WP4046 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 It's so rare on LS to see such insightful and true posts back to back that this has to be pointed out. As a single guy that's looking for something long term, this is completely true. Back in the day, when I was looking for just casual, I had all sorts of girls lining up to date me. They all wanted relationships. Now that I'm more settled into my career and want something serious, these women are not interested because I'm no longer the bad boy man-whore that I was in my younger years. Though, I still get girls because I've retained some of my bad boy traits, the slightest hint of consideration and attempts at commitment towards a woman turns them off. Of course, there are ways around this. I fully expect to be married by my early to mid 30s (if I so choose). That'll be my little secret for now, though. If you're a resourceful man, you can successfully navigate through the wreckage that is modern day women (as both of you know, being that you are in successful marriages with good women). I think that's the problem right there, you can't go online looking for something long term. You have to just look at these women as options to go out and have fun I have a date in a hour and i am just going out to meet a new person and not even thinking about a relationship
topaMAXX Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 I think that's the problem right there, you can't go online looking for something long term. You have to just look at these women as options to go out and have fun I have a date in a hour and i am just going out to meet a new person and not even thinking about a relationship Who said anything about doing OLD? I never do it. The women I mentioned are ones that I've met IRL. I don't do OLD because I don't get any women at all from that (in any capacity).
Author chucksagent Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 RedRobin - You ask HOW is a girl supposed to spot a player? EASIEST answer ever and someone else beat me to it...take things slow, show interest in a healthy manner...anyone that wants sex super fast and overly praiseful and too pushy are both red flags. Like TopaMaxx and Quietstorm said, this is a REAL epidemic... RedRobin - You can CHOOSE to ignore facts or argue the minority of cases, but we are talking about the MAJORITY....and basing these opinions in fact. I know countless women (probably 75% easy) who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in men, who chase the bad boy and who want "the perfect man." I know only TWO men of every man I know who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in women. And I know ZERO men who claim to (seriously) want "the perfect man." A guy will say that jokingly with his buddies, but a woman, you ask her why she won't go out with a mutual friend and she says stuff like "he needs to be taller or a public servant who is a millionaire, etc. etc. etc. He need to be perfect." It's called catching red flags and being honest with yourself. Quietstorm - I've seen this in my own family who are girls...play the whole slutty role to attract men and then try to have a normal relationship and love them. Like Quiet said, men give love for sex, women give sex for love. It's funny though, ALL the old comedic sterotypes are how the wife never wants to sleep with the husbands, how men are horn balls, etc. But of course on here you have all these people "women love sex JUST as much!!!" Well if that's the case, biologically, why do women generally not want to have sex just as much as men??/ Hmmmm MAYBE CAUSE ITS NOT TRUE!! Lol. Amazing. 1
topaMAXX Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 RedRobin - You ask HOW is a girl supposed to spot a player? EASIEST answer ever and someone else beat me to it...take things slow, show interest in a healthy manner...anyone that wants sex super fast and overly praiseful and too pushy are both red flags. Like TopaMaxx and Quietstorm said, this is a REAL epidemic... RedRobin - You can CHOOSE to ignore facts or argue the minority of cases, but we are talking about the MAJORITY....and basing these opinions in fact. I know countless women (probably 75% easy) who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in men, who chase the bad boy and who want "the perfect man." I know only TWO men of every man I know who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in women. And I know ZERO men who claim to (seriously) want "the perfect man." A guy will say that jokingly with his buddies, but a woman, you ask her why she won't go out with a mutual friend and she says stuff like "he needs to be taller or a public servant who is a millionaire, etc. etc. etc. He need to be perfect." It's called catching red flags and being honest with yourself. Quietstorm - I've seen this in my own family who are girls...play the whole slutty role to attract men and then try to have a normal relationship and love them. Like Quiet said, men give love for sex, women give sex for love. It's funny though, ALL the old comedic sterotypes are how the wife never wants to sleep with the husbands, how men are horn balls, etc. But of course on here you have all these people "women love sex JUST as much!!!" Well if that's the case, biologically, why do women generally not want to have sex just as much as men??/ Hmmmm MAYBE CAUSE ITS NOT TRUE!! Lol. Amazing. There is a reason for this. As I've said many times in the past, this is because there are many good looking men out there that are also good people. The opposite is true of women. But, because of our society (which is ultimately pro-woman and anti-man), women are raised to believe that they can be whoever they want and get whoever they want. So they have impossible standards. The few girls that legitimately are good looking and a good person (very very few) have no problem attracting the very few men that are considered catches. The rest of them just spend their time chasing their tails. 1
