kaylan Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) A few guys on here said I was reading too much into it and he was scared I would get clingy... Bull. Guys dont get standoffish and stop being sweet on women they really like just because they had sex. When a guy really likes a chick and sees potential for a relationship, the chase continues. He pulls back if sex was the main motivator. Thats my opinion on it though. Do you really think Id wreck my chances with a woman I really saw potential with by making her feel duped after sex? With the women Ive really, really liked in my lifetime, after sex Im making plans to hang out and do something involved after our first night of sex. Shes getting a real date if I really like her. I dont get standoffish, pull back on my behavior, and have coffee dates. Coffee is for first-time meetups...I dont use it as a post-sex date idea for a woman I really like. Edited March 27, 2014 by kaylan 2
Noproblem Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I say blow him off at the final minute. Meaning he goes there wait for you, but u never show up! That will teach him how to treat a woman!
Chocolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 NEXT. Don't give this douchebag another shot at you. I say blow him off at the final minute. Meaning he goes there wait for you, but u never show up! That will teach him how to treat a woman! Can someone tell me the post where the guy wronged the OP? I missed it. What I see are two consenting adults who decided to have sex on a first date. They were essentially strangers and, as such, it was a total crap shoot as to whether they'd be on the same page during or after the sex. I don't think it's helpful to the OP or to anyone reading to demonize the guy, who did nothing that the OP didn't also do. 1
GoreSP Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 So I'm going on another short daytime date with this guy. (no chance to have sex on this date) HOWEVER I feel like I have lost most interest in him due to how he was acting afterwards. Am I reading too much into it? I'm going in with 0 expectations assuming it's probably not going to work out....I just have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing. What do you guys think? Did you talk to him about his awkwardness though? I think you're reading too much into it but it's a good idea to go on a 'sex is off the table' date with 0 expectations. Let us (and by that I mean me, ha!) know how it went.
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Can someone tell me the post where the guy wronged the OP? I missed it. What I see are two consenting adults who decided to have sex on a first date. They were essentially strangers and, as such, it was a total crap shoot as to whether they'd be on the same page during or after the sex. I don't think it's helpful to the OP or to anyone reading to demonize the guy, who did nothing that the OP didn't also do. Before sex he suggested an outing with her. When she contacted him after sex, to ask about the outing, he acted unenthusiastic. I get the impression she initiated this coffee meeting too. She obviously likes him more than he likes her. All this mind reading, blah blah... her trying to spin any positive intention on his total lack of attention after the fact is pretty sad. She's just delaying the inevitable and giving this guy more time and energy than he's worth... I'd say the same thing whether they had sex on the 1st date or the 100th, by the way. Doing a 180 after sex is douchey behavior, no matter when it happens or by whom. Have the decency to say a respectful 'no thanks' or 'it was fun, but I don't really feel the connection'... So, OP, what exactly are you expecting to get from this coffee outing? Do you think he's going to be all giddy about you all of a sudden? It's kind of ridiculous, don't you think? If all you are looking for is an eff-buddy, then I'd cancel the date and text him... "hey I can't make it. Sorry! But I definitely love a repeat of the other night sometime!" But if you think you are going to turn this one into a relationship down the road. Nope. I seriously doubt that's going to happen.
Chocolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Before sex he suggested an outing with her. When she contacted him after sex, to ask about the outing, he acted unenthusiastic. Well, we only have her version of his enthusiasm. It's also possible that, prior to sex she was feeling confident and therefore "heard" enthusiasm, whereas after sex, she was less secure and couldn't "hear" as well. It's also possible that after the sex her interest ramped up while his cooled down. It's also possible that the "amazing connection" she felt was one-sided, or died after less-than-amazing sex. That's the problem with sex with a stranger. There are no lines of communication going so it's a crap shoot as to whether both parties will be on the same page after the sex. Before hand, hormones pretty much drive events. Afterwards, cooler heads prevail and there's a chance that one or both parties won't want a repeat. People who can't accept this possibility probably should not have first date sex. I disagree with blaming the guy, who simply participated in what was presented as a mutual, un-binding, activity. I don't think he was douchey for having sex with her any more than I think she was slutty for having sex with him. They both willingly engaged in the activity without any promise of what the outcome would be. 2
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Well, we only have her version of his enthusiasm. It's also possible that, prior to sex she was feeling confident and therefore "heard" enthusiasm, whereas after sex, she was less secure and couldn't "hear" as well. It's also possible that after the sex her interest ramped up while his cooled down. It's also possible that the "amazing connection" she felt was one-sided, or died after less-than-amazing sex. That's the problem with sex with a stranger. There are no lines of communication going so it's a crap shoot as to whether both parties will be on the same page after the sex. Before hand, hormones pretty much drive events. Afterwards, cooler heads prevail and there's a chance that one or both parties won't want a repeat. People who can't accept this possibility probably should not have first date sex. I disagree with blaming the guy, who simply participated in what was presented as a mutual, un-binding, activity. I don't think he was douchey for having sex with her any more than I think she was slutty for having sex with him. They both willingly engaged in the activity without any promise of what the outcome would be. That's fine. Still doesn't explain his lack of communication. He agreed to meet her for coffee, but I'm still not sure why she'd want to bother with that. But that's just me. I'm also remembering some of the OP's past posts... If memory serves, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Not sure why she keeps doing this kind of thing expecting different results.
Chocolat Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 That's fine. Still doesn't explain his lack of communication. He agreed to meet her for coffee, but I'm still not sure why she'd want to bother with that. But that's just me. I'm also remembering some of the OP's past posts... If memory serves, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Not sure why she keeps doing this kind of thing expecting different results. Oh, I totally agree that she shouldn't pursue him. And yes, previous posts from the OP point to a recurring theme. My only disagreement is in painting the guy as the villain and, by extension, the OP as a victim.
Atticus9292012 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 In my experience, if a guy really likes you sex on the first date really doesn't matter and honestly it shouldn't. This is 2014. I will say its harder to get to know someone for me once I have had sex with them. You have shared a super intimate moment with someone and you don't know them. It's kind of hard to back peddle after that. Just my experience. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Starla, From my experience, guys are supposed to make you feel more beautiful and good about yourself after you allow them to have you. All my exes, some of which were real jerks in the end it turned out, ALL contacted me with the same degree of enthusiasm AFTER sex as they did before sex. Every one of them. Even the jerks. Starla, don't you want to feel special? Like a guy really likes you and has you on his mind? In the two experiences or so I ever had where a guy was REALLY into me, they made it even MORE evident AFTER sex...... The first time I had sex with the current guy, he associated it as a for of intimacy and attachment; when he left my flat he got a bigger sense of missing me than the last time we met, sans sex. I just don't know of ANY instance where a guy acted in the same manner in which you guy has acted, where they actually really LIKED the girl. NEVER have I heard of a guy acting like this, when he truly liked a girl. Not once in my 10 years of dating and hearing other peoples stories. Sure, he may keep seeing you; if he is low on options he may enjoy hanging out with you and if your are attractive enough to him, he may consider having a relationship with you. Never think for a second though that you truly light his heart on fire. AT BEST, he will settle for you because he has no better options. Guys who meet "the one", that girl that they truly feel excited about, they just don't ... act this way after sex. I know you will have coffee with him. You will likely jump on any indication of interest he throws at you. Please though, don't hang on to any sign that he may be into you.
oldshirt Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Bull. Guys dont get standoffish and stop being sweet on women they really like just because they had sex. When a guy really likes a chick and sees potential for a relationship, the chase continues. He pulls back if sex was the main motivator. ....and even then only pulls back if the sex was bad. Unless he is a total douchebag playa who was only out for a ONS to begin with, something turned him off and it likely wasn't that they ended up in bed the first date.
stillafool Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Yea I would be going because at that time i did think there was something there. And I would go to make sure if it is still there or not. Wouldn't you? No! I'm sorry but this guy would really have to work to get another date after blowing off the weekend trip the next morning after sex. If the sex was that good to you he was feeling it too and he dang sure wouldn't get any more short of moving a mountain. If he left with the impression that I was an easy lay the first time; I'd be sure to leave him in a state of confusion this time. 1
stillafool Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Starla, is this the 3" guy you're talking about?
