Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) <Moderation note: First two posts moved from a thread where such personal dating discussion was off-topic to the thread> I think I'm an amazing example to show the struggles of dating for women. 3 months ago my bf and I broke up. He was an ass and we want completely different things out of life. Anyways I've been out multiple times putting myself out there over the last 3 months and I got asked out on one date in these 3 months. Now before you think that maybe I'm not attractive or am flawed I can assure you that I am not. I can post a pic for proof maybe even change my avatar for a little bit as proof. I consider myself a solid 8-9. I am educated, have a car, have lots of friends, nothing wrong with my life in those major areas. The guy that asked me out wasn't all that great. I was willing to give it a chance though so I agreed to the date. He ended up leading me on and blowing me off. Why he did that, I really don't know. I've been trying to figure it out because I do find it weird especially as he seemed eager when originally asking me out. Nothing came of that experience for me. So here I am dateless when everyone around me is in a relationship. I'm definitely open to going on a date with someone, but opportunities do not come like you think they do. Not sure why some men think women have all of these potential suitors because it is simply not true even the above average women. It's such a major misconception. Edited March 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Sure I will enlighten you, was hoping someone would actually ask for an example because I think I'm an amazing example to show the struggles of dating for women. 3 months ago my bf and I broke up. He was an ass and we want completely different things out of life. Anyways I've been out multiple times putting myself out there over the last 3 months and I got asked out on one date in these 3 months. Now before you think that maybe I'm not attractive or am flawed I can assure you that I am not. I can post a pic for proof maybe even change my avatar for a little bit as proof. I consider myself a solid 8-9. I am educated, have a car, have lots of friends, nothing wrong with my life in those major areas. The guy that asked me out wasn't all that great. I was willing to give it a chance though so I agreed to the date. He ended up leading me on and blowing me off. Why he did that, I really don't know. I've been trying to figure it out because I do find it weird especially as he seemed eager when originally asking me out. Nothing came of that experience for me. So here I am dateless when everyone around me is in a relationship. I'm definitely open to going on a date with someone, but opportunities do not come like you think they do. Not sure why some men think women have all of these potential suitors because it is simply not true even the above average women. It's such a major misconception. Thanks Bigcitydreamer. It does sound like you are struggling. Have you gone to any activities or joined any groups to meet men? Are there any things you enjoy that you think men would also enjoy?
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 This got moved to its own thread when I've accepted the struggles that come from dating but I just wanted you to get a real perspective from a girls point of view. I definitely put myself out there, I go to pubs with my friends I go to concerts I go to coffee shops, I do lots of cool stuff. I think a lot of it has to do with my location though. The idea of demographics playing a huge role in relationship opportunities has been brought up on this forum a nice bit and I definitely believe that. But still one would think I could manage to get a date easier where I am, but I don't get dates easy. Most of my friends don't either, they stay in **** relationships because they know how hard it is to find someone. Contrary to what you believe most girls don't get asked out that much. It just doesn't happen. Maybe guys assume they do but they don't. Trust me I wish I was faced with many potential dates. I don't expect to get asked out in the next year and a half and then I will move and I suspect things will look up for me. Please don't minimize the struggles of women because I can bet my last dollar that so many women are reading your posts shaking their heads thinking if only you knew how difficult it is to be a girl in dating also.
