Question for people 35+ who have never been married

April 7, 2014

Ugh...

Sorry RR, you are just ranting incomprehensibly at this point....And making blanket generalizations about men as a whole...Step back and take a deep breath....

Go back and read my comment on the last post.(sigh)..I AGREE with you that any guy who is a predatory douchebag, and trying to coerce a younger woman to sleep with him for any reason is just a garden variety aszhole..There is nothing more that needs to be said about it...End of story..And let me fill you in on something, girl...and trust me on this....if you think the opposite doesn't happen, you are delusional...It does...and those women are equally repulsive..

Hmm..This thread got me thinking..I can recall several posters on this site(women), who have repeatedly mentioned that they favor the company of younger men...I say good for them!!...If thats what they find to be better suited for them, great!! maybe they are more youthful and dont want the average beer gut, 40 something couch potato..Thats terrific!! id probably do the same thing if I had tits and a vagina..

But then, Neither you, nor KathyM(or anyone else for that matter) have ever called them on it-or if you did I didnt recall it....Why is this? If you guys are consistent in your thinking process, then it shouldnt be that only men can't play in this game. right? ..Women are fine here? Just want to make sure you guys arent displaying hypocrisy here..Show me a post where you called out another woman for this behavior and I will stand corrected..

*I wont hold my breath, dont worry*....

TFY

I don't recall any threads where women were asking about dating younger men. If anything, they were worried about dating men a few years younger... not 10+ years younger.

The difference (as other posters have already said) is that these older woman/younger men things tend to be more casual. And you already know how I feel about casual.

Yes, I believe that men can get hurt in casual arrangements too. Its why I don't do them. Unlike women, though, even if things don't work out for the guy (if he wanted more)... no one is going to call him a slut afterward...

April 7, 2014

I have a very dear friend who has a partner nearly 10 years younger than herself, they've got one child, another on the way, they've moved overseas together and just bought a house, and are extremely happy together... yes, they initially got some uncomfortable and downright nasty comments from (his) family and even from complete strangers, but it seems to be standing the test of time so far.

Me and my friend must just be the exception to the rule that everyone else apparently knows about, that age disparity partnerships are all about one person getting used or abused or being taken advantage of.

April 7, 2014

I can buy this...

But you have to admit....guys wont do the same thing that women do in these circumstances...They wont gang up and shame a younger guy for dating an older woman...

I remember some years ago, one of my cousins(who was 40ish at the time) showed up at a family function with a woman in her late 20's...ALL of my older female cousins were ripping her to shreds behind her back..I didnt get it..She seemed like a lovely young lady..Its almost as if they hate the competition..and they didnt even have a dog in the fight!! It didnt work out, who knows why...but the point is that she got tore up for no apparent reason other than age/attractiveness..

TFY

Yes, they should have focused their attention on their azhole cousin... who should have known better.

Either way, the message was sent... bring an age appropriate date next time or bring no one.

... and I'm pretty sure none of your other female cousins were angling for a date with your other cousin. Competition??! No, she was just an easier target than your male cousin because they didn't know her. They should have womaned up and told him what they thought. In their way, I guess they did.

... last but not least... I think you are obliged to acknowledge that at least some of the anger you witness might very well have to do with the kind of behavior I described. I personally see it all on a continuum... it is all related. And while there may be the occasional healthy relationship between people with large age gaps, that is the rare exception. Not the rule.

April 7, 2014

I have a very dear friend who has a partner nearly 10 years younger than herself, they've got one child, another on the way, they've moved overseas together and just bought a house, and are extremely happy together... yes, they initially got some uncomfortable and downright nasty comments from (his) family and even from complete strangers, but it seems to be standing the test of time so far.

Me and my friend must just be the exception to the rule that everyone else apparently knows about, that age disparity partnerships are all about one person getting used or abused or being taken advantage of.

Good for them, being brave enough to go for what they wanted and not care what other people think.

I've been talking to someone on and off for a few years that I've never met in person but can tell we would have scorching chemistry. Just found out she's 12 years older than me the other day. Glad I'm part of the 7% who wouldn't care what others think and would snatch her up in a second if she wasn't taken.

