GoreSP Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I heard that theory from some guy friends. No idea where it is from.. also I don't really care. And no it's not as easy for guys to get laid as girls. How is the OP proof of anything? The guy lost interest after he had sex with her on the first date. Girls don't need to put in any ground work. You are actually making no sense whatsoever in your posts. You basically said that girls who put out on the first date have more success in dating than girls who follow the general rule and don't. lol wow you totally misread me. Go back, and read again. I'm not wasting any more time here.
Conners Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ever notice how the people who follow those so called 'rules' are the ones who have the least success in dating? Pretty sure I was spot on. You said people who follow these so called "rules" have the least success in dating. Looks like OP had great success because she went against the general rule of not putting out on the first date.
WP4046 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 LOL It's easy for anyone to get sex. Having sex on the first date with one person doesn't mean it happens everytime and we have proof here with OP. Also, that lock/key analogy is from RofK…so please. Exactly, that girl who came to my place 3 weeks ago wanted to have sex and I was like NOT YET
WP4046 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I heard that theory from some guy friends. No idea where it is from.. also I don't really care. And no it's not as easy for guys to get laid as girls. How is the OP proof of anything? The guy lost interest after he had sex with her on the first date. Girls don't need to put in any ground work. You are actually making no sense whatsoever in your posts. You basically said that girls who put out on the first date have more success in dating than girls who follow the general rule and don't. It's not easy for guys to have sex????????????????? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/464042-she-storms-out-my-place-because-i-wouldn-t-have-unprotected-sex-1st-meet
Conners Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's not easy for guys to have sex????????????????? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/464042-she-storms-out-my-place-because-i-wouldn-t-have-unprotected-sex-1st-meet I never said that. If you read carefully I said it's not as easy to get laid as girls. Also that thread - the girl sounds like a slutty looper
Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I slept with my boyfriend after date two and he respects me. However, he did say that he doesn't ever get Physical on first dates. We had talked on the phone every day though from date one though; he invited me to his 30th where I'd meet all his friends and family 3 days after meeting me. He isn't the type to normally do that but it felt like he was really into me. So yeah I don't shun early sex (obviously) but I do at least wait for some actions from the guy that indicate he is REALLY into me. Plus I was willing to deal with the consequences of him leaving after early sex. I was fully aware that it happens a lot. I got lucky. That's all.
topaMAXX Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It does't bother me in the sense that the men I date aren't judgmental douchebags. Ever notice how the people who follow those so called 'rules' are the ones who have the least success in dating? False. The guys that I know that say this are usually the ones that are happily married. In fact, I've found through personal experience that if a girl gives it up to me too quickly, then she is more likely to do so with many guys. The ones that hold out are generally also holding out with other guys.
Conners Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I slept with my boyfriend after date two and he respects me. However, he did say that he doesn't ever get Physical on first dates. We had talked on the phone every day though from date one though; he invited me to his 30th where I'd meet all his friends and family 3 days after meeting me. He isn't the type to normally do that but it felt like he was really into me. So yeah I don't shun early sex (obviously) but I do at least wait for some actions from the guy that indicate he is REALLY into me. Plus I was willing to deal with the consequences of him leaving after early sex. I was fully aware that it happens a lot. I got lucky. That's all. Same with me Leigh. I slept with my ex after date two but we had been talking and communicating non stop for about a month. I had also known him for 5 years beforehand. I kind of expected him to disappear after it happened but he didn't. It was luck. My ex also told me if that we had sex the night we saw each other out clubbing before we started to get to know each other properly he would not have seen me as girlfriend material. It also sounds like OP hardly knew this guy.
