anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 it's been exactly 6 weeks of NC - and 2 1/2 months since our break-up we had several major break-ups in the 3 years we knew each other. it was her birthday yesterday - a few days ago i had thought about sending her flowers or something... after talking to several of my my friends (3 of them girls) who said i should - i decided against the idea... and i was pretty mind set on doing nothing and not contacting her at all... last night as i sit down at the end of the night - i see a message on my computer - it's one of the girl's who was giving me advice - she asked if i sent anything - i said no, and that i decided against it - and she started really pushing me and saying that i should at least send her a happy birthday text... etc etc.. i got very confused and didn't know what to do - i tried contacting a bunch of friends - some guys some girls - again all the girls said go ahead and keep it simple and send her "happy birthday" and don't have ANY expectations - just do it out of kindness and love as they felt it would make her happy on her day (30th birthday which i know she was stressing about)... so, at 10:30 pm i sent here this: "hey J Happy 10th anniversary of your twenties Hope you have a great one! M:) and she replied an hour later with "Hey you, thank you! It has been hard because of the reminder to get things done. Time is ticking." i was going to leave it at that - all my friends were asleep - except for one who said i should write back something short and leave it at that - i wish i hadn't replied.. but it's fine - i just sent her this: "you'll do great - the world is yours for the taking go get it and good luck!" at around 1am and it's 10:37am on Sunday (next day) and i haven't heard anything back - i'm sure she will write something - she's very sweet and loves attention. I'm going to stop replying and if she does reply - quickly try to wind the conversation down. I know she's just being friendly and nothing more... she needs to get on with her life asap too. I'm not expecting anything - and am moving on - will be booking my tickets to Thailand soon. Had the craziest dreams last night... just wanted to keep anyone who has been following my story posted.
topaMAXX Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I think this is a good lesson to stop taking advice from women about dating. Only listen to your gut or your guy friends. 1
Mr.Pine Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I'm not expecting anything - and am moving on Empty, Who are you kidding? Not expecting anything? C'mon, bro. You pestered your friends on what to do. You stressed over the initial text and then the follow up text. And the mere fact you are counting the days, hours and minutes of your BU and NC. Stop the madness. On that note, you're not asking for advice or what to do next, but I will tell you that you made an egregious error in judgment contacting her. Your NC was coming along quite nicely. And her response to your birthday text was pretty underwhelming. We both know you expected something more personal and passionate. We all do when we break NC. Go dark, go to Thailand, and make sure you do the Crocodile Dundee test on any lady you meet before you get amorous. 4
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Empty, Who are you kidding? Not expecting anything? C'mon, bro. You pestered your friends on what to do. You stressed over the initial text and then the follow up text. And the mere fact you are counting the days, hours and minutes of your BU and NC. Stop the madness. On that note, you're not asking for advice or what to do next, but I will tell you that you made an egregious error in judgment contacting her. Your NC was coming along quite nicely. And her response to your birthday text was pretty underwhelming. We both know you expected something more personal and passionate. We all do when we break NC. Go dark, go to Thailand, and make sure you do the Crocodile Dundee test on any lady you meet before you get amorous. hey dude, no i actually really wasn't expecting anything - i know that she is over me - and i was expecting a short thank you.... like she did... i'm not BSing - i really wasn't going to write her anything until i got a message from my friend asking if i had - and she said i should... anyway... what's done is done... and of course making contact was kinda surreal after this long - and her responding so quickly was also surreal - but i don't make anything of it - she's just friendly and sweet - and like all people likes the attention. i'm back to my NC now and focusing on Thailand and getting over this... you're right i was spending a lot of time wondering what to say or do... but not to try to get her back.... it's over - she's clearly way moved on - and i am also making steady progress.... anyways... may have been a mistake contacting her... and yes - of course i love her... which is why neglecting her on her Birthday i felt was a bit weird... i know it's a big deal for her - she's been stressing over becoming 30 - and maybe i could argue that she doesn't deserve so much kindness and love from me... but whatever.... it's done now... thanks for your guys' comments and feedback.