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You think you are struggling? I am a good looking woman, in shape, no small kids, executive job, I own my home, I have no issues what so ever, no skeletons in my closet. I met 100+ men from online dating, took me close to 3 years to find a man worthy of my attention. When you look for someone you cannot give yourself a deadline, life will decide for you. During the process you need to have fun and be open to learn along the way. I don't see my 3 years as a waste of time or as struggling times. It was a learning experience. 1
quidproquo89 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You think you are struggling? I am a good looking woman, in shape, no small kids, executive job, I own my home, I have no issues what so ever, no skeletons in my closet. I met 100+ men from online dating, took me close to 3 years to find a man worthy of my attention. When you look for someone you cannot give yourself a deadline, life will decide for you. During the process you need to have fun and be open to learn along the way. I don't see my 3 years as a waste of time or as struggling times. It was a learning experience. 100 + men, jesus you must have really high standards or do you live dangerously close to a pond? But in all seriousness, what made the 102nd man perfect and not the 101 before that? 2
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 You think you are struggling? I am a good looking woman, in shape, no small kids, executive job, I own my home, I have no issues what so ever, no skeletons in my closet. I met 100+ men from online dating, took me close to 3 years to find a man worthy of my attention. When you look for someone you cannot give yourself a deadline, life will decide for you. During the process you need to have fun and be open to learn along the way. I don't see my 3 years as a waste of time or as struggling times. It was a learning experience. Before I met my ex I was also single for 3 years. I didn't feel it was a bad time either but it did take quite some time to find someone. Some dude was suggesting that women have it easy and they can get dates at the snap of their fingers and that obviously isn't true. I will say that I'm a bad flirt. I was recently hanging out with a sort of celebrity and my friend was telling me how clearly interested in me he was (probably just in a groupie- want to have sex sort of way) but I just acted even more shy the nicer he was to me. So I think I have some personality issues that need to be straightened up. Although I go out, I don't put off that friendly flirty vibe- I think I seem a bit serious. Either way dating is hard for lots and lots of people man or woman. The struggles may be dfferent but in the end we all have to reflect on ourselves to determine why it's so difficult not blame everyone else.
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I should mention that I didn't create this as an independent thread. The mods moved it to its own thread as it was so personal and in doing so they also chose the lovely title! I'm not on a pity party about my situation, just trying to show SD that women aren't being bombarded by men even though I wish we were
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I should mention that I didn't create this as an independent thread. The mods moved it to its own thread as it was so personal and in doing so they also chose the lovely title! I'm not on a pity party about my situation, just trying to show SD that women aren't being bombarded by men even though I wish we were The funny thing is that I don't know ANYONE IRL who genuinely believes that most women have scores of men at their beck and call dying to date them at any one instance. Female celebrities might, but male celebrities do too, and they all have an equally hard time finding a genuine and compatible LT partner as anyone else, anyway.
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 100 + men, jesus you must have really high standards or do you live dangerously close to a pond? But in all seriousness, what made the 102nd man perfect and not the 101 before that? haha, well maybe I live close to a pound, I live in a city of 4 million people, I am not going to run out of men to date. I use the online as a contact base. I don't spend more than 2-3 days exchanging then I meet them. That's probably why I met a lot of men. I am not the type to explore someone's personality online, I need the face to face to make a judgement. What made 101 perfect was he was ready to invest himself. Unfortunately it lasted only 6 months and he left the country. That's another story, I am now dating number 102, he also is ready to invest himself. He's been single for a long time, he's done checking the next best thing. Online you have to avoid the new comers. They get on there and it's like a catalog with too much choices. They need to experience dating, they need to experience being rejected, and rejecting, then when they're fed up with the whole process they start being more serious about finding someone. 1
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 The funny thing is that I don't know ANYONE IRL who genuinely believes that most women have scores of men at their beck and call dying to date them at any one instance. Female celebrities might, but male celebrities do too, and they all have an equally hard time finding a genuine and compatible LT partner as anyone else, anyway. Yeah me neither, and the short thing too is quite funny because although I'd prefer a taller guy I'm not opposed to someone who is on the shorter side, and I know so many shorter guys who have girlfriends. It's not like all of these short dudes are walking around single lol. A lot of people here are extreme in their thought processes. They refuse to listen to the many posters who prove their beliefs wrong. 1
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Yeah me neither, and the short thing too is quite funny because although I'd prefer a taller guy I'm not opposed to someone who is on the shorter side, and I know so many shorter guys who have girlfriends. It's not like all of these short dudes are walking around single lol. A lot of people here are extreme in their thought processes. They refuse to listen to the many posters who prove their beliefs wrong. Yep. My SO is 5'7" and his height has never been an issue for him. He has and does have problems in life - height just isn't one of them. 1
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Yep. My SO is 5'7" and his height has never been an issue for him. He has and does have problems in life - height just isn't one of them. We must be weird outliers then right? Lol. If I could just convince some of the guys here that its their attitudes and personalities that are causing the problems, I'd feel like I did a truly good dead! As I get older I'm starting to see how much attitude and personality plays a role. Being on LS makes it even more obvious.