Treasa Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I slept with my fiance the day after I met him, but to be fair, we had been friends online for a few years previously.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I had a date and we had a really amazing connection. I have never slept with anyone on a first date before but it just happened. Obviously I'm feeling pretty terrible about it now since the guy was a bit cold this morning and didnt try to plan another date with me Is there no hope in this one? Did I ruin it? OH my lord, I can't believe people are talking about "fault" here. There could be any number of reasons why a guy is cold the morning after. Maybe he felt awkward and hadn't done that before either (yes, believe it or not it happens). Maybe he wasn't unsure of his performance? Maybe he felt like he had pressured you OR been pressured into it? Or yes, maybe he was put off and thought you were "easy"? But the again, wouldn't he be "easy" too? Last year I slept with a guy on the first date, I had never in my life done that before and I honestly couldn't believe I did it. I had not and have not had many partners and wasn't even sure of the post-sex "protocol" for what could potentially be a one night stand. I felt a bit awkward as well as I had no idea how my "performance" was. However the sex was, well, very good to say the least and I had a good time. As I was getting dressed, I made up my mind that if I never heard from him again I would not beat myself up about it, nor hold it agaisnt him since no lies were told, I wasn't lead on to believe it would be anything more and hell, the sex was incredible so it was a win-win. Anyway apparently he wasn't too put off by my oh so slutty ways since I mean, it's been eight months now so...don't know though. I'll ask him when I see him tonight if he's disgusted by how terribly easy I was... 5
Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Never assume you have a connection until his actions indicate that it is MUTUAL 2
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I slept with my fiance the day after I met him, but to be fair, we had been friends online for a few years previously. And that's the one exception I have to no sex on the first date. Rewording it a bit, strangers shouldn't have sex on the first date. I honestly prefer to know the girl for at least a month before I have sex with her. But that's probably because I'm more relationship orientated. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Same with me Leigh. I slept with my ex after date two but we had been talking and communicating non stop for about a month. I had also known him for 5 years beforehand. I kind of expected him to disappear after it happened but he didn't. It was luck. My ex also told me if that we had sex the night we saw each other out clubbing before we started to get to know each other properly he would not have seen me as girlfriend material. It also sounds like OP hardly knew this guy. Omg same thing happened to my good friend. .. she met her bf at a club. They had insane chemistry yet he said that he would have possibly thought less of her if she jumped into bed with him. And he was absolutely head over heels for this girl. He was sleeping around every weekend until he met her. He was instantly smitten and wanted a relationship with her. So... even if a guy is CRAZY about a girl from day one, EVEN THEN will he still feel differently about her if they have sex on date one. 1
spiderowl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I'm sorry but it is your fault. You made a mistake by being too easy. I know it was the first time you did this but it's still a mistake. It's like telling him that you had never done drugs before yet you still did it on your first date because of your amazing connection. If he was the one to initiate sex after telling him that you got played.. he is a player. Otherwise he would of respected your feelings and waited. Also don't tell guys about your past relationships so early on.. it's a huge turn off! It's not true that it is her fault. Two consenting adults made a decision - two of them, not one! Why is there always this element of the woman is more to blame somehow? He might be a player, but he's not at fault. It's ridiculous. She hasn't done anything wrong. If he is a decent guy, he will respect her regardless of what they did, because he's a decent guy! If he disappears, it says a lot about his qualities and not very positive things. 3
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's not true that it is her fault. Two consenting adults made a decision - two of them, not one! Why is there always this element of the woman is more to blame somehow? He might be a player, but he's not at fault. It's ridiculous. She hasn't done anything wrong. If he is a decent guy, he will respect her regardless of what they did, because he's a decent guy! If he disappears, it says a lot about his qualities and not very positive things. If she was looking for a relationship, sleeping with the guy on the first date is wrong unless she already knows him. That was her mistake. Most likely this guy is a player, and no he didn't do anything wrong. He would only have done something wrong, if he wants a relationship but knows that he won't respect a girl if he sleeps with her too quickly, and then tries for sex anyways. If the guy is a player, he most likely would have disappeared regardless if she had sex with him or not.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I've said this before: men say they want a woman who won't 'give it away easy' but as soon as women don't give it away to them, they get all pissy. It sounds like you're talking about two different groups of men. Also, there is an area between it being too easy, and too difficult. A girl who invites me into her place on the first or second date is being too easy. A girl who is still saying no to sex after we've been GF/BF for six months is being too difficult. Some people who posted on this thread are also on other threads complaining women are too picky because 'they' aren't getting any. The two subjects are completely different. Having sex too quickly. Being very selective about who they go on dates with. It's very possible for a girl to be very picky about who she dates. Then she finally finds a guy she likes, has sex with him on the first date, and he disappears. Hell, it probably happened because her standards were so high, only a womanizer was able to overcome them And yes, it is pretty easy for men to get sex. But if you're going around calling women who would sleep with you sluts, don't be surprized if you're not getting any. You're pretty much warning us you'll think less of us after we slept with you Just don't have sex before you actually know the guy. It's not that complicated. 2