April 7, 2014

Go back and read my comment on the last post.(sigh)..I AGREE with you that any guy who is a predatory douchebag, and trying to coerce a younger woman to sleep with him for any reason is just a garden variety aszhole..There is nothing more that needs to be said about it...End of story..

So I did take a deep breath... And it didn't really sink in until that last post why large age gaps bug me so much.

1) I've never witnessed that attention as anything other than predatory and I am sick of it.

2) those azholes got the idea from somewhere that it was ok.

3) they weren't socialized properly to place themselves in mentor roles instead of eff buddy roles.

I have had plenty of much younger men in my care develop crushes on me. I didn't twist it into something sexual.

April 7, 2014

I personally have the impression that the reasons women over 35 are not married are different than the ones of men over 35 who are never married.

I feel that every man, no matter how poor or ugly he is, can get married. There will always be a woman who wants him. There are guys who are on death row who get married for christ's sake! It irritates the hell out of me!

My opinion: men don't get married because they don't want to be married, women don't marry because they don't find a man that is good enough to marry. I honestly think there are more good women than men and therefore a number of women get left out, because we don't want to be with a bum!

I think it is because women are a lot more forgiving about men's flaws that the other way round. I am 49, slim, attractive, comfortable financial situation and single for several years (and it is not the first time that I am single for a longer time). And yes I know that when I am on a dating site, divorced men are suspicious. They'd rather get together with an overweight divorcee with a couple of kids because that they know that kind of woman, they were married to one like that. They don't get it: she has never been married, what's wrong with her? The answer is: absolutely nothing. I am certainly not a commitmentphobic but I want quality in a relationship. I want the guy to be there because he really loves me and cares for me and vice versa. And that just was not there in my previous relationships. I could have been married 2 or 3 times if I would have accepted for example to basically be the guy's mother, or would have put up with the verbal abuse of another one, or the drinking of yet another one. But I saw my mother be unhappy for 42 years with my father and I have promised myself to never waste my life that way.

And thanks god we live in a time when it is possible to be a good life as a single woman. Do I want to get married? I would love to if I meet the right guy. But it's got to be the right guy. Who you marry has an enormous impact on your life. It can make it better but it can also make it worse.

What bugs me is that if there would be a man with my profile: attractive, good financial situation, high education he would be considered a catch! OK, some women might be suspicious about the fact that he was never married but if he really is OK, that would pass...

April 7, 2014

Says who?

Are you saying that men your age who are healthy partners don't exist in your area?

Each man is an individual. It sounds like you are hAving trouble finding, or attracting, the healthy ones.

The healthy men are most of the time in a relationship. If they become a widower or divorced women are throwing themselves at them (I have read a real story about a university professor who lost his wife when he was in his late fifties and women he did not even know started calling and writing him because they had heard that he was a widower... ).

See, that might be one of the reasons I am single: I am more discrete and will never impose myself to a man like that. I want things to evolve naturally.

How I hate it when married women start lecturing the single women who can't find a man. They have no clue how it is to be out there wanting to be in relationship but not meeting someone, yet they judge us.

These same women will never ever invite us for their dinner parties because they only invite couples and are secretly afraid their husband might find us more interesting than them. Of course they invite the single friends of their husband because these are guys so the poor bastards should otherwise sit in front of the TV on a Saturday evening.

April 7, 2014

Ugh...

Sorry RR, you are just ranting incomprehensibly at this point....And making blanket generalizations about men as a whole...Step back and take a deep breath....

Go back and read my comment on the last post.(sigh)..I AGREE with you that any guy who is a predatory douchebag, and trying to coerce a younger woman to sleep with him for any reason is just a garden variety aszhole..There is nothing more that needs to be said about it...End of story..And let me fill you in on something, girl...and trust me on this....if you think the opposite doesn't happen, you are delusional...It does...and those women are equally repulsive..