Mr.Pine Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 hey dude, no i actually really wasn't expecting anything - i know that she is over me - and i was expecting a short thank you.... like she did... i'm not BSing - i really wasn't going to write her anything until i got a message from my friend asking if i had - and she said i should... anyway... what's done is done... and of course making contact was kinda surreal after this long - and her responding so quickly was also surreal - but i don't make anything of it - she's just friendly and sweet - and like all people likes the attention. i'm back to my NC now and focusing on Thailand and getting over this... you're right i was spending a lot of time wondering what to say or do... but not to try to get her back.... it's over - she's clearly way moved on - and i am also making steady progress.... anyways... may have been a mistake contacting her... and yes - of course i love her... which is why neglecting her on her Birthday i felt was a bit weird... i know it's a big deal for her - she's been stressing over becoming 30 - and maybe i could argue that she doesn't deserve so much kindness and love from me... but whatever.... it's done now... thanks for your guys' comments and feedback. Empty, You did what you had to do. It's in the past, like your relationship. You are obviously a passionate guy. Which is great. For the next girl. You texted her. It's a done deal. Come home with a cute lady from Thailand. I wrote lady, not ladyboy.
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 i contacted my ex after 6 weeks of NC to wish her happy birthday... she just asked me how have i been email chain is below: i sent this: "hey J Happy 10th anniversary of your twenties Hope you have a great one! m :)" she replied with this: "Hey you, thank you! It has been hard because of the reminder to get things done. Time is ticking." I replied with this: "you'll do great - the world is yours for the taking go get it and good luck!" she just replied with: "Thanks, How have u been?" and then sent another email saying: "I saw a documentary on Netflix wy roomie recently called "I Am" You should check it out...its awesome!" i feel like this could just hurt me to continue - plus there's no way to explain to her everything i have been up to - way too much and my plans like going to thailand... or all i have learned... but also dont want to ignore - it's just immature and rude... maybe something short and brief? like - "i've been ok. a lot going on, heading to Thailand soon so preparing for that" any help appreciated
Weallwalkthelongroad Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 i contacted my ex after 6 weeks of NC to wish her happy birthday... she just asked me how have i been email chain is below: i sent this: "hey J Happy 10th anniversary of your twenties Hope you have a great one! m :)" she replied with this: "Hey you, thank you! It has been hard because of the reminder to get things done. Time is ticking." I replied with this: "you'll do great - the world is yours for the taking go get it and good luck!" she just replied with: "Thanks, How have u been?" and then sent another email saying: "I saw a documentary on Netflix wy roomie recently called "I Am" You should check it out...its awesome!" i feel like this could just hurt me to continue - plus there's no way to explain to her everything i have been up to - way too much and my plans like going to thailand... or all i have learned... but also dont want to ignore - it's just immature and rude... maybe something short and brief? like - "i've been ok. a lot going on, heading to Thailand soon so preparing for that" any help appreciated Proceed with caution. She may just be being nice and cordial trying to make small talk but it will only serve to set you back if you continue to talk small talk with her. Either you will be looking for something more that may not evolve or she will end up tellign you something you don't want to hear.
Never Again Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You honestly shouldn't have messaged her in the first place, but what's done is done. Cap the conversation off, is my best advice. No introduction to plans or lessons learned. Nothing that will invite future conversation. Just a quick "I've been well." or "Good. Busy." will get the message across without dragging you further into troubled territory. However, silence is totally an option. You said what you wanted to, so just disappear. Who cares if you're rude? You're not with her, so what does it matter? 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Proceed with caution. She may just be being nice and cordial trying to make small talk but it will only serve to set you back if you continue to talk small talk with her. Either you will be looking for something more that may not evolve or she will end up tellign you something you don't want to hear. Agreed - i need to try to wind this down asap and get back to NC... maybe a simple: i'm alright - a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! and preparing/excited for that and then not reply to her other email about the documentary Edited March 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting
mattyw Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I think keep it brief and leave it with her thinking you are moving on. You are heading to Thailand is a great distraction.
