greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 she asked me this morning if im scared of her. i looked at her and said.. only when you are really mad. she said what do you mean, and i sai dremember that night we had our big fight and you were shaking and your face was red and you shoved me? she said yes i do..i said, yea that was scary, and i dont ever want to see you like that again. she said so you were scared of me? i said well yea, i honestly thought you were going to punch me. you were very angry was i wrong to admit that
Tiger Lily Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 she asked me this morning if im scared of her. i looked at her and said.. only when you are really mad. she said what do you mean, and i sai dremember that night we had our big fight and you were shaking and your face was red and you shoved me? she said yes i do..i said, yea that was scary, and i dont ever want to see you like that again. she said so you were scared of me? i said well yea, i honestly thought you were going to punch me. you were very angry was i wrong to admit that OP, do you think you were wrong to admit that? I think you know the answer, deep down. But you aren't confident in your position. I wonder how timidity is playing a part in your life...
Assasda Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 If its the truth and it comes from the right place, who cares? Hopefully you didnt sound weak while saying it
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 No, you were not wrong to admit that. Don't think she'd be afraid of you if you shoved her? She needs to address her anger and aggression. You need to ask yourself how much disrespect you're willing to tolerate.
Author greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 i just dont want her to think i sounded weak
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 i just dont want her to think i sounded weak You don't sound weak, you sound rational. And who cares if she thinks you sounded weak? She is the one who sounds bad, because her behaviour is bad. You're staring a major red flag right in the face. What lead to that level of anger? And why did she ask if you're scared of her? I'm guessing she didn't just ask that out of the blue. Does she have a history of anger management problems? 2
truth_seeker Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 What lead to that level of anger? And why did she ask if you're scared of her? I'm guessing she didn't just ask that out of the blue. Does she have a history of anger management problems? She knows she did wrong, and now is scared that it might come back to bite her. I would take the necessary steps to leave her.
VeronicaRoss Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 It's completely admirable and awesome you said that to her. Getting angry, looking angry -- that's part of life and ok. Being disrespectful and mean with words isn't ok. Shoving you was a violent act, even if it didn't hurt you it could have. The fact that she thought it was acceptable to shove is a huge red flag there is more down the line. If I were you I'd ask her straight up if people in her family shoved and hit when they got angry. I'm worried you feel you have to ask if it's ok to tell her how you feel. Are you easily intimidated? If so, you two together might be a recipe for a lot of pain for you. I'd back off and find someone else if she doesn't take your words very seriously and respectfully and follows through by curbing her actions. You don't want to feel intimidated by your bestie!
BikerAccnt Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I don't think you sounded weak, depending upon how you said it. Making someone aware of their anger issues, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, myself, I'd be worried about how I would respond if she, or anyone punched me. I mean, if she really hauled off and whacked me, in a fit of anger, there's no saying I mightn't return the favor. I believe in equal rights after all Seriously, if anyone's emotional state scare's you, man or woman, that's not something you want to causally overlook.
veggirl Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 She sounds crazy. I'm scared of her too! If she is a mean person, she will likely use this against you tbh. And she prob is a mean person, hence the rage face and shoving.
Author greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 here's what happened. the night we had a fight i said something to her i shouldnt have. it was uncalled for and i regretted it. she became very upset and angry and was upset i backstabbed her. she pushed me and was very angry. i obviously wasn't going to get physical back so yea, i was a bit scared. am i always scared of her? no but if she ever got like that again, yes i would be
ThatMan Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Some people have a terrible temperament and literally see red while losing complete control. Fights and arguments will happen in any relationship. Do you want the sort of relationship that involves physical conflict on every occasion?
Author greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 shes not abusive to me. she has never laid a hand on me except for that night when she was pushed me like i said im not scared of her in general but i saw how ugly she can get when shes mad....but alot of people are like taht
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Like I said on the other site, you are best to tell her that you hope that she doesn't pull that off again, and if she does you are going to walk.
Author greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 i just dont want her thinking"oh hes scared of me, i want a man"
Eivuwan Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 i just dont want her thinking"oh hes scared of me, i want a man" If she thought that way, then she isn't a very understanding person. Why would you want that? This is your insecurity speaking.
Author greenfanman Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 If she thought that way, then she isn't a very understanding person. Why would you want that? This is your insecurity speaking. yea i know. i just dont want her thinking im a whimp
ThatMan Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) So what? What happens if she does think you're a wimp? What happens when she begins blaming you for these fights? Because she will. Everybody like her, each person who does get ugly just because they're poor feelings are hurt, do blame others for lashing out. You are a reasonable human being who feels weirded out. Anyone would feel creeped out by a spouse who behaved like her. She knows that she'll never get away with her unusual behavior around a boss, work associates, friends, or anyone else. She is the one who is behaving oddly. Her behavior is entirely her own fault - You bet that she'll feel more comfortable to blame you rather than look in a mirror. It still doesn't make you a wimp. Her actions are entirely on her and not you. Never be afraid to call her out on these antics. You'll never have to worry about being a wimp if the word scared is never used. Tell her during her next temper tantrum, which I guarantee will happen again that, "I'm not going to allow myself to be treated this way. You will leave me alone. If you do not leave me alone then I'll walk away. I welcome the opportunity for us to continue talking once you've claimed down." If she calls you names, if she calls you a wimp, you should be secure in the knowledge that you've handled yourself exactly as any mature and stable man would have. Edited March 22, 2014 by ThatMan
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 What hasn't been answered yet is what really pissed her off to respond that way.
soccerrprp Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) Shoot, I've told my gf that she can be scary at times, but I know her well and used to her temperament. My gf doesn't think it's weak at all. She knows and is even MORE aware of how she responds. She curses when she's angry (not directed at me) and I don't (I don't ever curse). Nothing like your gf, OP, but my gf can get a little "bitchy." Lol! She laughed and a little disappointed that she makes me feel that way at times...but in reality, I was exaggerating a bit. Letting her know was important and letting her know how it makes you feel EVEN more important. Not weakness... I think that the scariest thing (for some) is how YOU would respond to such anger. Pushed enough, it could get unpredictable. Avoiding ever having to find out by telling her helps to minimize the chance that you'd ever have to find out. Edited March 22, 2014 by soccerrprp
tbf Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 The only wrong that I perceive is that she's still your g/f, instead of an ex. Ditch the...ummm...girl. 1
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