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 He agreed to have sex with you too on the first date and so if it makes you a slut, so is he. Yep. Even I agree with you on that one. If a guy presses me for sex ASAP, then I assume HE is a slut. Even if I don't have sex with him. I assume he's trying it with every girl. And no, he doesn't get off scot free because he's a guy. One of the common things that men believe (not misogynists, but normal guys) is that if a woman puts out too soon, she is likely doing it with other guys. Men don't have that stigma (we have other stigmas and dating roles to deal with). Au contraire... men DO have that stigma. I assume that men are in charge of their own dick... and if they can't exercise responsibility for it, whenever sex happens, then he's not someone I want to carry on with. I always find it odd when guys hand responsibility for sex over to women so easily. Do you even have a brain?? Why do women care so much about what guys think about them after sex? I don't have early sex not because of what guys think about me... but because I just don't like sex with strangers AND I don't like men who are ok having sex with strangers either. So yea... if a guy tries to get me in bed ASAP... screw the slut-testing and passing his 'test'.... HE is the 'slut' in my book... and out he goes. So yes... men (especially hypocrites) have something to prove to lots of women who have their heads on straight. ... as for the OP... look, if you want a relationship, it is best to take your time to get to know someone. That's all. There is no such thing as a real connection with a stranger. That's just hormones and your brain playing tricks on you. Hope you enjoyed it. You know... like you might enjoy getting a mani/pedi (hopefully you used protection at least). 1
Versacehottie Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) More than likely "IT" is not going to move forward. I could possibly be wrong because as another poster said I know 2 girls that slept with their husbands on the first date. BUT--most often, this is not the case. I think it's really important to act the SAME exact way as you did before you slept together if he does contact you. And i definitely wouldn't contact him. I think he was reacting to the clingy-ness. Whether it's actual clingy-ness or a presumption that there will be clingy-ness, I'm of the opinion that is what makes the guy run as much as being worried that she's easy. You asked him when you guys would get together again the following week or smtg to that effect (don't have exact wording in front of me) that gets them freaking out wondering WTF did i just have sex with her for--now i'm obligated--which is a killer on them chasing you. I think that guys are hard-wired to try, especially if the date is flowing. While it's not your fault, but because we are not hard-wired the same way, it's up to us to put the brakes on erring on side of caution if you want to keep seeing the guy. It hardly matters that it's the first time you've done this. A million girls have been burned this way. Once it's done, it's done. Basically he hasn't earned it therefore he has doubt about what your really about. Not necessarily from a "slut" POV but also from a she's desperate POV. Guys typically don't get emotionally invested right away, even if the connection you feel makes it feel like they are. He could be an experienced dater, having a fun time and there could have been the potential for something real which may have been what you were feeling but it doesn't mean that he was all in yet. And by all in, meaning the point at which it would be ok to sleep with him and not have to worry that it would freak him out. Protect yourself by taking the time to make sure that the guy is worthy of your trust & time. The simplest way to show him that he has earned your trust is to make him wait. That way he doesn't get it twisted. A bit of a game but still. Lastly, he may have been a player or just a regular guy. From guys side I have definitely heard the other side. Sometimes they are actually bummed that sex happened even when they primarily were the ones gunning for it. They are bummed because a girl that they actually looked at as a prize and saw some potential with is now in a category in their mind which cannot be girlfriend material. Sorry it's the way a lot of them think. Edited March 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off-topic commentary redacted
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I don't know how this turned ino a slut shaming thread but it it should be common sense that the faster you sleep with a man the more likely he'll ghost. Please don't star a war about me judging men now ... and I believe women ought to worry less about what guys think about HER... and maybe more worried about how many women HE sleeps with on the first date or tries to... Slut testing works both ways, you know. When a guy 'slut-tests' me or tries to and I 'pass'... all I can think of is that he is no prize... Think about that guys... it works both ways, you know. Next time you push just to see what you can get away with and not to develop intimacy... just know that some women can see through that BS and don't really give a crap about impressing you. 1
William Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 OK, I hope the off-topic meta-discussion has concluded for this Saturday evening. Now back to the thread starter's issues. Thanks!
