I'm scared.

[lioness84]

We haven't broken up, yet.

 

Here's a fast recap, 5 years together. Both in our late 20's. I feel I sacrificed a lot for him, did everything I could/can to make this relationship work. I have a hot temper, if I'm not happy about something, I need to fix it, I hate letting things linger on and I can be very impatient. I'm obviously not perfect.

 

He can be very cold, distant and sulks when he's unhappy.

No matter the talks, the fights, the arguments if he's not feeling it, he can hold a grudge for as long as he can and not show any feeling.

 

5 years obviously its been very good, good and also very bad. He has a bad job that he hates and recently things have gotten worse. His attitude towards me has declined greatly. I truly believe I did nothing wrong but when dealing with a sulker the best thing to do is to ignore and pretend everything is peachy. I didn't give him a hard time when he left me home to hang out with his buddies during weekends repeatedly ( weekends are the only time we can actually spend together ) I didn't bother him when he played his video games, when he called friends over to watch a game or when he just wanted to be alone and watch tv/be on his computer. I basically let him be. ... BUT then it got old really fast. 30 days later.

 

We had the talk that of course led to an argument and he has this *****ty attitude. Then he starts complaining about old problems we gone through and how I'm too needy or clingy. He stops doing all the things I love, kissing me goodnight, sex, texting - you name it. He asks for a break, I give it to him. For a week he went to sleep at his parents and I just let him be. He came back and we started talking, I asked if he was feeling better if something changed and he says no nothings changed, he feels okay but nothing in his mood has changed. I ask are we heading towards a break up, do you wanna try and see other people ( at this point, I don't wanna be with someone who doesn't cares enough to be with me and I'm very hurt ) he says no, doesn't wants that and doesn't likes the thought of seeing other people.

 

Basically, I'm in limbo.

 

He's distant, gives me the cold shoulder.

 

I'm feeling pathetic and extremely sad, I don't think I deserve this but at the same time I love this man, I invested 5 years of my life in this relationship. He can be as wonderful as he can be an as$hole.

 

I feel like my pride and self esteem has been crushed to pieces and I'm losing myself. The person I was before this relationship or even in the early stages would never put up with this. I guess that's the girl he fell in love with because right now I feel like I'm waiting and standing still and he knows this. I wanna shake him up, I don't wanna play games but I really need to find myself.

 

Help?

Edited March 25, 2014 by lioness84

[Toddbt12y1]

This relationship doesn't sound at all like a relationship. He is being selfish, single - minded, and uncaring. You do not seem needy or clingy. You are letting him do what he generally wants; hangout with friends, play games, so on and so on.

 

All to the point in which it has worn on you. When you speak up about it, he argues with you! That is not good. He does not listen: where are his communication skills at?

 

I will ask you, and think about it: Has he ever truly forgiven you? If he brings up the past to you, in fights, he has not truly forgiven or worked through his and your past dealings. When you love someone, maturely, you make the effort to forgive, even if you have to work on it.

 

It seems like he should be the one asking you to forgive him. It is alright to spend time with friends or play games. It is not alright, however, to put these ahead of you, on a constant basis.

 

His job is no excuse. Can he not find another job?

 

He runs to his parents on a 'break'. I could see someone wanting time to reflect. He has done so...or not. Eitherway, he claims he feels no different then before.

 

That is a bad sign. I unfortunately believe, that your relationship is already over. At this point, you are desperately trying to cling to him, since you love him, and have been with him for years. But ask yourself, are you willing to sacrifice anymore of you, your joys and happiness for a man who has not changed?

 

You should not have to struggle for love from him, sex, attention or anything else. It may seem harsh, and it may hurt....I think you should end this. You cannot keep being unhappy and battling for his affections. Yes, you have been together for years....it sucks.

