Girlfriend doesn't seem to understand the idea of budgeting?

[Shooter]

I have had a live in girlfriend since late august. Me and her have dated for almost 4 years. Her family was moving to Colorado and trying to make her tag along. She didn't have anyway to support herself so I told her she could move in with me. We both love each other so I didn't see any problems with this. Until now.

 

I am a gambler. And a good one. But some weeks are better than others. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp that, or grasp the idea of actually saving cash.

 

My apartment is paid off for the next year and she knows this. So everytime she sees a lump of cash in our account or I come home with a few thousand dollars she goes completely nuts. She goes shopping, she goes out to eat, she throws a party at my place almost EVERY WEEK. And for these parties she supplies alcohol, food, entertainment, EVERYTHING. Her friends are total leechers and shes making me pay to feed them steak and get them drunk.

 

Tbh i don't really care what she does with the money all that much. I know i'll always have a place to stay, and i don't mind eating canned fish and white rice when i can't afford to buy food. She on the other hand? Minds. She minds a lot. So on weeks when things don't go too well she turns into mr.hyde. Gets mad at the quality of food. Gets mad because she can't go out with her friends. Gets mad because i don't have a "normal" job. But when things are going good she SPENDS ALL THE FRIGGIN MONEY.

 

I have more good weeks then I do bad weeks. And me and her are both in school. I'm going for my MBA and she is enrolled at the local community college in a nursing program. So its not like our lives will be this topsy turvy forever.

 

I just wish she understood that the money I make isn't guaranteed so she should make a conscious effort to not blow it all.

 

I have my own accounts. One for my gambling money (I start with the same amount each week) and one for my savings. I refuse to touch my savings because I want to start a sports bar once I graduate and the cash I save is SOLELY for that purpose nothing else. She doesn't even know about it.

 

Like i said going broke isn't really something thats gonna happen to me anytime soon. And i want her to be able to have fun. But i also want her to realize that maybe she should have a bit less fun on a weekly basis so that she doesn't end up eating canned fish when I can't afford anything better.

[Neith]

You need to tell her how you feel. You need to tell her it's NOT okay your money is being used to get her friends drunk or buy them food.

 

Can I ask.. does your girlfriend actually contribute to this bank account in any way?

 

If it's only your money... if all you want her to do is calm down with the spending then you are well within your rights to tell her that. It's YOUR money too.

 

You need to tell her. If you don't, this is gonna eat you up inside until you snap. Then there will be no fixing this.

[irc333]

 

Like i said going broke isn't really something thats gonna happen to me anytime soon. And i want her to be able to have fun. But i also want her to realize that maybe she should have a bit less fun on a weekly basis so that she doesn't end up eating canned fish when I can't afford anything better.

 

Well, gambling isn't going to help with the situation either. You might want to take that into consideration.

[Els]

Tbh i don't really care what she does with the money all that much. I know i'll always have a place to stay, and i don't mind eating canned fish and white rice when i can't afford to buy food. She on the other hand? Minds. She minds a lot. So on weeks when things don't go too well she turns into mr.hyde. Gets mad at the quality of food. Gets mad because she can't go out with her friends. Gets mad because i don't have a "normal" job. But when things are going good she SPENDS ALL THE FRIGGIN MONEY.

 

I don't think the biggest problem with her is her lack of budgeting (though that is still a huge problem).

[Gaeta]

It's not that she doesn't know how to budget........you both do not know how to budget.

 

A. Do not give her access to your accounts

B. Give her an allowance for her personal expenses and entertainment

C. Once she spent all that money she needs to wait for next allowance.

 

When someone acts like a child well you've got to treat them like a child.

[veggirl]

um why do you give her all of your money?

if she wants spending money, she can earn her own, wtf. put your money in the bank, why the hell do you let her just take piles of cash?

[Els]

It's not that she doesn't know how to budget........you both do not know how to budget.

 

A. Do not give her access to your accounts

B. Give her an allowance for her personal expenses and entertainment

C. Once she spent all that money she needs to wait for next allowance.

 

When someone acts like a child well you've got to treat them like a child.

 

D. Leave, because someone who 'turns into mr hyde' whenever he doesn't give her enough money for her to splurge, can only be bad news?

[Arabella]

Well, gambling isn't going to help with the situation either. You might want to take that into consideration.

 

I am under the impression, from OP's post, that gambling IS a main source of income, just inconsistent. It's not a problem of him spending money on gambling, but rather his girlfriend being unable to plan ahead ...

[Eivuwan]

OP, your gf's behavior is something that I cannot tolerate. She is acting like a spoiled princess whose main happiness is seeking attention from her friends through these parties. Can you really live with that for the rest of your life? She seems to be using you.

[veggirl]

I am under the impression, from OP's post, that gambling IS a main source of income, just inconsistent. It's not a problem of him spending money on gambling, but rather his girlfriend being unable to plan ahead ...

