Hornylildevil Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I am back to doing the OLD again, even though I promised myself I wouldn't. The young woman I was sprung on ended up being a lying slut. She initially said she wanted a relationship, that she wanted to be the perfect wife someday, then after we slept together, she said she wouldn't have time for a relationship THIS YEAR Then, a few days later, she became distant, enough for me to rightly suspect that she was either losing interest or seeing other people. That is, after a few weeks of her becoming distant and calling/ emailing less and less, along with all the excuses. Anyway, I finally busted her after she sent me a suspicious email by mistake. Her first lie was saying she wanted a LTR. Now, after all that (and there's much more to it, of course), my question; do people date with the intention of having a lasting LTR, maybe leading to marriage? Being back online, it seems as though half the women are looking for "casual dating/ no commitment/ short-term dating". I LOVE being in a committed, monogamous LTR and am NO commitment-phobe! What gives?! Is it the times we live in, is everything just a "hook-up" these daze? Sorry, I know this is half question and half rant but I'm really frustrated at this point! 1
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I am back to doing the OLD again, even though I promised myself I wouldn't. The young woman I was sprung on ended up being a lying slut. She initially said she wanted a relationship, that she wanted to be the perfect wife someday, then after we slept together, she said she wouldn't have time for a relationship THIS YEAR Then, a few days later, she became distant, enough for me to rightly suspect that she was either losing interest or seeing other people. That is, after a few weeks of her becoming distant and calling/ emailing less and less, along with all the excuses. Anyway, I finally busted her after she sent me a suspicious email by mistake. Her first lie was saying she wanted a LTR. Now, after all that (and there's much more to it, of course), my question; do people date with the intention of having a lasting LTR, maybe leading to marriage? Being back online, it seems as though half the women are looking for "casual dating/ no commitment/ short-term dating". I LOVE being in a committed, monogamous LTR and am NO commitment-phobe! What gives?! Is it the times we live in, is everything just a "hook-up" these daze? Sorry, I know this is half question and half rant but I'm really frustrated at this point! She's dating with the intention of a long term relationship, just not with you. You don't decide that you want to be in an LTR and then boom, the next person that comes along is it. You date, decide if you like someone or not - if not, you move on. She's not "lying". She's certainly not a slut. What, she's supposed to just chain herself to the first available bloke? Free will? Heard of it? Sounds like she dodged a bullet! That's what happened to you. She didn't feel it, she moved on. Perfectly normal, I'd expect any man or woman to do the same thing. 2
Author Hornylildevil Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 She's dating with the intention of a long term relationship, just not with you. You don't decide that you want to be in an LTR and then boom, the next person that comes along is it. You date, decide if you like someone or not - if not, you move on. She's not "lying". She's certainly not a slut. What, she's supposed to just chain herself to the first available bloke? Free will? Heard of it? Sounds like she dodged a bullet! That's what happened to you. She didn't feel it, she moved on. Perfectly normal, I'd expect any man or woman to do the same thing. No, sweetie, like I said, there is much more to the story than I'm letting on. When you catch someone in SEVERAL lies, it's impossible to believe anything else that comes out of that persons piehole, especially after she is telling you to be patient with her and that she does want a relationship eventually, topped off by an email intended for another bloke. But hey, thanks for your charming input!
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 No, sweetie, like I said, there is much more to the story than I'm letting on. When you catch someone in SEVERAL lies, it's impossible to believe anything else that comes out of that persons piehole, especially after she is telling you to be patient with her and that she does want a relationship eventually, topped off by an email intended for another bloke. But hey, thanks for your charming input! Yeah, I'm mystified as to why she said no. Stumped. If there's so much more to it, and you're looking for genuine advice, you would have told the story. Instead, you're just looking for people to bring snacks to your pity party. Better luck next time! 4
Author Hornylildevil Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 You know, I guess you're right. SHE dodged a bullet. I'm a real bastard. I don't like being lied to, cheated on (if you promise not to have sex with anyone else then I find you looking for other cock, even when there is no stated commitment, it's STILL cheating in my book), strung along, and manipulated. I'm funny that way. Yeah. She dodged the bullet...
