question123 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Hey so I've just read the sticky of what GIGS is and heres my very brief story: I've been dating this girl for a little more than 1.5 years (were both 20) however I've known her and we were friends for at least 5-6 years before we decided to start dating. Shes been in one kind-of serious relationship and one serious one, and this was my first. I feel like since the beginning we might have moved into things a little quickly (she just broke up with her ex a month or 2 before we started dating - although they had all sorts of problems). A little after the 1 year mark I had that GIGS feeling like I wanted to explore my options etc. I never let them overcome me though because I'm a strong believer that love is something you work and build on. We broke up once and it was nothing serious we talked and decided we took each other for granted. The second breakup was my fault for being an ******* at a bar but we talked over the phone that night and everything was fine the next morning she came over and everything blew way out of proportion and we stopped talking for a couple days but then decided to take it slower. We had discussed the feelings I was having and she said it was normal (her mom warned her about giving me her heart because she knew it was my first serious relationship). We continue to date for a month or 2 things seemed to get abit worse (in her opinion) and bottom line is it was a mutual breakup however she initiated it because she doesn't want to be with someone who is unsure and because she knows that feeling and doesn't want to be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. During the 2nd and final breakup (she initiated them both) probably because she could feel the situation getting worse and told me it was eating her up the past week or 2 and it started making her doubt if she was actually IN love with me. I thought we should take a break and see how it goes but she didn't like the idea of it because its almost as if we intend to get back together (false hope). Although I had thought on many different occasions that I didn't want to be with this girl I knew she was my best friend and that I loved her. Now that it is over officially (off facebook, parents know, she deleted MOST of our pictures etc) I really do miss her but I feel like an ******* for contacting her at all because I know what she is going through. Its been about a week since we broke up and we decided today we would stop talking for awhile. I know deep down I need this time to reflect and maybe explore my options however she is my best friend and her and I know more about each other than anyone on the planet (she knows more about me than my family or friends). Im just confused if maybe I feel sad because she ended it (although according to the GIGS sticky us GIGS usually try to push our partners away so they break it off and we feel better - which I did) and I have that void now. I know the saying chasing something you already have, or you don't realize what you have until its gone. I plan to let time tell go out with friends and try to enjoy I'm just curious if its natural for me to miss her this much when its only been a week. I go to bed thinking of her and wake up doing the same (not getting that good morning text kills me a little on the inside). What also makes it harder is the fact that we are best friends and I know although she was strong enough to let me go that she is more than likely having a harder time with this than I am. Shes a gorgeous girl 10/10 and every quality I would want in a wife but that's something I would be looking for in 5 years. This was longer than expected if you have any questions I can answer them I'm just looking for advice basically on why i feel this way, and when if ever I should contact her because I feel very selfish stringing her along. Thanks
Author question123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 sorry for double posting I was just hoping I would get a reply sooner as well I made the title of this thread something different not quite sure why it went to Very GIGS lmao
David87 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) Welcome to LS. First of all you're too young to know what you want. It's perfectly normal to want to explore life at 20 so don't beat yourself too hard. The good news is that you had your first girlfriend experience ( you'll remember her as long as you live ). She tried to make it work and you did to she forgave you two times but came to the conclusion that she wants something else. Why i feel this way? Because she was your best friend and your lover. When if ever I should contact her because I feel very selfish stringing her along. You can call her when you reach indifference, when your feelings won't get hurt if you see her kissing another guy. For now start NC and let her heal as well. Edited March 25, 2014 by David87
Author question123 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) I guess my question now is why do i miss her so much if this is what i initially wanted. I think its too soon for me to want to pursue the relationship again and I don't want to get the same feeling of GIGS. It just sucks because I can't talk to my best friend. Before we went NC she wanted to go to the mall and see each other again soon I told her it was a bad idea for the both of us. I feel like this might be one of the biggest mistakes of my life but I definitely don't want to string her around because I need time to work on myself before I can work on building a relationship plus it will totally ruin our chances of friendship or for a future relationship (although i expect nothing). As well its awkward because were in the same group of friends so I'm bound to see her within the next month eventually whether it be a party or at a bar or something. This falling out of love stuff really does suck because now I can't figure out what I want its hard to concentrate on school and when I look at other girls I still feel that sense of loyalty to her as well that other girls aren't up to par. Also I feel even worse because if anything this traumatic happened while we were together I'm exactly the person she would be talking to which makes me feel even worse. At the end of the day I'm almost convinced she will move on quicker than me because she knows what she wants while I'll just lag behind trying to figure out what it was that went wrong and what it is that I was looking for. On a final note is it bad if I ask a mutual friend to look out for her or ask her how shes been? Thanks again! and sorry for it being so long it makes me feel better in a way typing this all out. Edited March 25, 2014 by question123
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