Question for people 35+ who have never been married

April 8, 2014

And really ladies...Its 2014...To say that "no guy has ever approached me" is nuts..Women actively pursue men all the time nowadays..Its totally acceptable and not considered slutty or too forward.....Its not the 50's anymore..

Just a thought...

TFY

I need a MAN who will go after what he wants.

I want someone who wants to be with me.

If a man wants it bad enough, he'll go after it. Trust me.

April 9, 2014

So when you hear stories about how women that cant find a man say.."well, I never met anyone that was good enough"...You have to look at the big picture...That "average" woman might want a ripped guy with a great face, can cook like Emeril,has an 8 figure portfolio, and shoots lightning out of his ass..
TFY

I have a lighter... I'll settle for flames...

Just supply the gas... lol.

April 9, 2014

I need a MAN who will go after what he wants.
I want someone who wants to be with me.

If a man wants it bad enough, he'll go after it. Trust me.

And if he's not a fit as you want, you will reject him.

April 9, 2014

OP - I think the problem is that you not only have all the relationship type requirements (i.e. can't ever have had a FWB, can't ever have had a ONS, must have a good credit rating, within 5 years of age etc) - and you go on and on and on about these ones. But you also have pretty strict requirements for a guys physical appearance and have fully admitted to only being attracted to handsome, charming men. You also have stated that you feel men should have hard bodies, whereas women should have soft bodies.

In fact, I believe you dated a guy that had all the relationship qualities you were looking for, except you dumped him because he didn't smell right to you.

Seriously - you will absolutely have to compromise if you want to be in a relationship. In fact experts agree that an ability to compromise is likely the most important quality in any relationship partner. You seem to completely lack the ability to compromise, yet you consider yourself to be good relationship material.

Odd. You'd think your Yoda like parents would have explained to you that your lack of ability to compromise plus your obvious abandonment issues make you bad relationship material, and you'd better settle for what you can get if you actually want to get married.

And, as you've explained many times, you'd much rather be single then settle for something you don't want. Question though - if you're happy being single, why post so much, and with so much vigour to a forum about love?

April 9, 2014

I have browsed online and both men and women have an insanely inflated sense of their greatness. A lot of people are just living in fantasy land. It's why I did online for a few weeks and then dropped it.

April 9, 2014

I need a MAN who will go after what he wants.
I want someone who wants to be with me.

If a man wants it bad enough, he'll go after it. Trust me.

No disrespect, HP. but I can tell you that if this is your stead fast M.O. you could easily miss the boat...

Many guys are absolutely oblivious to attention from women...They could be types that are shy or reserved....They could be dying to meet you-but just arent the type to cold approach...Or maybe they are the type that gets hit on himself from women regularly-so he really doesnt need to work so hard..

Conversely, there are tons of clowns that will actively pursue anything with a vagina...They go by the "shotgun" approach to meeting women, and will deliberately just schmooze anything out there...So while some women might see this as attractive "go getter" behavior, its not always the case..

Again...Absolutely 1000% acceptable in this day and age for a woman to pursue a guy...Happens all the time.

TFY

April 9, 2014

I need a MAN who will go after what he wants.
I want someone who wants to be with me.

If a man wants it bad enough, he'll go after it. Trust me.

If you are over 35, the rules have changed. Quality men do not have to chase anymore. If you are top 1% sure, but the 99% are not.

You wanted equality, well here it is. You got chased from 15 to 30. From 35 to 50 it is up to you to put in some effort.

Any quality man in his 40s willing to put in a lot of effort isn't going to waste it on a woman also in her 40s, he is going 30s or maybe 20s. There are so few quality women over 35, that the quality men at that age don't have to work for it.

Edited April 9, 2014 by TXGuy

April 9, 2014

I have browsed online and both men and women have an insanely inflated sense of their greatness. A lot of people are just living in fantasy land. It's why I did online for a few weeks and then dropped it.

So true so true. Humbleness is a rare trait.

April 9, 2014

I have browsed online and both men and women have an insanely inflated sense of their greatness. A lot of people are just living in fantasy land. It's why I did online for a few weeks and then dropped it.

