Gaeta Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I have had a really good time with this new man in my life. I have nothing to complain about him, he's gentle, considerate and reliable. Last Friday an accident happened at work and while he was dealing with it he told me in a moment of frustration that after this is solved he's moving back to the US (I'm in Canada). I did not make any comment and after all was taken care of I asked him if he still felt like running back to the US and he said he was sorry he said that in a moment of anger. This morning he text me a hello. He says he's at his work filling an accident report, he got into a disagreement with his boss and he says to me: I hate this job I cannot wait to go back. I did not comment back. So now I am thinking even though we have a really good thing going on I should abort this. That's what happened in my last relationship, the guy left the country after 6 months and left me heart broken. Would you also conclude he's leaving and just not coming forward in an honest way with me?
Emilia Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Would you also conclude he's leaving and just not coming forward in an honest way with me? I would try to have a face to face chat with him. If he avoided me I would conclude the above yes since most people are bad at telling lies while looking at you in the eye and would try to get around it somehow. He might just calm down though. People talk crap sometimes. 2
Author Gaeta Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 The first time I asked him we were face to face. When I asked him he hugged me and told me he had just said that in a moment of anger. What I've noticed though is the lack of *no I am not leaving*, and I also noticed he used the hug instead of looking at me in the eyes.
Emilia Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 The first time I asked him we were face to face. When I asked him he hugged me and told me he had just said that in a moment of anger. What I've noticed though is the lack of *no I am not leaving*, and I also noticed he used the hug instead of looking at me in the eyes. I would talk to him again, you mustn't allow trust issues to get in the way. Just refer to his last statement and say that you need to know what he really wants.
GemmaUK Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Does he get angry often? I'd be a bit wary of moments of anger and the threats of moving, it sounds a bit dramatic. What was the disagreement with his boss about? Did you end up seeing him that evening after he had been to the clinic about his injury? How was he then? (sorry if the questions are too nosey sounding..I've been poorly so on here rather a lot the past few days and I remember what you said had happened)
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 This guy is confusing. Says he wants to go. Says he said it out of anger. Then hints at wanting to go again...
Joaquin Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I was seeing this girl many years ago who was from a different country. She also passed comment a few times that she was thinking of going back after we'd been together about a year. It created much uncertainty in my mind as to what was going on and whether I should bother investing when she might be on the next flight home. I think she said these things as she was frustrated with work, and probably with me, and basically missed her family, but 8 years later she is still in the same city. I think people who are away from their home country always miss the support and familiarity of home. And there is always a chance they will leave. That's life I guess. 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Does he get angry often? I'd be a bit wary of moments of anger and the threats of moving, it sounds a bit dramatic. What was the disagreement with his boss about? Did you end up seeing him that evening after he had been to the clinic about his injury? How was he then? (sorry if the questions are too nosey sounding..I've been poorly so on here rather a lot the past few days and I remember what you said had happened) He's very soft spoken and never raises his voice, other than this incident I have never heard him say he was frustrated or angry. The doctor put him on light work for a week. His boss will put him in an office to fill paper work, that annoyed him, he works in renovation and he wants to be back on some project he was leading. Yes I did see him after he got out of the clinic. I went over his place, he was very affectionate and very happy to see me. That's when he said he had made that comment about leaving out of anger at his situation.
Author Gaeta Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 And I also told him that he knew what had happened with my last relationship so if he really was considering moving back to the States he had to tell me early, I don't want anymore last minute shocking surprises. He said not to worry, no shocking surprises for me. And 2 days later he's making these comments again.....
