Question for people 35+ who have never been married

[thefooloftheyear]

There's probably something about her that makes men more likely than with your average woman. It can't just be coincidence that she's been violated repeatedly by at least several different men in positions of authority. I've talked to a lot of women and unless they're all keeping quiet it isn't that common to have your doctor come onto you when you're a younger girl, let alone multiple teachers as well.

 

Now what that difference might be I don't know. That would be an interesting conversation. But everyone's stuck taking her personal experience with older men personally. I felt like I was watching an episode of Mad Men reading TxGuy comment about women's value being dependent on their age. Blast from the past! I bet if a lot of guys here had to pick they'd chose having dinner with RedRobin over the youngins.

 

Eh....maybe....lets not forget, its the Internet, bro...you dont have to put your hand on the Bible to play this game...lets leave it at that....

 

Looks have nothing to do with it....My office manager looks like Courtney Cox with a better body, she is quite friendly, yet she has this certain "air" about her that is NOT conducive to being approached (or fcked with)..I have been out with her in public on numerous occasions..Guys dont even look her way...I wouldn't embarrass myself by asking her, but id bet everything I own that she doesnt have any stories to tell of being propositioned or promised advancement or being preyed on by some old douchebag....I dont see it at all and quite frankly if it did happen-she'd probably tell me in a joking fashion..

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

In general, women would have an abundance of opportunities to get married during their twenties (even up to early thirties). Many of them have other priorities during this time. At 35 and beyond, men generally have an abundance of opportunities to get married.

 

Women beyond 35 seem to think they are still entitled to the relative quality of men they could get when they were in the prime of their lives. But that is not the case. The best strategy is to lock down a husband prior to 30, keep him happy and live out their older (lower value) years with a man who will (generally) cherish them. It is not terribly difficult to keep a man happy. But many women are not interested in that. The ones that cash out of their marriage at 35 plus (and the ones still single at 35+) wake up to an entirely different game.

 

And before you rant on about how sexist this might sound, I've just gone through the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread, the the majority of the posts making the absurd statement that single women over 35 are better than the single men over 35 (on average). I'll let you in on a poorly kept secret, you ladies are not nearly as 'fabulous' as you think you are.

 

You clearly haven't had too many positive male role models either.

 

If it weren't for the very many positive male role models in MY life... I likely would have been turned off to men long ago.

 

As it is... I blame society mostly for giving the douchebags a green light.

[thefooloftheyear]

She isn't that put together if she has to settle for an old guy... If I follow your logic... The most attractive women need to be hitting on the same age and younger ones and helping them to be good partners. Together. Oh wait! They are!! Like my mom did! Lol.

 

.... And if the old guy can't handle women his own age... That doesn't say a lot about him either. Real men don't have to date relative little girls. Only the weak ones do... Those aren't 'options'.... That is poor judgement.... That's why I don't want them. There is nothing special about those guys.

 

.... But you know... I see where this comes from now... You didn't have a strong role model as a father...

 

 

Man you are thick headed..you sure you arent Italian?

 

 

Why do you think this is what I espouse? I already said a thousand times i dont...?? *shrug*

 

 

"Settling" and "poor judgement" are only your interpretations....Don't you get it? For them, it just might be the better option under their circumstances..who are we to say??

 

I mean there are MILLIONS of "equally matched" partners that are sitting in divorce courts every single day...not everyone is your parents...good for them...

 

And if, say, a 40 year old guy is with a 28 year old woman, it might have nothing to do with him "not handling" women his own age...He is just exploring that option, if he is able to swim in that pool...

 

Good grief...

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Eh....maybe....lets not forget, its the Internet, bro...you dont have to put your hand on the Bible to play this game...lets leave it at that....

 

Looks have nothing to do with it....My office manager looks like Courtney Cox with a better body, she is quite friendly, yet she has this certain "air" about her that is NOT conducive to being approached (or fcked with)..I have been out with her in public on numerous occasions..Guys dont even look her way...I wouldn't embarrass myself by asking her, but id bet everything I own that she doesnt have any stories to tell of being propositioned or promised advancement or being preyed on by some old douchebag....I dont see it at all and quite frankly if it did happen-she'd probably tell me in a joking fashion..

