desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Hey all, I recently started dating a guy, who seemed pretty great. We've been out a few times, been intimate, which felt like the right time (waited a bit longer than usual). He's made comments about us doing things in the future. We usually have some contact every day, then one day we didn't talk, then the next day he said he was sick and cancelled our plans. Now I just assumed that's it, right? Everything he said was probably baloney, and the proof is that he cancelled. But he's been in touch since cancelling, on IM. I can't really be bothered with IM-ing someone when I was supposed to see them. So, am I just cynicle because of bad experiences, or does this raise a red flag Thanks.
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Hey all, I recently started dating a guy, who seemed pretty great. We've been out a few times, been intimate, which felt like the right time (waited a bit longer than usual). He's made comments about us doing things in the future. We usually have some contact every day, then one day we didn't talk, then the next day he said he was sick and cancelled our plans. Now I just assumed that's it, right? Everything he said was probably baloney, and the proof is that he cancelled. But he's been in touch since cancelling, on IM. I can't really be bothered with IM-ing someone when I was supposed to see them. So, am I just cynicle because of bad experiences, or does this raise a red flag Thanks. Jesus, give the poor bloke the benefit of the doubt - he was sick! 3
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So how long ago he cancelled and he's been on IM only? 1
bene Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Hold your horses - he said he's sick and has still been in contact you online. Do you have reason to believe that he is not actually sick? Have you asked how he's doing? 1
quidproquo89 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Jesus, give the poor bloke the benefit of the doubt - he was sick! as already mentioned, I think you MAY be jumping the gun. He may have actually been ill. Who wants to go on a date when ill. Try not to bring any desperation into your contact with him it will weird him out. Just try and arrange something another day 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 So how long ago he cancelled and he's been on IM only? A couple of hours ago, I guess, and he's been talking to me since.
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Jesus, give the poor bloke the benefit of the doubt - he was sick! ha ha thankyou! This is the thing - i think thst it is easy to think the worst becus a lot of people lie about this stuff. Maybe he is being true.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Don't know if I'd go as far as say that he was actually sick, but who knows. I think you're being way too clingy and if you're this jumpy and alarmed over the fact he hasn't contacted you for one day then you're extremely likely giving off a vibe that'll kind of push a guy away...you're overly invested and now expect to be attached to his hip. Over one day he doesn't contact you then cancels out sick, then you think it's over and that's it? a little bit jumping the gun there. But the thing is, consistency in men tends to usually mean a lot...a break in consistency typically does indicate a lack of interest, so in all respects you might be right that he's kind of falling out of it now that the hard work is over and he's decided that he no longer desires to chase and then solidify the relationship...a lot of people say things after all that they don't mean in that opening spurt of chemistry and "passion" out of just being in the moment. If you continue to see a decline in contact and initiating of spending time together/dates then he's probably putting things into cruise control or pulling away, he may pick up where he left off of course but that's hard to say with what you've said so far...so far is just sounds typical/generic, I mean you've been out a few times, and waited longer than usual? how long is usual....seconds into meeting someone? And you believe what he's saying because he made comments about the future? you're painting yourself as someone who's very vulnerable to BS and easily used/manipulated to be honest, starting on that foot...but hopefully there's more to it than that than is posted here. 2
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Don't know if I'd go as far as say that he was actually sick, but who knows. I think you're being way too clingy and if you're this jumpy and alarmed over the fact he hasn't contacted you for one day then you're extremely likely giving off a vibe that'll kind of push a guy away...you're overly invested and now expect to be attached to his hip. Over one day he doesn't contact you then cancels out sick, then you think it's over and that's it? a little bit jumping the gun there. But the thing is, consistency in men tends to usually mean a lot...a break in consistency typically does indicate a lack of interest, so in all respects you might be right that he's kind of falling out of it now that the hard work is over and he's decided that he no longer desires to chase and then solidify the relationship...a lot of people say things after all that they don't mean in that opening spurt of chemistry and "passion" out of just being in the moment. If you continue to see a decline in contact and initiating of spending time together/dates then he's probably putting things into cruise control or pulling away, he may pick up where he left off of course but that's hard to say with what you've said so far...so far is just sounds typical/generic, I mean you've been out a few times, and waited longer than usual? how long is usual....seconds into meeting someone? And you believe what he's saying because he made comments about the future? you're painting yourself as someone who's very vulnerable to BS and easily used/manipulated to be honest, starting on that foot...but hopefully there's more to it than that than is posted here. Thanks for your answer. The thing you said about consistency - thst is what I am talking about, I guess. I mean, it may seem like nothing, but then why change? Maybe I am giving out a vibe, but I wrry about things more than I verbalise them. I know that I worry inside, so I actually let him do most of the chasing, initiate contact nine times out of 10 etc. He was pushing for a conversation earlier, but I kind of left it hanging a bit because I did not want to end up just having a virtual chat again. I don't believe things people say abut the future - it raises a red flag for me, esp when they say it early on. Thst is quite cynicle I guess but also from experince.