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I think keep it brief and leave it with her thinking you are moving on. You are heading to Thailand is a great distraction. so do you think that email is fine? i'm alright a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! so excited for that. and not ask her how she is?
Mr.Pine Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 so do you think that email is fine? i'm alright a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! so excited for that. and not ask her how she is? Empty, Do you see a trend here? You're scrambling and stressing again and reading too much into this. You've been given some good advice from the people on this site, but are still wondering what to do. This tells me you already know what you're going to do. She is tossing breadcrumbs aplenty at you and you are lapping them up hook, line and stinker. What did I say previously? Stop the madness! You are obviously in NO shape to have any kind of correspondence with her since you are so deep into her, you've cocooned inside her sphincter. I think you should NOT respond. But you won't listen because you're a man-child. If you NEED to respond with something, do this: "Hey, off to Thailand for a couple of (weeks, months, or however long you are going). See ya!" That's it. That's all. 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Empty, Do you see a trend here? You're scrambling and stressing again and reading too much into this. You've been given some good advice from the people on this site, but are still wondering what to do. This tells me you already know what you're going to do. She is tossing breadcrumbs aplenty at you and you are lapping them up hook, line and stinker. What did I say previously? Stop the madness! You are obviously in NO shape to have any kind of correspondence with her since you are so deep into her, you've cocooned inside her sphincter. I think you should NOT respond. But you won't listen because you're a man-child. If you NEED to respond with something, do this: "Hey, off to Thailand for a couple of (weeks, months, or however long you are going). See ya!" That's it. That's all. haha thanks man... i sent this... i'm alright a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! so excited for that. will keep an eye out for that doc and leaving it at that. thanks - i'm not feeding off breaad crumbs.. she's just being friendly.. and maybe hopes we can be friends - i know in her mind there is ZERO chance for relationship... i am contiuning where i left off... i'm not emotional right now... just want to check with as many people as i can that i am not doing anything to hurt me or her... that is all.. and you guys have been invaluable part of my healing... no more contact i hope... if she replies.. i will prob ignore it... or just make it clear i dont want to talk anymore... i've come a long way in 2 1/2 months and my therapy starts tomorrow moring - and leaving for thailand in two weeks.
Mr.Pine Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 haha thanks man... i sent this... i'm alright a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! so excited for that. will keep an eye out for that doc and leaving it at that. Empty... I like you. You seem like a good kid. But you don't listen worth a damn. You failed. Failed me. Failed the site. Failed miserably. Have fun in Thailand, bro. And try to get her off your mind.
mattyw Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I think that was fine to reply. Be prepared for a response from her, at this point I would leave the conversation. It's awful and the only reason you engage is to get another response back and so on... It's so difficult.
Author anemptycup Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 sorry mr pine why have i failed? by setting myself further back perhaps? or by fueling her needs? anyways - she sent me this "Wow, awesome! JEALOUS, but so excited for you. Have fun!!! " and i'm about to reply with a final "thanks!" and i think tha'll be the forever end of it.. she knows i care for her - and she knows where i am... if she ever wants to get in touch.. she can. i'm done with it.