 

I would for the final time, attempt to discuss with him how you feel. How he is making you feel. Guage how he reacts. Does he listen? Will he argue? Listening is important in a relationship. If he cares, he will make attempts. He may even open up more to you...If not, what hope is there in staying to be unhappy out of years and love?

[sooshi]

It sounds like you know what the best thing to do is. And like you said, you're scared (to do it).

[lioness84]

This relationship doesn't sound at all like a relationship. He is being selfish, single - minded, and uncaring. You do not seem needy or clingy. You are letting him do what he generally wants; hangout with friends, play games, so on and so on.

 

All to the point in which it has worn on you. When you speak up about it, he argues with you! That is not good. He does not listen: where are his communication skills at?

 

I will ask you, and think about it: Has he ever truly forgiven you? If he brings up the past to you, in fights, he has not truly forgiven or worked through his and your past dealings. When you love someone, maturely, you make the effort to forgive, even if you have to work on it.

 

It seems like he should be the one asking you to forgive him. It is alright to spend time with friends or play games. It is not alright, however, to put these ahead of you, on a constant basis.

 

His job is no excuse. Can he not find another job?

 

He runs to his parents on a 'break'. I could see someone wanting time to reflect. He has done so...or not. Eitherway, he claims he feels no different then before.

 

That is a bad sign. I unfortunately believe, that your relationship is already over. At this point, you are desperately trying to cling to him, since you love him, and have been with him for years. But ask yourself, are you willing to sacrifice anymore of you, your joys and happiness for a man who has not changed?

 

You should not have to struggle for love from him, sex, attention or anything else. It may seem harsh, and it may hurt....I think you should end this. You cannot keep being unhappy and battling for his affections. Yes, you have been together for years....it sucks.

 

I would for the final time, attempt to discuss with him how you feel. How he is making you feel. Guage how he reacts. Does he listen? Will he argue? Listening is important in a relationship. If he cares, he will make attempts. He may even open up more to you...If not, what hope is there in staying to be unhappy out of years and love?

 

Thanks for the genuine response!

 

It feels good to read someone who understands. I know I'm not without flaws but I'm truly lost here. Last time I sat down and talked to him was sunday, the day he came home from the ''break''. He simply said that he was fine and things weren't better per say but that he was okay, I asked if he needed more time and he said, yeah maybe he did. I said I was worried and he said about what, he seemed completely disconnected because he seemed clueless as to why I was thinking the break would lead to a break up and simply said '' I just said I needed a break, that's it, nothing more ''. Truth is, I didn't know when he was coming home that day and I had made plans with a friend, usually I would have cancelled but that day, I was like nope, I'm still going for lunch and I saw that might have bothered him. '' I come home from a break and she ditches me '' kind of thing. Whatever. Since then he's back to being distant and cold. I haven't even seen him, I came home and he was already gone for work.

 

Thanks again for reading me, I will def. remember your words.

Edited March 25, 2014 by lioness84

[lioness84]

Today, he asked for more ''break'' time.

He wants 2 more weeks.

 

I said I'm done, we are over.

 

He has all his time now to do what he wants and doesn't have to worry about me bothering him anymore. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't give him 2 more weeks, I think that's what bothered him the most. I am so done with this guy. He's at work now, I'm staying at my sisters's house until he leaves for good my appartment this weekend.

 

Once the frustration/anger passes, I'm gonna feel like rock bottom.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[forgetmenot75]

He might be cheating on you. This "break" is to figure out things with the other one. I'm sorry

[lioness84]

He might be cheating on you. This "break" is to figure out things with the other one. I'm sorry

 

Maybe. I don't think so though. I told him last week that if seeing other people might help us figure out things, he was shocked and couldn't believe i'd go for that and basically said if I wanted to see other people we'd be better off breaking up because he really didn't wanna do that. Who knows at this point, nothing is impossible but that's not what my gut feeling is telling me. My gut feeling is telling me he's unhappy with me and doesn't has the balls to say it because it's been a long time and we invested ( mainly me and I'm not even exaggerating ) a lot.