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 We must be weird outliers then right? Lol. If I could just convince some of the guys here that its their attitudes and personalities that are causing the problems, I'd feel like I did a truly good dead! Good luck! Many are the adventurers who have tried and failed.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Well I was in your position (many years ago), I couldn't figure out why no one was asking me out. I worked in a night club so I put my friends to work to find out why. It turns out it was intimidation. Apparently I looked "Too expensive". They felt I only would date muscular guys that drive Jags. I was pissed about it. I went out of my way to look good, dress nice and this is what I got. So I took matters into my own hands and took it upon myself to ask guys out on dates. I only got turned down once because I was a smoker. Most dates didn't turn out anything but it was fun to be in the drivers seat. If I was single to day, I would ask guys out instead of waiting....I want it, I'm gonna make it happen.
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I just want to add, if you decide to ask guys out it doesn't have to be the traditional dinner, I usually asked them out for drinks at a nice cocktail bar so we can sit and talk.....get to know one another. Easy peasy
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Well I was in your position (many years ago), I couldn't figure out why no one was asking me out. I worked in a night club so I put my friends to work to find out why. It turns out it was intimidation. Apparently I looked "Too expensive". They felt I only would date muscular guys that drive Jags. I was pissed about it. I went out of my way to look good, dress nice and this is what I got. So I took matters into my own hands and took it upon myself to ask guys out on dates. I only got turned down once because I was a smoker. Most dates didn't turn out anything but it was fun to be in the drivers seat. If I was single to day, I would ask guys out instead of waiting....I want it, I'm gonna make it happen. I don't know, I've never really done that before and I would be definitely out of my comfort zone as I'm naturally pretty shy. I can't see it hurting my chances with guys who are actually interested, might turn the players off but trying to avoid those types in the first place. Ideally it would be nice to be able to ask out the guys that I wouldn't mind asking me out but I don't know if that would work. So what happened when you asked out guys? Did you approach them while out and then eventually give them your number? Why did things not progress most of the time? Are you currently in a relationship and who made the first move there? Sorry for all the questions lol
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) I definitely put myself out there, I go to pubs with my friends I go to concerts I go to coffee shops, I do lots of cool stuff. I think a lot of it has to do with my location though. The idea of demographics playing a huge role in relationship opportunities has been brought up on this forum a nice bit and I definitely believe that. First of all,I hope you aren't going to all those places with your friends. Many guys don't want to go up to a woman when she's got a bunch of other women around her. Next, pubs, concerts and coffee shops aren't really good places to meet guys. You want to do some activity that pretty much forces you to interact with guys and talk to them. My favorite place to meet women is at dance classes. I'm currently finishing up my bachelors, but every year I take a salsa or social dance class. There is always a good mix of guys and girls. Since we always rotate, it's pretty much speed dating. It's a great way for me to get a feel for who each girl is. I've been in the class for about a month and now I'm going to start asking girls out. If you are too old for college, then go to a club that has lessons. Salsa, country line/two step, swing, whatever interests you. Go there a few times and men will ask you out. Join a hiking meetup group or whatever interests you. You just need to put yourself out there, without the protection of you friends, and be friendly when guys talk to you. If you're shy, then force yourself to talk more and ask questions about the guy you're talking to. From a guys point of view, a woman being shy indiscernible from her not being interested. Guys have to talk to lots of women to see which ones they have a chance with, and they aren't going to keep trying with a girl that seems like she doesn't want to talk. Edited March 23, 2014 by somedude81
StanMusial Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Well I was in your position (many years ago), I couldn't figure out why no one was asking me out. I worked in a night club so I put my friends to work to find out why. It turns out it was intimidation. Apparently I looked "Too expensive". They felt I only would date muscular guys that drive Jags. I was pissed about it. I went out of my way to look good, dress nice and this is what I got. So I took matters into my own hands and took it upon myself to ask guys out on dates. I only got turned down once because I was a smoker. Most dates didn't turn out anything but it was fun to be in the drivers seat. If I was single to day, I would ask guys out instead of waiting....I want it, I'm gonna make it happen. Smoking is a turn-off to a lot of people.
