60 days no contact..... unblock her now?

[loveandwar]

I've passed 60 days no contact recently, and honestly its really around 90 days because i met her for a coffee around 30 days after we had not spoken to end things on a better note. I feel as though keeping her blocked i always know her name is in my blocked list on Facebook. I also have her blocked on whatsapp and i never budged on this during the 60/90 days, but i feel maybe its time to forgive and forget? i still think about her, but I've been on dates too, Im back at my sport, I'm doing well in my final year in college. Im nothing like i was when we broke up if I'm honest.

 

I guess what I'm asking is what signal does it send someone when you unblock them after this length of time. I would like it to send a positive no hard feelings signal. The last thing i want is a needy clingy looking signal. I see her friends the odd time around college and we say hello to each other. Its civilised. I really have not spotted her much in the 60 days. Its a big campus.

 

If i wanted i could rob my friends iPad and check her Facebook anyway, so its not about seeing what she is up to. its more about not looking like a child at this stage, there were times when we both acted very immature and whether or not we ever do cross paths again, i do wonder if now is the time to do this.

 

At the same time 60 days in the realm of things is not that long. we were dating for 2.5 years, and it was very serious. i don't think feelings dissipate that quickly, at least mine don't. I was the one who was dumped in the end, but through general arguments and fighting, i guess it wasn't going to work out and she just abandoned ship first. has anyone any experience in this area? anyone have an ex blocked on whatsapp or Facebook? does it help or do you feel the same way? that maybe it looks a bit immature after a long period of time.

[Stronger14]

It's good to hear you're on 60 days of no contact. I'm on almost 90 days, and it's really the only thing that has made the journey somewhat easier.

 

My question to you is what are your intentions with unblocking her? You said you would like to send a positive signal to your ex, but there is no way to predict how she will react to you unblocking her. Maybe she checks up on your life and sees what you have been up to, or maybe she doesn't even notice at all or doesn't think twice about it. One of the things I've learned in the last 90 days of nc is that there really isn't anything you can do to get them back, but there is a lot you can do to try and move forward. And nc and staying off social media is the best remedy.

 

To be honest, I've been off of facebook altogether because I know I'm not prepared to see what's on my exes fb at all. You have to ask yourself before unblocking, "are you prepared for the worst"? Would you be okay if you found out that she's found someone else? I'm certainly not, and I can tell you from experience, as I just found out my ex may be hooking up with other guys, and that's something you have to mentally prepare for.

 

So the question is not "should you unblock her", it's why do you feel the need to in the first place. If you are over her, you shouldn't care about how she's going to react, you should be focusing on you. And if you aren't, then there's probably stuff on there that will set you back. Keep being strong bro

[erklat]

I've passed 60 days no contact recently, and honestly its really around 90 days because i met her for a coffee around 30 days after we had not spoken to end things on a better note. I feel as though keeping her blocked i always know her name is in my blocked list on Facebook. I also have her blocked on whatsapp and i never budged on this during the 60/90 days, but i feel maybe its time to forgive and forget? i still think about her, but I've been on dates too, Im back at my sport, I'm doing well in my final year in college. Im nothing like i was when we broke up if I'm honest.

 

I guess what I'm asking is what signal does it send someone when you unblock them after this length of time. I would like it to send a positive no hard feelings signal. The last thing i want is a needy clingy looking signal. I see her friends the odd time around college and we say hello to each other. Its civilised. I really have not spotted her much in the 60 days. Its a big campus.

 

If i wanted i could rob my friends iPad and check her Facebook anyway, so its not about seeing what she is up to. its more about not looking like a child at this stage, there were times when we both acted very immature and whether or not we ever do cross paths again, i do wonder if now is the time to do this.

 

At the same time 60 days in the realm of things is not that long. we were dating for 2.5 years, and it was very serious. i don't think feelings dissipate that quickly, at least mine don't. I was the one who was dumped in the end, but through general arguments and fighting, i guess it wasn't going to work out and she just abandoned ship first. has anyone any experience in this area? anyone have an ex blocked on whatsapp or Facebook? does it help or do you feel the same way? that maybe it looks a bit immature after a long period of time.

 

The fact you asked if it will look needy and clingy is a signal you suppose it will be so. And it will.

 

There is nothing you could change now.

 

She's your ex. You are not supposed to be civil or end on a friend note with her.

[loveandwar]

A solid answer. We are in college together , I've recently started going to the library to get ready for my final exams in a few weeks time. I guess i know ill run into her sooner or later, and i have this idea that if i have unblocked her when we do run into each other at least it will be a positive hello rather than a scowl for having kept me blocked for 60 days. Her account is on private as is mine so if you are not friends with the person you can't even click into their profile picture or cover photos. So if i do unblock her i won't be able to see anything more than i already could, except for mutual friends, but to be honest photos still come up of her if she didn't create the post even when fully blocked, so i have unfollowed all of her friends. But not unfriended them.

 

From what i gather when you have so many mutual friends with someone like an ex, when you unblock them it basically comes up in their friend requests saying you should add this person, and if you comment or get tagged in anything mutual they will see it as if they are friends with you. So i would guess she will see it fairly sharpish if i do unblock her. Whatsapp is a different story, you would kind of have to click into the person to see their last seen timestamp and profile pic.

