DitzyPanda Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Ditzy, my girlfriend, and I, Panda, have had trouble dating because of her mother. We've been friends since freshman year, but before I could ask her out she had already been taken by another guy from a different school. He was a scrawny short white guy who was the same age as her and he came from an upper middle class family. They dated for three years and I never thought I'd get out of the friend zone. The beginning of senior year was when me and Ditzy started talking a lot more. Scrawny (lets call him that) wasn't talking to her much and Ditzy began feeling lonely and ignored. I gave her advice to help the relationship between them improve because it really hurt me to see her depressed. She never showed any face or sign that she was, but I could see through facade somehow. Eventually she decided to break off her relationship with Scrawny, but she wanted me by her to give her that push to go through with it. Though I didn't approve of her idea to break up with him over email, I sat next to her and watched her type away. That night we shared our first kiss which was prett romantic. We had the lights dimmed, the dogs weren't barking outside, and corny ol' me opened a GIF of a burning fireplace. Without warning her mom walked in and pulled us apart. Honestly, I should've waited later to kiss her. We had to explain to her mom that we were going to start dating, but she wouldn't even let us see each other outside of school for a month. My family is African American and Ditzy's family is Hispanic and the day our mothers met her mom said, "I'd prefer Spanish" which was weird because she didn't have a problem when Ditzy was dating a white guy. I've never had to deal with a cultural barrier before and I makes me upset when I find out that I can't spend much time with the girl i care about. In the 6 months we've been dating, we've only been on 3 dates. I'd invite her to do normal things like watch my track meet or walk by the lake or to watch a movie and her mom will come up with an excuse to postpone our date. The excuse usually consist of cleaning the house which reminds me of Cinderella. I'm 18 years old with a drivers license and Ditzy is 17 yet we still have to be supervised when we go out. Her mom gets mad whenever we hug or if we kiss each other on the cheek. We rarely have privacy together; we sneak around after school to hug and makeout. Her mom racist and I believe over controlling of her daughter. She doesn't even like to hear how well her daughter and I are; she blatantly ignores our feelings and I don't know how to deal with such a person.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I am very sorry you have to deal with this type of prejudice. I am a white female dating a black man, even though I am in my 40s, that I date who I want to, and don't need to report to anyone, I always hear little comments here and there from my family and friends that I should date within my race and culture. Drives me nuts. So high school will be over for both of you soon. What are your plans? Will you be going away to college? or will you continue living under your parents roof for another few years?
d0nnivain Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 This is the mother's fault for being racist however, with a lot of work, you may be able to get past mom's prejudices. It's not fair that you have to do this but if you really like Ditzy give it a try. Be extra nice & extra polite to her mom. Always say yes ma'am. Offer to do the dishes if you are invited for dinner. Be gracious. Go out of your way to suck up to mom. Get mom chocolate for Easter. Bring her flowers for mothers' day. Make sure she sees you & Ditzy studying, preferably somewhere "public" like the dining room table. In short be every parents' idea of the perfect BF. If you can get your parents on board that would help. See if your parents would have her parents over for dinner. Let the adults help show that you are a good guy & a good BF. 2
crederer Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Well not to sound completely crude or racist, but old school type families prefer not to race mix but if they do, they prefer their kin to date a white person. Not saying it's right or anything but that is a fairly common theme. Not much you can do about it without proving her wrong.
Recommended Posts