RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 The bottom line on all of this is this one thing. If women TRULY hate players AND TRULY hate the stereotype that male players are good and female players are bad, then they need to STOP REWARDING PLAYERS. Simple. Yes, we need to stop 'rewarding' players... We just had a very nice example with one of our posters how male players and users are enabled by other men. That needs to stop too. So, what are you, OP, prepared to do to stop 'rewarding' players that you know?? If you can't muster the courage to warn other women you know when the situation presents itself, can you at least not introduce them? How about deleting them from your Facebook network, or at least not giving them access to your friend list... If you can't be bothered to eliminate them entirely as friends, you certainly don't need to help them out in the dating world.
Author chucksagent Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Yes, we need to stop 'rewarding' players... We just had a very nice example with one of our posters how male players and users are enabled by other men. That needs to stop too. So, what are you, OP, prepared to do to stop 'rewarding' players that you know?? If you can't muster the courage to warn other women you know when the situation presents itself, can you at least not introduce them? How about deleting them from your Facebook network, or at least not giving them access to your friend list... If you can't be bothered to eliminate them entirely as friends, you certainly don't need to help them out in the dating world. RedRobin - Are you really not understanding this??? Players WILL NOT CARE how they are viewed by other men. The player top priority is to get action, and that falls on the women. You really think if I delete a player from Facebook or scold him he is going to change his ways??? Wow, you are grasping at straws. Lol. And I NEVER hook players up with female friends or female family members so you don't have to worry about that. And honestly, they STILL find players. I can say "hey, that new boyfriend is a drug dealing player, stay away." All that did was make her 100X more interested in him. Female brain.
Author chucksagent Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 This says it all: "I just want a nice guy." - "Continues dating ex who cheated on her." LOL Redirect Notice
Woggle Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Yes, we need to stop 'rewarding' players... We just had a very nice example with one of our posters how male players and users are enabled by other men. That needs to stop too. So, what are you, OP, prepared to do to stop 'rewarding' players that you know?? If you can't muster the courage to warn other women you know when the situation presents itself, can you at least not introduce them? How about deleting them from your Facebook network, or at least not giving them access to your friend list... If you can't be bothered to eliminate them entirely as friends, you certainly don't need to help them out in the dating world. You can warn women until you are blue in the face and most of the time it does no good. In many cases it makes them more interested in a man. If women really were against players why do I see so many good men who treat women well get their hearts broken because some player swooped in and seduced their wife or gf? Also just because some of my friends might not be the best romantic partners doesn't mean they aren't good friends. One of my friends offered my wife and I to stay at his place when we had to evacuate during Sandy but he says he will never marry and prefers casual hookups after he broke up with his gf. He never lies to women as well. 1
RedRobin Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 RedRobin - Are you really not understanding this??? Players WILL NOT CARE how they are viewed by other men. The player top priority is to get action, and that falls on the women. You really think if I delete a player from Facebook or scold him he is going to change his ways??? Wow, you are grasping at straws. Lol. And I NEVER hook players up with female friends or female family members so you don't have to worry about that. And honestly, they STILL find players. I can say "hey, that new boyfriend is a drug dealing player, stay away." All that did was make her 100X more interested in him. Female brain. The players may not care, but they will also have a tougher time of it. If you delete a player from your Facebook, they have one less path to ply their trade. Enough people do that, then they are obliged to find other avenues... Not to mention, you have the satisfaction of knowing you are not contributing. I don't think that scolding a bonafide, dyed in the wool player will do anything. Too hardened. Scolding a wanna be player who is trying their hand at using and lying. Maybe. If they know there are consequences... and those consequences happen. Sure. ... yes, there will always be dysfunctional people who do things that are bad for them... the players and the ones who KNOWINGLY go forward in spite of warnings. However, your premise about players is flawed in the sense that other people enable and even HELP players deceive people... out of your own laziness, desire to look 'cool', or perhaps grab onto the FALSE 'charisma' and glean a little for yourself. You or anyone being enamored of a 'player' only shows your own willingness to be 'played'... whether you are the one greasing the skids, turning a blind eye, or joining the throng of groupies in one way or another. You do your part to eliminate THAT part of the equation, I guarantee things will be better. Then leave the dysfunctional people to swirl around in their drama. Men AND women.
RedRobin Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 You can warn some women until you are blue in the face and most of the time it does no good. In many cases it makes them more interested in a man. If some women really were against players why do I see so many good men who treat women well get their hearts broken because some player swooped in and seduced their wife or gf? Also just because some of my friends might not be the best romantic partners doesn't mean they aren't good friends. One of my friends offered my wife and I to stay at his place when we had to evacuate during Sandy but he says he will never marry and prefers casual hookups after he broke up with his gf. He never lies to women as well. Corrected it for you... And about the last statement.. Great... well don't be surprised when your buddy hits on your wife sometime. *shrug* Or waits for an opportunity to jump in during a rough spot in your marriage. Think about it.... ... and maybe if those good guys didn't invite the players into their social circle and give them avenues to network... then those players wouldn't have access to their GFs and wives. Ever thought of that?? I mean, one of the reasons I don't keep women 'players' in my circle is because I know they'd be the first one trying to stab me in the back with my own partner. I don't keep male players in my circle for obvious reasons... but partly because I value my female friends AND their partners. It is all connected. 1
man_in_the_box Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't think there is a 'solution' such as exiling players from society but more in the responsibility we have of staying faithful to our relationship/marriage. Since when do we place the blame on some third party outsiders while obviously the common denominator is a cheating SO?
