diligentjosh Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I am a 27 yr old man. My girlfriend is 32 with 4 kids all 10 or under. She is coming out of a divorce, and all the kids are to the ex-husband. My issue is with her sexual frustration. She is not the best at describing what she feels, but we have reached the first speed bump in our relationship after about 6 months. Everything flows naturally with us. We believe that we fit together real well, and she is happier in this relationship. Our problem lies in the bedroom, and I will get right to it. She is very upset that I do not go down on her enough. She loves giving oral, but I noticed that it has subsided recently, and I have been silently trying to find out why, and then it came out last night. She told me that going down on her is now off limits. The only problem with that solution is that it doesn't give me a chance to change things, and I will feel guilty each time she goes down on me. I am very good at bringing things out when she is resisting, and we have had some intimate moments where she has broken down due to stresses. But this is a curveball. Sexually, we make each other exceptionally happy, and there is no issue with sexual appeal (unless I am drunk, apparently). She expressed to me that she wished I would "show her that I love her in 'that' way." I do love going down on her, before and after her period, but she is quick to say "get in me," and I often never have that chance. Quantifiably, she has gone down on me about 30 times in 6 months, and I have gone down on her less than 10, so I understand where that is coming from. Part of it is my skill or lack thereof (confidence), part of it is being in the moment and foregoing foreplay. She does keep it clean-shaven down there, and I keep it trimmed. The last time I did go down on her, I didn't get her to climax, and she lost all her steam. So my question to you, the forum, is: How can I properly show her that I love her by doing something that we both enjoy, but she will now not allow? I do like going down on her, because it gets me excited that she is excited. But now, do I cross that line without her "permission," or do I just educate myself and wait for her to be ready? Any advice would be extremely helpful. This is an area that I am not familiar. Thanks! Josh
MidwestUSA Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 So she wants it, but has made it off limits? That makes no sense. I completely understand 'wanting him in me'. Does she feel like it takes you too much time when you're going down? Maybe she feels guilty about that. It can be difficult to just relax and enjoy it. Does she usually climax via oral? Do you feel there are things she can teach you but she just isn't speaking up? Some sessions that are all about her, without penetration, would be beneficial, but she has to allow it first! She's punishing you, and that's not fair.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I am a 27 yr old man. My girlfriend is 32 with 4 kids all 10 or under. She is coming out of a divorce, and all the kids are to the ex-husband. Welp! You're a bit young for inheriting that load, you sure you want to go this route right now? Other than strongly advising against the situation you are in because that's a whole lot of crap to deal with, I would say you need to be more assertive and take more control in the bedroom...when she asks you to get inside her you don't necessarily have to jump up and dive right in, however it doesn't sound like you're providing the best oral experience either so i think she needs to allow you more practice and offer some guidance, but now she's throwing a fit because you haven't done this on your own. Foreplay is the king of keeping things interesting in the bedroom, the build up and the sensation in "getting her ready" and in the mood...you've got to be take the initiative and be aggressive sometimes too, a take without asking sort of thing. But the problem is you seems sensitive, inexperienced and your confidence is taking a hit because she's playing passive aggressive games with you instead because she's disappointed. I don't know what to really tell you in order to improve your oral without practicing, but try to do your research a little bit I guess, know where to put your fingers and apply pleasure, know how to use your tongue...pressure and rhythm are key for oral, you've got to get a sensation for her body and get on the wave length with her, and then fish hook a finger in there too for some penetrative pleasure if you're having trouble preventing her from peaking. She's going to expect you to read her in mind in this, I would just say don't back down and get discouraged, don't let her push you away.
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