Not true for everyone. Patience is a virtue.

April 9, 2014

If you are over 35, the rules have changed. Quality men do not have to chase anymore. If you are top 1% sure, but the 99% are not.

You wanted equality, well here it is. You got chased from 15 to 30. From 35 to 50 it is up to you to put in some effort.

Any quality man in his 40s willing to put in a lot of effort isn't going to waste it on a woman also in her 40s, he is going 30s or maybe 20s. There are so few quality women over 35, that the quality men at that age don't have to work for it.

This. The men who are in demand are not going to chase after women. And the average men, after seeing how the best-looking men get it all for free are not going to put any effort. ''You had one ONS with that guy and now you expect me to chase you/take you out on a date? say what again?''

A woman's signals of interest are a bit, outdated, to say the least. Some of the women who were the most friendlly, touchy, and warm to me turned out to not be interested, and the women who I deemed to be more attractive than me, would stare at me with cold daggers in their eyes, exit a room as soon as I entered, and later on they would ask me why I wasn't interested in dating them Well, maybe if you smiled at me at least once.

My favorite is when they stare at you with the most stoic stance only a greek philosopher could muster, and then they walk by you looking at the ground as if Brad Pitt's face was somehow stolen from him and glued onto the floor.

April 9, 2014

I need a MAN who will go after what he wants.
I want someone who wants to be with me.

If a man wants it bad enough, he'll go after it. Trust me.

What does that say about you? You never want a guy bad enough to go after it?

I'm all for women waiting till I decide to try them out. It's the easiest thing in the world. I pick who I want and I only get who I want and the women I don't want usually don't bother me much.

But I gotta tell you, you're playing the fool in this game. Most women are. It's like a room full of cattle and I just pick the cow that I want. The cattle just wait to be picked. True, you can choose to go with the guy or reject him, but only to guys that actually try for you. Most are just going to pass you by. I'd also like to say I don't think of women as cattle, but the inability of some.....many...women to take action in some matters really makes them look like cattle to me.

Have you ever wanted "that guy", but he never tried anything with you? And then there was no longer any opertunity to connect with him and so you convince yourself "that guy" was the wrong guy anyway?

April 9, 2014

OP - I think the problem is that you not only have all the relationship type requirements (i.e. can't ever have had a FWB, can't ever have had a ONS, must have a good credit rating, within 5 years of age etc) - and you go on and on and on about these ones. But you also have pretty strict requirements for a guys physical appearance and have fully admitted to only being attracted to handsome, charming men. You also have stated that you feel men should have hard bodies, whereas women should have soft bodies.

In fact, I believe you dated a guy that had all the relationship qualities you were looking for, except you dumped him because he didn't smell right to you.

Seriously - you will absolutely have to compromise if you want to be in a relationship. In fact experts agree that an ability to compromise is likely the most important quality in any relationship partner. You seem to completely lack the ability to compromise, yet you consider yourself to be good relationship material.

Odd. You'd think your Yoda like parents would have explained to you that your lack of ability to compromise plus your obvious abandonment issues make you bad relationship material, and you'd better settle for what you can get if you actually want to get married.

And, as you've explained many times, you'd much rather be single then settle for something you don't want. Question though - if you're happy being single, why post so much, and with so much vigour to a forum about love?

Your memory is not that great, apparently. I've fallen for men who were not handsome. I've fallen for men who didn't make a lot of money. Who had a few pounds on them.... Who had some things in their life they were trying to overcome. It was THEM who didn't want to compromise. It takes two.

Furthermore, I will not commit to men who have made a habit of being irresponsible and don't take care of themselves. Or who lie to me. Or who believe it's MY job to make all the sacrifices and them none. It's not that complicated.

If more women did the same, there would be fewer men thinking they can pull any kind of shyte they want in their life... and when they are done effing around, then there will be some woman waiting for them. Oh, and a woman who hasn't done the things THEY have done... I might add.

Eff those guys.... or in my case. DON'T eff those guys... lol.

