singme2sleep Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) It's never entirely one gender or the other, when it comes to dumpers having regret and wanting their ex back. Yet I've been noticing that based on people I know in real life and those here on LoveShack, it seems like women dumpers are more likely to return/reach out for whatever reason (in any frame of time following the breakup) at least the ones in their teens & twenties. I'm not putting down guys my age but I think girls are more likely to than them. Older men who have lived/loved/lost and are mature will either not make the mistake of breaking up at all or realize they had something good and blew it. *Of course this excludes abusive relationships & all elements of cheating. I feel like younger guys always think there's someone else, someone better. And this isn't about my ex or even wanting him to come running back because I've made peace with the fact that he won't be. We females tend to reflect on past loves on a deeper level, though there are exceptions. Again, I don't intend to insult anyone, just curious to hear other POV. Edited March 24, 2014 by singme2sleep
Haydn Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I could reverse what you said Sing. Guess she was the exception. Take care friend. It's never entirely one gender or the other, when it comes to dumpers having regret and wanting their ex back. Yet I've been noticing that based on people I know in real life and those here on LoveShack, it seems like women dumpers are more likely to return/reach out for whatever reason (in any frame of time following the breakup) at least the ones in their teens & twenties. I'm not putting down guys my age but I think girls are more likely to than them. Older men who have lived/loved/lost and are mature will either not make the mistake of breaking up at all or realize they had something good and blew it. *Of course this excludes abusive relationships & all elements of cheating. I feel like younger guys always think there's someone else, someone better. And this isn't about my ex or even wanting him to come running back because I've made peace with the fact that he won't be. We females tend to reflect on past loves on a deeper level, though there are exceptions. Again, I don't intend to insult anyone, just curious to hear other POV. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 It's never entirely one gender or the other, when it comes to dumpers having regret and wanting their ex back. Yet I've been noticing that based on people I know in real life and those here on LoveShack, it seems like women dumpers are more likely to return/reach out for whatever reason (in any frame of time following the breakup) at least the ones in their teens & twenties. I'm not putting down guys my age but I think girls are more likely to than them. Older men who have lived/loved/lost and are mature will either not make the mistake of breaking up at all or realize they had something good and blew it. *Of course this excludes abusive relationships & all elements of cheating. I feel like younger guys always think there's someone else, someone better. And this isn't about my ex or even wanting him to come running back because I've made peace with the fact that he won't be. We females tend to reflect on past loves on a deeper level, though there are exceptions. Again, I don't intend to insult anyone, just curious to hear other POV. I have and seen numerous stories that go the exact opposite way in terms of gender. Its not specific gender issue. Never really has been nor will it ever. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) Well I know of not one example to prove me wrong. In any of these opposite stories, did those guys have the guts to say anything or did they just kick themselves with regret?! Edited March 24, 2014 by singme2sleep
darry Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 My ex gf is an exception as well. Then again, i hope time will prove me wrong. 1
BradJacobs Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I don't think this is gender specific as much as where both people left it. I'm one of those who has lived, loved and lost. When it reaches the end that means a goodbye that lasts forever in my book. Some of my exes felt differently but not many. 1
WYSWYG Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 OP, I think age dictates this more than anything. Based on personal observation: *20-25's seems more adventurous. There's a lot of opportunities and decision-making ahead and sometimes they learn the hard way. *25-30's have a bit of experience to help determine their choices and now more cautious. *30-35's pretty much know what they want. *35-40's For those looking for to get married and settle down, this could be mid-life crisis... just my general odservation 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Well I know of not one example to prove me wrong. In any of these opposite stories, did those guys have the guts to say anything or did they just kick themselves with regret?! You're obviously still hurting so I mean anything we say that doesn't agree with your point will be moot. With that said, they are all over these boards. Girls do the exact same thing. Its way more human emotions than gender base. I think you'll see that many will agree with those sentiments. 2
hurts2death Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 my ex is trying to reach out half a year later. still ignoring though. weird sensation
somedude81 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 My ex hasn't initiated contact once, since she dumped me almost four months ago. The few times she's replied to my texts or emails she's always been cold. To me it seems like she's trying to play me off as the bad guy when I never did anything bad or mean to her, ever. I haven't heard from her in a month and I'll most likely never see her again. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 When it's over a year and they act like you're dead...that silence speaks volumes.
barky2 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 When it's over a year and they act like you're dead...that silence speaks volumes. Yes and no. I've had exs try and come back 10+ years later. Silence means I'm dealing with it in my own way / moving on / I don't want to hear from you....IMHO Barky 1
lamis Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I also don't really think it is a gender issue at all. However, I have to say that I am a male, and only under really specific circumstances would I get back with someone who dumped me. Also, I would never/have never get back with someone I dumped. If I am the dumper, if I had enough doubt inside of me, and was unhappy enough with the person to dump them in the first place, why should I get back with them again when it is most likely that whatever caused my feelings in the first place will only come back and cause me to hurt them again? I mean, to be fair I would also never dump anyone without communicating with them a lot and trying really hard to repair the problem, so by the time the break up actually goes down it is hard for me to have remorse. If I am the one dumped, it is basically the flip-side of the coin. If my SO was unhappy enough with me to dump me, I don't want her back. For me, it is an indicator that we just weren't built for the long haul. I can't always say that women who have dumped me have communicated as well, but the one in my most recent (10 days ago) break-up did, and I have no doubt she did everything she could to try to fix our problems. And I mean really guys, how many people do you know who got back with someone they broke up with/were dumped by once and had it work out well in the end? Sure, they are out there, but they are in the minority. Break-ups for mature people anyway, don't happen for no reason. There was a change in feelings, trust was violated, something happened that indicated the people weren't supposed to be together and it isn't something that can be repaired for the long-term. They should both just pick up, learn from their mistakes, and move on. Sure, it hurts and all, but if you use this perspective you don't have nearly as much regret and anger. It is how it is because you weren't meant to be together, plane and simple. So basically even if gender DOES matter in this case, it shouldn't, because people need to stop doing it in the first place.