Hmm..This thread got me thinking..I can recall several posters on this site(women), who have repeatedly mentioned that they favor the company of younger men...I say good for them!!...If thats what they find to be better suited for them, great!! maybe they are more youthful and dont want the average beer gut, 40 something couch potato..Thats terrific!! id probably do the same thing if I had tits and a vagina..

But then, Neither you, nor KathyM(or anyone else for that matter) have ever called them on it-or if you did I didnt recall it....Why is this? If you guys are consistent in your thinking process, then it shouldnt be that only men can't play in this game. right? ..Women are fine here? Just want to make sure you guys arent displaying hypocrisy here..Show me a post where you called out another woman for this behavior and I will stand corrected..

*I wont hold my breath, dont worry*....

TFY

Actually, I have rarely seen on here cougar women bragging about how they bagged a boytoy, or how they are only interested in men substantially younger than them. Rarely seen on here, and I would have likely not had a "you go girl" response to it. If some cougar women tried to pursue my young sons to proposition them, who are all in their early to mid 20s, I would be plenty disgusted. But we often see threads about older men pursuing young women.

My family has had a lot of negative experiences from older men taking advantage of young and vulnerable women. I, myself, was offered a ride home at the age of 16 by an older man who was a teacher at my high school. I trusted him and desparately needed a ride home, since I missed the last bus. He raped me on the ride home, and threatened to kill me if I didn't perform various sexual acts on him. He put his hands on my neck and threatened to choke me. My sister, at the age of 17, was played by a much older married man whose kids she babysat for. He snowed her with all his over-the-top compliments and promises of a future together. Then talked her out of her money to pay for his car repairs. We put a stop to that by informing his wife. My niece, at 24 years old, was stalked on the internet by a middle aged man on the gaming site she participated in. He took advantage of her temporary financial issues after college and before she got a job, by convincing her to come to meet him and offering to help her out by providing a place to stay. He lied about his age, and was much older than he represented, but after she traveled to meet him, she was talked into staying with him because she had established an online relationship with him and so she trusted him. We did not know about all this until after she left. These were all predatory older men, pursuing and taking advantage of naive, trusting, or vulnerable young women. My niece had daddy issues, due to her father being the abusive jerk that he was, and so she felt cared for by a daddy figure and stayed with this older man for 3 years, despite our attempts to intervene.

Oh, and then there's the older men who stalked me, crashed into my car, and didn't want to accept my rejection of their advances. I know exactly what RedRobin is talking about, and it's disgusting. Older men acting like idiots trying to prey on younger women. Even now, at middle age, my sister tells of the much older men she met through OLD who lied about their age in order to manipulate her into a date, and then tried to do a hard sell with flashes of their material wealth to try to entice her into continuing to date them after she found out their age and was going to turn them down. Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of respect for men who have a sense of entitlement with younger women, and who claim they are not attracted to women their own age. So call me jaded on this topic. I've just seen and experienced too much negative crap when it comes to older men pursuing or preying on younger women.

April 7, 2014

I personally have the impression that the reasons women over 35 are not married are different than the ones of men over 35 who are never married.
I feel that every man, no matter how poor or ugly he is, can get married. There will always be a woman who wants him. There are guys who are on death row who get married for christ's sake! It irritates the hell out of me!
My opinion: men don't get married because they don't want to be married, women don't marry because they don't find a man that is good enough to marry. I honestly think there are more good women than men and therefore a number of women get left out, because we don't want to be with a bum!

When I was younger... I would have never believed this... I definitely believe this now.

Statistically... It is also true. Just look at the number of men in prison compared to women and one gets a very good idea of the disparity.

Yes... Thank god there are lots of ways to make our way in the world these days and we have choices.

April 7, 2014

Any woman can get married over 35 if she wants as well. It's not like men with standards have choices either. If I never met my wife I would probably be single right now myself. Women over 35 who are single in many cases tend to

Not want to be married or commited

Have unrealistic standards

Are manhaters or misandrists

Are gold diggers

Are addicted to bad men

Take away that and what does a single man who has something going for him have left to choose from? It's not easy for quality single men either.