 

TFY

 

You are right. It took me awhile to develop that 'air'.... When I was younger I was more like a deer in the headlights... But not soooo naive ( thank goodness) to attribute that attention to anything worthwhile. Unlike some other young women. It is why I find it so repulsive. I know it isn't always about looks. It is about power.

 

...and I dunno about your office manager. I personally don't make a habit of running around telling woe is me stories about all the crap I had to put up with in school and at work. Usually I take that energy and apply it to something productive. I bet she does too. Good for her.

[RedRobin]

There's probably something about her that makes men more likely than with your average woman. It can't just be coincidence that she's been violated repeatedly by at least several different men in positions of authority. I've talked to a lot of women and unless they're all keeping quiet it isn't that common to have your doctor come onto you when you're a younger girl, let alone multiple teachers as well.

 

Now what that difference might be I don't know. That would be an interesting conversation. But everyone's stuck taking her personal experience with older men personally. I felt like I was watching an episode of Mad Men reading TxGuy comment about women's value being dependent on their age. Blast from the past! I bet if a lot of guys here had to pick they'd chose having dinner with RedRobin over the youngins.

 

I wouldn't say I was violated. Never got that far. I'd say I've been tested more than some... My experience isn't all that different than a lot of women's experiences in the workplace if they are over 35 or so... And work in an all male field. That was my choice though. I could have given it up to be a SAHM anytime. But that would be giving up ( for me).. And so far... I'm not ready to do that.

 

Thanks for the compliment. I'd be happy to share a meal with lots of people here. It would be great fun... It is just too good to have a place like this to share deep thoughts though. Anonymously. Only my family knows some of the things I share here and I plan to keep it that way.

[Anela]

In general, women would have an abundance of opportunities to get married during their twenties (even up to early thirties). Many of them have other priorities during this time. At 35 and beyond, men generally have an abundance of opportunities to get married.

 

Women beyond 35 seem to think they are still entitled to the relative quality of men they could get when they were in the prime of their lives. But that is not the case. The best strategy is to lock down a husband prior to 30, keep him happy and live out their older (lower value) years with a man who will (generally) cherish them. It is not terribly difficult to keep a man happy. But many women are not interested in that. The ones that cash out of their marriage at 35 plus (and the ones still single at 35+) wake up to an entirely different game.

 

And before you rant on about how sexist this might sound, I've just gone through the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread, the the majority of the posts making the absurd statement that single women over 35 are better than the single men over 35 (on average). I'll let you in on a poorly kept secret, you ladies are not nearly as 'fabulous' as you think you are.

 

This is just horrible. Our value is in our collagen. God, I really need to stop visiting this board.

[RedRobin]

 

Man you are thick headed..you sure you arent Italian?

 

 

Why do you think this is what I espouse? I already said a thousand times i dont...?? *shrug*

 

 

"Settling" and "poor judgement" are only your interpretations....Don't you get it? For them, it just might be the better option under their circumstances..who are we to say??

 

I mean there are MILLIONS of "equally matched" partners that are sitting in divorce courts every single day...not everyone is your parents...good for them...

 

And if, say, a 40 year old guy is with a 28 year old woman, it might have nothing to do with him "not handling" women his own age...He is just exploring that option, if he is able to swim in that pool...

 

Good grief...

 

TFY

 

Yea.. Good grief is right.

 

...and what I am saying is that it says nothing positive about that guy to be 'able' to swim in 'that' pool. It is only you and some other posters who think he is onto something.

 

In my book... He is just chumming for guppies.

 

That is exactly why I am not trolling the waters for guppies myself. I don't consider it a big credit to my attractiveness...

[Woggle]

I must say I have noticed that when my wife introduced me to her friends and family I never got any of the negative comments from the men around that younger women seem to get. All the men in her family have accepted me with open arms and I get along very well with her brother. Some people have still somehow accused me of picking a stepford wife because she is faithful and doesn't hate men but no comments about me being a little younger.

[iiiii]

I must say I have noticed that when my wife introduced me to her friends and family I never got any of the negative comments from the men around that younger women seem to get. All the men in her family have accepted me with open arms and I get along very well with her brother. Some people have still somehow accused me of picking a stepford wife because she is faithful and doesn't hate men but no comments about me being a little younger.

