FaithInTheDark Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) hi. i want to paint the picture so you can understand. I met this guy last summer through mutual friends and we hung only the one time. I ran into at the bar last month and he asked me if i wanted to hang out at his house.. i wasnt really interested in him that way, espeically since i didnt know him very well. but he lives close to my house so i figured it couldnt hurt to hang out for a bit since i didnt work the next day. when we were at his house i wasnt really feelin him at all but as the night went on i started to enjoy his company. i could tell hes not the type of guy to make the first move so i did and we hooked up. i left his house in the morning and gave him my number. i left town for a trip for a week a few days after. he called me late at night and i told him i wasnt in town. we agreed id call him when i was back in town. i sent him a text about what a good trip i made but he didnt really seem to respond. i made no further effort and wrote him off. 2 weeeks later which was last weekend he texts me to see if i wanted to come over to his house and hang out, i told him i was busy. ( i have no expectations but i do want some sort of respect regardless of his motives) I had won some tickets to a concert of a musician i know he likes, so i asked him if he wanted a ticket, i didnt want them to go to waste either, as i didnt have anyone else to give them too. when i picked him up that night be told me he wasnt sure if i was back in town and i said id call him when i was back so he was wondering what was up.. so he tagged along with me my friends and it was a good time. that night he asked me to come to our friends car outside the concert so he could grab something out of it , we were in the back seat and again he didnt seem to make any move, so i told him he was cute and gave him a kiss. the more ive got to know him the more insecure i see he is. he asked me why i was being so nice to him, and was thrown off by the question... and told him because he was my friend and he said he was sorry but wasnt used to people being so nice to him.. hahah anyway,, after the concert he became pretty drunk and acted pretty stupid in front of my friends so i called a cab for him and he left my friends house. apart of me likes him but im confused by him not making any moves on me, as we have already been physical so i dont understand why hes so shy ... or maybe hes not attracted to me? which apart of me finds it unlikely. ive been so hurt by guys before so i want to be in the drivers seat for once, we texted today and he said he was sorry for acting stupid by the end of the night and thanked me for the great night. my question is what would be a good idea to do next? should i just hang back and see if he makes a attempt to see me again ? im pretty clueless about this kind of thing. any advice or feedback would help me Edited March 24, 2014 by FaithInTheDark
GemmaUK Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) He has no need to make any moves as you do them all for him. You are his FB who also takes him out, takes care of him and doesn't mind when he acts like an idiot. He only ever asks you to go over to his place when he is after sex and he knows you will supply that with no effort on his part. What was is that you wanted out of this? If it's a relationship I think you should put this one down to experience and run for the hills. Edited March 24, 2014 by GemmaUK
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I get what you're saying but in all honestly I was just trying to be friendly and had no one else to give the ticket too which I don't regret because we had a fun time.
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I wasn't talking about giving him the ticket, I was talking about the whole situation. What is it that you are looking for from him? Looks like you have an FB who you do the running for currently. What has he done for you to give him yourself on a plate? Even he sounds confused about it where he asked you why you were doing this.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I think I'm just looking for someone to spend time with and that will respect me. I def don't expect a relationship as I don't know him very well. I never ment to serve myself to on a plate to him , I'm just a generous and genuine person. But I've never had a serious boyfriend so I guess everything I do doesn't pan out. You are right he hasn't done much on his end but we have out only twice in the past year. I definitely understand not to continue going out of my way for him, I guess I'm just lonely ... Do you have any suggestions on what I can do next?
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I think I'm just looking for someone to spend time with and that will respect me. I def don't expect a relationship as I don't know him very well. I never ment to serve myself to on a plate to him , I'm just a generous and genuine person. But I've never had a serious boyfriend so I guess everything I do doesn't pan out. You are right he hasn't done much on his end but we have out only twice in the past year. I definitely understand not to continue going out of my way for him, I guess I'm just lonely ... Do you have any suggestions on what I can do next? Aw! Sweetie! ((hugs)). One big rule is never sleep with a man unless he has invested in you. By invested I mean is already showing you respect, is taking you on dates and treating basically treating you well. If a guy is calling you late at night to come over he is mainly interested in sex. Don't have sex thinking that a man will like you or fall in love with you for it. This guy is possibly inexperienced, I'm not sure but it seems to have been you who has initiated the sex. Wait and see if he contacts you but if he is only in contact late at night don't jump and go see him. He asked you why you were being so 'nice' to him. For him, he is really incredibly lucky (and he is probably quite amazed) that a woman is going when he calls to supply him with sex and he is putting no effort in. Men find women who value themselves attractive. Valuing yourself means not jumping into bed too soon for one thing. Go googling and check out some dating do's and don'ts as a start off. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I definitely value myself and would never sleep with a man for him to like me. I just have urges and needs of myself. I guess I just don't think things through. I appreciate the feedback and will sit back to see if he reaches out to me . Thank you. I'll keep you posted .
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Hi So he texted me today and then tonight he calls (11pm) to come hang out haha or to meet up at this look out and have a drink. It seemed like he maybe wanted to go on a romantic night walk but who knows. I told him I was tired this time of night but he was quite persistent so I told him I'd call him back. I decided not to come running to him like you had said and later texted him telling him to call me at a earlier time and that I was going to sleep. He acted disappointed but told him that I was free this weekend and to hang out then. So well see what happens!
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