April 7, 2014

Actually, I have rarely seen on here cougar women bragging about how they bagged a boytoy, or how they are only interested in men substantially younger than them. Rarely seen on here, and I would have likely not had a "you go girl" response to it. If some cougar women tried to pursue my young sons to proposition them, who are all in their early to mid 20s, I would be plenty disgusted. But we often see threads about older men pursuing young women.

My family has had a lot of negative experiences from older men taking advantage of young and vulnerable women. I, myself, was offered a ride home at the age of 16 by an older man who was a teacher at my high school. I trusted him and desparately needed a ride home, since I missed the last bus. He raped me on the ride home, and threatened to kill me if I didn't perform various sexual acts on him. He put his hands on my neck and threatened to choke me. My sister, at the age of 17, was played by a much older married man whose kids she babysat for. He snowed her with all his over-the-top compliments and promises of a future together. Then talked her out of her money to pay for his car repairs. We put a stop to that by informing his wife. My niece, at 24 years old, was stalked on the internet by a middle aged man on the gaming site she participated in. He took advantage of her temporary financial issues after college and before she got a job, by convincing her to come to meet him and offering to help her out by providing a place to stay. He lied about his age, and was much older than he represented, but after she traveled to meet him, she was talked into staying with him because she had established an online relationship with him and so she trusted him. We did not know about all this until after she left. These were all predatory older men, pursuing and taking advantage of naive, trusting, or vulnerable young women. My niece had daddy issues, due to her father being the abusive jerk that he was, and so she felt cared for by a daddy figure and stayed with this older man for 3 years, despite our attempts to intervene.

Oh, and then there's the older men who stalked me, crashed into my car, and didn't want to accept my rejection of their advances. I know exactly what RedRobin is talking about, and it's disgusting. Older men acting like idiots trying to prey on younger women. Even now, at middle age, my sister tells of the much older men she met through OLD who lied about their age in order to manipulate her into a date, and then tried to do a hard sell with flashes of their material wealth to try to entice her into continuing to date them after she found out their age and was going to turn them down. Yeah, I don't have a whole lot of respect for men who have a sense of entitlement with younger women, and who claim they are not attracted to women their own age. So call me jaded on this topic. I've just seen and experienced too much negative crap when it comes to older men pursuing or preying on younger women.

Im sorry you have had these experiences, thats terrible, but really now...can we stop talking about predators already? That horse has been dead pages ago...No one is carrying those guys out on their shoulders..enough already..Its no different than the arguments where people say that every female prostitute is being exploited and held at gunpoint to blow 100 John's a day while their pimp takes in all of the profits.

So with your logic...Can NO right minded woman decide for herself what an appropriate age partner can be for her? Or are we just going to continue to live in Fantasy Land and assume that every young woman/ older guy has deep seated emotional problems, is a Gold Digger, or has fallen prey to a predatory aszhole??

My dad was 37 and my mom was 19 when they married..Times were different then, but that being said...my father was a lazy and irresponsible guy, but a sexual predator??...All he did was lay around the house...can't do much predatory when you are sawing wood on the couch at 3 in the afternoon.. And let me tell you something about my mother...She is the toughest woman I have ever met/seen in my life...Daddy issues.???...No one can put anything on her...She was all in...she just didnt realize the extent of my dads lack of responsibility to be a proper provider..

So you have experiences and the rest of the world does too...Try to open your eyes to the possiblities...

TFY

Edited April 7, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

April 7, 2014

Im sorry you have had these experiences, thats terrible, but really now...can we stop talking about predators already? That horse has been dead pages ago...No one is carrying those guys out on their shoulders..enough already..Its no different than the arguments where people say that every female prostitute is being exploited and held at gunpoint to blow 100 John's a day while their pimp takes in all of the profits.

I gave other examples of much older men who, while not predators per se, were liars and manipulators, and used those tactics to procure a younger woman. And if you want to start throwing in the prostitute debate into this, the average age of prostitutes entering prostitution is 13. The vast majority have been abused as a child. I didn't say all were, just as I'm not saying all young women who are with older men are psychologically damaged. I'm saying that likely most are, from what I have seen IRL.