Mo_Do Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Online you have to avoid the new comers. They get on there and it's like a catalog with too much choices. They need to experience dating, they need to experience being rejected, and rejecting, then when they're fed up with the whole process they start being more serious about finding someone. ^ Very true right here. Its also why I wont date any girls under 28/29 - those ones still believe some mysterious knight in shining armor is out there for them. I dismissed my own rule and went on a date with a 27 year old yesterday. We hung out for over 6 hours, lots of laughs, good times, food, shopping etc. No, there wasn't fireworks in the chemistry department right away - but that will usually follow. Typically, I was the first guy she's met online and I encouraged her to keep dating after our post date chat "Can we be friends". In a more experienced state, she'd be all over me and I'd opt to continue going out with her to form chemistry... I feel sorry for her expecting her next dates to go as smooth as the one she had with me...lol The older more experienced ladies know the 100% perfect match is a myth and (like I) will overlook a few things as long as there is a good amount of other things that line up. Its called settling down for a reason Edited March 23, 2014 by Mo_Do
topaMAXX Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 <Moderation note: First two posts moved from a thread where such personal dating discussion was off-topic to the thread> I think I'm an amazing example to show the struggles of dating for women. 3 months ago my bf and I broke up. He was an ass and we want completely different things out of life. Anyways I've been out multiple times putting myself out there over the last 3 months and I got asked out on one date in these 3 months. Now before you think that maybe I'm not attractive or am flawed I can assure you that I am not. I can post a pic for proof maybe even change my avatar for a little bit as proof. I consider myself a solid 8-9. I am educated, have a car, have lots of friends, nothing wrong with my life in those major areas. The guy that asked me out wasn't all that great. I was willing to give it a chance though so I agreed to the date. He ended up leading me on and blowing me off. Why he did that, I really don't know. I've been trying to figure it out because I do find it weird especially as he seemed eager when originally asking me out. Nothing came of that experience for me. So here I am dateless when everyone around me is in a relationship. I'm definitely open to going on a date with someone, but opportunities do not come like you think they do. Not sure why some men think women have all of these potential suitors because it is simply not true even the above average women. It's such a major misconception. Have you tried OLD? One of the posters that responded to this thread is very old (late 40s) female that stated that she had hundreds of dates. OLD is a gold mine for women. You will find a boyfriend in a few days if you're not crazy picky on physical features. And you will find one in a month if you are. You could thank me later for this advice.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Have you tried OLD? One of the posters that responded to this thread is very old (late 40s) female that stated that she had hundreds of dates. OLD is a gold mine for women. You will find a boyfriend in a few days if you're not crazy picky on physical features. And you will find one in a month if you are. You could thank me later for this advice. There is a woman on this forum, who literally found a boyfriend a day after she started OLD. She had been single for years prior.