 

I'm heartbroken. It's been a very long day. I just wanna lie down and cry.

I just wanna forget he ever walked into my life.

[lioness84]

I still can't believe it's over.

 

I keep thinking I'll get a call/txt/email saying "let's talk about this I can't lose you '' but I know it's not gonna happen. Not his style.

 

I lost the love of my life and my best friend.

[sooshi]

It's so hard when they're your best friend. I've been there. A lot of us have.

I'm sorry you're going through this pain. I hope you know that it gets better.

It will.

[Strength in Healing]

If he were the love of your life, he would still be there.

 

We don't lose the love of our lives unless it's by death.

[guest572]

Me too.. My love and my best and only friend is gone forever.

[David87]

By doing this he did you a great favor. He gave you the opportunity to find your real soul mate. He obviously wasn't because he bailed. It will get better in time.

[lioness84]

Yeah he bailed alright. He bailed on me many times and I've been too much of an idiot to stand my ground. I've been lied too and cheated on before but I've never been as deceived before by a past boyfriend. When we met he knew my prior relationship screwed me up real good and he was super patient because gaining my trust was hard but he said he wasn't going anywhere. He was the first to say he loved me and he was so ready to please me and make me happy whenever he had the chance..I def. see how much he changed over the years. Why? I don't know but if I'm broken today it's because I let him.

Day 3 NC

[bluegreen]

No you would have ended up being broken if you kept up this so called relationship. Whatever be reason some other short skirt him being an ass his job sucking or him being in limbo and blah you did not deserve this.

 

Up until then he was love of your life but only up until THEN

And now he is not someone else will be

[lioness84]

Day 4 is almost over and I'm dreading the weekend.

At least during the week I can be busy and not focus on missing him.

This weekend is going to be awful I can feel it already. :'(

 

Here I am all alone here thinking about how much I miss him and he's probably with his buddies not giving me another thought. He wanted a 2 week break, he was ready anyway for spending time apart NC. It's just hurts so much and I wish I could just not feel anything, that would make this whole thing so much more easier.

[sooshi]

Days are harder when you have fewer things to focus on.

And it does hurt when you're hurting so much and thinking about this so much when he's probably not giving you another thought, which he might not be doing.

This is why we need to be with people who DO give us that thought and consideration. People who truly do care.

And I know that hearing isn't enough. Just remember that you care for him in a way that he doesn't care for you.

Feelings change. Circumstances change. People change. And sometimes, it happens, and we're not ready.

 

Keep doing no contact. Not just two weeks. I know it's hard. But you deserve to be with someone who DOES want to spend time with you and communicate with you.

[bluegreen]

Well doll consider that he broke up with you = break= breaking up.

He very well might have hooked up with someone by now as well.

Take that in consideration before you let him crawl in your bed for maybe once or twice before he leaves for good.

 

I winced to each word I wrote here cause I know how deep they will hurt

But better that you be prepared and ready.

Sooner you start on all we advise here the better for you.

 

You can still love him and you will miss him we know but we want you to love respect and care for yourself more.

 

 

 

Close a door on him no kick it shut girl

[lioness84]

Well doll consider that he broke up with you = break= breaking up.

 

He very well might have hooked up with someone by now as well.

Take that in consideration before you let him crawl in your bed for maybe once or twice before he leaves for good.

 

I winced to each word I wrote here cause I know how deep they will hurt

But better that you be prepared and ready.

Sooner you start on all we advise here the better for you.

 

You can still love him and you will miss him we know but we want you to love respect and care for yourself more.

 

Close a door on him no kick it shut girl

I get what you're saying and thanks.