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You know, I guess you're right. SHE dodged a bullet. I'm a real bastard. I don't like being lied to, cheated on (if you promise not to have sex with anyone else then I find you looking for other cock, even when there is no stated commitment, it's STILL cheating in my book), strung along, and manipulated. I'm funny that way. Yeah. She dodged the bullet... You're spending way too much time being angry at her. This is what dating is like. If you spend too much time railing at the ones that aren't worth it, it'll break your spirit. Oh, and expecting people to be monogamous without the conversation? Good luck. You have no right to expect that. You have the right to ask, to discuss, but without a conversation, it is not cheating. Sorry. Things will bode better for you in the dating world if you communicate, rather than automatically thinking you're entitled to anything. Because you're not. No one is. We earn respect, we earn monogamy, we don't just expect it, and throw a tantrum when we don't get it.
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Uh. We get it. You're angry. But you're also showing your character when you call her a "slut" and bad mouth her the way you go on doing. Whether she's done wrong or not, YOU are making YOU look bad at this point. Keep it together man. And to answer your question, YES people look for long term relationships. In fact my very own thread discussed concerns about a guy I just started seeing (from OLD) having ONLY long term relationship experience and not much casual dating experience. My concern was that I worried he doesn't shop around for the right person but instead just makes a serious relationship out of anyone he starts seeing. The first response here was spot on. She wants a LTR and to be the perfect wife, but she doesn't want it with you. Her request for you to "be patient" with her was actually her backing out or considering other options. Did she do it in a decent way? Nah. Not really. But until you were in a committed relationship with her she had the right to do as she wished with whomever she wanted. Either suck it up or get out of dating for a while. Bitter and ****-talking isn't a good look for anyone. 2
Author Hornylildevil Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 You're spending way too much time being angry at her. This is what dating is like. If you spend too much time railing at the ones that aren't worth it, it'll break your spirit. Oh, and expecting people to be monogamous without the conversation? Good luck. You have no right to expect that. You have the right to ask, to discuss, but without a conversation, it is not cheating. Sorry. Things will bode better for you in the dating world if you communicate, rather than automatically thinking you're entitled to anything. Because you're not. No one is. We earn respect, we earn monogamy, we don't just expect it, and throw a tantrum when we don't get it. No, we DID have the convo, in fact, she brought it up and I agreed wholeheartedly. I am deathly afraid of disease. She shouldn't have strung me along, you'd have to agree that's just a BS thing to do. I don't like being lied to and used what can I say? And like I said, no, she didn't commit but she knew that I was patiently waiting for her to be less busy and start a committed LTR. And I know your right, PF, I shouldn't harbor a grudge but who likes being used and lied to?