contact1 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Man this thread is depressing, I'm going to go back to re-learn Japanese, move to Japan, and go find myself someone there, I heard the women/culture there is fantastic..... or did the US get to them too??? 1
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 (edited) RedRobin - You ask HOW is a girl supposed to spot a player? EASIEST answer ever and someone else beat me to it...take things slow, show interest in a healthy manner...anyone that wants sex super fast and overly praiseful and too pushy are both red flags. of course... that's a no brainer. However, I've come across a couple of 'players' who knew that too.. and were more patient. But they were still players nonetheless. I had no problems sorting THOSE out either... BUT, in those cases where they were part of my social circle (a guy named Mr. Ryan comes to mind...)... my friends should have done a much better job giving me a heads up. As it was, he blew his own cover when he told me about his so-called FWB and another girl he dated before he met me. So now... any guy I find out has had a recent FWB or is ok with them... gets dumped. And I don't care how I find out either. From him or other sources. When you see ME get pissed... it's mostly because I don't want to waste any time with these losers and wish that people in my social circle would pull their heads out of their *sses. And there are TONS of these guys. IMHO, more 'players' than decent guys where I currently live. It's thoroughly disgusting. RedRobin - You can CHOOSE to ignore facts or argue the minority of cases, but we are talking about the MAJORITY....and basing these opinions in fact. I know countless women (probably 75% easy) who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in men, who chase the bad boy and who want "the perfect man." I know only TWO men of every man I know who make KNOWINGLY bad choices in women. And I know ZERO men who claim to (seriously) want "the perfect man." A guy will say that jokingly with his buddies, but a woman, you ask her why she won't go out with a mutual friend and she says stuff like "he needs to be taller or a public servant who is a millionaire, etc. etc. etc. He need to be perfect." Well... look at it this way... given the number of men who have been incarcerated, have a criminal record, are violent, who have substance abuse issues or mental health issues compared to women (and that number is staggeringly much higher for men than women)... ... there ARE some women who date men whose main vice is sleeping around and consider that OK... because the alternative is finding no one given the number of men with much more serious issues. And the reason why your friends have an easier time finding good women is because, well, there are more good women than good men. Right out of the gate.... for all of the reasons I mention above. Not to mention, that more women tend to be looking for relationships than those that are not. Funny though, that the 'players' still need to lie to get a decent woman to sleep with him. It's not like they don't have other options... and probably some damn good ones. Just not the ones they want. Quietstorm - I've seen this in my own family who are girls...play the whole slutty role to attract men and then try to have a normal relationship and love them. We see that here on LS too... It is retarded. Even if they aren't playing the 'slutty' role... I do agree that women (or men) looking for a relationship need to hold off on sex. The only difference with me is that I hold men responsible for the pace of a relationship too. No man who presses for sex with me or expects early sex with me... no matter how delicately he presents the idea... will ever convince me he is looking for a relationship. No matter how nice he is on dates or anything else. If he has a history of casual sex... Multiply that 10X. No reformed 'bad boys' for me either, thank you... or wanna be players... or any guys really whose source of validation comes from how many women they slept with. It's funny though, ALL the old comedic sterotypes are how the wife never wants to sleep with the husbands, how men are horn balls, etc. But of course on here you have all these people "women love sex JUST as much!!!" Well if that's the case, biologically, why do women generally not want to have sex just as much as men??/ Hmmmm MAYBE CAUSE ITS NOT TRUE!! Lol. That has never been the case in any of my relationships. Including my marriage. It was always equal... if not MORE on my end than his. My parents have been married for almost 50 years. Even now... they are nearly 70... and have sex twice a week. It was a lot more when they were younger, granted. Not due to my mom though... my dad just got on Viagra at age 70. My mom's request. I dunno dude. I think you are just hanging out with the wrong folks... Edited March 30, 2014 by RedRobin
