TheNewMe2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I've kept most people in the loop with my story. So, won't rehash - except to say that this woman and I seemed (maybe I'm wrong) to have a real connection and I let myself get very smitten/attached to her. My belief and my gut is telling me that whatever we had may be over. She hasn't said anything - but it's the general way things have gone recently. I already know this. What I'm hoping for is someone to say, 'chill out, relax - you might be right...but maybe not." Yes, I'm looking for affirmation or that needle in the haystack. I don't nee folks saying that if I'm going through this or she's doing this - that she's not worth it. I know that is a common perception. But, her communications issues have always been the one concern and I'm willing to deal with them. My only hope is that this is just more of her ignorance of communication. Last weekend we spent four wonderful days together - nearly inseparable. We had a 'misfire' during our first intimate session that I didn't handle well (apologizing several times and asking if she was 'done' with me). The next day we had a spontaneous date and we were as close as before (though kiss was just slightly awkard or in my mind). She's always been bad about responding to texts, but this week was worse. We both went out separately on Tuesday and we started a text conversation - that ended suddenly. It was late when I got home and texted her good night and missed her. Nothing that night or the next day. We did talk on Thursday for an hour - partly about a trip we were planning on taking in three weeks with a friend. All indications was it was still on. I asked out for Monday and she had literally, and I know she did, make plans just before we chatted. Friday night she went out with a friend of ours and we had a couple of group texts and group facebook updates that we bantered. I talked to our friend the next day about things between her and I - and she said she got nothing negative and felt she still liked me. She did say that she wants her guy to make decisions for her...stronger guy (which I was early in the relationship and maybe not so much recently..simply trying to go with the flow). I asked her point blank if she thought I had anything to worry about and she said, 'no - everything seems fine'. I asked her to be brutally honest (we are very good friends and are very honest with each other). They went shopping that day. I called them in the middle of the day and they were shopping but she answered the phone and chatted for a few minutes. I tried to get off but she talked a bit more about her day...before letting me go when I said I should let them shop. About 20 minutes later she called me back because they found something for a party I'm hosting next week and asked if I wanted it (I did - but couldn't decide on how many or type..finally made that decision). That evening I tried to call them because I knew they were just relaxing at her house. No answer. I then texted her friend asked waht they were doing and she said jsut relaxing and watching tv. Told her I called to just BS. No answer back. A bit later I noticed they were checking facebook on their phones (pops up now when you log on from your compter) - so she knew she missed my call. Mid-day today still haven't heard from her. Her friend, whom we chat/text very often - hasn't returned any of my two texts to her today. Very unsual. In defense of my woman, she's bad with texting and hardly calls and this is not just me..it's with a lot of people. She's also tough talking about her feelings. My counter is even if you have trouble with your feelings - when a guy gives you the opening to call/text - figure if you missed him or whatever..you'd find a second to respond back. Now, I'm at home with the kids this weekend bored and thinking about her..so I can make things sound worse. Even if she had issues with me and no longer wanted to see me, It wouldn't make any sense for her friend not to get back to me (I helped her through a lot of stuff too and I trust her implicitly...maybe I shouldn't). When I talked to her friend yesterday morning she did also say that they both were coming over to spend an the evening prior to the party with me (e.g. spend the night). When I got off that call I felt good..but the lack of response last night just throws me off. It could be out of sight out of mind..which would be bad. Her being her, which wouldn't be bad, or having too much fun. I don't know. I went to bed deciding either I was done because I don't deserve to have a lack of communication. But I woke up thinking I don't want to throw away what we have without talking to her and talking about the communication issues. I know many couldn't live with them - I can..I just need to understand it's not me. But the bottom line is..I know the most likely reality..but what i'm looking for - is there some ray of hope I'm missing and I can focus on that. It would be her to be cautious/slow and take things less seriously. It wouldn't be like her, I think, to ignore me and diss me that way. She's very strong about honesty with everything else in her life.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I would like to officially welcome u to my world! x babe she isnt in to u and this is what I need to accept too! Im also looking for the ray of hope... Im even wondering if he is waiting for me to opening up more but the truth of the matter is I have reached out once an given him the opportunity (which he seemed to go for) I then cut the convo thinking he would the chase me... he didnt... because he doesnt care... and there is the cold, hard truth... but do I believe it... no because that stupid little glimmer of hope screws me up every step of the way ! x
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You need to chill out and go do something fun with your kids. She wants a strong man that makes decisions and yet here you are pouring over every single instance of contact (or non contact) the two of you have had recently. And then analyzing the contact of your mutual friend too? Look. Your insecurity and neediness is being communicated to her. Whether it's because you're accidentally doing it, the friend is accidentally doing it, whatever. You need to CHILL OUT, understand that the cards will fall as they may, and you're not doing yourself any favors by getting so worked up over this. Take your kids to the batting cages for crying out loud. Go be a dad. Quit worrying about who texted who, who was on Facebook, if she responded to you right away, how long you were on the phone. Man up. Who knows if things are headed downhill? But I guarantee if you keep this behavior up you're sure to lose her. 2
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 You are right - DONE. But, let me be clear that I did spend the day with my kids :-) 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ps. I literally cringed when I read that you apologized several times and asked if she was done with you. Seriously? Seriously?!?! Don't do that. Ever. The only way you can come back from it now is to pretend you have some confidence and back off and let her come to you.