 

You're lucky, Woggle. My friend's man's family (most especially his mother and her friends and relatives) certainly weren't happy about him hooking up with my "unsuitable" friend, and weren't shy about expressing their feelings when they realized that the relationship might become permanent. I think the mother had a mental picture of the daughter in law that she wanted (pretty, young, submissive) and my friend just didn't fit the expectations. Too old, too independent, too sassy.

 

The mother seems to have come around somewhat after the baby - or else possibly just realized she'd better suck it up, or she'd be likely to lose her son to his new family.

[hotpotato]

Hot potato.I think you are spot on about 50 being the age where men often start to decline in attractiveness. Age catches up to men as well, just 15-20 years after it takes the biggest bite out of women.

 

You also made me realize my previous point was a bit too sharp. I did not mean to say that all women over 35 are not that 'fabulous.' I was responding to several posters over the last several pages talking about how wonderful women over 35 were and how the men over 35 are 'not good enough for them.' Those are the women I was referring to who are not as 'fabulous' as they think they are (SATC reference that has caught on where women refer to themselves and each other as so fabulous).

 

There are plenty of sweet attractive women over 35. I run into them all the time. But there are also plenty of bitter women who think men are jerks and predators. There isn't a problem in the world that they cannot somehow attribute to the fault of man. Luckily, these are pretty easy to spot and avoid.

Not quite what I was trying to say. The average man loses attractiveness well before 50. Many 50+ year old men are just especially delusional about how attractive they are. Delusional is right. They really do believe they are hot enough to attract women in their 30s. Some exceptional men can be very attractive to much younger women, but the key word is "exceptional."

 

There's probably something about her that makes men more likely than with your average woman. It can't just be coincidence that she's been violated repeatedly by at least several different men in positions of authority. I've talked to a lot of women and unless they're all keeping quiet it isn't that common to have your doctor come onto you when you're a younger girl, let alone multiple teachers as well.

 

Now what that difference might be I don't know. That would be an interesting conversation. But everyone's stuck taking her personal experience with older men personally. I felt like I was watching an episode of Mad Men reading TxGuy comment about women's value being dependent on their age. Blast from the past! I bet if a lot of guys here had to pick they'd chose having dinner with RedRobin over the youngins.

 

Exactly. These men are risking their careers trying to get with her. Something about RR is worth it.

[iris219]

I personally have the impression that the reasons women over 35 are not married are different than the ones of men over 35 who are never married.

I feel that every man, no matter how poor or ugly he is, can get married. There will always be a woman who wants him. There are guys who are on death row who get married for christ's sake! It irritates the hell out of me!

My opinion: men don't get married because they don't want to be married, women don't marry because they don't find a man that is good enough to marry.

 

I agree. It's not hard for a man to get married to an awesome woman if that's what he wants.

 

I know and work with lots of nice, attractive women over 35 who have never been married because they never met anyone or no one ever asked them to get married.

 

I work with no men over 35 who have never been married. I only know 2 men over 35 who have never been married, one is in a LTR of about 7 years and one is 45 and only wants to date hot 20 year olds who like him for him, not his money. Needless to say, he's having no success with this.

 

Where I live there are way more single women than men, and people get married young. If a man here hasn't married by 35 there is, most likely, a reason that makes him an unsuitable partner. I assume it's different in larger cities.

 

I was single for years and hardly dated. The last year I was single, I met 2 single men, one who was too old for for me and one who had a drinking problem and was still trying to make it big with his band.

 

Men here are not single unless they want to be. My area sounds similar to RR's when it comes to dating.

[thefooloftheyear]

I agree. It's not hard for a man to get married to an awesome woman if that's what he wants.

 

I know and work with lots of nice, attractive women over 35 who have never been married because they never met anyone or no one ever asked them to get married.

 

I work with no men over 35 who have never been married. I only know 2 men over 35 who have never been married, one is in a LTR of about 7 years and one is 45 and only wants to date hot 20 year olds who like him for him, not his money. Needless to say, he's having no success with this.

 

Where I live there are way more single women than men, and people get married young. If a man here hasn't married by 35 there is, most likely, a reason that makes him an unsuitable partner. I assume it's different in larger cities.

 

I was single for years and hardly dated. The last year I was single, I met 2 single men, one who was too old for for me and one who had a drinking problem and was still trying to make it big with his band.