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 ...not to mention... I've already given you more than adequate examples showing that when the social conditions/stigma regarding sex and associated consequences change for women, they absolutely DO want sex just as much as men. The women throwing themselves at Quietstorm's son, for instance. No way would you have seen this even 20 years ago. Or if it was, it was certainly tons more discreet on their part. While I'm glad to see THAT little gender throwback changing... I'm not sure what any of this means to people like me (men and women) who aren't into casual sex and are more relationship oriented. Seems to me that it is only a matter of time before men who are relationship oriented end getting played by women who just want NSA sex with them too under the guise of 'love'... and women take a few pages out of the men's 'player' handbook in order to get that to happen. There are a couple of men here who claim to have been burned this way.. 1
oldshirt Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 But there are also a lot of women that are being told by honest men that the man doesn't want a relationship. They'll have sex with him anyway and then accuse him of being a player. . I think this is part of the equation that Red Robin isn't quite getting. I'll accept her at her word that she isn't into guys that have casual sex but since she has such a burr under saddle for people that do casual hook ups, she's not quite seeing that there a lots of women out there who are just as casual and just as much down for a recreational hook up as men. Maybe not in the same numbers as men but they are definitely out there for sure. As I said in my post, most of the women I have been to bed with, hooked up with me because I promised I would NOT try to have an ongoing relationship with them and would not try to interpose myself into their daily life. If I had tried to have a relationship with them they would've sent me packing. In other words, they went to bed with me because I was offering no-strings, not because I was offering a relationship. 1
oldshirt Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 As it was, he blew his own cover when he told me about his so-called FWB and another girl he dated before he met me. So now... any guy I find out has had a recent FWB or is ok with them... gets dumped. And I don't care how I find out either. From him or other sources. So if you are going out with guys and then giving them the boot if you find out they have had any kind of non-committed sex or a prior GF, then just how many men are you going through in a week?? I'm starting to wonder who the real player is here. 4
Author chucksagent Posted March 30, 2014 Author Posted March 30, 2014 RedRobin - I think you missed the point of Quietstorms post: She's saying these young girls are "ACTING" slutty go get the boys attention and get them to be with them...BECAUSE they want to be in a relationship with the boys. Young men just WANT SEX. They will pretend to be interested in the girl just to get sex (thus the player label). To a mom it seems like the girls are "tricking" the young man, but you can trick someone by giving something they want. Lol. "Surprise! I only cooked you that steak because I want to sleep with you!" Sounds like the BEST DAY EVER for 95% of men that age (or any age really). Someone made a great point about unrealistic expectations set for our young girls....looks wise AND relationship wise. It's like a constant struggle for them, and it really is society and the medias fault for CONTINUING these falsehoods much less extending them. Most men don't want rail thin girls...admittedly, most don't want obese either, but there is a LARGE GAP between rail thin and obese. If you show a good guy you are fun, won't nag them or give them crap constantly, laid back and caring...you will get MANY men that way...looks alone are a big factor too but not NEEDED (unless you are really bad looking - just being honest, I know it's not right). It's not a fair world, but it is a world where you can predict behavior. If girls keep rewarding players with sex, average men will continue to look at that situation with frustration and ask "why don't I be a player too then?!?" Therefore the problem I MULTIPYING instead of getting any better. 1
Woggle Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 ...not to mention... I've already given you more than adequate examples showing that when the social conditions/stigma regarding sex and associated consequences change for women, they absolutely DO want sex just as much as men. The women throwing themselves at Quietstorm's son, for instance. No way would you have seen this even 20 years ago. Or if it was, it was certainly tons more discreet on their part. While I'm glad to see THAT little gender throwback changing... I'm not sure what any of this means to people like me (men and women) who aren't into casual sex and are more relationship oriented. Seems to me that it is only a matter of time before men who are relationship oriented end getting played by women who just want NSA sex with them too under the guise of 'love'... and women take a few pages out of the men's 'player' handbook in order to get that to happen. There are a couple of men here who claim to have been burned this way.. And if you see that would you be just as vehement against them as you are against male players or will you have a double standard? For the record I don't agree with playing anybody but I have no issue with honest casual sex.