kaylan Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I had a date and we had a really amazing connection. I have never slept with anyone on a first date before but it just happened. Obviously I'm feeling pretty terrible about it now since the guy was a bit cold this morning and didnt try to plan another date with me Is there no hope in this one? Did I ruin it? like I always say. You didn't ruin anything with sex. Either the guy liked you a lot to begin with or he didn't. Seems this guy didn't. 5
cif Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So I had a date and we had a really amazing connection. I have never slept with anyone on a first date before but it just happened. Obviously I'm feeling pretty terrible about it now since the guy was a bit cold this morning and didnt try to plan another date with me Is there no hope in this one? Did I ruin it? Only time will tell. Not sure why no one asked you but how long have you known him? If you've known him long enough this shouldn't be much if an issue. If you just met then the double standard will come into play. Unfortunately.
Medium.Lumo Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's really not the OP's fault. The guy was an ass. There are plenty of guys that won't behave like this. My girlfriend and I slept together before our first date, but I have no intention of letting her go. I can't believe how many women seem to get used this way. If it makes the OP feel better, I don't think this guy would have stayed even if you had have made him wait 3 or 5 or 20 dates. 3
kaylan Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It does't bother me in the sense that the men I date aren't judgmental douchebags. Ever notice how the people who follow those so called 'rules' are the ones who have the least success in dating? I have to somewhat agree with this. I asked several guys in the gym if they would get into a relationship with a woman who slept with them on the first date, and every one of them said yes. Yes, on the condition that they liked her a lot and that she carried herself well and was not someone who slept around all the time. And most of these guys were in pretty good shape, and have options. And a couple of them were manwh0res themselves. Im not saying my little question asking was anything scientific, but it blows a hole in this idea some men have about how so many dudes have a problem with chicks who enjoy certain aspects of sex. It has been my experience that dudes with less active dating pasts tend to be the most judgmental of how a woman behaves sexually. The sluttier men I know are usually not hypocritical about their behavior. They just date and sleep with who they like.It's really not the OP's fault. The guy was an ass. There are plenty of guys that won't behave like this. My girlfriend and I slept together before our first date, but I have no intention of letting her go. I can't believe how many women seem to get used this way. If it makes the OP feel better, I don't think this guy would have stayed even if you had have made him wait 3 or 5 or 20 dates. I dont think he is an ass at all. Women looking for commitment need to have these conversations about both of their intentions BEFORE sex. I always do this with women, so they dont get the wrong idea. Though I will say Im currently afraid a girl Im dating is going to fall for me quickly. Im taking things slow though and told her Im not rushing for anything serious. 2
Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I have to somewhat agree with this. I asked several guys in the gym if they would get into a relationship with a woman who slept with them on the first date, and every one of them said yes. Yes, on the condition that they liked her a lot and that she carried herself well and was not someone who slept around all the time. And most of these guys were in pretty good shape, and have options. And a couple of them were manwh0res themselves. Im not saying my little question asking was anything scientific, but it blows a hole in this idea some men have about how so many dudes have a problem with chicks who enjoy certain aspects of sex. It has been my experience that dudes with less active dating pasts tend to be the most judgmental of how a woman behaves sexually. The sluttier men I know are usually not hypocritical about their behavior. They just date and sleep with who they like. I dont think he is an ass at all. Women looking for commitment need to have these conversations about both of their intentions BEFORE sex. I always do this with women, so they dont get the wrong idea. Though I will say Im currently afraid a girl Im dating is going to fall for me quickly. Im taking things slow though and told her Im not rushing for anything serious. Very interesting conversation you had with the guys at the gym. I've heard about a few married people in real life that slept together on date one. It definitely happens, but how about the guy I met overseas who told me that he is "glad we didn't sleep together" on night one as he had planned on getting together with me upon arriving home. He felt it felt better to save it and to NOT have it on the first night. And then my friends boyfriend who admitted that he may have viewed her in a slightly different light HAD they slept together on night one. Just my personal observations. When I wrote a thread about a guy I fooled around with on night one whom I met at a bar and then went home with him sans the sex or oral, I was slut slammed too! When he dissappear on me a week later people here mostly put it down to me treating our first encounter as a ONS. I just think he changed his mind about me and realized that he wasn't that into me anymore. I still refrain from first date sex as it feels best for me yet I am cool with third date ish sex. Still early sex..
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