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Yeah - you are right. Those were the wrong words. But in the emotion of the moment, it was an emotional and wrong thing to say. I regret it. I was myself and confident the next day and have been the rest of the week. Only thing I'll say in my defense - is the reason I use the forum is so I don't do it with her. I'm an overthinker...it serves me well very often and other times not so well. At my age, I at least understand and try to find another outlet (same way you may obsess if you feel an ache and go on the internet prior to seeing a doctor). It calms me down.
MidwestUSA Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Oh dear. After the 'are you done with me' comment, you're now asking her if you have anything to worry about? And talking to mutual friends about it as well? Maybe she's a horrible communicator, but you won't know for sure unless you back away and give her a chance. {cringing again }
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 But the challenge here is instead of being able to process your fears and set them aside and focus elsewhere, posting them on LS gives you another chance to obsess over the details a bit longer. I mean, yeah.. All of us on LS are guilty of that to some degree. But in a way in kind of undermines our ability to self soothe and manage our insecurities and fears ourselves. Almost like it's the one socially acceptable place to be so neurotic and obsessive. It's anonymous. Don't mean to hate on LS today, but you know what you need to do. You don't need us to tell you. Do you have anything in life you feel just as much excitement and passion for as this girl? I'd shift the focus. Fishing or skiing or playing Rock Band dressed as an 80s hair band member?
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 No you are being honest. Don't think for one second I'm sitting at home and doing nothing :-) Kids and I were out all weekend. When I'm home I'm doing my hobbies. You are right - maybe LS is bad for letting us work through problems on our own. But it is an outlet not to do something stupid in the relationship. Let me put it this way, unless our mutual friend has leaked anything (and I really doubt she would) - then this seems like a relatively normal week to the woman I'm dating. That's only because I do 'vent' here Heck, I'm the guy that thought he was going to be fired for six months last year. LOL. So I do overthink and I don't want to bring that into a relationship. Your first message was a literal smack to my face, but appreciated it. I haven't contacted her, btw..all the day. I'm not playing games - just letting things go. 1
HappyLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I'd stop telling the mutual friend things MOST people would not be able to keep their mouths shut while being so close to you both. I'd also back off and not reach out to her so much. Sounds like your putting in much more effort than she is. I also wouldn't text the friend while she's out with the gf, too clingy. 1
Chocolat Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Stop talking to your mutual friend about your R with this woman. You can be sure mutual friend is sharing. And definitely do not text or call your mutual friend when you know she is with your gf (o whatever this woman is to you). It's vaguely stalkerish: That evening I tried to call them because I knew they were just relaxing at her house. No answer. I then texted her friend asked waht they were doing and she said jsut relaxing and watching tv. Told her I called to just BS. No answer back. A bit later I noticed they were checking facebook on their phones (pops up now when you log on from your compter) - so she knew she missed my call. Don't do this! You weren't invited to their GNO so don't "crash" it by calling and texting, especially why you say you were only calling "to just BS." I know you said you spent the weekend doing things with your kids but the impression you've given is that you spent the weekend thinking about this woman and trying to learn what she was doing every second. 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 OhThatGirl Thanks for asking. Everything is going well and I've just relaxed and gone with the flow. Things are good, as far as I can tell. We had a nice weekend.
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