 

and perhaps he's not paying taxes/reporting it as income and that's why he leaves piles of cash lying around for his gf to help herself to rather than depositing it into a checking account in his name like a regular person.

[Keenly]

Your girlfriend sounds like a loser and a parasite.

 

 

Hands off MY money, woman. You gave her a place to stay, rent free, and she Still wants more, and more, and more.

She will always want more.

 

Why don't you tell her lazy ass to get a job.

 

 

 

I have no respect for parasites. Especially ones they throw temper tantrums when they don't get what they want.

 

 

I'd have kicked her out the first time she threw a party with my money.

[mammasita]

Your girlfriend sounds like a loser and a parasite.

 

 

Hands off MY money, woman. You gave her a place to stay, rent free, and she Still wants more, and more, and more.

She will always want more.

 

Why don't you tell her lazy ass to get a job.

 

 

 

I have no respect for parasites. Especially ones they throw temper tantrums when they don't get what they want.

 

 

I'd have kicked her out the first time she threw a party with my money.

 

This. Tell her to grow up.

[Shooter]

and perhaps he's not paying taxes/reporting it as income and that's why he leaves piles of cash lying around for his gf to help herself to rather than depositing it into a checking account in his name like a regular person.

And perhaps you should mind your own business instead of jumping to ridiculous conclusions? I pay my taxes. Gambling already takes up too much of my freetime as it is. I don't have time to gamble illegally and then go through the trouble of laundering money when it would be cheaper to just get it taxed in the first place. I am not a criminal and have no reason to behave like one.

 

I gamble in person as well as online. When gambling in gambling establishments cash is usually the preferred method of trading currency.

Your girlfriend sounds like a loser and a parasite.

 

 

Hands off MY money, woman. You gave her a place to stay, rent free, and she Still wants more, and more, and more.

She will always want more.

 

Why don't you tell her lazy ass to get a job.

 

 

 

I have no respect for parasites. Especially ones they throw temper tantrums when they don't get what they want.

 

 

I'd have kicked her out the first time she threw a party with my money.

My girlfriend is a total sweetheart. Throughout our relationship i was quite poor at times. So poor i was hungry. She would feed me, pay four our dates, and raise my spirits without expecting anything in return. She has always been really supportive and so i don't really see her as the gold digger type.

 

Her family was also pretty well off. Shes used to shopping a lot, dining out, throwing parties, etc. I don't want to tell her that she can't do these things and push her away.

 

When i say she turns into mr.hyde i just mean her personality does a 180. She gets sad. And if the food isn't up to par she gets really upset and starts to say that we are living like we are in poverty. I don't want her to think that. I just want her to be happy.

[Shooter]

It's not that she doesn't know how to budget........you both do not know how to budget.

 

A. Do not give her access to your accounts

B. Give her an allowance for her personal expenses and entertainment

C. Once she spent all that money she needs to wait for next allowance.

 

When someone acts like a child well you've got to treat them like a child.

 

This actually makes sense. I can only bring home her allowance throughout the week and tell her its all that i made.

 

What do you think a reasonable allowance for her would be? I want her to have fun. But not so much cash she blows it willy nilly. She also does all the grocery shopping for the house. So maybe 1,000 a week sounds fair? She'll have to use a good chunk of that for groceries and transportation to and from school.

 

And this also doesn't help so much with the problem of her going into my account. I can't tell her that i'm putting her on an allowance that would make her upset. And if i cut off her access to my bank accounts that would make her upset too.

 

And i understand where she is coming from. She has always given me everything she had, completely. The first year we started dating she said to me "you know anything you want you can just ask me for it and i'll give it to you if i can". So if i'm not completely open with her she'll feel as if i'm the one whose pulling away from the relationship. Shes strong in life but very weak and insecure when it comes to love.

[Eivuwan]

This actually makes sense. I can only bring home her allowance throughout the week and tell her its all that i made.

 

What do you think a reasonable allowance for her would be? I want her to have fun. But not so much cash she blows it willy nilly. She also does all the grocery shopping for the house. So maybe 1,000 a week sounds fair? She'll have to use a good chunk of that for groceries and transportation to and from school.

 

And this also doesn't help so much with the problem of her going into my account. I can't tell her that i'm putting her on an allowance that would make her upset. And if i cut off her access to my bank accounts that would make her upset too.

 

And i understand where she is coming from. She has always given me everything she had, completely. The first year we started dating she said to me "you know anything you want you can just ask me for it and i'll give it to you if i can". So if i'm not completely open with her she'll feel as if i'm the one whose pulling away from the relationship. Shes strong in life but very weak and insecure when it comes to love.