Author Hornylildevil Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Uh. We get it. You're angry. But you're also showing your character when you call her a "slut" and bad mouth her the way you go on doing. Whether she's done wrong or not, YOU are making YOU look bad at this point. Keep it together man. And to answer your question, YES people look for long term relationships. In fact my very own thread discussed concerns about a guy I just started seeing (from OLD) having ONLY long term relationship experience and not much casual dating experience. My concern was that I worried he doesn't shop around for the right person but instead just makes a serious relationship out of anyone he starts seeing. The first response here was spot on. She wants a LTR and to be the perfect wife, but she doesn't want it with you. Her request for you to "be patient" with her was actually her backing out or considering other options. Did she do it in a decent way? Nah. Not really. But until you were in a committed relationship with her she had the right to do as she wished with whomever she wanted. Either suck it up or get out of dating for a while. Bitter and ****-talking isn't a good look for anyone. Look, I know you're both right. The wounds are still a little fresh. I apologize for my anger. I held her in very high esteem, I was falling for her pretty hard, if the truth be known. But I shouldn't behave like that. Hate to whine here but she did in fact hurt me. But leading someone on and stringing someone on for their own selfish gains will do that. No more of that, I promise. And if you'll read what I wrote above, if you PROMISE to ONLY sleep with one another, IMHO, it is cheating. Cheating can take many forms, in business, etc. but she did make a promise and and she lied. Sorry, that's cheating... Edited March 23, 2014 by Hornylildevil
Shooter Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Girls age faster so most want to find a long term relationship before 30. but that doesn't mean they will settle for just any guy. Sounds like you are too excited about just jumping into something and having a girl to call your own. Having your idealistic wife with the white picket fence. Most girls aren't going to be so quick to jump into anything unless they are desperate. They want to be friends, then lovers, and then if all go wells for a while, finally soul mates. Stop looking to jump straight into things. Learn to look at all your options. Play the field for a while until you find a girl who you can't live without. And once you find her wait another year just to make sure you REALLY can't live without her. Then start thinking about ltr. And when it comes to online dating only a truly desperate woman will jump into a ltr. Most of the girls online have so many options its not even funny. Online is the equivalent of a club with 10 women and 300 men. Plenty of options for them to say the least.
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 No, we DID have the convo, in fact, she brought it up and I agreed wholeheartedly. I am deathly afraid of disease. She shouldn't have strung me along, you'd have to agree that's just a BS thing to do. I don't like being lied to and used what can I say? And like I said, no, she didn't commit but she knew that I was patiently waiting for her to be less busy and start a committed LTR. And I know your right, PF, I shouldn't harbor a grudge but who likes being used and lied to? Look, if you're using condoms and making sure you and your partner have clean STI tests, you're going to be fine. Relationships entail a certain amount of risk. You can be married for years and your partner gives you the clap. Or you can have tons of indiscriminate sex and never catch a thing. You'll have to just chalk it up to another dating war story and move on.
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ok, so this thread is more to vent about being crushed by her than to make a sweeping generalization that no one wants LTRs. I'm sorry it happened. That really is hurtful. And to accidentally get an email she intended for another guy? Argh. Huge blow. But, on the upside, you've maybe seen some warning behaviors with her that you will be able to spot in the future. The "I'm busy for the next year, please hold out and wait for me" thing, the not wanting to commit to a relationship thing, the slow fade with less and less contact thing. Now you're better prepared to not invest so much until a girl makes it quite clear she wants to be in a firmly committed relationship. Dating sucks. It's always taking a risk you're going to get hurt big time. But, not to worry, you'll find someone you fall just as hard for that wants the LTR with YOU. 2
topaMAXX Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) OP, sounds like you dodged a bullet. Chances are if she doesn't see you as a long term partner and she slept with you, she's probably sleeping around. She might not even be intentionally lying. A lot of people can't objectively see themselves and their actions. Good chance that she doesn't want a relationship at all and is actually lying to herself. Personally, I think you should stop doing OLD. Another poster in another thread that I was active in stated that OLD is mostly a cover for casual sex. I agree with her. Your best bet is to meet a decent girl in real life. Edited March 23, 2014 by topaMAXX 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 ^^ I disagree. I think it depends on the OLD site and person. I've met some pretty good quality guys, one leading to a long term relationship years ago. Hell, I'm a catch and I'm on OLD. Just know that you're going to have a much bigger selection of people, it's a lot more fails and rejection than wins and relationships, but it does exactly as it should: connects people that wouldn't otherwise have met. Not the fault of OLD that there are a lot of frogs and not many princes! (Or whatever the female equivalent is...) 2
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Look dude. You sound like some of the low-class guys I've had to kick to the curb in the past... and you better believe that everyone here on LS can vouch for sure that I AM looking for a LTR... and marriage. Just because things didn't work out for you... doesn't give you the right to call anyone a slut. Call her an a-hole. Call her a b*tch. Call her a bad communicator. But there isn't any evidence whatsoever that she sleeps around or was sleeping with other people when she was seeing you. None at all. If you gave off this vibe while you were seeing her, I can't blame her trying to end things delicately... maybe too delicately for your tastes. You don't get what you want, and you turn into a flaming ball of name calling junk. BTDT. If you want honesty, you need to do your part to create an environment where being honest won't get her abused. Besides, unless you are married... either person has the right to walk away at anytime. Sure. She probably owed you a better explanation... but your attitude and the behavior of lots of guys who do the slash and burn after the fact have made some of us pretty wary that way.