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 A couple of hours ago, I guess, and he's been talking to me since. haha, give the poor guy a break. So what kind of sickness he has? He caught a virus that you know will last a few days or it's just something like indigestion and he'll be ok tomorrow? 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 haha, give the poor guy a break. So what kind of sickness he has? He caught a virus that you know will last a few days or it's just something like indigestion and he'll be ok tomorrow? It's a vague sort of infecshun. he said about it a few days ago and still has it. He said he was interested in a relationhip, but now im thinking this mite be an excuse to back of.
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's a vague sort of infecshun. he said about it a few days ago and still has it. He said he was interested in a relationhip, but now im thinking this mite be an excuse to back of. Give it a couple of days, the guy may be having diarrhea and doesn't necessarily want to give you the details haha! 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I think ive read to much he's not that into you and i guess i think everyyhing means a guy isn't into u!!
Fondue Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Just posted a thread about this. Stop over analyzing. The man was sick, that's all. He's still in communication with you. Wait for him to clear his bug before discussing another date. 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Just posted a thread about this. Stop over analyzing. The man was sick, that's all. He's still in communication with you. Wait for him to clear his bug before discussing another date. I am going to read your thred!
veggirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 If he hasn't set up another date in a few days, you'll have your answer. So wait til then before freaking out 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 If he hasn't set up another date in a few days, you'll have your answer. So wait til then before freaking out i wanta know now ha ha!
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I saw that you posted "He seemed to be interested in a relationship" so is it safe to say you are not "official" yet? 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I saw that you posted "He seemed to be interested in a relationship" so is it safe to say you are not "official" yet? just dating, i guess. but he said hes intreseted in it being a relationship. does that make a differense?
Eivuwan Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I'm just wondering. Did you express your wish that he'll feel better or are you already starting to withdraw?
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I'm just wondering. Did you express your wish that he'll feel better or are you already starting to withdraw? I expressed that, he ws asking about my day and some other stuf i was doing. maybe i wasnt enggaging so much. that is a verry good question. i think i maybe started to withdraw...
Eivuwan Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I expressed that, he ws asking about my day and some other stuf i was doing. maybe i wasnt enggaging so much. that is a verry good question. i think i maybe started to withdraw... So look at it from his perspective. He's sick and you started withdrawing. Hmm, he might see this as possible evidence that you are someone who can't be there for him during hard times. Just some food for thought. Oftentimes people engage in self-fulling prophecies because of their insecurities. You don't want to lose him, but you might end up pushing him away by withdrawing. 1
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 So look at it from his perspective. He's sick and you started withdrawing. Hmm, he might see this as possible evidence that you are someone who can't be there for him during hard times. Just some food for thought. Oftentimes people engage in self-fulling prophecies because of their insecurities. You don't want to lose him, but you might end up pushing him away by withdrawing. this is making me think. thank u. i think that becuz i didn't hear nothig from him all day, then this, i was thinking the worst. "Oftentimes people engage in self-fulling prophecies because of their insecurities." i think i am shore it wil go wrong so am maybe worrying now before it does. i dont know.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 just dating, i guess. but he said hes intreseted in it being a relationship. does that make a differense? I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but if you have expectations of a LTR, then you shouldn't be sleeping with them until they do. When you don't establish it as relationship, you leave it wide open for failure. I know a guy that plays on this. He won't make it official, but these girls just "assume" it is or is going to, when he is just sleeping with them, sometimes with two, then he just stops calling them. It's crazy these ladies keep messaging him and just don't get what just happened.
Author desperategirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but if you have expectations of a LTR, then you shouldn't be sleeping with them until they do. When you don't establish it as relationship, you leave it wide open for failure. I know a guy that plays on this. He won't make it official, but these girls just "assume" it is or is going to, when he is just sleeping with them, sometimes with two, then he just stops calling them. It's crazy these ladies keep messaging him and just don't get what just happened. we stated that was the intenshun. you have to go with that, or wait a year to see if they are menaing it! i think that being compatabel in that way is important and it is also good not to wait too long too.
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