 

LMAO, $1000 a week for groceries and transportation?! I barely make $1000 a month right now as a graduate student. It seems that your girlfriend does have some good qualities, but also some traits that make her very hard to live with. You have to communicate with her exactly the way you talked to us here. Begin the talk with how much you love her, care about her, and appreciate her, but that there is something that has to get resolved for the health of the relationship. Then explain to her your concerns. It's very simple.

 

Edit: I'm telling you now that if you both don't develop better and more open communication skills, there will be many problems down the road. It can be scary to be straightforward with your partner, but short-term pain is better than long-term pain that eventually results in a broken relationship.

Edited March 24, 2014 by Eivuwan

[Omei]

Sounds like you spoil her.

You let her have whatever she wants she's so used to that now when you say no its a shock.

 

Why you take care of her like a child I have no idea.

[Els]

This actually makes sense. I can only bring home her allowance throughout the week and tell her its all that i made.

 

What do you think a reasonable allowance for her would be? I want her to have fun. But not so much cash she blows it willy nilly. She also does all the grocery shopping for the house. So maybe 1,000 a week sounds fair? She'll have to use a good chunk of that for groceries and transportation to and from school.

 

And this also doesn't help so much with the problem of her going into my account. I can't tell her that i'm putting her on an allowance that would make her upset. And if i cut off her access to my bank accounts that would make her upset too.

 

And i understand where she is coming from. She has always given me everything she had, completely. The first year we started dating she said to me "you know anything you want you can just ask me for it and i'll give it to you if i can". So if i'm not completely open with her she'll feel as if i'm the one whose pulling away from the relationship. Shes strong in life but very weak and insecure when it comes to love.

 

If she can't survive on $1000/week (especially when rent is already paid for), I would be very, very worried for your future.

 

Unlike Keenly, I don't think she's using you if you were dating for 4 years before you started giving her money. Users don't stick with someone for 4 years in hopes of maybe getting cash from them some time in the future. She would have bailed much earlier if that's what she was.

 

I DO think she sounds very spoilt and immature. Yes, she needs to learn to live on $1000/week (actually, even $500 a week is a lot) and you need to tell her that you need to save up for a rainy day. Assert your boundaries.

[Emilia]

This actually makes sense. I can only bring home her allowance throughout the week and tell her its all that i made.

 

What do you think a reasonable allowance for her would be? I want her to have fun. But not so much cash she blows it willy nilly. She also does all the grocery shopping for the house. So maybe 1,000 a week sounds fair? She'll have to use a good chunk of that for groceries and transportation to and from school.

 

And this also doesn't help so much with the problem of her going into my account. I can't tell her that i'm putting her on an allowance that would make her upset. And if i cut off her access to my bank accounts that would make her upset too.

 

And i understand where she is coming from. She has always given me everything she had, completely. The first year we started dating she said to me "you know anything you want you can just ask me for it and i'll give it to you if i can". So if i'm not completely open with her she'll feel as if i'm the one whose pulling away from the relationship. Shes strong in life but very weak and insecure when it comes to love.

It's almost like you are talking about a child for whom you aren't capable of setting boundaries.

[David87]

Talk to her about the money situation, it's not normal and may I add that she is spoiled to ?

[Eivuwan]

Seriously OP, do you want an actual partner for the rest of your life or do you want to raise a kid? She may have good qualities but that doesn't excuse this behavior. It's not good for her in the long run you know. It sounds like her parents spoiled her and now you're doing the same. How will she survive if she had to be alone one day?

[Zahara]

$1000 a week on groceries and transportation?!?!?! Cut that by half and even then it's a lot. Seems like no one knows how to budget.

[MidwestUSA]

Well, I want to go on record as saying that, should you break up with her, I'd be more than happy to try to spend $1000 a week. Keep me posted.

[GravityMan]

Sounds like you spoil her.

You let her have whatever she wants she's so used to that now when you say no its a shock.

 

Why you take care of her like a child I have no idea.

 

This.

 

Shooter's girlfriend needs to grow up, and Shooter himself needs to grow a pair. This entire mess probably could have been avoided in the first place if he wasn't such a doormat.

[ElPayaso]

As you make your bed, so you shall lie in it.

 

Is she your child? Is she your mother? Your grandmother? Your aunt? Did she breastfeed you when you were younger or raise you? If the answer is no to any of these questions, then you DON'T OWE HER ANY RESPONSIBILITY.

 

I don't get some men sometimes. Where they get this sense of nobility that they have to support spoiled women and let these brats walk all over them. Stop being a bloody wuss. If she's spending your money, take it from her. IT IS YOUR MONEY.

 

If she whines, ignore her and let her whine her eyes out. She can either get with the program or not. Stop being afraid to walk away. Sheesh. In fact, I blame you more than I blame her.

[Omei]

Well, I want to go on record as saying that, should you break up with her, I'd be more than happy to try to spend $1000 a week. Keep me posted.

 

 

Oh damn me too! pick me !!!