 

Men here are not single unless they want to be. My area sounds similar to RR's when it comes to dating.

 

 

Ok...so let me see if I understand this correctly....

 

 

-If a woman is over 35 and never married, she's awesome and never found anyone as awesome as her...

 

-If a man is over 35 and never married....hes a damaged individual...

 

 

Yep...makes all the sense in the world...

 

 

TFY

[RedRobin]

Not quite what I was trying to say. The average man loses attractiveness well before 50. Many 50+ year old men are just especially delusional about how attractive they are. Delusional is right. They really do believe they are hot enough to attract women in their 30s. Some exceptional men can be very attractive to much younger women, but the key word is "exceptional."

 

 

 

Exactly. These men are risking their careers trying to get with her. Something about RR is worth it.

I appreciate the support.

 

My belief is that physically attractive people can attract people from a wide range of ages for sex. And if that is as far as it goes I suppose you could chalk it up to experimentation for some. A 'meh' tried that... Sticking with the original... Thanks... Kind of thing.

 

 

I stick to my theory about people who make a habit of it... Who diverge too far... Or who commit to that. Neither are exceptional. Not the man. Not the woman. Not in my opinion.

 

...and about risking their careers... I am sure I wasn't the first. We have a culture that condones and encourages men to engage in this behavior. It is promoted all over the place... And this live and let live attitude... Or viewing men who do so as somehow exalted.... Only makes things worse. Same way I feel about players. Just because some women go along with it doesn't make it right. Not to mention... One more set of behaviors that mostly men encourage at women's expense.

 

I guess the question is... Where do these guys learn this?? Poor role models... Media... Most likely.

[iris219]

Ok...so let me see if I understand this correctly....

 

 

-If a woman is over 35 and never married, she's awesome and never found anyone as awesome as her...

 

-If a man is over 35 and never married....hes a damaged individual...

 

 

Yep...makes all the sense in the world...

 

 

TFY

 

Where I live, yes.

 

In other places, I don't know.

 

I have a 37 year old female friend who has been single for 11 years. She can't even get a date. She's a normal person. She has a stable job, hobbies, she's cute. No one asks her out. My office mate is the same way. She has not been on date since she moved here 5 years ago.

 

I wish I knew single men to set them up with, but I don't.

 

And no, I'm not saying a man over 35 who's never been married is damaged. It could be that he has no desire to get married, which is fine, but I wouldn't want to date him.

[xxoo]

I agree. It's not hard for a man to get married to an awesome woman if that's what he wants.

 

Awesome women usually hold out for an awesome guy.

 

But I think there are far more women who are expressly interested in marriage than men, and many of the men who don't want to marry are pretty awesome. Just not a good pick for the marriage minded woman.

[man_in_the_box]

There are guys who are on death row who get married for christ's sake!

 

This is a fetish called hybristophilia (Hybristophilia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) which does not have much to do with 'any man can get married'.

[RedRobin]

I agree. It's not hard for a man to get married to an awesome woman if that's what he wants.

 

I know and work with lots of nice, attractive women over 35 who have never been married because they never met anyone or no one ever asked them to get married.

 

I work with no men over 35 who have never been married. I only know 2 men over 35 who have never been married, one is in a LTR of about 7 years and one is 45 and only wants to date hot 20 year olds who like him for him, not his money. Needless to say, he's having no success with this.

 

Where I live there are way more single women than men, and people get married young. If a man here hasn't married by 35 there is, most likely, a reason that makes him an unsuitable partner. I assume it's different in larger cities.

 

I was single for years and hardly dated. The last year I was single, I met 2 single men, one who was too old for for me and one who had a drinking problem and was still trying to make it big with his band.

 

Men here are not single unless they want to be. My area sounds similar to RR's when it comes to dating.

 

 

Yep. One of my ex BFs is now a good male friend of mine. He just turned 40 this year. He was unavailable emotionally with me... I broke up with him. Afterwards, he met and dated a woman 7 years younger... beautiful, sweet... same thing with her. Didn't tell her he loved her for over a year. (actually, that is when I dumped him... after a year, he didn't tell me he loved me...so I dumped him).

 

 

She hung in for a total of 2.5 years.... but finally got fed up recently. Well, he did tell her he loved her after a year when I gave him shyte.... but this is a guy who even claimed to be looking for marriage.