RedRobin Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I don't think there is a 'solution' such as exiling players from society but more in the responsibility we have of staying faithful to our relationship/marriage. Since when do we place the blame on some third party outsiders while obviously the common denominator is a cheating SO? Of course... but part of the problem and the topic being discussed is this idea that being a player (for men) is something to emulate... and that women somehow 'love' players. Which I don't believe. If the players and wanna be players are given a different message, ie that they are not emulated, not welcomed, and not given knowingly given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably... Things WILL change... and I don't believe any one gender is solely responsible.
man_in_the_box Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 If the players and wanna be players are given a different message, ie that they are not emulated, not welcomed, and not given knowingly given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably... Well it generally tends to be highly unrealistic and unpractical to 'want' something on a societal level - - want to write more but no time ATM
GoreSP Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 There are a few things to consider here… First off, it doesn’t matter if the player has a reputation for being a player. Players have so much game they will be able to convince almost any girl he ‘dates’ that she is the one taking him away from the player lifestyle. Secondly, a man getting a lot of sex is celebrated. He can get a new girl every week end, everyone is at least going to think it’s funny. Also, all the ‘good guys’ who don’t get tail look at players and they are so fed up of getting dumped by the girls who then fall for the players that I can understand why they are so frustrated and want to become ‘players’ in order to get some (not that I agree with the strategy, but I understand why they choose to take it) So unfortunately, wishing players somehow disappear from the face of the earth is like wishing we have 100% honest politicians. 2
thedj10show Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 If the players and wanna be players are given a different message, ie that they are not emulated, not welcomed, and not given knowingly given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably... Things WILL change... and I don't believe any one gender is solely responsible. How about putting the blame for scumbag behavior directly where it lies. On the feet of the scumbag. You say that they shouldn't be "given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably". Don't the women have the ability to use this "honorable behavior" and not shag the guy? Or once you get one of these players around them, these damsels go helpless, and trip, fall, and land on a dick*? *no pun intended
ThaWholigan Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Players tend to have a greater understanding of social dynamics and an ability to manipulate them that it makes them difficult to "get rid of". They generally orchestrate much of the social circles they frequent, or at the very least be an important part. Its important t note that the definition of a player on LS is different from just a guy who women enjoy having sex with - player is generally equated to dishonest, manipulative bad guy who dupes women. There is such a thin line between them that I wonder how many guys who are simply socially and sexually charismatic are thus typecast as no good players.... 5
Woggle Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Corrected it for you... And about the last statement.. Great... well don't be surprised when your buddy hits on your wife sometime. *shrug* Or waits for an opportunity to jump in during a rough spot in your marriage. Think about it.... ... and maybe if those good guys didn't invite the players into their social circle and give them avenues to network... then those players wouldn't have access to their GFs and wives. Ever thought of that?? I mean, one of the reasons I don't keep women 'players' in my circle is because I know they'd be the first one trying to stab me in the back with my own partner. I don't keep male players in my circle for obvious reasons... but partly because I value my female friends AND their partners. It is all connected. He has never and never will sleep with a taken woman. He just got out of a 10 year relationship with a woman who all of a sudden started demanding marriage and he just wants to have fun. My wife wanted to set him up with one of her friends and I talked her out of it because I know the guy is not relationship material.
man_in_the_box Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 There are a few things to consider here… *list of arguments* That was mire the less what I wanted to say. It's impossible to control something of this magnitude - it's better to just not participate yourself and sometimes accept that life deals you a rotten card.
RedRobin Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 How about putting the blame for scumbag behavior directly where it lies. On the feet of the scumbag. You say that they shouldn't be "given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably". Don't the women have the ability to use this "honorable behavior" and not shag the guy? Or once you get one of these players around them, these damsels go helpless, and trip, fall, and land on a dick*? *no pun intended Sure... My preference is that these guys don't even get a shot in the first place. I was stalked and harassed on and off for months by a player after having just two phone calls with him. Had my friends done their job, he wouldn't even had my phone number. Another one... I went out with close to two months. We never had sex... he was a lot slicker than the first one, or else it would have been cut short after a phone call or two... Yet another case where another friend of mine recommended him..... heartily endorsed him in fact. In the first example, my friend admitted later that he heard the guy was a womanizer and apologized. In the second example, he admitted that he never asked him about or talked to him about those things, and so didn't know. I told my friend, ok, then you have no business recommending him for anything. The good news is that both of them have distanced themselves from the men in question after I let them know about the behavior of the guys they recommended. So, in the end, the social network did it's job. From this thread, I can see there are a few men who actively enable or overlook how their friends treat women, and for some bizarre reason, don't think that behavior will backfire on THEM. While, with me, I feel that those who mistreat, lie, or manipulate others will do the same to me. So I don't keep people around who do that. No matter how 'popular' they may appear or how 'nice' they are to me. Those who do can't complain when/if the players eff them over. Same sex or opposite sex.