DontBreakEven Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 This whole thread is ridiculous knowing that you were the one who dumped her (numerous times, as you have said). Good for her for getting on with her life so well. Geez. I mean if my ex who dumped me numerous times in 2 years sent me such a generic happy birthday message, I would hope to be as aloof in my reply. 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 This whole thread is ridiculous knowing that you were the one who dumped her (numerous times, as you have said). Good for her for getting on with her life so well. Geez. I mean if my ex who dumped me numerous times in 2 years sent me such a generic happy birthday message, I would hope to be as aloof in my reply. this whole thing has been very hard - and not having contact for 6 weeks while hard - i was getting on with... yesterday was a messed up day of not knowing what to do - stick with NC which i would have been totally fine with - but also getting emails from people saying i should... anyway - i did it - and i dont regret it... she sent me this.. just now... Thanks good looking, for the motivation Thanks for writing to me. It was good hearing from you, especially on my bday -j and that's it - i will not reply to it... no more back and forth... we were very close - our breakups were very hard on BOTH of us... but we learned so much through it all... she means a lot to me - and it's her 30th birthday which i know she has been dreading and freaking out about.... just thought it would be nice to give her some support - that's all... she slept with someone a week after our breakup and she's been seeing someone - yes, i wont lie it's good to hear from her - but i'm staying focused - i know it's over... and these emails end today... it was just for her 30th birthday... i know you guys won't believe it.. but it's the truth. thought it would be really low of me to ignore her birthday... i'm off to Thailand soon anyway good luck to anyone else out there going through this. much love.
Author anemptycup Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I know some folks who might be familiar with me think i have f'd up... we broke up nearly 3 months ago - had no contact for 7 weeks, and i broke it on Saturday after some peer pressure from friends - it was her 30th birthday and i knew it was a big thing for her - after being together 3 years - just felt i shouldn't ignore it. Tried to keep it short - we have exchanged brief emails since saturday - i have been trying to wind the conversation down. I know that i'm inviting some haters criticism with this post - this process has been very difficult and been trying to do the right thing... I am torn between investing any hope in this and risking being hurt again - and closing my heart up and just ending this with a "thanks, you too and take care" I would appreciate any feedback - i know that some might think i don't deserve advice for breaking NC - i hope some might still help. Thank you for reading. here are the emails: Her most recent message to me this morning (i have not replied yet): Awesome! Well I would love for us to continue touching bases every now and again since it's still hard for me, which I'm sure it is for you too. So don't worry when I say that...I'm not expecting we chat everyday But as always, I'm here for you if you need an ear or anything else even if u r in Thailand or anywhere else in the world. Follow your heart and your dreams to reach your soul's calling everyday. Take care khoshdeep! my previous message: at least a month, but open to staying longer - there's a lot i want to do and see over there - so, we'll see! she said: So how long r u staying in Thailand? i said: i'm glad:) good luck khoskeleh - can't wait to hear your success stories. go get 'em! she said: Thanks khoshdeep for the motivation Thanks for writing to me. It was good hearing from you, especially on my bday i said: thanks khoskeleh, you too go make those dreams real!! she said: Wow, awesome! JEALOUS, but so excited for you. Have fun!!! i said: i'm alright a lot been going on - heading to Thailand soon! so excited for that. will keep an eye out for that doc she said: Thanks How have u been?
Trovador Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 I don't know your prior history (and maybe that's why I am responding to you), but it seems to me that you are grasping at straws at the best... she seems just... polite... even brotherly to you... She doesn't want anything romantically or sexually with you, if you can live with this all your life, by all means contact her at your discretion... But if you feel some pain at knowing this (or rather an excruciating pain?) stop hurting yourself and distant immediately and emotionally from her... And it seems some people don't take lightly when one person break again NC because: Paraphrasing someone famous: break NC once, shame on you... break NC twice, shame on me (when responding to your post)... 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I don't know your prior history (and maybe that's why I am responding to you), but it seems to me that you are grasping at straws at the best... she seems just... polite... even brotherly to you... She doesn't want anything romantically or sexually with you, if you can live with this all your life, by all means contact her at your discretion... But if you feel some pain at knowing this (or rather an excruciating pain?) stop hurting yourself and distant immediately and emotionally from her... And it seems some people don't take lightly when one person break again NC because: Paraphrasing someone famous: break NC once, shame on you... break NC twice, shame on me (when responding to your post)... thank you for responding. i will be honest and try to speak from my center – and not from that part of me, that feels empty without her. This is my time to come into my own – to learn to know myself without having to take care of someone and without having to identify myself in that role. My journey to my truth has begun and I believe that this first part needs to be traveled alone.
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