Jay77098 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I recently broke up with my gf, who I met on Match.com. We had dated for a while in a hot-and-heavy relationship and we decided to be exclusive and we agreed to take down our Match.com profiles. About a month after that conversation, we went out one night, and she was acting really strange. Totally distant, not "with" me that night, and out of nowhere she said that she was overwhelmed with the relationship and wanted to slow down a little. OK, fair enough. However, her behavior the rest of the night made me suspicious. I went to kiss her good night and she gave me the cheek, saying she had a sore throat. At that point, things weren't adding up and I got suspicious. I got home and logged back on to Match.com, and there was her profile, active. And she was logged on at that moment. So now I am fairly certain that she was seeing other men the whole time. She was at least shopping around. My problem is that I am now feeling ashamed that I didn't know this, didn't see this. I feel like all of her friends (with whom we spent a good bit of time) knew that I was just Mr. Right Now, while I was thinking that it was a special relationship. I am embarrassed that I was so naive. Even worse, I feel ashamed that I was the only one who wasn't in on the joke. In retrospect, some of the comments from her friends and their reactions to things that I said about her were clear signs that my gf didn't feel the same as I did. They knew it; I didn't. I am embarrassed that I couldn't/didn't see this. I would appreciate your comments.
somegoodman Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I recently broke up with my gf, who I met on Match.com. We had dated for a while in a hot-and-heavy relationship and we decided to be exclusive and we agreed to take down our Match.com profiles. About a month after that conversation, we went out one night, and she was acting really strange. Totally distant, not "with" me that night, and out of nowhere she said that she was overwhelmed with the relationship and wanted to slow down a little. OK, fair enough. However, her behavior the rest of the night made me suspicious. I went to kiss her good night and she gave me the cheek, saying she had a sore throat. At that point, things weren't adding up and I got suspicious. I got home and logged back on to Match.com, and there was her profile, active. And she was logged on at that moment. So now I am fairly certain that she was seeing other men the whole time. She was at least shopping around. My problem is that I am now feeling ashamed that I didn't know this, didn't see this. I feel like all of her friends (with whom we spent a good bit of time) knew that I was just Mr. Right Now, while I was thinking that it was a special relationship. I am embarrassed that I was so naive. Even worse, I feel ashamed that I was the only one who wasn't in on the joke. In retrospect, some of the comments from her friends and their reactions to things that I said about her were clear signs that my gf didn't feel the same as I did. They knew it; I didn't. I am embarrassed that I couldn't/didn't see this. I would appreciate your comments. I wouldn't get caught up in feeling embarrassed. Girls are very adept at pulling the wool over our eyes and it takes a lot of experience and reflection to start seeing through their behavior. You want to believe the best about the girl you've opened up to and unfortunately more often than not they will take advantage of you. It happens to all of us, don't get down on yourself. 1
mammasita Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 No reason to feel ashamed, you trusted her. You found she was untrustworthy and you moved on. A reason for you to be ashamed would be if you sat there and justified her being on the site after saying she was exclusive with you and staying with her......that would be shameful. 1
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Definitely no need to feel ashamed. You trusted someone and she let you down. If anything, be glad that she showed her true self when she did. 1
Author Jay77098 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Thanks to you all for the kind words. Much appreciated! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 IME - Feeling foolish and naive go hand in hand with being dumped. I feel a lot of both of these even a year later...
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