Tayken Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 And this is ground breaking? Someone wake me up when there is some more interesting news to listen to Now...where is that next potential date? First off, you're welcome. I have solved the most infamous riddle of the last 20 years. "Why are easy men "Players" and awesome and easy women are sl*ts/wh*res and awful?" Many psychologists will tell you "You teach people how to treat you." That is an undisputed fact, nobody will disagree with I'm sure. So let's examine the facts. Very few, if ANY, men I know, actually respect or will commit to or will date or will marry a sl*t. They just F em and chuck em is the phrase I believe. Or they use them for late night booty calls. Think Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids (pathetic). Conversely, MOST women I know, especially between 18 and 35, LOVE "players" aka male sl*ts. They say they are mysterious, hard to get, adventurous, a "challenge," often they find pleasure in trying to be the one to "change him." So do you see what's happening here? WOMEN themselves glorify this "player" by chasing them, putting them on a pedestal, continuing to hook up with them, etc. I know MANY women who try to commit to, date, marry players all the time. Cause THEY want to be the one to change him. So, once again for those who I lost. Men, ignore, treat badly, use and don't respect sl*tty women...Women worship, chase, want, get excited by, want to change sl*tty men. So, as psychologists tell us, you TEACH people how to treat you...a large portion of women are saying its ok and even a GOOD way to have women want you...men are telling you the OPPOSITE. Yet you all still wonder why that double standard exists? Lol. Hmmmm...I wonder if women stopped sleeping with "players" if men would still keep being players?!? Probably not since men love sex so much!!!! Let's use our brains here people!!!
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 This is a very good point and one in which I have had personal experience with, as has my son. Being a player for love and deceiving in this manner doesn't seem to be considered very often. I think it is sad...for the girl because she is setting herself up for failure and hurting herself. I had several instances of this in college, but I wasn't the one who was hurt, the girl was. I was just annoyed, thought girls be crazy, and my son is the same way. I think that is why the term player should be used directly in proportion to those men who knowingly lie and manipulate to get sex, not those who tell women the truth and women try to change their minds. They aren't players. They are just not wanting a gf right now. There are guys who will say it in a way to be leading though, like I don't want a gf right now but you are the one that might be able to change my mind. That is being a player. The stakes for men and women are what counts....when women are played or try to play for love they get hurt. Men, when they are played for money or deceived for money they seem to get hurt. We can wax poetic about equality all we want, but men don't value virginity in themselves, and most women could take it or leave it in men. Most men are trying to get rid of it. Virginity and pureness are less valued in women than ever before in western culture, but it is still valued to some extent. In men, money is valued so if women are players they are out for money or power and men are out for sex. Women who try to use sex to play for love still get hurt because men get something they want which is sex and aren't emotionally involved in the exchange. Reflectively, Grumps Interesting. I see this a lot with OLD. A woman will start to send me pics of herself, not at my request, and each one gets riskier and riskier, less and less clothes. They will start to sexually flirt, too. I wonder if it's what the two of you say.
