HeartBroken082 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) My recent break up is a bit complicated, and a bit of a long story, but I would appreciate any advice… I was dating someone for 5 months, and it was going great, but he would never really open up about how he feels about me which caused me to start to have some doubts about us. I asked him to come over one night to talk and I explained to him how I’m feeling…I talked about chemistry, him not opening up, that I was confused, and that maybe I should take the weekend to think about things and he agreed. Then I mentioned to him something my brother in law had told me. My ex and I were out with him and my sister and my ex told my brother in law that things were great with us, but that I freak out if I cant get a hold of him all day (which isn’t true), so I of course asked him about that. He got really defensive that my brother in law would ‘rat him out’ like that…that he thought they were buddies, and that he wasn’t going to defend himself for that. SO he left my place, gave me a big hug, then the next day I sent him a text saying that I don’t need time, that I know that I want to be with him, and asked if he could meet me for a walk..he replied saying sorry he was too busy. Then a text later that night saying sorry its just not going to work out..with what I said and with what my bro in law did. They weren’t even close, it was only the 3rd time he met him so im not sure why he took that so hard?? And that was the main reason why it ‘just wasn’t going to work’. I tried to call him, text him, but he just refused to talk to me about this and work on things…but his answers were so short and cold. Finally he responded to an email just aying im a great girl but it wouldn’t work out, he couldn’t see my bro in law again etc. He will not just open up and talk to me about anything….up until that point we got along so well, never had any fights. Hes going to be 38, and his longest relationship is only 1.5 yrs, so maybe that’s why, maybe hes just not good with conflict and/or talking?? Or maybe its just me?? After losing him I did realize that I love him (we hadn’t said those words yet)., but he refuses to even talk on the phone or meet with me. It has only been 4 days, so maybe there’s hope that he’ll come around, but he seems pretty adamant that he wants nothing to do with me. Should I just try to start moving on, or do you think I could try talking to him in a week and see how he feels?? Edited March 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
KaliLove Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 It sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to end things..and yes, it's a huge red flag that he's 38 and has never been in a serious long term relationship. Methinks you dodged a bullet there..moving right along!!
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thank you so much Kali, that actually made me feel better, but I'm still heart broken over him and wish he would just try to work on things c'est la vie!
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I'm with KaliLove on this one. You dodged a bullet. It's painfully obvious to me that he's had one foot out the door since the beginning whether he realized it or not. I wouldn't start making excuses for him either. Having been in a 1.5 year relationship does count in my book but at the and the end of the day, he just wasn't as into you as you were to him for whatever the reason. From a woman's perspective, he doesn't sound like someone worth chasing. I know that it's not easy letting go of someone you love when they're the ones leaving but it's the way he wants things to be right now. From the sounds of things, you were the only one in love in that relationship unfortunately. Save your dignity and don't chase after him. There is no greater turn off then a woman who can't accept the end of a relationship. Be grateful for the time you got to spend with him and then move on. You deserve better. Good luck! 1
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks girls!! It is becoming clear to me that he isn't worth it..even though I have to go through the motions of rejection and heart ache. If he comes back he comes back...if not than not meant to be...
KaliLove Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I would assume he's not coming back and move on. Honestly..even if he did come back..I would be wary. A 38 year old who has never been in a relationship..that's just weird...
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Today I'm having a bad day, I miss him. I think he has blocked my number as my imessages arent being 'delivered'. I tried to contact him just to let him know that i cancelled our upcoming couples massage and he should try to get a refund since he paid for it, with no response at all. Being ignored hurts the most.
Zahara Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Today I'm having a bad day, I miss him. I think he has blocked my number as my imessages arent being 'delivered'. I tried to contact him just to let him know that i cancelled our upcoming couples massage and he should try to get a refund since he paid for it, with no response at all. Being ignored hurts the most. Please OP, stop trying to contact him. There was some disconnect with him in that it was pretty clear that he was emotionally unavailable to you. And he's telling you that he cannot do this with you. You need to accept that and stop contacting him. You texting him about the massage is you trying to provoke communication. I know being ignored hurts but it isn't about you. And count it as a blessing because ignoring you is much better than indefinitely dangling you on a string.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Today I'm having a bad day, I miss him. I think he has blocked my number as my imessages arent being 'delivered'. I tried to contact him just to let him know that i cancelled our upcoming couples massage and he should try to get a refund since he paid for it, with no response at all. Being ignored hurts the most. Sweetie, WHY are you STILL making contact with this guy?!? Calling him to let him know you cancelled your couples massage is just an excuse for you to make contact. Do you really think he's sitting around worrying about that massage at all? Or cares about the money? He's blocked you and ignoring you and yes, it's bloody painful to feel so unwanted so STOP putting yourself in that position! The more you try to make contact, the further you're driving him away, trust me on this. It looks desperate and that is, as I've already said in my previous post, very unattractive even if it's coming from a good and loving place. I'm sure you mean well and have good intentions but the way he's acting in terms of cutting you off so unceremoniously says a lot about his character. 1
Trovador Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Is there hope? So, that's the kind of man you would want to spend your life with? But even if he had broken up with you the gentlemanly way (or just the manly way) I don't see how you'd want to be with someone that clearly doesn't want you in his life... All that stuff about your brother in law is just a pretext... by the way, your brother in law did the right thing (his loyalty was towards you), but I think you should have protected your source and just to act accordingly to the info you now possessed... But this is all now a moot point... in sum, thank Heavens for getting rid of that coward guy...
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 No you're right, i don't want to be with someone who will just throw me away like a piece of garbage...and I know i need to stop texting him. We actually work only a block apart from one another so that could be trouble, but I'm trying not to 'accidentally' run into him!! I do have good intentions and mean well, but if he cant see that, or doesn't want to make an effort (or I suppose he just doesnt feel that way about me), than i'm wasting my energy. I have had very bad luck in my relationships, and am going to be 32 this years. Just dissapointed another one didn't turn out..
Trovador Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I was going to ask your age but it seemed rude to me... I thought that you were or too young or too old... (not that age should weigh a lot in a loving relationship)... Well, you are, as my granny used to say, in the "flower of life"... his loss clearly... So, woman up (he he) and don't forget whatever lessons you learned from this experience... my nanny also said "look for the good on life, because life looks for the good on people...", that pretty old lady sure knew a thing or two about life... good luck, dear friend...
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks Trovador! I really do appreciate your kind words, and helpful advice
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I would assume he's not coming back and move on. Honestly..even if he did come back..I would be wary. A 38 year old who has never been in a relationship..that's just weird... Just on the surface, I'm curious as to why you would consider it weird?
KaliLove Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Just on the surface, I'm curious as to why you would consider it weird? Because most people have experienced a serious relationship by then..and statistically, a man who hasn't been married by 40 probably never will be.
Author HeartBroken082 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 So I finally heard from my ex, and he wants to meet for a quick coffee tomorrow. Im honestly not too sure how I feel about it, seeing as how cold he has been. If on the other hand, he does want to work on things, ive already completely bashed him to friends and family just to vent....If he does want to work on things I would like to try, but im not sure if the damage has already been done
sooshi Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Don't go. I know it's hard to turn down his offer, but the others are right. You've dodged a bullet. Maybe it's hard for you to see because you're so involved. What does he have to offer you, truly? It really does sound like you care about him in a way that he does not care about you. It does sound like you were the only one who was in love throughout the relationship. It is not your fault though. 1
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