So with your logic...Can NO right minded woman decide for herself what an appropriate age partner can be for her? Or are we just going to continue to live in Fantasy Land and assume that every young woman/ older guy has deep seated emotional problems, is a Gold Digger, or has fallen prey to a predatory aszhole??

I'm saying that the vast majority of women choose men close to their own age (93%). The women I've known or met IRL who were open to a relationship with a much older man are suffering from daddy issues, or other psychological issues, or low self esteem. That has been my experience. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but that 7% is likely to have those issues I mentioned. That doesn't mean that everyone does.

My dad was 37 and my mom was 19 when they married..Times were different then, but that being said...my father was a lazy and irresponsible guy, but a sexual predator??...All he did was lay around the house...can't do much predatory when you are sawing wood on the couch at 3 in the afternoon.. And let me tell you something about my mother...She is the toughest woman I have ever met/seen in my life...Daddy issues.???...No one can put anything on her...She was all in...she just didnt realize the extent of my dads lack of responsibility to be a proper provider..

So your mom, at 19, thought it was a good idea to marry a 37 year old? One has to wonder why. I have no idea, but likely there were some issues going on with her if she thought that was a good idea at the time. I'm not sure what your point was in bringing this up. It doesn't disprove anything I said.

So you have experiences and the rest of the world does too...Try to open your eyes to the possiblities...

TFY

I'm not denying that some couples with large age gaps don't have issues. I'm saying that, from my experience, they all did. And I'm saying that the vast majority of women (93%) prefer men their own age. That's all.

April 8, 2014

Large age gaps, like most differences, don't bode well for relationships as a whole. The average age gap for marriages is 3.5 years - this is evidence that both men and women generally prefer to be with someone close to their own age. Not that there aren't exceptions...

I would think that people who have a definite preference for somebody considerably younger (whether male or female) probably does have some sort of 'issue' when it comes to relationships. Or at least they likely don't understand, in general, what makes for a successful relationship (i.e. similarities).

That being said - I think it's also an issue to strictly eliminate potential partners due to age alone. For example, if RR met a man hiking, thought he was attractive and charming and he asked for her number, would she ask his age first, and if he was 6 years older or younger (i.e. one year outside of her preferred range), say "no thanks - you're too old/young"? If so, I think that's a mistake, even given the fact that large age gaps generally do not bode well for relationships.

As people have said over and over, it's better to get to know the individual first, before eliminating them, whether it be because of age, never being married, having a FWB in the past etc.

But the larger issue for both Kathy and RR is that they seem to be taking personal experiences and anecdotal evidence and then making sweeping generalizations based on their own personal experiences. They have both unfortunately seemed to be the victims of some complete azholes, and that trauma has left an indelible mark. Apparently they have not yet realized that personal experience does not make a general pattern. I, for example, do not know any women in my family or social circle that were the victim of some predatory older man. I realize, however, that these predators exist despite the personal experiences of women I am close to.

April 8, 2014

Large age gaps, like most differences, don't bode well for relationships as a whole. The average age gap for marriages is 3.5 years - this is evidence that both men and women generally prefer to be with someone close to their own age. Not that there aren't exceptions...

Agreed.

I would think that people who have a definite preference for somebody considerably younger (whether male or female) probably does have some sort of 'issue' when it comes to relationships. Or at least they likely don't understand, in general, what makes for a successful relationship (i.e. similarities).

Most likely.

That being said - I think it's also an issue to strictly eliminate potential partners due to age alone. For example, if RR met a man hiking, thought he was attractive and charming and he asked for her number, would she ask his age first, and if he was 6 years older or younger (i.e. one year outside of her preferred range), say "no thanks - you're too old/young"? If so, I think that's a mistake, even given the fact that large age gaps generally do not bode well for relationships.

I agree that small age gaps are not an issue, and that being too rigid is not a good plan, such as sticking to an absolute five year limit with no exceptions. But when we're talking about large age gaps (10+ years), there's likely to be issues.