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 it was MEN who introduced me to those guys I get this, and understand your message. I just remembered I was faced with this recently. The player friend of mine I talk about in this thread recently expressed an interest in a girl I know thru tennis. This girl is friends with my best female friends too. He saw me talking to her at my gym/tennis club and later asked me about her. He asked if I could set up a dinner or tennis so he could meet her. I immediately said to him "Do not play her or add her to you list; if that is your plan I'm not going to set this up". He said "You know what I have been telling you, if I meet the one I will cut off all the others". So I talked to my best female friend about it, as she knows this girl better than I do, plus she has her contact info. We talked about just what you say RR, should we tell her ahead of time "about him". We both agreed, No. Let them meet, and let them take it from there. Maybe "she will be the one for him", maybe not. What we did do is not tell the girl it was a date or him wanting to meet her. We simply invited her out to dinner with the two of us (my female friend and I), then later said a friend of mine would be joining us. My female friend intentiaonlly sat next to her friend, and I sat next to him, so it would not seem like a set up, a date. Well, this girl drove me nuts at dinner. Talk, talk, talk, talk. I was exhausted. I could not wait to go home. I had really never spent any time with her other than tennis and seeing her at social events. Sitting across the table from her at dinner for almost 2 hours, OMG, I was mentally exhausted. On the drive home my buddy called me, said thanks, but had the same impression as me and no chemistry for him. Had they "connected" I would have continued to talk to him about not playing her. And, had they started to date, and he was still playing, I would have said something to her then. She is not a close friend, more of an aquaintance. My best female friend used to be good friends with her, no longer because of something she did, just casual friends now. So, though I get your message RR, I do thinks it's circumstantial/situational, and cannot be black and white. I think it also depends on the type of friendship: best friend, casual friend, an aquaintenance, friend of a friend, etc. Maybe your male friends really thought you guys would have a great connection, and wanted to see "what if" and if you started to date, then they would have said something. I don't know the details, just sharing my story.
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Man this thread is depressing, I'm going to go back to re-learn Japanese, move to Japan, and go find myself someone there, I heard the women/culture there is fantastic..... or did the US get to them too??? I hear China is better, too
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) So if you are going out with guys and then giving them the boot if you find out they have had any kind of non-committed sex or a prior GF, then just how many men are you going through in a week?? I'm starting to wonder who the real player is here. It was his choice regarding his so called FWB (which I still don't buy)... The duration of it... His choice of 'girlfriend'... And fuzziness regarding overlap. Lots of fuzziness. I learned that some guys will call a woman a FWB to conceal cheating... And will also push for that in lots of sneaky ways. I see it here on LS all the time. So nope.. I don't date men who have FWB, a recent history of casual sex... Or a history of dating much younger women. I do my best to sort this out in advance though... Like I did with the guy I mentioned. It turned out I was right about him. Funny... Well I find that relationship oriented men don't have FWB or casual sex... If they will do that or try that with them... They will try it with me. Out they go. I get it that the big fans of casual sex want me to believe those men are prizes. I don't share that opinion. I find them lacking in relationship skills and impulsive... The same way some men feel about women with that background. My opinion that way has only strengthened since coming to LS. Edited March 31, 2014 by RedRobin
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) I get this, and understand your message. I just remembered I was faced with this recently. The player friend of mine I talk about in this thread recently expressed an interest in a girl I know thru tennis. This girl is friends with my best female friends too. He saw me talking to her at my gym/tennis club and later asked me about her. He asked if I could set up a dinner or tennis so he could meet her. I immediately said to him "Do not play her or add her to you list; if that is your plan I'm not going to set this up". He said "You know what I have been telling you, if I meet the one I will cut off all the others". So I talked to my best female friend about it, as she knows this girl better than I do, plus she has her contact info. We talked about just what you say RR, should we tell her ahead of time "about him". We both