SerCay Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Broke up with ex a while ago..came back together as ''friends'' and then broke up for good a couple weeks ago. We have been going on like this: on off on off, for about 3 years. Honestly, I can say without feeling bad, he was a bad boyfriend. Now I know nobody's perfect, and I certainly made my share of mistakes..but he just was manipulative and not nice. He lied, cheated, excluded me from his social life, isolated me, etc etc etc.. I know I know...I was a codependent, thats why I put up with all of this. But this is not what this thread is all about. Here's my deal: I saw his family regularly and the were very sweet people who cared for me. I truly felt at home at his parents' and they often expressed their love for me, and sent me food and cakes they baked etc. HOWEVER, I always noticed that they were dealing with his brother's girlfriend differently. More as if she was part of the family... Not that they e did this in an obvious way though, I just noticed that I was kind of falling behind on the ''family feeling'' his parents were creating with his brother and his girlfriend. You know, making phone calls, often coming over for dinner etc etc... I would be invited sometimes, by my boyfriend, but most of the time, his brother and gf would come over once a week, and they would have dinner all together, including my bf. Only ocassionally I was asked. If I would expres that I wanted to go, thy would gladly have me, the issue is not their hospitality, because they were very very nice...It's just that I now realize that they knew all along that their son was not able to maintain a relationship, and that's why they didn't interfere with it too much. His mom had said on one ocassion when bf was yelling to me, choose you, live your life...at that time I was like huh...what she saying, he's her son...but now I understand. Pieces have fallen into their place. The feeling of being left out was kind of gnawing at me, but I do understand now. What would you guys think? ps. it DOES get better with time
esteem-jam Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 It looks like those parents love the other brother more. It sucks when you are on the receiving side (pun) - on the unreceiving side of love. I can very imagine my mom trashtalking me to my GF, or anybody, therefore I would keep my GF to myself most times, no family meetings. They dont have much faith in him, and as a result of such upbringing, he does not have much faith in himself. Have your own opinion. If you would to get together with him - you would need to start a clan of your own, not an extension of their family. 1
Author SerCay Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) They dont have much faith in him, and as a result of such upbringing, he does not have much faith in himself. Have your own opinion. If you would to get together with him - you would need to start a clan of your own, not an extension of their family. Exactly...exactly this. Though the difference is this: although I DID want to start a clan of my own...he chose to remain living at home and giving all his money to his dad and his brother :S. Which they gladly took, even though his dad is working a fulltime well earning job and his brother just left his job without finding a new one because I quote: ''he didnt like the atmosphere''. So ex is feeding them as if he were their father. Ex was complaining about these facts all the time, and about how he was used, though still chose to continue, this drove me nuts after 3 years. Doesnt matter to me anymore, but I do wonder how a person that is loved and obviously valued LESS in a household, puts himself up as the provider for all and by doing that letting his own future slip away? < Im saying this because one of the most appearent reasons why I left him was the fact that he was only occupied with his dad and brothers future, not working at or thinking of his own, let alone ours. Edited March 22, 2014 by SerCay
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