As people have said over and over, it's better to get to know the individual first, before eliminating them, whether it be because of age, never being married, having a FWB in the past etc.

I don't agree with this. If there are dealbreakers that come to light, it's best to end the dating relationship at this point. A lot of people ignore red flags or dealbreakers thinking that it won't matter or they won't get serious about the person and just enjoy his/her company, only to find themselves developing feelings for the person, and then they talk themselves into a relationship only to have the dealbreaker create issues in the relationship. I've learned that from experience and observation. My sister's recent ex had a major dealbreaker (multiple marriages), and she continued to date him thinking she'd just not get too serious. Well, as you could guess, she eventually developed feelings for him and talked herself into marrying the guy, and sure enough, his poor marital pattern eventually creeped into the new relationship. Nope, better to cut off the relationship when a red flag or dealbreaker first comes to light, than to string a person along or risk developing feelings for a person that you know is not a match.

But the larger issue for both Kathy and RR is that they seem to be taking personal experiences and anecdotal evidence and then making sweeping generalizations based on their own personal experiences. They have both unfortunately seemed to be the victims of some complete azholes, and that trauma has left an indelible mark. Apparently they have not yet realized that personal experience does not make a general pattern. I, for example, do not know any women in my family or social circle that were the victim of some predatory older man. I realize, however, that these predators exist despite the personal experiences of women I am close to.

Well, I know a lot of women and men, and make conclusions based on what I have seen IRL. Since there are no studies done to determine what percentage of women in a relationship with a much older man is suffering from psychological issues or looking to replace the father they never had or to process their issues with their own father, I can only draw conclusions based on my own observations.

April 8, 2014

In general, women would have an abundance of opportunities to get married during their twenties (even up to early thirties). Many of them have other priorities during this time. At 35 and beyond, men generally have an abundance of opportunities to get married.

Women beyond 35 seem to think they are still entitled to the relative quality of men they could get when they were in the prime of their lives. But that is not the case. The best strategy is to lock down a husband prior to 30, keep him happy and live out their older (lower value) years with a man who will (generally) cherish them. It is not terribly difficult to keep a man happy. But many women are not interested in that. The ones that cash out of their marriage at 35 plus (and the ones still single at 35+) wake up to an entirely different game.

And before you rant on about how sexist this might sound, I've just gone through the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread, the the majority of the posts making the absurd statement that single women over 35 are better than the single men over 35 (on average). I'll let you in on a poorly kept secret, you ladies are not nearly as 'fabulous' as you think you are.

April 8, 2014

I think RR must be very attractive. I think that has a lot to do with how men treat her. I can relate that men will sexualize even the most benign situations sometimes.

I can also relate about older men. They can be relentless and easily cross over to stalker territory.

April 8, 2014

In general, women would have an abundance of opportunities to get married during their twenties (even up to early thirties). Many of them have other priorities during this time. At 35 and beyond, men generally have an abundance of opportunities to get married.

Women beyond 35 seem to think they are still entitled to the relative quality of men they could get when they were in the prime of their lives. But that is not the case. The best strategy is to lock down a husband prior to 30, keep him happy and live out their older (lower value) years with a man who will (generally) cherish them. It is not terribly difficult to keep a man happy. But many women are not interested in that. The ones that cash out of their marriage at 35 plus (and the ones still single at 35+) wake up to an entirely different game.

And before you rant on about how sexist this might sound, I've just gone through the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread, the the majority of the posts making the absurd statement that single women over 35 are better than the single men over 35 (on average). I'll let you in on a poorly kept secret, you ladies are not nearly as 'fabulous' as you think you are.

The average man over 35 is not nearly as hot or fabulous as he thinks he is. Ive noticed that older men especially once they hit about 50 think they are sexy and dont expire no matter how fat, wrinkled, balding, and broke they are.

April 8, 2014

abundance of opportunities?