agreed, No. Let them meet, and let them take it from there. Maybe "she will be the one for him", maybe not. What we did do is not tell the girl it was a date or him wanting to meet her. We simply invited her out to dinner with the two of us (my female friend and I), then later said a friend of mine would be joining us. My female friend intentiaonlly sat next to her friend, and I sat next to him, so it would not seem like a set up, a date. Well, this girl drove me nuts at dinner. Talk, talk, talk, talk. I was exhausted. I could not wait to go home. I had really never spent any time with her other than tennis and seeing her at social events. Sitting across the table from her at dinner for almost 2 hours, OMG, I was mentally exhausted. On the drive home my buddy called me, said thanks, but had the same impression as me and no chemistry for him. Had they "connected" I would have continued to talk to him about not playing her. And, had they started to date, and he was still playing, I would have said something to her then. She is not a close friend, more of an aquaintance. My best female friend used to be good friends with her, no longer because of something she did, just casual friends now. So, though I get your message RR, I do thinks it's circumstantial/situational, and cannot be black and white. I think it also depends on the type of friendship: best friend, casual friend, an aquaintenance, friend of a friend, etc. Maybe your male friends really thought you guys would have a great connection, and wanted to see "what if" and if you started to date, then they would have said something. I don't know the details, just sharing my story. Why didn't you tell him the same thing you told the woman who had the booty calls lined up? Which is... Drop the others and I will think about introducing you to people I know. What you don't get... Is when you know the woman is looking for a relationship... You don't send players her way. Period. You don't do shyte to grease the wheels for him. He is playing you as much as he plays these women and you fall for it. Let him find fresh meat on his own. By doing what you did... You gave him your seal of approval. Both of you were lazy. You should have told her about his history if you gave a damn about her... Or just say no to him. Don't do that again. Edited March 31, 2014 by RedRobin
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Why didn't you tell him the same thing you told the woman who had the booty calls lined up? Which is... Drop the others and I will think about introducing you to people I know.. I don't know this woman, 2nd time meeting her, while biking, wasn't my place to say this to her. What you don't get... Is when you know the woman is looking for a relationship... You don't send players her way. Period. You don't do shyte to grease the wheels for him. He is playing you as much as he plays these women and you fall for it. Let him find fresh meat on his own... I don't know this woman well, either; at least not well enough to know what she is looking for, which is why my female friend and I handled it the way we did. For all I know, she is a player, too. I did not "fall" for anything. Him and I have had a lot of good talks, which you were not present for. I think, in his heart he does want a real relationship; he is scared to be alone until that happens. By doing what you did... You gave him your seal of approval Both of you were lazy. You should have told her about his history if you gave a damn about her... Or just say no to him. Don't do that again. No seal of approval, at all. He knows how I feel about his dating behaviors. We talk about it often. I was not "lazy", at all, nor was my female best friend. I handled it the way, I chose to handle it, and would do the same, again. Again, I don't know this woman as a close friend, barely know her from tennis. "Hi, bye, how are you" kind of chit chat. If it was my close female friend I speak of on LS, different story. I would tell her prior to introducing her to a player friend because she is a very close friend and I know she is looking for a relationship. Did you even read my "level of friendhsip" and "situational/circumstantial" comments? Edited March 31, 2014 by Babolat
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) I don't date men who have FWB, a recent history of casual sex... Or a history of dating much younger women. I do my best to sort this out in advance though... . Your message, even on this thread, is a little inconsistant. Sometimes you say "I don't date them if they ever had a FWB", then you say "a recent FWB history". How do your sort this out? Do you ask them directly on the first date? Just curious, not judging or attacking. BTW, your message is commendable and very attractive in a woman to me. I just don't think life is this black and white. Good, honest people sometimes do things, well because it was something they needed to move thru in their life. The woman I was interested in possbily dating, she offered sex with no relationship, still hang out and do things together. I never would have thought that was something I would do. I