RoseMadder Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 When I dumped my ex bf I had made my mind up 100% that he was done. The only time I made any contact was a year later when I called his mom to tell her my grandad had died (they'd been friends). I didn't even talk to him when he came to the funeral (harsh I know but it was weird of him to just turn up uninvited). I was a 20 year old female so I really think it's down to the individual.
Never Again Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Not all issues can be resolved. However, many CAN be simply by communicating and trying. This is why I have loads of respect for folks like lamis who talk about why they're unhappy (instead of just "hinting", which seems to be the norm) and try their damnest to fix it. Relationships take work and sometimes you won't be feeling "IT", but if it was good at one point, it's worth at least trying for. If your SO doesn't reciprocate your efforts even after communicating, or if things don't show any signs of improvement after you've given it your all for at least a little while, then you can solidly say you're done and walk away with your head held high. The real trick is knowing when to keep trying and when to give up. Many hold on for far too long after any signs of real love have disappeared, and even more give up at the first sign of doubt/faded-feelings because "that won't happen with THE ONE". I think many of the dumpees who end up on LS fall into the former category and need to learn to let go more easily.
lauri Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 (edited) It's never entirely one gender or the other, when it comes to dumpers having regret and wanting their ex back. Yet I've been noticing that based on people I know in real life and those here on LoveShack, it seems like women dumpers are more likely to return/reach out for whatever reason (in any frame of time following the breakup) at least the ones in their teens & twenties. I'm not putting down guys my age but I think girls are more likely to than them. Older men who have lived/loved/lost and are mature will either not make the mistake of breaking up at all or realize they had something good and blew it. *Of course this excludes abusive relationships & all elements of cheating. I feel like younger guys always think there's someone else, someone better. And this isn't about my ex or even wanting him to come running back because I've made peace with the fact that he won't be. We females tend to reflect on past loves on a deeper level, though there are exceptions. Again, I don't intend to insult anyone, just curious to hear other POV. Interesting how you say this... Normally, when a girl end it with her boyfriend, she has built up reasons / lost interest over an extended period of time (unless he did something that forced her to end it). She will try to avoid losing feelings, she will try to force it and eventually once she has figured you are no longer good enough for her / lost interest to the point of no return, she ends it. This is why a lot of guys are blind sided, because they are inlove and don't start to see the "signs" the girl is giving him that she is losing interest. He only starts to push it down further and further until it is too late. I think the girl is more likely to REACH out to her ex boyfriend and try to talk to him to either: 1) Make her self feel better / not guilty 2) Have security blanket / ego boost 3) Validate her feelings to prove she made the right choice Mentioning on how women reflect on past loves on a deeper level, I think that also reflects to how she stores her "negative" memories of her ex boyfriend which made her end it with him and lose interest to a point where she could never love him again. I doubt a girl would end a relationship with someone and say "lets just be friends" or "I'm confused" if she was still interested. She will maybe feel like she wants him back because he is ignoring her and not talking to her at all...but thats only because he is a challenge to her for now but once he no longer has that appeal, she will most likely drop him again. This is why I believe we only have one shot with a girl, unless the guy ends it with her and she had a high interest level in the guy still (because he is still a challenge to her). So in short, I think that if the guy ends it the girl is more likely to be more willing to get back with him. If a girl ends it, I think it is almost impossible to re-build her interest level back to the point where she once loved you... Edited March 25, 2014 by lauri 1
Never Again Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 This is why I believe we only have one shot with a girl, unless the guy ends it with her and she had a high interest level in the guy still (because he is still a challenge to her). You seriously need to lose the "Doc Love" jargon. Not only is he not accurate worth a damn, but his terminology is foolish. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 All I know is that one day he's telling me how much he loves me and is commited to us, then less than a week later he's breaking up with me. I'm the one made who attempts to keep limited contact afterwards, I wanted to give him space to sort things out but he eventually did what he always promised to never do. It hurts to watch someone you love just walk away without looking back. I couldn't do that.
lamis Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 All I know is that one day he's telling me how much he loves me and is commited to us, then less than a week later he's breaking up with me. I'm the one made attempts to keep limited contact afterwards, I wanted to give him space to sort things out but he eventually did what he always promised to never do. It hurts to watch someone you love just walk away without looking back. I couldn't do that. My ex fiancée more or less did the same thing. After we had some problems with her having doubts and so on, she told me a few weeks ago that she was over it, resigned from her job (we would have moved into together in a different town from the fall), and was very much in love with me and couldn't wait to begin her life with me. A few weeks later she dumped me and told me she didn't love me anymore. And the very morning before she was excitedly talking about wedding venues. So, women do that part too. However, I guess it is also true in our case that I am the one who initiated NC. At the same time though, she hasn't reached out to me at all. And I agree, going NC and never looking back is hard. I do think (see: hope) that after some time apart she and I can at least be friends. I'll always have a place for her in my heart and always care about her, and I'm hoping that the feelings associated with that can be toned down to just friendship. But that doesn't work for everyone, and if you can't tell I'm not 100 percent sure it will work for me.
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