GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's going to seem very silly and somewhat immature, but whenever my significant other comes over (about every two weeks) I always end up crying in front of him. Yes, it's usually when he's about to leave so you would assume that the reason is that I just don't want him to leave. However, that's not exactly the case because I actually feel better after he leaves, even if I really miss him. Why: My relationship with him is secret, so keeping that hidden from my parents is part of why I get so upset (No, I'm not a minor). We both admitted that we are in love with each other and I feel really attached to him (for a reason that some of you readers will have the intuition to know). Ultimate problem: I really don't like crying in front of him because 1. To me it's pointless to cry (I know at I'll see him again) 2. It worries him and he thinks its his fault 3. I'm really concerned that he will eventually become annoyed with me So what I'm really asking is "how do I keep myself from crying in front of him" My current solution is to just hold it in until he leaves, but it's become a very automatic response. I'll be alright at first when he's about to go and then I start to feel strange. It's enough for me to stop myself from crying... Until he notices my eyes watering a little bit. After that I can still stop, but his asking why I'm upset really does it (since I get frustrated that I got caught and now he'll worry) So now, I'm trying to find a way to keep from getting upset all together. I'm scared that he'll think I'm doing it for it attention which, in turn, could make him annoyed me. Anything to say for this? Thanks
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 How about fixing the problem with your parents instead. Seriously you can't keep this up for much longer. 3
Author GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 How about fixing the problem with your parents instead.. I know I have to do that, but as of now it isn't the right time. It's something both him and I have to be patient for (meaning it's a thing that can very much make my future difficult or even ruin it). In the meanwhile I'm just trying to figure out how to keep more collected.
pickflicker Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Don't every date someone who hides you from their parents. 1
Author GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Don't every date someone who hides you from their parents. Well i met his parents, I'm the one hiding him. He's met my parents actually, but they don't really like the idea of me dating him (to the point that my mother threatened to stalk me at college when I went away.) It got a little out of hand so we kept quiet.
Pineappls Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 If you are not under-age , then act like a grown up! Its teens that hidden their bf from their parents because they dont want to get punish. If there is a issue you have to deal with it. Clearly that the issue with your parents effects you that much that you have to cry all the time. Fix it, men up deal with it move on. I think he may also get tired of you crying and dont take you serious when you are really crying for something. Tell your parents you are with him, and he is who you want right now. And you dont want to live in secret any more. And be with him. ANd that you are adult now and want to make your own choices. And what ever your parents say go for what you want. Even if its a stupid choice you are making , you will free more free to live at least. Even if they go no contact with you. You dont have to hide your relationship any more. And sometimes if they see its serious the may come along. Or they wont but realise you are grown now. 2
Pineappls Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 BY keep hiding your relationship and not being honest and not telling them, you are feeding their thoughts that you are not grown. And that you do exactly what they think of you. "Teens behaviour. Their little girl." And you said the know your bf, but dont agree. So why are you hiding him if they already know him?
Poppyolive Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 *It's too bad you have to hide it from your parents *You mentioned college so that means you're old enough to move out...not necessarily with him but have your own space. *What is the reason parents don't want you dating him? Is it unjustified? I think you should stand up to your parents. Those should be your first steps. How long have you guys been together? I am a emotional person so I'm going to give you advice for the question you asked.... I cry at football games when the national anthem is played I cry when I have to pull over on my motorbike for emergency vehicles.. Ambulance, fire, cops. I cry at the end of a great weekend away with friends, End of music festivals....these tears for me are not sad...but overwhelming, people coming togetherness... My friends think its funny...sweet...I've learnt to embrace it... So your tears you say are not sad he's leaving as you'll see him again...good because that would be weird if that was the case each time...I think correct me if I'm wrong ..your tears are a mix of all emotions regarding keeping it secret and the emotional stress it brings you. So am I right in saying you don't need anything from him when you get worked up? Eg...comfort, advice, chats or calming you....??? Because my collection of teary episodes I mentioned above...need no consoling...if someone were to say omg...are you OK...I laugh it off and say (if its national anthem playing) oh just makes me so proud/happy I get overwhelmed.... So if you need no comfort, don't make a big deal of it and say ooops I'm emotional...let it go.... What you could try and do is write all the things that make you teary in those situations before hand...and write about all the things you are greatful for and ways about making it work...and just accept this is the way it is for now. Prepare yourself for when he visits and try hard each time to take control, if you do get teary shake it off, make a joke, with work I'm sure you will learn to embrace it and take control. Re. Him getting angry about this...if you learn to control and embrace it, then he will learn to see that this is you emotional and admire your strength to control it.... I've had a few DRINKS ..this all makes sense to me ...hope something helps
veggirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It sounds like you're about 18 and this guy is your parents age? Some sort of colleague/friend of theirs that you met through them. Just guessing.... if there's a reason your parents would be adamently opposed to your relationship, perhaps there is a good reason behind it that you should think about. as far as crying, IDK i would never stay in a relationship that made me cry on the regular, just too much work. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It sounds like you're about 18 and this guy is your parents age? Some sort of colleague/friend of theirs that you met through them. Just guessing.... if there's a reason your parents would be adamently opposed to your relationship, perhaps there is a good reason behind it that you should think about. as far as crying, IDK i would never stay in a relationship that made me cry on the regular, just too much work. I was just thinking the same thing. Why don't your parents approve of him, OP?
Author GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 BY keep hiding your relationship and not being honest and not telling them, you are feeding their thoughts that you are not grown. And that you do exactly what they think of you. "Teens behaviour. Their little girl." And you said the know your bf, but dont agree. So why are you hiding him if they already know him? Well it got a little complicated when she said she would cut me off and just stop caring if I decided to be with him. So we decided to lay low. (And you know, we weren't really going out at first, I actually said to myself that I would only see him once. However, we realized that we really wanted to be together)
Author GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 *It's too bad you have to hide it from your parents *You mentioned college so that means you're old enough to move out...not necessarily with him but have your own space. *What is the reason parents don't want you dating him? Is it unjustified? I think you should stand up to your parents. Those should be your first steps. How long have you guys been together? So your tears you say are not sad he's leaving as you'll see him again...good because that would be weird if that was the case each time...I think correct me if I'm wrong ..your tears are a mix of all emotions regarding keeping it secret and the emotional stress it brings you. So am I right in saying you don't need anything from him when you get worked up? Eg...comfort, advice, chats or calming you....??? Well my mother specifically has a problem with him (my father and step father just go along with what she says). She told me at first because she thinks I'm not ready for a relationship and it'll distract me from school (which has not been the case, I get A's and B's). And we've been together eight months. However after a phone call, she mentioned the idea of dating (which sounded hypocritical to me) I realized she just hoped I would forget him if I met other people. Basically she does not want me to date him because she doesn't think he could provide the same lifestyle I have lived with my parents or better. (I don't really care whether he can or not, what's important is that he's trying his best to move ahead) P.S. no, I don't come from an extremely wealthy family or anything (we just have enough to live comfortably (which I plan to work towards, preferably with him)
Author GH3 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 It sounds like you're about 18 and this guy is your parents age? Some sort of colleague/friend of theirs that you met through them. Just guessing.... if there's a reason your parents would be adamently opposed to your relationship, perhaps there is a good reason behind it that you should think about. as far as crying, IDK i would never stay in a relationship that made me cry on the regular, just too much work. Well, he's older than me but not as old as my parents, haha. I met him while going to community college. We talked for 4 months and decided we wanted to date each other. My mother's reasons seem strange and fickle (one moment she says I'm not ready, another she says it'd be nice if I met somebody, were with him until I graduate, and perhaps got married since I am 18)
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