 

 

I'm friends with her too... and she knows I helped him find her...and have done my best to coach him through his nonsense. Hands down... she's the best GF he's ever had. Me included... so I told her I'm not helping him anymore... not in the romance department at least. In my opinion, he's a bonafide, dyed in the wool commitment phobe... nothing to be done about it.... not unless he gets some counseling.

[iiiii]

My belief is that physically attractive people can attract people from a wide range of ages for sex. And if that is as far as it goes I suppose you could chalk it up to experimentation for some. A 'meh' tried that... Sticking with the original... Thanks... Kind of thing.

 

Or sometimes: "Excellent, I'm sticking with this one".

 

To be fair, I also view guys who will ONLY date women many years younger with some suspicion, since it seems so very superficial (like women who will ONLY date men who make a certain amount of money).

 

I think personal experience factors into this a lot, too. The only players who have ever tried to lure me in have been close to my own age. The only time I was assaulted, it was someone only a few years older than me. But I can understand personally getting turned off people because of negative emotional associations with who you have met (for example, I don't think I would ever again be attracted to an Indian guy because of the incident I mention).

[RedRobin]

Or sometimes: "Excellent, I'm sticking with this one".

 

To be fair, I also view guys who will ONLY date women many years younger with some suspicion, since it seems so very superficial (like women who will ONLY date men who make a certain amount of money).

 

I think personal experience factors into this a lot, too. The only players who have ever tried to lure me in have been close to my own age. The only time I was assaulted, it was someone only a few years older than me. But I can understand personally getting turned off people because of negative emotional associations with who you have met (for example, I don't think I would ever again be attracted to an Indian guy because of the incident I mention).

 

 

The only men I've witnessed who haven't been players are the younger ones. They are at least honest about their expectations. I'm considering opening up my dating range to max 10 years younger.

 

 

Both the same age and older ones have been suspect to me around here.

 

 

Older for reasons I've already stated.

 

 

Similar age because they seem to be intent on trying to make women their own age into eff buddies and FWB (me included) without her permission... while keeping their options open for the young'in they will actually 'commit' to... if their commitment is even worth much. Around here, they are looking to younger women as a form of social security and maybe a meal ticket... just as much as the older ones are. Not to mention the other perceived benefits.

 

 

I admit to most of my dating experience (in life!!) being informed by my experiences here in Upstate NY which suck immensely. It has a broken economy... and those living here either occupy a rare, hard to find job (like me)... were born here and are tied by family... or on the skids and can't escape.

 

 

I didn't date a ton before I met my now ex-H. He was my fourth BF... Every guy I dated before then... if I agreed to date them, then we were together a minimum of a year.

 

 

My fiancée, who died... was the first guy I dated after my divorce and after coming out of a long spell of not dating at all.

 

 

It was only after he died that I've done... or have been obliged to do... any serious dating... I'm quite slow to agree to date someone... but once I do, it tends to last. I think what is so frustrating these days is the shear number of men I've gone through... I spend as much as two months getting to know them... then I find out some major crap I can't deal with... and then it's back to the drawing board.

 

 

People are attributing this to my 'abandonment issues' from my fiancée dying. I don't think it is just that. I think it is due just as much to today's dating culture and demographics.

[PinkInTheLimo]

People are attributing this to my 'abandonment issues' from my fiancée dying. I don't think it is just that. I think it is due just as much to today's dating culture and demographics.

 

It's so irritating when people tell you that you are single because you have issues. As if you should be happy with no matter what man, just because he is a man. Maybe I should just pick up one of the homeless guys in my city and save him? Now that will make me happy .

 

My situation is the following. Where do I meet men? At work and at my evening course. In both environments contacts are superficial. At work all men are married. Or gay (in which case they also sometimes happen to be married as gay marriage is legal in my country). Or they have a girlfriend. No single men. NONE.

 

Work and study takes up a lot of my time for starters. I try to do yoga every week. There are men in my yoga studio, it's a minority but they are there. But there is not a lot of socialising so I don't get to know anyone there.

 

So what is left? Internet dating. Where it is searching for a needle in a haystack to find a man:

- who is free (= not married, not in the middle of a divorce, not still in a relationship, not living together with the ex for practical reasons, etc...)

