt the need to tell her how I felt in person. She seemed angry and annoyed the entire time, which I guess is expected. I expressed my love, apologized for my mistakes, and what I could do better a second time around with her which I do want but don't need. I then ended our conversation telling her I hoped that the new guy makes her happy and is everything I couldn't be, that I would be there for her for anything other than to be a crying shoulder if this new relationship doesn't work out. I feel really good about myself and I'm dating and going out trying to meet new people which I have been doing anyway a few weeks post break up. I guess my question is, I'm moving on but I truly do love this woman, what are the chances of her coming back? thanks for reading Take it easy on yourself playboy, you messed up badly, not by being depressed, unmotivated and unattractive. You are telling yourself that to justify her dumping you, don't do that. She dumped you because she was selfish and wanted to be with someone else, perhaps she was bored, who knows and it doesn't even matter. She made her choice for the both of you, now you have to work on yourself. Okay to back to where I wrote "you messed up badly." There are a couple of quotes I get from these boards that leave a lasting impression on me. I will use one such quote now: A woman once wrote that "a man spilling his beans to a woman about his undying devotion and unyielding love for her is seen as a pathetic loser." I was shocked to read this from a woman but it really sunk in. Believe it or not, there are differences in how women and men behave in relationships, women have certain expectations and desires and so do men. You have to know how to play the game. After she dumped you, you should have gone ghost and disappeared. However, being human and inexperienced, you took the blame and wanted to show her you loved her, you were a better man and love would make everything right. Another good quote is, "when a person loves you they will find 1000 reasons to stay with you." Your ex didn't love you, if she did she would have stayed. She didn't stumble upon this new cat after you guys broke up, believe me on that. Women are weird, they all say they want nice guys, they don't like cheaters but these very same women go after men in relationships, isn't that cheating?? It's all a game for women and us guys get caught up and fall in love. Then they wonder why they are single and can't find a stable man after the age of 35. Anyway, sorry bro, I just had to get that out, lol. Going forward, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING or RESPOND TO ANYTHING FROM YOUR EX! 1
Kevin_D Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Only a cool, sofisticated dude would pick a name like that. You know the rest: Adam Sandler meets this woman, but she turns out to be a bitch. Adam Sandler tries to win her back, but she says no. And then one day, Adam Sandler finds a better girl. Then Adam Sandler's ex wants to come back, but this time Adam Sandler says no. And then Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler's new girlfriend lives happily ever after.
Author awesome0 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Only a cool, sofisticated dude would pick a name like that. You know the rest: Adam Sandler meets this woman, but she turns out to be a bitch. Adam Sandler tries to win her back, but she says no. And then one day, Adam Sandler finds a better girl. Then Adam Sandler's ex wants to come back, but this time Adam Sandler says no. And then Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler's new girlfriend lives happily ever after. Thank you for that fellow south park fan. all of the responses have been great but this one I have printed and posted on the wall at home, it has truly made me smile, and did this morning when I looked at it. Who break's no contact to tell me the found someone else? what a horrible person and I reacted stupidly of course and set my-self back with the progress I had made, but never again. I have no way to contact her what so ever, and never will. thank you 1
rec88 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Point is: People fall sometimes. Men and women both. We all have times where we're down in the dumps, unattractive, or lazy. A good partner communicates and calls us out on it. A selfish partner silently sulks until they no longer feel "in love" and bail. You don't want this girl back if she operates completely in her own self interest without an ounce of communication or respect for you. This bears repeating. While you may be at fault in other areas, you certainly aren't at fault for being taken advantage of by someone who fits the above description. That was a selfish thing to do. She handled the situation poorly and you will be able to recognize this in the future. There's a lot of good insight in this thread.
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