GemmaUK Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 He's very soft spoken and never raises his voice, other than this incident I have never heard him say he was frustrated or angry. The doctor put him on light work for a week. His boss will put him in an office to fill paper work, that annoyed him, he works in renovation and he wants to be back on some project he was leading. Yes I did see him after he got out of the clinic. I went over his place, he was very affectionate and very happy to see me. That's when he said he had made that comment about leaving out of anger at his situation. I can understand the frustration over the project but physically it makes sense to get him well enough to be back working properly. Over exertion could cause infection and lead to him being out of action for a much longer time. I'd have a chat with him about it. It really could just be frustration. He won't want to say 'ouch my hand hurts!' (teh male ego bit) so he is throwing something else out there. I would say he is just saying it for effect. However, I think you should let him know it puts you in an uncertain position and that isn't fair upon you. 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 So l brought the subject back on the table and asked if he is leaving and when. The answer is yes he is leaving in 3 to 6 months I don't know what part of *tell me early if you leave* he did not understand. He thinks we will continue seeing each other, it's just a 6 hr drive etc etc. A long distance relationship is not what l wish for myself. He asked that we wait to be together to get into the details. I agreed. My instinct was right l should always listen to it. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Gaeta, I am stunned! I really thought it was just a frustrated comment. I think if it were me I would want to have another talk sooner rather than later. LD isn't easy and that is a huge distance! I'm really sorry to hear this 1
topaMAXX Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I have had a really good time with this new man in my life. I have nothing to complain about him, he's gentle, considerate and reliable. Last Friday an accident happened at work and while he was dealing with it he told me in a moment of frustration that after this is solved he's moving back to the US (I'm in Canada). I did not make any comment and after all was taken care of I asked him if he still felt like running back to the US and he said he was sorry he said that in a moment of anger. This morning he text me a hello. He says he's at his work filling an accident report, he got into a disagreement with his boss and he says to me: I hate this job I cannot wait to go back. I did not comment back. So now I am thinking even though we have a really good thing going on I should abort this. That's what happened in my last relationship, the guy left the country after 6 months and left me heart broken. Would you also conclude he's leaving and just not coming forward in an honest way with me? Why don't you just tell him exactly what bothers you and why it bothers you? I can't imagine that he'd respond negatively to that (or make that statement again), but, if he does, leave him at that moment. Right now, he thinks that comment is meaningless (and he should....because you haven't told him the meaning behind it). 1
quidproquo89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 So l brought the subject back on the table and asked if he is leaving and when. The answer is yes he is leaving in 3 to 6 months I don't know what part of *tell me early if you leave* he did not understand. He thinks we will continue seeing each other, it's just a 6 hr drive etc etc. A long distance relationship is not what l wish for myself. He asked that we wait to be together to get into the details. I agreed. My instinct was right l should always listen to it. that's really rough, sorry to hear that especially after your other thread when things looked on the mend. Let us know how things turn out, whether you go for the LD relationship. Sounds like your partner has really taken a turn for the worse since this accident. Its as if it knocked him on another path, one away from you. Really odd, was he showing signs of moving away before the accident. Just all seems odd
Emilia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 So l brought the subject back on the table and asked if he is leaving and when. The answer is yes he is leaving in 3 to 6 months I don't know what part of *tell me early if you leave* he did not understand. He thinks we will continue seeing each other, it's just a 6 hr drive etc etc. A long distance relationship is not what l wish for myself. He asked that we wait to be together to get into the details. I agreed. My instinct was right l should always listen to it. Would you move with him if he asked you? 1
quidproquo89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Would you move with him if he asked you? good point, is it the place and not you? He did say he was sick of the job, perhaps the accident pushed him over the edge. Could you face moving somewhere else and having a new job, travelling far to see your family/friends? Lol, me and Emilia have arranged your future, hope you don't mind. Did you get the memo? 2
Author Gaeta Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 He did mention something about going back to Connecticut. He had some issues with renewing his work permit and he said something like worst case scenario he'd need to move back to the US but also added it was nothing to worry about, everything would be fine. I asked him the main reason to move back and he said he'd explain to me next time we're together. No I would not move to where he is. It's just be 6 hours away but it's in a different country. My life is here, my daughter, my work, I own my home, and at 48 I don't want to start over some place else. He's 36 and still has this belief that love can conquer it all. Unfortunately I don't.
quidproquo89 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 very smart of you. You can't go traipsing across country with the commitments you have. I'm sorry for your troubles, seems al quite sudden. You sound like you have good experience and coz of which, good coping skills to see you through. 2
Emilia Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I asked him the main reason to move back and he said he'd explain to me next time we're together. No I would not move to where he is. It's just be 6 hours away but it's in a different country. My life is here, my daughter, my work, I own my home, and at 48 I don't want to start over some place else. He's 36 and still has this belief that love can conquer it all. Unfortunately I don't. Certainly hear him out but I think the age gap is the problem. At the age of 36 he won't have the same settled mentality as you at the age of 48. 1
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