April 8, 2014

1) I've never witnessed that attention as anything other than predatory and I am sick of it.
2) those azholes got the idea from somewhere that it was ok.
3) they weren't socialized properly to place themselves in mentor roles instead of eff buddy roles.

You have to realize that all the 'mentoring' and special treatment you got from powerful older men was (essentially) entirely due to the fact that you were an attractive younger woman. Most younger women know exactly the kind of predatory power their physical attraction has over older men. It's just most of these women don't use use their sexual attraction to get things they want from men and then act disgusted when it works.

You seem to have a real problem with older men and younger women and keep harping on this 'predator' thing. In reality, attractive young (and some older) women know exactly what they are doing and the power they hold. The real predators are those women who use men for advancement, insight, as well as cash and prizes.

April 8, 2014

In general, women would have an abundance of opportunities to get married during their twenties (even up to early thirties). Many of them have other priorities during this time. At 35 and beyond, men generally have an abundance of opportunities to get married.

Women beyond 35 seem to think they are still entitled to the relative quality of men they could get when they were in the prime of their lives. But that is not the case. The best strategy is to lock down a husband prior to 30, keep him happy and live out their older (lower value) years with a man who will (generally) cherish them. It is not terribly difficult to keep a man happy. But many women are not interested in that. The ones that cash out of their marriage at 35 plus (and the ones still single at 35+) wake up to an entirely different game.

And before you rant on about how sexist this might sound, I've just gone through the last 2 or 3 pages of this thread, the the majority of the posts making the absurd statement that single women over 35 are better than the single men over 35 (on average). I'll let you in on a poorly kept secret, you ladies are not nearly as 'fabulous' as you think you are.

You are going to get crushed, bro....so put on your helmet, but the truth is painful at times...

Lets face it...A certain segment of women(not calling anyone out here)simply cannot stand anyone with options...Its true of men or women..

If a completely normal guy who happens to be older, (but is very good looking, fit, successful, etc)and is capable of attracting the attention of good looking and well put together women-both young and old-well...that guy is a creep, lowlife predator who drives around in a beatup van with a puppy with a broken leg- unless he selects an appropriately aged woman who has appropriate age related physical characteristics that they might have..

And the younger woman, who just might be 100% normal by any psychological measure-is immediately labeled a mental misfit, a gold digger, a tramp, if she dares have any interest in the older man..Its nuts..

As I have stated before.....Its not what I myself would do....but quite frankly it befuddles the hell out of me why anyone would care what anyone else chooses to do with their life....If they have options and want to explore "non conventional" partners...who is anyone to say?

Do we now shame every attractive woman, because she won't give the poor guy that works for the DPW and has a beer gut, but rather desires the fit attorney or hedge fund manager? Is she a creep, too???....

TFY

April 8, 2014

The average man over 35 is not nearly as hot or fabulous as he thinks he is. Ive noticed that older men especially once they hit about 50 think they are sexy and dont expire no matter how fat, wrinkled, balding, and broke they are.

Hot potato.I think you are spot on about 50 being the age where men often start to decline in attractiveness. Age catches up to men as well, just 15-20 years after it takes the biggest bite out of women.

You also made me realize my previous point was a bit too sharp. I did not mean to say that all women over 35 are not that 'fabulous.' I was responding to several posters over the last several pages talking about how wonderful women over 35 were and how the men over 35 are 'not good enough for them.' Those are the women I was referring to who are not as 'fabulous' as they think they are (SATC reference that has caught on where women refer to themselves and each other as so fabulous).

There are plenty of sweet attractive women over 35. I run into them all the time. But there are also plenty of bitter women who think men are jerks and predators. There isn't a problem in the world that they cannot somehow attribute to the fault of man. Luckily, these are pretty easy to spot and avoid.

April 8, 2014

In reality, attractive young (and some older) women know exactly what they are doing and the power they hold. The real predators are those women who use men for advancement, insight, as well as cash and prizes.

I'd have to agree with the above in some instances. There are tons of women out there who go to bars dressing in as little as possible, with the goal of their looks paying their way through the night (alcohol, cover, etc...)