And the guy who smelled bad?? He asked me for suggestions. His diet sucked. He claimed to exercise, but didn't. And even though he had all the right things to say and treated me pretty well during the time I tried to get to know him... he still lied... now, didn't he?

Not sure why you or anyone thinks I need to settle for liars, who make bad choices, and have bad habits.

....and about the sex thing... Having FWB and ONS is a bad habit. If they have done those things anytime in their recent history... then our values aren't compatible. So, go ahead and believe all the free-love crap you like... Or settle for a woman who agrees with you. Does that chap your *ss? That YOU might have to settle for a woman who has done the things you've done?? Is that why you are so pissed? That I'm not drinking the Kool-Aid?

.... and yes, you are correct. I don't like being single. I'd just hate being attached to the ones I listed above EVEN MORE. Yes, I see what my parents have. They didn't get that way by being anything like what you THINK I should settle for.

April 9, 2014

Any quality man in his 40s willing to put in a lot of effort isn't going to waste it on a woman also in her 40s, he is going 30s or maybe 20s.

These guys age 40+ guys who THINK they are 'quality' simply aren't. It's just that SOME of those younger women haven't figured it out yet... and they have issues of their own.

Of course, there will always be those guys who will put up with any amount of crap from a woman just to be able to tell his friends he's with someone who is XX years younger than him.

April 9, 2014

For the record... I have asked men out. I DO make an effort. I go out of my way to show interest. I have no double standards that way. Never have.

It is only fair.... AND... it is 2014. I DO believe in equality. That is the kind of relationship I want.

I also believe in reciprocation... and responsibility... and honesty... and when I don't see it, I have no problems walking either.

Some of you guys have been walking around for a very long time thinking you deserve better than who YOU are. I see it here everyday on LS. I don't know about other women.... but I've never asked for anything I can't offer myself.

Edited April 9, 2014 by RedRobin

April 9, 2014

These guys age 40+ guys who THINK they are 'quality' simply aren't. It's just that SOME of those younger women haven't figured it out yet... and they have issues of their own.

Of course, there will always be those guys who will put up with any amount of crap from a woman just to be able to tell his friends he's with someone who is XX years younger than him.

Just as there are women 35+ who think they still merit the same attention they got when they were in their prime. The thing is with many guys, their prime was not their 20s, but their 30s or 40s. For the lucky ones, life does eventually come into balance.

You seem to have a problem with guys who go for younger women (yet you just recently said something to the effect of deciding to date men 10 years younger than yourself). I'm not suggesting that many men in their 40s date much younger women. Only the small minority that choose to put a lot of effort into dating will do that. The majority of men in their 40s do not want the drama and effort involved with a much more attractive younger women. Most will be quite content to amuse themselves with women just five years younger, who require no effort. Women their own age will do most of the work for them. A man not looking for much drama will generally be content with that. And most women of that age will be grateful that he gives her his time.

April 9, 2014

Most will be quite content to amuse themselves with women just five years younger, who require no effort. Women their own age will do most of the work for them. A man not looking for much drama will generally be content with that. And most women of that age will be grateful that he gives her his time.

Well, I can see that you have no experience whatsoever being around healthy people. Healthy people have balanced relationships.

Male or female.

It's too bad you have no good role models for that. I feel sorry for you.

April 9, 2014

Just as there are women 35+ who think they still merit the same attention they got when they were in their prime. The thing is with many guys, their prime was not their 20s, but their 30s or 40s. For the lucky ones, life does eventually come into balance.

You seem to have a problem with guys who go for younger women (yet you just recently said something to the effect of deciding to date men 10 years younger than yourself). I'm not suggesting that many men in their 40s date much younger women. Only the small minority that choose to put a lot of effort into dating will do that. The majority of men in their 40s do not want the drama and effort involved with a much more attractive younger women. Most will be quite content to amuse themselves with women just five years younger, who require no effort. Women their own age will do most of the work for them. A man not looking for much drama will generally be content with that. And most women of that age will be grateful that he gives her his time.

and once again.. this just puts me off the idea of dating at all. These posts, and others like them, aren't complimentary to men as a whole.