irc333 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Notice she said "This year", you see people these days tend to date ONLY when its convenient to them. A rather selfish motive. So I am back to doing the OLD again, even though I promised myself I wouldn't. The young woman I was sprung on ended up being a lying slut. She initially said she wanted a relationship, that she wanted to be the perfect wife someday, then after we slept together, she said she wouldn't have time for a relationship THIS YEAR Then, a few days later, she became distant, enough for me to rightly suspect that she was either losing interest or seeing other people. That is, after a few weeks of her becoming distant and calling/ emailing less and less, along with all the excuses. Anyway, I finally busted her after she sent me a suspicious email by mistake. Her first lie was saying she wanted a LTR. Now, after all that (and there's much more to it, of course), my question; do people date with the intention of having a lasting LTR, maybe leading to marriage? Being back online, it seems as though half the women are looking for "casual dating/ no commitment/ short-term dating". I LOVE being in a committed, monogamous LTR and am NO commitment-phobe! What gives?! Is it the times we live in, is everything just a "hook-up" these daze? Sorry, I know this is half question and half rant but I'm really frustrated at this point!
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Notice she said "This year", you see people these days tend to date ONLY when its convenient to them. A rather selfish motive. God forbid. 2
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Notice she said "This year", you see people these days tend to date ONLY when its convenient to them. A rather selfish motive. Are they supposed to be altruistic and date whenever it suits you instead?
William Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Our hydra showed up and disrupted things a bit so I did delete some responses but tried to leave cross talk with topical content alone. If I missed anything, push the alert us button and let us know. Otherwise, carry on!
irc333 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Are they supposed to be altruistic and date whenever it suits you instead? No, I think you're misunderstanding me.
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 No, I think you're misunderstanding me. Explain, then.
irc333 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Explain, then. I tried to edit the last post to explain, but there's some time limit thing in order to do so. lol. What I meant was that if a person has to pencil you into their schedule let's say two weeks from now (or a YEAR in that post). But its also indicative of them probably not being into you ("you" in general) anyhow. Or they don't place that much value on you as a prospective mate. It means they are not motivated enough to really put much effort into a relationship. I'm like "Hey, if you don't have time for me, I don't have time for you then" or the old saying, "Don't waste your time on someone, that's not willing to waste their time on you."
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 "Don't waste your time on someone, that's not willing to waste their time on you." Yeah... that's what everyone has been saying, was it not? I'm not sure what your point is, as nobody was suggesting that he continue to pursue someone who has made it clear that she doesn't want a R with him. Also not sure how that makes her selfish.
StanMusial Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I am back to doing the OLD again, even though I promised myself I wouldn't. This is what happens when you break promises. But to answer your question... most people I know are in LTR's. All of my siblings and family members, 90% of my close friends, 90+% of professional acquaintances, almost everyone I can think of LOL. You're on OLD fella, I don't know what to tell you... just read in another thread where one lady posted she dated over 100 guys off OLD... maybe change your name to 49 or 81.
irc333 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Yeah... that's what everyone has been saying, was it not? I'm not sure what your point is, as nobody was suggesting that he continue to pursue someone who has made it clear that she doesn't want a R with him. Also not sure how that makes her selfish. Actually, she can be faulted for this, because she lead him to believe that she wanted a monogamous relationship. She then decided to bail because she got bored of him or perhaps that was never her intention in the first place. Just google "Hookup Culture", the content of what the OP posted is just one of many examples.
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