I honestly cannot stand this. Free alcohol from a random guy would make me feel like I am obligated to talk to him... or who knows what else.

Then again who is at fault? The guys for allowing women to mooch drinks off of them just because they wear nothing, or the girls for using their bodies to get free alcohol.

And I'm not speaking from a hypocritical standpoint either... 1 year ago (at 26) was the 1st time I ever accepted a free drink from a guy at the bar. Not because he asked if I wanted... it was sent to me from across the bar.

When the bartender pointed, I waved to a younger guy that I thought the bartender pointed to, held up my drink and mouthed "thanks". He gave me a "WTF" look but waved...

To my dismay, it was the 65 year old next to him. FML. lol

Anyway.. to RR's point- It truly is predatory out there and for the women who don't appreciate that kind of thing... it sucks. I do like knowing that a man finds me attractive, however just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they're interested in having sex.

I never experienced the predatory male as I did with this past guy I've posted about in here, and it disgusts me to think back how quickly he assumed I wanted to have sex just because I was warming up to him and wanting to hang out beyond work. No sexual innuendos whatsoever before that either...

Edited April 8, 2014 by what_a_blonde

April 8, 2014

I think RR must be very attractive. I think that has a lot to do with how men treat her. I can relate that men will sexualize even the most benign situations sometimes.

I can also relate about older men. They can be relentless and easily cross over to stalker territory.

Im sure she's stunning, but please dont be so naive to think that a douchebag guy wouldnt pick a fat average looking woman and do the exact same thing....As a matter of fact, its probably more likely to be the case..Its an easier mark..

TFY

April 8, 2014

Im sure she's stunning, but please dont be so naive to think that a douchebag guy wouldnt pick a fat average looking woman and do the exact same thing....As a matter of fact, its probably more likely to be the case..Its an easier mark..

TFY

There's probably something about her that makes men more likely than with your average woman. It can't just be coincidence that she's been violated repeatedly by at least several different men in positions of authority. I've talked to a lot of women and unless they're all keeping quiet it isn't that common to have your doctor come onto you when you're a younger girl, let alone multiple teachers as well.

Now what that difference might be I don't know. That would be an interesting conversation. But everyone's stuck taking her personal experience with older men personally. I felt like I was watching an episode of Mad Men reading TxGuy comment about women's value being dependent on their age. Blast from the past! I bet if a lot of guys here had to pick they'd chose having dinner with RedRobin over the youngins.

April 8, 2014

You are going to get crushed, bro....so put on your helmet, but the truth is painful at times...

Lets face it...A certain segment of women(not calling anyone out here)simply cannot stand anyone with options...Its true of men or women..

If a completely normal guy who happens to be older, (but is very good looking, fit, successful, etc)and is capable of attracting the attention of good looking and well put together women-both young and old-well...that guy is a creep, lowlife predator who drives around in a beatup van with a puppy with a broken leg- unless he selects an appropriately aged woman who has appropriate age related physical characteristics that they might have..

And the younger woman, who just might be 100% normal by any psychological measure-is immediately labeled a mental misfit, a gold digger, a tramp, if she dares have any interest in the older man..Its nuts..

As I have stated before.....Its not what I myself would do....but quite frankly it befuddles the hell out of me why anyone would care what anyone else chooses to do with their life....If they have options and want to explore "non conventional" partners...who is anyone to say?

Do we now shame every attractive woman, because she won't give the poor guy that works for the DPW and has a beer gut, but rather desires the fit attorney or hedge fund manager? Is she a creep, too???....

TFY

She isn't that put together if she has to settle for an old guy... If I follow your logic... The most attractive women need to be hitting on the same age and younger ones and helping them to be good partners. Together. Oh wait! They are!! Like my mom did! Lol.

.... And if the old guy can't handle women his own age... That doesn't say a lot about him either. Real men don't have to date relative little girls. Only the weak ones do... Those aren't 'options'.... That is poor judgement.... That's why I don't want them. There is nothing special about those guys.

.... But you know... I see where this comes from now... You didn't have a strong role model as a father...

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