I don't know with myself,Breakup for almost a year, still feeling empty

[wayji]

I dated a co worker a few months back, from about september to October. We were both working in the same department in our university, and we were both sophomores. I was really happy, trying to make a relationship work with whom i thought was my best friend. He broke up with me, claiming that he wanted to be alone and gave me a few other reasons. I tried everything possible for months to try to get him back. I tried talking and reasoning and saying everything I could. I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. I used to have an eating disorder in High School that I had relapsed, because once he told me he broke up with me because I was "Acting" like his ex. That completely made me feel worthless. I'm still dealing with my bulimia, and I know that it makes me face swell up and is NOT a weight loss gimmick. I truly feel angry at myself for eating and my body just throws up. I also had a seizure after many years of not having one. I opened up to him about these things and he told me that he did not care about those things. That he did not think they were serious problems. I only told him those things because I was sick and delirious one day, and felt lonely. I texted him about it. I've told him that I care about him very much after all the bad things he's done and said. He's watched me cry for him a few times and has just walked away from me. I have spent months feeling like I'm not good enough for him, and that I probably won't find anyone like he used to be. I also feel that he might have possibly used me. We never slept together. But we did hook up a few times a week during our relationship anytime we could, because it was a secret from everyone in our office. I feel he used me because he once confessed that he wanted to break up with me a week after we started going out, but kept saying he "loved" and "Cared" about me for a month after, knowing that we would probably hook up as well. I would never have let him touch me if I had any idea he had felt that way. I don't believe that someone can "care and love" about someone one day, and then not the next. I feel like the whole thing was a lie, and i'm not sure what to believe anymore. It's still March, and I still feel really bad about what happened. I have been acting different at work now, which makes him annoyed at me. Whenever he walks in, I get really quiet and won't act the same with our other co workers. I sometimes "disappear" when I see him come in. We work together in the same large cubicle. I don't talk to him. I know we have to act normal at work as much as possible, but when I do see him acting nice and normal to everyone, I realize that he didn't act like he is. i get anxiety and it makes me want to disappear. My boss knows about our relationship, and he was like a father to me, giving me advice and not being angry at what happened. He also said that we cannot be friends until I start acting normal at work. I really wish we could be friends again. I miss him a lot, and I told him so many times that I cared about him for who he was, and it still was not enough.

[wayji]

Also, the reason i can't act normal at work is because it's too painful to see him acting normal after the way he acted with me.