- who can see himself together with a woman his age so who does not at all costs want a younger woman

- who knows how to issue a decent profile = a profile with a couple of well-constructed sentences without blatant spelling and grammar mistakes and a normal picture (shirtless is not a normal picture). I wonder if some of these guys actually read their profile after putting it up.

- who has a healthy life style = eats healthy, does a bit of sport (it does not have to be extreme but at least some running or cycling) and has nothing more than a moderate alcohol consumption.

- who has a decent financial situation

- who acts as an adult = is able to do the minimum to keep house so does not expect a woman to act as his mother. I am sometimes so shocked at how totally dependent some men are on women for all the practical stuff in their life. They might have a responsible job but they aren't even capable of cooking potatoes.

 

I honestly don't see why on earth I would have to compromise on any of these basis requirements, which I totally fulfill myself by the way. So no, I am sure that not meeting any man I like has anything to do with me having issues.

[iiiii]

The only men I've witnessed who haven't been players are the younger ones. They are at least honest about their expectations. I'm considering opening up my dating range to max 10 years younger.

 

How very strange. Perhaps it's just different cultures in different parts of the world. Definitely younger guys are more likely to be players around here - whereas older guys tend not to approach me at all, let alone disrespectfully.

[Woggle]

Most women over 40 who are not married don't want to be married. Some might meet a man that changes their mind but for the most part marriage is just not what they want. Nothing wrong with that but don't blame it on men being horrible.

[RedRobin]

How very strange. Perhaps it's just different cultures in different parts of the world. Definitely younger guys are more likely to be players around here - whereas older guys tend not to approach me at all, let alone disrespectfully.

 

 

I consider a player to be someone who lies and manipulates in order to get something... usually sex in the case of men... sometimes more (money, status, etc... same as a lot of women).

 

 

In the case of relationship oriented women, these guys need to convince her he really likes and cares about her... Some are quite persistent. I dated a same age guy last year for almost two months (no sex) before I could clearly see through the BS. And he was someone recommended to me by a friend.

 

 

That guy was a sociopath. Probably the first I've ever REALLY encountered in my life. Believe it or not. Those older guys hitting on me?... I don't consider sociopaths. Narcissists maybe. Delusional... most definitely... but they were straightforward in their designs...

 

 

I don't observe the younger guys around here doing that. At least not with me. They are more straightforward. Much like the older men were to me when I was younger. I know how to deal with THAT.

 

 

It's the same age and older who seem to be intent on doing whatever they can to turn relationship oriented women into eff-buddies and FWB... and as many as possible simultaneously as they can pull off. At least around here. It really is gross.

[hotpotato]

Ive had issues with young and old men. Older men may be more suave about it.

 

 

I do wonder why women are expected to settle. I would also like a man who is fit like me, but in my area they are in short supply especially. Most halfway attractive men have already been taken.

[thefooloftheyear]

OK....Hang on a second while I put on my Kevlar suit....hear me out...

 

Not referring to anyone in this thread..

 

Many women are guilty of FAR over estimating their desirability, looks, etc...Guys just really dont do this...Not at least in the same numbers...

 

So when you hear stories about how women that cant find a man say.."well, I never met anyone that was good enough"...You have to look at the big picture...That "average" woman might want a ripped guy with a great face, can cook like Emeril,has an 8 figure portfolio, and shoots lightning out of his ass..

 

 

A friend of mine is doing OLD...He is in his 40's...He showed me some profiles..Its absolutely staggering how delusional these women are in their profiles and desires....Its downright laughable....Just about every woman that looks like they would have a hard time walking up a flight of stairs lists themselves as fit...Really heavy ones list themselves as having a "few extra pounds'...huh?? Then they post photos that are obviously photoshopped and conspicuously do not show their weak areas..According to my buddy, not a single woman looked better IRL than what their profile pics showed..Not one..

 

So for some of these, maybe its time to put down the Romance Novel, get a new eyeglass prescription and be a bit more realistic about what type of man is going to want to be with them...The truly desirable guys will have a ton of options...The competition will be overwhelming..

 

And really ladies...Its 2014...To say that "no guy has ever approached me" is nuts..Women actively pursue men all the time nowadays..Its totally acceptable and not considered slutty or too forward.....Its not the 50's anymore..

 

Just a thought...

 

TFY