did though, no regrets, and now realize it was something I needed to do at that point in my life. And, I grew from it. Ironcially, she now wants to date me. She texted me as recently as this weekend to say so. She texted me at 4AM Sunday morning asking if she could come over. I was asleep. I told her 1+ weeks ago I can't continue to "chat" with her when she texts, and that I can't date her. She was quiet for 3-4 days then started texting me again. I'm not replying now. I, personally, look for patterns and behavior that has not changed. Or, when I hear a lot of talk about "change" I look for actions that support it. I don't discount or discard someone for past mistakes, past choices, I look to see who they are, today. Just a difference in you and I. My ex gf has a decorated past, kept talking about change, I just didn't see enough change for me. Edited March 31, 2014 by Babolat
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I don't know this woman, 2nd time meeting her, while biking, wasn't my place to say this to her. I don't know this woman well, either; at least not well enough to know what she is looking for, which is why my female friend and I handled it the way we did. For all I know, she is a player, too. I did not "fall" for anything. Him and I have had a lot of good talks, which you were not present for. I think, in his heart he does want a real relationship; he is scared to be alone until that happens. No seal of approval, at all. He knows how I feel about his dating behaviors. We talk about it often. I was not "lazy", at all, nor was my female best friend. I handled it the way, I chose to handle it, and would do the same, again. Again, I don't know this woman as a close friend, barely know her from tennis. "Hi, bye, how are you" kind of chit chat. If it was my close female friend I speak of on LS, different story. I would tell her prior to introducing her to a player friend because she is a very close friend and I know she is looking for a relationship. Did you even read my "level of friendhsip" and "situational/circumstantial" comments? Fact remains... in a prior post, you claim to be disgusted with the behavior of a woman who was lining up booty calls and said she'd put that aside for the right guy... You thought about introducing her to one of your friends, and you decided not to. However, when it comes to your male friend who does the same thing, you have no problems trolling fresh meat past his way... and find a way to justify it too. Nice to know that, as a woman, I can't rely on my friends to give me a heads up about the douchebags in their midst... or even, steer them in another direction that doesn't involve me. In other words, I really don't see why you felt the need to be so gosh darned HELPFUL, in your male friend's case... but somehow, was 'disgusted' by the woman... who a) is no different than your male friend and b) likely isn't lying to anyone to do it.
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Your message, even on this thread, is a little inconsistant. Sometimes you say "I don't date them if they ever had a FWB", then you say "a recent FWB history". How do your sort this out? Do you ask them directly on the first date? Just curious, not judging or attacking. BTW, your message is commendable and very attractive in a woman to me. I just don't think life is this black and white. Good, honest people sometimes do things, well because it was something they needed to move thru in their life. The woman I was interested in possbily dating, she offered sex with no relationship, still hang out and do things together. I never would have thought that was something I would do. I did though, no regrets, and now realize it was something I needed to do at that point in my life. And, I grew from it. Ironcially, she now wants to date me. She texted me as recently as this weekend to say so. She texted me at 4AM Sunday morning asking if she could come over. I was asleep. I told her 1+ weeks ago I can't continue to "chat" with her when she texts, and that I can't date her. She was quiet for 3-4 days then started texting me again. I'm not replying now. I, personally, look for patterns and behavior that has not changed. Or, when I hear a lot of talk about "change" I look for actions that support it. I don't discount or discard someone for past mistakes, past choices, I look to see who they are, today. Just a difference in you and I. My ex gf has a decorated past, kept talking about change, I just didn't see enough change for me. I might look past some experimentation in high school/college. Much like I would if they tried pot or something around that time. If they got divorced and decided they needed to play the field. Also not for me. A perfect example... Mr. Shave n Wax who bragged about 'making up for lost time' after his divorce, with a smirk on his face. Nope. Hasta la vista. They need to have established their life in a certain way... and the 'change', well, I don't wait around for change to happen. I see the way they are now, and if their recent habits (like the past 5-10 years) point in a certain direction... then adios.