hasaquestion Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 First of all,I hope you aren't going to all those places with your friends. Many guys don't want to go up to a woman when she's got a bunch of other women around her. Next, pubs, concerts and coffee shops aren't really good places to meet guys. You want to do some activity that pretty much forces you to interact with guys and talk to them. My favorite place to meet women is at dance classes. I'm currently finishing up my bachelors, but every year I take a salsa or social dance class. There is always a good mix of guys and girls. Since we always rotate, it's pretty much speed dating. It's a great way for me to get a feel for who each girl is. I've been in the class for about a month and now I'm going to start asking girls out. If you are too old for college, then go to a club that has lessons. Salsa, country line/two step, swing, whatever interests you. Go there a few times and men will ask you out. Join a hiking meetup group or whatever interests you. You just need to put yourself out there, without the protection of you friends, and be friendly when guys talk to you. If you're shy, then force yourself to talk more and ask questions about the guy you're talking to. From a guys point of view, a woman being shy indiscernible from her not being interested. Guys have to talk to lots of women to see which ones they have a chance with, and they aren't going to keep trying with a girl that seems like she doesn't want to talk. How is she supposed to go if she doesn't go with friends?
Tayken Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 OP....The fact that "everyone around you is hooked up", doesn't mean you have to be hooked up. It sounds like you are trying too hard and perhaps that is coming through and you can't see it? It seems to me that there is more to the story you told us? So this guy was after you and then you agreed...how long were you together and what happened to make him all of a sudden withdraw interest? 2 sides to a coin and all that You do sound decent and together, and perhaps it's an age thing here? I don't know if you have any interests or hobby groups? If you do, try and find clubs and mingle with like-minded people e.g. running groups, photography etc
Author Bigcitydreamer Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 OP....The fact that "everyone around you is hooked up", doesn't mean you have to be hooked up. It sounds like you are trying too hard and perhaps that is coming through and you can't see it? It seems to me that there is more to the story you told us? So this guy was after you and then you agreed...how long were you together and what happened to make him all of a sudden withdraw interest? 2 sides to a coin and all that You do sound decent and together, and perhaps it's an age thing here? I don't know if you have any interests or hobby groups? If you do, try and find clubs and mingle with like-minded people e.g. running groups, photography etc Nah, there isn't really more to that story. I've known him for quite some time, saw him out a few times at a local bar, he asked for my number, texted me asked me on a date and then blew the date off saying he was busy and tried to reschedule for the next night. Naturally I wasn't free the next night and told him so and said another time would be good though and he just never planned anything after that. He continued to text me randomly asking me what my plans were, generally not acting interested so then I would ignore his texts as I don't have time to waste on foolishness. I'm in an accelerated program right now and have no time for all day text convos with someone. What it comes down to is I think he only saw me as an ego boost and didn't feel enough desire for me to actually go on a date. It does get weirder than that because he wouldn't drop it but wouldn't make any definite plans. The trying to hard thing- that's definitely a possibility! I haven't thought of that, maybe guys can sense desparation? Perhaps. I'm not all bent out of shape over my situation I must say. I'm ok with the fact that I'm single, truly I think I need to focus on myself because I'm the busiest I ever have been, time is flying. My main point is that dating is NOT a walk on the park for girls. Most people know that but a select few think that women are being approached left right and centre and I know this is not the case. With me or most people I know.
ascendotum Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 (edited) Nah, there isn't really more to that story. I've known him for quite some time, saw him out a few times at a local bar, he asked for my number, texted me asked me on a date and then blew the date off saying he was busy and tried to reschedule for the next night. Naturally I wasn't free the next night and told him so and said another time would be good though and he just never planned anything after that. He continued to text me randomly asking me what my plans were, generally not acting interested so then I would ignore his texts as I don't have time to waste on foolishness. He asked you on a date then had to cancel it (maybe legit, maybe for some weak reason). He rescheduled the date though. You said you were busy for that date to get back at him. Ok, but you did not offer out of courtesy an alternative for when you can meet him. He was still interested though as he asked what your plans were so he could plan a date with you. It became random texting likely because it seems he was not getting much traction with you in turns of availability. If he he texting you asking about your availability I would call that interested. To me it sound like your level of enthusiasm was no better than what you claim for him. (you did say he was not all that great so for him there was little margin for error) Just prompted to post since you said you were struggling, though 3 months single is not that long Edited March 24, 2014 by ascendotum
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