 

i do see this as breaking contact slightly though, and i do wonder if i should just aim for 90 days. i guess i do still have slight hope we get back together, I've met a few new girls and dated a small bit but its not the same for me. the connection between my ex and I is something that probably doesn't come around too often. I suppose it won't mean anything to me to unblock her but it might be what she needs to say hi, she may think i hate her since i basically cut her out of my life and blocked her on everything possible :/

[erklat]

A solid answer. We are in college together , I've recently started going to the library to get ready for my final exams in a few weeks time. I guess i know ill run into her sooner or later, and i have this idea that if i have unblocked her when we do run into each other at least it will be a positive hello rather than a scowl for having kept me blocked for 60 days. Her account is on private as is mine so if you are not friends with the person you can't even click into their profile picture or cover photos. So if i do unblock her i won't be able to see anything more than i already could, except for mutual friends, but to be honest photos still come up of her if she didn't create the post even when fully blocked, so i have unfollowed all of her friends. But not unfriended them.

 

From what i gather when you have so many mutual friends with someone like an ex, when you unblock them it basically comes up in their friend requests saying you should add this person, and if you comment or get tagged in anything mutual they will see it as if they are friends with you. So i would guess she will see it fairly sharpish if i do unblock her. Whatsapp is a different story, you would kind of have to click into the person to see their last seen timestamp and profile pic.

 

i do see this as breaking contact slightly though, and i do wonder if i should just aim for 90 days. i guess i do still have slight hope we get back together, I've met a few new girls and dated a small bit but its not the same for me. the connection between my ex and I is something that probably doesn't come around too often. I suppose it won't mean anything to me to unblock her but it might be what she needs to say hi, she may think i hate her since i basically cut her out of my life and blocked her on everything possible :/

 

You are not ready.

 

I can tell by all that rationalizing and explaining and excusing...

 

When you see your ex among 10 other attractive chicks and you feel exactly the same for her as for other 9 is when you can attempt at reconciliation.

 

Not before.

 

I know you will twist my words so you could find hope, as I do that myself often. But there are no shortcuts.

Edited March 24, 2014 by erklat

[loveandwar]

my ex and i were together for 2 years, we are in college together in separate courses. For most of our time together things were amazing, toward the end we fought an awful lot and it ended after a major row. We didn't speak for around 4 weeks and then got back together but nothing had changed between us, and after around another 2 months, things began to go downhill again. Same arguments, same scenarios repeating themselves. She was distant, i was too involved and probably to clingy in the end. We broke up for the second time before christmas, we removed each other as friends on Facebook, whatsapp snapchat the works. we basically disappeared from each other, around new years we met up and talked but she really was only stating what i had done wrong. a few weeks later we met up for coffee. it was emotional and we both said we loved each other, but we ended things finally on a good note. i dropped her home, and since that day i haven't spoken , or contacted her. To be clear though, at that coffee it was her who wanted things to end, not me.

 

Its been 63 days NC. I avoided all the places we went together. I rejoined a sport i had kind of let slide when i met her. I became friends with many people i had lost contact with. I put more time into my studies at college. I dated for a while and i am in contact with one girl at the moment who likes me a lot but i don't really feel its long enough yet for me too be able to reciprocate any feelings like that.

 

Yesterday and today i began going to my library again in college as i have finals coming up and i really wasn't getting much done at home. Today i saw my ex, and she saw me. I think she was quite shocked. i didn't look over once i knew where she was. unfortunately an awful lot of feelings came back though, i was actually shaking with adrenaline in my seat, it certainly wasn't noticeable but if i had to stand up or hold out my hand it would have been very obvious!

 

If I'm honest i dream about her most nights, and even with all the progress i have made, i miss her, i forgive her for what occurred in our relationship. I was to blame for many of the arguments too, it wasn't a one way street. I regret not sending anything on valentines now, but you can't always be the one to reach out. the last time we rekindled things it was because she got quite sick, i heard and arrived with medicine and support . She did randomly change her attitude the last time we broke up after i decided to stop contacting though. after about two weeks of me ignoring her after pleading her to take me back she saw what she was losing.

 

The major issue is this time its 63 days and no contact from her. The last time we broke up we had classes together and saw each other every day. This time i did disappear for 60 days, but now we are back in proximity again i wonder will it change things? she was not able to handle seeing me but not being with me, but when i disappeared i think it made things easier because she never had any trigger to think about me.

 

I really wonder if i am in denial. i feel she would think about me too. even if she hasn't contacted, what we had was special. i don't see how she could just forget it. we have exams in around a month, i wonder will she wait until they are over before contacting, the last time we got back together exams came close after and it was a major stress on trying to mend things. We are both in final year, so it is a fair bit of pressure with these exams.

 

She has to be the one to contact, she basically dumped me twice. i can't be the one to go back, i had insecurity issues the last time because i never knew if she would have reached out. The only way things will truly work and i will know her feelings toward me is if she reaches out. But does that happen after such a long time? is there anyone out there with that length of no contact that rekindled their relationship?

[Simon Phoenix]

Sure, it happens. In fact, the longer the NC, the better IMO because it allows both people to put the past in the past better. In your case, I don't know why you'd want that though. This girl has done you dirty not once, but twice. The third time isn't likely to be the charm -- just a repeat of the first two.

 

I'm not against second chances, sometimes people screw up and can make learn and grow from that. But giving this girl a third chance would be extremely foolish on your part. Why not see what else is out there instead of betting on a ticket that has been a loser twice already? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Don't be insane, bro.