He didn't break up with me, he wanted 2 weeks and I felt that was ridiculous considering we had just had 4 days apart and I said no and he got upset because he said he just needed time off. I said if we need to break up let's do it now, we won't waste time and it will hurt less and he kept saying he did not want that. The last thing I said to him is that I'll email him in a few days to decide what we should do about ''our stuff'' furniture and such. He just said he'd contact me in 2 weeks anyway because he doesn't wants a break and I said don't bother. That was that.

Could I have given him 2 more weeks, maybe but I'd feel like an idiot considering we just had some time off. He doesn't wants to break up but wants time off, didn't make any sense to me. Still doesn't. It's for the best. :(:(

[Strength in Healing]

he's probably with his buddies not giving me another thought.

 

 

 

Is that someone you want to be with and miss? Really?

[lioness84]

Is that someone you want to be with and miss? Really?

 

 

Obviously not that's why I broke up with him but I'm human, I still love him it's only been 5 days, I'm gonna need time.

[lioness84]

Day 8 NC .... somedays its harder than others.

I still can't believe he hasnt reached out to be honest.

I dunno why I find it so hard to believe since I always made the first steps before but I really thought me saying it was over would somehow shake him up, not in a playing mind games sort of way but it a "WAKE UP YOU'RE LOSING ME" kind of way. At this point he's either going to keep up his 2 week break deal and contact me after or....just not at all. Either way it hurts a lot. I know I know...do I want a guy like that? A guy like that, no but him YES. He wasn't always this guy, I guess we all changed...for the better or the worst.

 

I'm so sad, it's hard keeping composure at works..especially when EVERYONE knows him ( co-workers )

 

I think turning social media off, made him even more angry than me saying we're done, he stayed online for a few days and yes for me because we have an account we created just for the 2 of us. He stayed online for 2 days and he's off since. I am too..just on invisible.

 

 

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I wish I wouldnt love him so much. What keeps me from breaking NC is the fact he still would risk a break even if it means we're over, I have to accept he doesn't love me as much and until he shows me otherwise...I'll stay away. :'((((

[mangetout]

DONT BREAK YOUR NC!! I know it's damn hard cause I am going through the same crap. It's usually me who ends up breaking it and when I do, I get nothing from him except that he will always love me but he cannot commit to me.

 

He wanted this space so let him see what life is really like without you. Pls don't give in. It's been about ten days NC for me. So damn hard this is. But I have no other choice now.

 

You have got to get your pride and your self worth back. This is far more important than wallowing in your hurt. Believe I know how you are feeling

[mangetout]

He is probably expecting you to contact him.DONT give him the ego trip. He wants space so give him the space. Disappear out of his life. This will freak him out that you are not "fighting" for him

[Snipercatt]

He is classic, what psychobabble calls, Passive-Aggressive (PA).

 

He will suck anyone that he is in relationship with emotionally dry. Dry as dust.

 

My father was like this. Made all of our lives hell. My mother chose to not treat breast cancer, and die, rather than live because of him. She was vital, vibrant, beautiful, brilliant, and talented. She stayed because she tokk her vows seriously, but I think she may have died hating him, and he still hasn't a clue.

 

Please, don't let this happen to you, and if you do, please, please, please, NEVER have children with the likes of him!

 

Hugs to you!

[lioness84]

He is classic, what psychobabble calls, Passive-Aggressive (PA).

 

He will suck anyone that he is in relationship with emotionally dry. Dry as dust.

 

My father was like this. Made all of our lives hell. My mother chose to not treat breast cancer, and die, rather than live because of him. She was vital, vibrant, beautiful, brilliant, and talented. She stayed because she tokk her vows seriously, but I think she may have died hating him, and he still hasn't a clue.

 

Please, don't let this happen to you, and if you do, please, please, please, NEVER have children with the likes of him!

 

Hugs to you!

 

Wow that's really depressing, passive agressive...yes I can see that.

Thanks for your reply, it really helps confirm that if anyone needs to break NC its him. Ughhhhhh Day 9 is really tough, this morning I woke up feeling really sad that he doesnt seem to give a sh*t about me.