Woggle Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I have had women want to date my friends and I outright tell them certain guys are players who will break their heart and it almost makes them more interested. At that point I tell them to enter at their own risk. What else can I tell them? 1
RedRobin Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I have had women want to date my friends and I outright tell them certain guys are players who will break their heart and it almost makes them more interested. At that point I tell them to enter at their own risk. What else can I tell them? That's all you can do. If they decide to go ahead anyway, then your conscience is clear. I think the key word here is 'almost'... right? Sure, there might be a little part of them that tosses the idea around at trying her luck... but then quickly goes back to a more reasonable decision. One would hope, anyway.
Babolat Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Fact remains... in a prior post, you claim to be disgusted with the behavior of a woman who was lining up booty calls and said she'd put that aside for the right guy... You thought about introducing her to one of your friends, and you decided not to. However, when it comes to your male friend who does the same thing, you have no problems trolling fresh meat past his way... and find a way to justify it too. Nice to know that, as a woman, I can't rely on my friends to give me a heads up about the douchebags in their midst... or even, steer them in another direction that doesn't involve me. In other words, I really don't see why you felt the need to be so gosh darned HELPFUL, in your male friend's case... but somehow, was 'disgusted' by the woman... who a) is no different than your male friend and b) likely isn't lying to anyone to do it. You are missing my point, and once again seizing an opportunity to judge and analyze me on LS. Geez. My disgust was not gender specifc, though you try to spin it that way especially with your "b) likely isn't lying to anyone to do it" comment. I have no idea "what way" it is other than her words, how she presented it. I have no idea if she is lying. Seems you assume she is not, since, well, she is a woman. Bad assumption IMHO. I don't know either girl well, at all. The first girl, her booty call list, is not the same as my male friend who is playing 2 different woman. He does not have a booty call list nor does he do booty calls. He is dating 2 different woman, and yes I find it disgusting. My male friend, is a person I have spent a lot of time with, getting to know him, trying to understand how his mind works, how he can "play", as I am curious. During that time we got closer and became good friends. It just happened. I limit what I do with him becaue of his playing. I did not discard him immediately like I do most though. I feel very comfortable telling him how I feel about his playing. The woman I biked with, I did not feel comfortable saying anything to her. I don't know her as well as my male friend, at all. It's not my place to tell an almost complete stranger how to lead their life, or judge her. Especially in front of her friends (fellow bikers). If I recall correctly you are in a hiking or running MeetUp or something similar. If, after an event, someone new to you talks about her booty call list, you are going to tell her, to her face, in front of the others, she disgusts you? Not me, I simply thought to myself I would never introduce her to my close male friends. Would I introduce her to an aquantance? Probably if I thought they shared things in common. I was not HELPFUL to my male friend. I told him what I thought, I warned him, and I even told him if I see him playing her I will say something to her. Again, I repeat, the woman he was interested in, I really don't know her. I know she dates a lot from what I hear and see. Maybe she is a player too..wait, she can't be, she is a woman, that's right. If I play by your rules, by your guidelines, your restrictions, your deal breakers, your "must knows", I am supposed to think about every possible "bad thing" about a friend, even an acquaintance, share what I know with another friend/acquaintance I am may introduce them to? Really? Help me figure out how to do that. Should I start building a database for each of my friends, male and female, of "what's wrong with them", that I must share? And, you have failed to miss my comment on us not setting this up as a date. We did that on purpose because of what we know about him. Our initial thought was "he plays tennis, she plays tennis, they are both athletic, why not". I'm not going to debate you. I get your message, and I agree with some of it. At least read ALL of my comments before you jump on the Babolat bashing wagon, again. Babs is out; yet another interesting thread I was enjoying following ruined by RR and her attacks, her assaults, her passing judgement, her "I know it all" tone, versus engaging in a healthy debate and offering information versus forcing it down ones throat....... Edited March 31, 2014 by Babolat
Author chucksagent Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 The bottom line on all of this is this one thing. If women TRULY hate players AND TRULY hate the stereotype that male players are good and female players are bad, then they need to STOP REWARDING PLAYERS. Simple.
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