April 9, 2014

Well, I can see that you have no experience whatsoever being around healthy people. Healthy people have balanced relationships.

Male or female.

It's too bad you have no good role models for that. I feel sorry for you.

Most of the successful/handsome older men I've met are dating younger women. Many of my female classmates -the most good-looking- are dating men who are established in their careers as surgeons, commercial pilots etc.

I know of several older gentlemen who are never married/never-cohabitation and are doing fine with women. When I was 16 I worked for this carpenter guy, he didn't make much money. He was in his mid 60s.

This guy didn't use alarm clocks. I was supposed to pick him up. Even gave me his spare keys. Every time I'd wake him up, he'd have a 20-something attractive woman next to him. On the weekends we'd go clubbling and he'd always pick-up attractive women, and the women would pay for whatever he wanted at the time.

did he look like George Clooney? Nope. Was he using money to rent women? He didn't make much from his business. I honestly believe he worked that job as a means to meet married women who were bored with their husbands.

I honestly don't know what was so special about that guy. I thought maybe he was a Brad Pitt, far into the past, but after seeing his army pictures I reckon he was as average as any white guy.

I also know of another guy who is in his late 70s married to a hot 30 year old woman. That one I'm sure is being payed for services rendered, but so what?

Most men, if they keep themselves in shape, develop their careers and learn how to interact socially with women, will find themselves the women they are attracted to. Are those women younger than them? Maybe. More power to them. I don't get bitter when women my age go for older men.

Hey, how can I compete? These guys have more money, more experience, have a better gym body and can provide status and free trips.

Oh, I know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like and I'm not interested in any of that. I can't really deal with seeing the same people everyday. My classmates are always so eager to see each other, talking endlessly after being apart for only 2 days.

I can't see myself interact with the same woman until the day she divorces me or I die of an early heart attack.

April 9, 2014

and once again.. this just puts me off the idea of dating at all. These posts, and others like them, aren't complimentary to men as a whole.

Why do you zero in on and obsess over the 1 out of a 1000 which isn't even accurate?

April 9, 2014

The majority of men in their 40s do not want the drama and effort involved with a much more attractive younger women.

Some women are worth the drama and the $ spent. I've mentioned this Russian model before. She's 25. Her boyfriend is 55. He's paying for the house she's living in. He gives her a monthly allowance and he pays for her gasoline, food expenses etc etc. He's always away for work. I think he's a big shot in Russia. They meet up some 4 times a month.

So, this guy has a perfect woman, gets to have sex with her, doesn't put up with her and her problems/drama/whatever, and can go back to his life because the money he spends on her is small change to him. Seems like a pretty sweet deal.

and once again.. this just puts me off the idea of dating at all. These posts, and others like them, aren't complimentary to men as a whole.

That's a good decision. I don't date. I concern myself with getting good grades, building up my body, my social circles, getting connections in the real world, and preparing my future 30-something self to date the women who I see going for the Brad Pitts and the $$$ men.

April 9, 2014

Well, I can see that you have no experience whatsoever being around healthy people. Healthy people have balanced relationships.

Male or female.

It's too bad you have no good role models for that. I feel sorry for you.

No need to feel sorry for me, I'm doing fine. I'm pretty content with my life now. After spending my teens and 20s where most guys had to put in about 90% of the effort into a relationship, I have been pretty happy since my mid thirties (say 35+, I want to stay on topic) when the amount of effort required finally started to equalize. Coming from a point where I was putting in 90% and now I only have to put in 50%, it almost seems effortless. I'm sure if one was going from only putting in 10% of the effort to a place where one had to put in 50% of the effort, it would feel five times as hard. I can see how that might cause some resentment. (and 50/50 is balanced)

By the way, you seem to go to 'no good role models' quite a bit. You need some new material (besides calling guys dooshbags).