joystickd Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Sure... My preference is that these guys don't even get a shot in the first place. I was stalked and harassed on and off for months by a player after having just two phone calls with him. If he is stalking and harassing then he is not a player. Well not one from the school of thought I was taught from lol. That's just a thirsty guy. There is a big difference between a player and a dirty mack, but people don't have an open mind the thoughts of negative connotations of dishonesty and deceit have become engrained at the thought of a player. People I know look at it like this how can you be a great player of anything if you are dishonest. How can you become a great basketball player or poker player if you are dependent on being deceptive? You can't and that is no player. We call those guys losers 1
joystickd Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Players tend to have a greater understanding of social dynamics and an ability to manipulate them that it makes them difficult to "get rid of". They generally orchestrate much of the social circles they frequent, or at the very least be an important part. Its important t note that the definition of a player on LS is different from just a guy who women enjoy having sex with - player is generally equated to dishonest, manipulative bad guy who dupes women. There is such a thin line between them that I wonder how many guys who are simply socially and sexually charismatic are thus typecast as no good players.... ^ This is what I am talking about this is what good game is. Ism as some people call it
Imported Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 If the players and wanna be players are given a different message, ie that they are not emulated, not welcomed, and not given knowingly given access to women in the social circles of those who behave more honorably... Things WILL change... and I don't believe any one gender is solely responsible. I think women can make their own choices. It is not for anyone to give or not give access to women in any social circle....that is just silly. Most "players" are what women want. That is why they can be "players". 2
Author chucksagent Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 GoreSP - Sooooo well said...SOOOO well said. You guy all keep saying "the players are so charming, the girl have no chance cause they can fool anyone." Well if that's true, why do players stick out like SORE THUMBS to men and older women and smart women? I think the player syndrome effects young females, naïve females and self destructive females. And NONE of those cases are due to the player being sooooo amazing at what they do. It moreso boils down to women in those categories not identifying ways they can change. We all do dumb stuff when young. I chased a bad girl or two when young, but I LEARNED. I wasn't still doing it in college or law school or after school. Yet, I've known girls since High School making the SAME BAD CHOICES. And I do know 1 or 2 guys still making the same bad choices. But I know like 10-15 girls doing it. And I know MORE MEN. Lol. So it should be opposite. 3
Author chucksagent Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 Imported - You NAILED it. Women WANT players; men DO NOT want sl*ts (other than for occasional fun), therefore THAT is why the duaity of the male player being great and female player being bad comes from. These women CREATE their own reality by WANTNG players/bad boys and then bitch about the double standard. Lol. Only in America folks, only in America haha what a country. 1
Woggle Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I tell men who keep making stupid choices the same thing. Even if I were single if I ever went back to my ex I give anybody permission to slap me. In fact men can put a stop to gold diggers just like women can put a stop to players. Most people will stop when their actions no longer benefit them. If players and gold diggers got no benefit from their actions most would stop. 3
NYWoman Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Players again! In these discussions the one subject that is never mentioned, is that if these men were duds in bed the women would not keep throwing themselves at them. 2
dragon_fly_7 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 I guess the big mystery for me is why so many 'men' want to emulate liars and those who hurt people just for fun or to see what they can get away with. That's the biggest problem I see. These 'players' swim in the same social circles as some decent guys, and the decent guys still befriend them... which gives these shyteheads cover. The world is upside down when decent men are considered 'weak' and unmanly... and liars/cheats/womanizers are considered 'manly' and something to emulate. Mostly, I wish decent men would stop covering for this douchebags, propping them up, or rationalizing their behavior so that women who actually DO want to avoid them would have an easier time of it. Lord knows, I've had more than one talk with a woman whose self-esteem is in the toilet who doesn't think she can do better than one of these dirtbags... or is too afraid to be alone. Both here on LS and IRL. True indeed and that will only stop if more men stop putting all these players and pump & dumpers on a pedestal. If you take a look on this male oriented bodybuilding site, those male posters think bedding as many women as possible, talking bad about the very women who provided them service (sex is a service after all) and getting the nerve to suddenly want a a good, decent woman (as if she would really be interested in that man if she's serious and has a healthy self-esteem) once they get older and bored with that lifestyle is in 1st place as if it were an eating contest or some type of Nobel Peace Prize.
dragon_fly_7 Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 If players and gold diggers got no benefit from their actions most would stop.Yeah. This would change if both of them got shamed harshly, just like a woman is shamed for sleeping around. I think shaming unacceptable behaviors, regardless of gender would be a big improvement and more people would find their decent man/woman easier. In addition, there would be less youtube videos showing Snookie Shore trash or Justin Bieber bs since it wouldn't be getting any attention; instead more videos would be showing of probably smart people with values.
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