mema1982 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 you'll just have to wait and see if he doesn't contact you after a week so it's over but only then you can text him to make him feel bad about what he did . if you do that he will reply you almost a 100%
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Oh, I totally agree that she shouldn't pursue him. And yes, previous posts from the OP point to a recurring theme. My only disagreement is in painting the guy as the villain and, by extension, the OP as a victim. She's only a 'victim' if she keeps putting up with his lukewarm behavior. I think if he's not interested in more, he also has an obligation to walk away... and be decent about it too. I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed.
GoreSP Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 She's only a 'victim' if she keeps putting up with his lukewarm behavior. I think if he's not interested in more, he also has an obligation to walk away... and be decent about it too. I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed. Disagree with you on that. If she keeps putting up with his lukewarm behaviour she's not very smart... Also, if, as she mentioned, OP isn't that interested anymore, she has the same obligation to walk away. For all we know the guy is on another forum asking the same question. 1
Author starla33 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Oh, I totally agree that she shouldn't pursue him. And yes, previous posts from the OP point to a recurring theme. My only disagreement is in painting the guy as the villain and, by extension, the OP as a victim. I have never had sex on a first date before. So I don't know WHERE you guys are getting that information from.
Author starla33 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Starla, is this the 3" guy you're talking about? No. Stopped seeing that one, he could never satisfy me. And I waited over a month with that one.
KungFuJoe Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 starla, Don't beat yourself up over this. You didn't make a mistake. This guy wasn't going to be "yours" anyways. Sounds like he just wanted one thing and even if you made him wait, he would have still just wanted one thing. Sex is sex. Forget all the haters. At least you got laid. Beats sitting at home alone.
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I have never had sex on a first date before. So I don't know WHERE you guys are getting that information from. Maybe not the first date... But second or third... Details, details... It's all still early sex with someone you don't know. What is the big rush? No one is calling you a slut here... I do think you are going about things a bit backwards if you are looking for a relationship. It's not even about morals. It's about developing some foundation in advance so you aren't left guessing. At least not so much.
Author starla33 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) Maybe not the first date... But second or third... Details, details... It's all still early sex with someone you don't know. What is the big rush? No one is calling you a slut here... I do think you are going about things a bit backwards if you are looking for a relationship. It's not even about morals. It's about developing some foundation in advance so you aren't left guessing. At least not so much. I agree with you that is why I feel uncomfortable about it. It's not that I feel slutty, It's that I don't know him and have NO idea what kind of person he is really. I mean hes not changed MUCH if i really think about it other than retracting weekend getaway date. And to answer your question. I don't have sex on 2nd date either. I wait more than that usually. If you read my older thread you will see why I kind of jumped into this one. The last guy had a serious micropenis. Under 3inches. Kind of sad that I waited for that one HA HA Edited March 27, 2014 by starla33
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) I agree with you that is why I feel uncomfortable about it. It's not that I feel slutty, It's that I don't know him and have NO idea what kind of person he is really. I mean hes not changed MUCH if i really think about it other than retracting weekend getaway date. The reason why the offer of a weekend getaway sounds so annoying when retracted after the fact is that it has that future faking ring to it... Something guys say to make you feel he is more interested than he is. Me personally... I take all that future talk with a grain of salt with people I don't know... In business... New friendships... And definitely new romantic acquaintances... Never make important decisions based on promises from people you don't know well. If the decision to have sex is an important one to you then these guys need to demonstrate they mean what they say. Like I said... It's not even about morals. It's about where you are putting priorities. Trust but verify as they say.... Edited: ok you were a little traumatized about the micropenis. So now you are swinging the other way. I get it. There is a happy medium... Talk.. Mess around a bit.... Before going all in. Just my advice.... Edited March 27, 2014 by RedRobin 1
GoreSP Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 No. Stopped seeing that one, he could never satisfy me. And I waited over a month with that one. See the time and energy you would have saved had you slept with this one right away? lol
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