April 9, 2014

No need to feel sorry for me, I'm doing fine. I'm pretty content with my life now. After spending my teens and 20s where most guys had to put in about 90% of the effort into a relationship, I have been pretty happy since my mid thirties (say 35+, I want to stay on topic) when the amount of effort required finally started to equalize. Coming from a point where I was putting in 90% and now I only have to put in 50%, it almost seems effortless. I'm sure if one was going from only putting in 10% of the effort to a place where one had to put in 50% of the effort, it would feel like five times as hard. I can see how that might cause some resentment. (and 50/50 is balanced)

By the way, you seem to go to 'no good role models' quite a bit. You need some new material (besides calling guys dooshbags).

True enough. Women don't need to be attractive in their 20s to be pursued and desired. Just the other day I was staring hard at this 21 year old girl with an air of self-importance. I realized she was ugly. But she still could date the 6 feet tall men that women want, lol. And she did. I know another 22 year old girl with very masculine facial looks. She also doesn't lack for male attention, even from attractive male attention.

Meanwhile, when I'm on the subway, I very often see unhappy women in their 30s, and women who are far more forward with their sexual interest, regardless of how good-looking or not the 30-something is. I think that when a woman hits her late 20s a man's sexual value goes up because he can now control his hormones, his Testosterone has decreased, and women no longer breath fertility and feminity.

My brother has decent looks and height. He couldn't get a date to save his life in his 20s. Now he has several women he's seeing, is always meeting new women, and has several FWBS. He doesn't even approach women anymore or initiate text conversations.

April 9, 2014

Eh....maybe....lets not forget, its the Internet, bro...you dont have to put your hand on the Bible to play this game...lets leave it at that....

Looks have nothing to do with it....My office manager looks like Courtney Cox with a better body, she is quite friendly, yet she has this certain "air" about her that is NOT conducive to being approached (or fcked with)..I have been out with her in public on numerous occasions..Guys dont even look her way...I wouldn't embarrass myself by asking her, but id bet everything I own that she doesnt have any stories to tell of being propositioned or promised advancement or being preyed on by some old douchebag....I dont see it at all and quite frankly if it did happen-she'd probably tell me in a joking fashion..

TFY

I don't know, I don't sense any nonsense when Red talks. And I'm usually OK at sniffing that kind of stuff out. I agree with you about the vibe thing though. Which makes me curious as to what's going on with Red and all this unwanted attention.

I wouldn't say I was violated. Never got that far. I'd say I've been tested more than some... My experience isn't all that different than a lot of women's experiences in the workplace if they are over 35 or so... And work in an all male field. That was my choice though. I could have given it up to be a SAHM anytime. But that would be giving up ( for me).. And so far... I'm not ready to do that.

Thanks for the compliment. I'd be happy to share a meal with lots of people here. It would be great fun... It is just too good to have a place like this to share deep thoughts though. Anonymously. Only my family knows some of the things I share here and I plan to keep it that way.

I remember when you talked about your experience with the doctor and that met my definition of violation. Unless I dreamed it up. I'd also say offering you good grades for sex is a bit of a violation, but I guess everyone has a different definition. Just making you feel totally creeped out, unsafe and uncomfortable makes the grade in my book.

And I meant dinner in a date kind of sense. The idea that your value to men has somehow gone down because you're older isn't true. Maybe it is to some women who have nothing going except their looks. But it really is a truth that went out when women stopped having to rely on a husband for support.

April 9, 2014

Some women are worth the drama and the $ spent.

Just to clarify, I agree. Most men would like to have those young, hot the women, but a majority of men are not going to go through the effort to get them. I minority of them will go to the effort and I salute them.

April 9, 2014

Just to clarify, I agree. Most men would like to have those young, hot the women, but a majority of men are not going to go through the effort to get them. I minority of them will go to the effort and I salute them.

Well, if there's the chance to get them, why not. Look at the women sports stars have. These guy's cash is enough effort to get them. Of course most men aren't rich or famous, but if a guy plays it smart, concentrates on becoming wealthy, he can develop several FWBs with women who are far better-looking than the women he'd otherwise get by using his charm/charisma/looks.

Now, if the guy is average and doesn't have more money than the woman he covets.. yes, I would rather go for a woman who isn't as good-looking but provides easy sex without drama and conflicts/having to take her out/spend time with her/talk to her on the phone.

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Question for people 35+ who have never been married

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