Zachc Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Right not sure how to go about this. My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago after we had been together for a year. For the first month we were on again off again until one night she went out with her friends and she ended it with me the next day. They told her she can do better etc. And I know she kissed a few guys that night. We had no contact for about a month until I wrote her a letter which she did not respond to until a week later when she said " got your letter and.. just thought I would let you know.. that you need to move on.. like I am im sure ill see you around and i hope you have everything sorted for the next girl you start seeing. dont really know what else to say to you zach, hope all is going well xx " Now she has gone from giving me no contact to sending me that txt... is that a reach out for communication or is it really over? I fear that she has gotten with one of these other guys she's been hanging around with. I'm not looking for a quick fix... but if there is any hope I would like to know! Oh I have not responded as this happened only a few hours ago. Thanks
TheKook Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) She said you need to move on, so, that's all you can really do. There's no bargaining or scheming or special tricks to make it happen really. You move on and life continues. If she contacts you down the road, so be it. But there's really nothing you can do to win her back. Hoping won't help either. The real chances of reconciliation occur only after you've completely let go of the relationship. Edited March 22, 2014 by TheKook 4
letsplaygofish2 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 It's pretty clear that she doesn't want to communicate with you anymore. The ony thing is that sometimes women are ambiguous like that. I told my ex on Monday to never contact me again and we've been since talking every day... Mostly about work stuff, but were still talking... Lol (I want to reconcile. The reason I told him to never contact me was because I was so in love with him and wanted to get over him)
maturityassets Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I'm sorry but its over. I'm not a person who generally doesn't put much stock into hope. But what you can do is move on and focus on yourself. Women are generally attracted to men who can continue to live their life confidently that they know regardless what happens or what anybody says, they are still themselves. This is personal will power and that is always an attractive quality. Try not to regret anything. There is nothing to be ashamed of that it didn't work and the end of this relationship does not devalue you in any way. Harder said than done, trust me. But in the end you have to let go. No need to punish yourself with false hope or putting your heart on a plate for her. Your heart belongs to you and the best thing you can do is pick yourself and move on, always another person out there. Relationships generally have a tendency to be better than the previous one for the dumpee because they often times move on at their own pace.
Author Zachc Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Ok well I guess that is it then. You all seem to agree that it's over for me and her. I have been trying to move on with my life however it's very difficult as she seems to be moving on with this other guy so soon! Not to sound like some pathetic guy but i thought she was the one for me. So the best think i can do is just not to contact her and try and move on with my life? Do you think we are done for good? How about things like Facebook etc... should I remove her from them?
StrongLass Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ok well I guess that is it then. You all seem to agree that it's over for me and her. Dude, SHE SAID IT'S OVER herself, we're just reminding you that that's all that really matters in this situation. I have been trying to move on with my life however it's very difficult as she seems to be moving on with this other guy so soon! That sucks, but don't dwell on it. Just because they appear to be happy now doesn't mean that things will be perfect forever. Either way you need to get your own things going. Not to sound like some pathetic guy but i thought she was the one for me. "We plan, Fate laughs" ~ Old Proverb. We've all been wrong about something big at least once. So the best think i can do is just not to contact her and try and move on with my life? Yes. Do you think we are done for good? Nobody can answer that, but odds say yes. Even if your paths reconnect later in life you need to live till then as if they won't. How about things like Facebook etc... should I remove her from them? If it'll help you move on then yes. 2
maturityassets Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) You're not pathetic to believe she was the one. In relationships we are highly invested in a person and we share a part of ourselves that we don't with everyone else. No contact is a healing method. This is time for you to grieve, reflect and eventually bolster yourself. You might go into it thinking that it is just temporary until you are over her and then you will talk to her again, but trust me by then you really have no legitimate desire to really speak to this person again because you have moved on. Hard to say if we are ever 100% done for good. I mean the majority of relationships do end and if they didn't the dating scene would be pretty stagnant. So I wouldn't really worry if you guys are done for good. All you can do is live your own life and maybe you'll cross paths with her and maybe you won't, can't control these things. Social media well somebody recently actually posted here on one of the forums about people who have a hard time blocking exes. I did this back over the summer. I put my ex on a restricted list and I had unsubscribe to all updates and feed from my ex and her friends and family. It's a bit more challenging since you have to control yourself from going on their page but if you can, then you will never see anything from them. But remember the restricted thing is not so you block them out of your life because you don't want them in your business but it is to control yourself. It is to make sure when you are posting things there is no subliminal hope on your part that hopes she sees it. In that case you can live your life without wondering "did she see this? I hope she sees I'm having a good time without her. Maybe she will see that I have changed and she will come back!". Those are self deceptions you want to avoid. Or you can just do the easy option of blocking them lol. Its up to you. But yes avoid contact with her and the closest people in her life. Edited March 23, 2014 by maturityassets 2
Author Zachc Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone. I will try to just move on with my life and get over her and of we come together again so be it. The salt in the wounds Is this other guy as he really he's not good for her, but i just have to deal with it. I'm a pretty self improving kind of guy so I should be alright. However what's the practice for birthdays? Hers is in a few weeks... i should just ignore her for that? You have all been a huge help! Thanks
erklat Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 You don't acknowledge her at all until she makes a first move. Then you'll reassess based on what that move was.
flight E Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Sorry to say but you sound like someone itching for an excuse to reach you ex. Now let me be the harsh one so that you can quickly get to the right emotion It would have been better if she says ****off, or u r a loser and I don't want to have anything to do with you but when a girl you are dating advises you to move on its almost a 99 percent guarantee she is through. It's more like her saying stop weeping woman and get your acts together. So what you should do is get angry and make up your mind never to reach her again. Delete her from everything. Forget her birthday. This is when you might even stand a slight chance of getting her back. This is the truth.
maturityassets Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone. I will try to just move on with my life and get over her and of we come together again so be it. The salt in the wounds Is this other guy as he really he's not good for her, but i just have to deal with it. I'm a pretty self improving kind of guy so I should be alright. However what's the practice for birthdays? Hers is in a few weeks... i should just ignore her for that? You have all been a huge help! Thanks Forget the birthday. I'm telling you it won't matter to her. If it does cross her mind it'll be a brief moment in which she says to her self "Zach didn't say happy birthday... Maybe he is still upset... Didn't want to hurt him" or "I did tell him to move on" or "maybe he moved on! Maybe he doesn't even think of me!" or "maybe he has a new girlfriend" or "maybe he got hurt and is in the hospital!" see the point you can't possibly guess if it will or what will cross their mind. You won't be the bad guy if you don't say happy birthday. In fact if you do say happy birthday it's more likely for her to either be annoyed that you haven't left her alone, think its sweet in a emasculated way or boost her ego knowing you are still pining for her. She isn't your girlfriend anymore nor is she your best friend. She is your ex and you are not required to give her any nice gesture because she dumped you and told you to move on. 1
Mr.Pine Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I have been trying to move on with my life however it's very difficult as she seems to be moving on with this other guy so soon! Zach, you, like a plethora of others, are under the false impression that their ex has moved on at a lightening pace after the breakup. This is not the case. Your ex-girlfriend was already rubbing shoulders (and bumping uglies) with this other guy for weeks or even months before you broke up. She just finally went public with it after your breakup became official. Not to sound like some pathetic guy but i thought she was the one for me. You don't sound pathetic. But you will BE pathetic in her eyes if you continue to contact her. Especially on her birthday. So the best think i can do is just not to contact her and try and move on with my life? Do you think we are done for good? It's not the best thing. It's the ONLY thing. Go NC, get your crap together and forget her. She's already forgotten about you.
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