elseaacych Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) Hello! I am recently out of my first loving long term relationship, and am starting to date again. The problem is, I don't know what to expect. I went on maybe five or six dates with three different people before the relationship, so I was pretty inexperienced in dating before I met my ex. When I met him, I felt like I had met a kindred spirit, that we were on the same wavelength, and I knew I wanted to see him again. In other words, we had fantastic "chemistry". I don't want to sit around and wait for whatever I feel towards my ex to go away, because we are done. Finito. I want to live my life have a little fun, and meet new people. I am in no rush to have a new committed relationship. I want it to happen naturally, but it isn't going to happen if I just sit at home. So, I've been on eight dates with four different people (all met through online dating sites) since I left my relationship with him. The thing is, I've had a lovely time with all of these people, but something isn't seeming to click. What should I be feeling? What constitutes a good date? That I liked meeting them? That I would be "okay" seeing them again? That they seem "okay"? That I had a good time? That they seemed to have a good time? I feel confused, but I don't want to miss a good opportunity. I feel like such a newbie. What do I do? Edited March 22, 2014 by elseaacych
TheKook Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I totally know how you feel. For me, I know I truly like someone if I get that sense of mysteriousness from them. It doesn't mean they're vague or secretive, but just that I see them as different than the others and single them out. I get that light feeling in my chest when I think about them or talk to them. It's different for everyone, but if you truly like someone you'll know. One sign is that you'll picture that person as better/more interesting than they might actually be. Which doesn't mean they aren't interesting or anything, but that to you, they're just really awesome. It's just a feeling you really can't mistake.
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 You just said that you want to meet new people and have fun, well why are you expecting instant chemistry, when you aren't really looking for a committed relationship? What is it that you are truly looking for?
Author elseaacych Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 I am looking for a committed relationship. I just know one isn't going to fall in my lap, so I have to go on dates with people to see if that connection is there. I just don't know what I am supposed to feel after I go out with people, who all seem perfectly fine. I don't know what that "thing" is I'm looking for, but I don't know if I should give up on someone after three dates or so because they're "okay". A guidebook to feelings would be nice.
quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 could what you had with your ex be clouding your judgement, as in - whenever you see someone new, subconsciously your ex is in your mind. Someone new wont come up to what you had because they are all strangers and it takes time to get used to somebody new. Hope you get what I mean, it will take time to settle back into the dating world and put your ex out of your mind. Tell me if I got it wrong, just my take
smackie9 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 From my experience the harder you look the less likely you will find it. I met someone when I least expected it...they found me. So your best bet is to pick up a hobby or an interest that gets you out of the house. When you are out doing things you enjoy, that's when you meet that special someone.
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