Chocolat Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Because u was saying u rather be around a woman instead of sweaty men. Why do they have to be sweaty just because they men? Maybe he needed a mental break from being around her and wanted to relax Did you read the OP? We had plans tonight, he was to come by and pick me up at 9:30 after his game. At 9:30, he calls to say a buddy on his hockey team wants him to come out for beers and can he come by afterward, say around midnight. The guy had plans to see D-Lish after his game. He subsequently decided he would rather hang out with the guys from his game (hence the reference to "sweaty" men). He cancelled on D-Lish by calling her at the same time he was supposed to show up. This is is the rude part. Would have been just as rude if he'd had plans with the guys and ditched them for D-Lish.
soccerrprp Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 3 times a week is not a lot???? 2-3x is NOT a lot. Come on, that's taking a break from someone you're trying to impress, get to know every other day. 2-3x is not a lot unless you don't want to spend that much time getting to know someone in the first place or you're not really into that person. I mean if the job prevents you, ok, but this sort of sounds like premeditated scheduled time apart, no? Or is this guy deliberately keeping a distance b/c he's not really that into her or has other extra-curricular activities going on while not with the OP???
RedRobin Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 The most annoying part about this is... he seems too chicken to have a respectful discussion about either scaling things back or ending it ... or asking what it takes to move things forward if he's frustrated that way. ... and instead just cancels on things. Passive aggressive and lazy. How disappointing indeed. After a few weeks of seeing someone... somewhere in the 5-10 date range... I think she'd deserve some kind of discussion or explanation at least. Not just flaking and canceling to get his message across... whatever it is. Oy-vay. Gotta love online dating!!
WP4046 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 2-3x is NOT a lot. Come on, that's taking a break from someone you're trying to impress, get to know every other day. 2-3x is not a lot unless you don't want to spend that much time getting to know someone in the first place or you're not really into that person. I mean if the job prevents you, ok, but this sort of sounds like premeditated scheduled time apart, no? Or is this guy deliberately keeping a distance b/c he's not really that into her or has other extra-curricular activities going on while not with the OP??? 3 times a week is not a lot? Well that means I don't ever want to be in a relationship then
FitChick Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Oy-vay. Gotta love online dating!! This has nothing to do with online dating. It's more to do with good manners and being mature and ready for a real girlfriend. 1
RedRobin Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 This has nothing to do with online dating. It's more to do with good manners and being mature and ready for a real girlfriend. TBH, it's pretty par for the course with OLD. 1
snowflakes88 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Because u was saying u rather be around a woman instead of sweaty men. Why do they have to be sweaty just because they men? Maybe he needed a mental break from being around her and wanted to relax Your reading comprehension is incredibly poor. 2
HappyLove Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) Sorry this happened to you. This has happened to me. You're all excited and dressed then the loser cancels last minute. Trust me, when they do this so early on it doesn't get any better. I gave him another chance and he wasn't worth it. Wasted a lot of time with someone who basically is just not that into you. Oh, and that midnight booty call suggestion would make me not have to think twice about moving on! He doesn't respect you. Edited March 23, 2014 by HappyLove
carhill Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I'm pretty pissed. Am I right to be? I've seen him twice already this week, 3 times last week, and the first time he cancelled was our third date because he said he was super tired after work (he gets up at 5:00am). I didn't give him a hard time the first time he cancelled at all. I think your feelings are valid. 'Right' is subjective in accordance with your style of prosecuting dating and relationships. If, and correct me for any errors, you're 'hanging out 2 or 3 times a week' for 'a few weeks', are apparently not exclusive nor sexually involved and the man changes his mind at the last minute, apparently once due to being tired and now because of going out with a teammate/fellow player after the game, then you've determined these actions, especially the last one, to be fundamentally disrespecting you and your time. Does that sound right? My opinion would be that his style, presuming you don't change your mind and cancel engagements at the last minute, would be incompatible. He may tend to live more 'in the moment' and, if this teammate is a good friend, feel more 'invested' in that relationship than with a woman he's been hanging out with 2-3 times a week for a few weeks, hence 'changed his mind', at the risk of offending you, which he apparently has. If your style is to view such commitments, to anyone, as cast in stone, barring illness or death (I used to be like that, for nearly 50 years!), then IMO there's a fundamental incompatibility and he will likely perpetually disappoint or annoy you with similar types of actions in the future. Since you're apparently dating other men, I'd pursue those options. Perhaps you can find one with a style more consistent with your own. If you are clear about this one being 'out', I'd cut him off. No communication. Less ambiguity that way. Good luck! 1
Tayla Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 For some people yes, others no. But that is not the issue. The point is, he made a promise and he then broke that promise. And He also stated that he would make it up to her. She brushed it off, which is her way of handling it , in that moment. That is her choice. But without knowing or hearing the guys side...its hard to be fully engaged with solid advice. Yes, Integrity ( being as good as your word) is important. Sometimes we fall short though....
soccerrprp Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 3 times a week is not a lot? Well that means I don't ever want to be in a relationship then Then don't ever be in a relationship. I mean, please, the OP says 2-3x per week of 'hangin out' not sleeping over or spending the whole day. We all have our limits, but if you're really into someone and really wanting to get to know someone, 2-3x per week of 'hanging out' is not unreasonable.
Tayken Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I guess I'm just venting, but I'm super pissed. I've been seeing someone for a few weeks, we're taking it day by day. We've been hanging out 2-3 times a week thus far. We had plans tonight, he was to come by and pick me up at 9:30 after his game. At 9:30, he calls to say a buddy on his hockey team wants him to come out for beers and can he come by afterward, say around midnight. I said no to coming by afterward as we're not sleeping together yet and I don't want him to think it's okay to just come by late at night when we haven't defined anything yet. I'm not needy for a guy's time, I would have been fine if he'd just wanted to hang with his friends after their game- because I could have made other plans. So here I am, on a Friday night, all dressed up and cancelled on. He asked if I was upset and I told him truthfully that I was- all of my friends went to a restaurant opening tonight and I bowed out on a ticket because I'd accepted his invitation to go out for dinner and drinks. So... Three weeks, and this is the second time he's cancelled last minute. My thoughts are that one time is acceptable- but this second time tonight really makes me believe he doesn't respect my time. He offered to not stay and have drinks in order to fulfill his obligation with me, but let's be honest, how could I feel good about making him follow through with me when he's clearly excited about doing something else? He has been texting ever since saying he feels bad with offers of making it up to me. I go back to work tomorrow for 5 days of afternoon shifts which means we can't see one another until next Thursday. I'm pretty pissed. Am I right to be? I've seen him twice already this week, 3 times last week, and the first time he cancelled was our third date because he said he was super tired after work (he gets up at 5:00am). I didn't give him a hard time the first time he cancelled at all. He's been texting about nailing me down for next Thursday when I'm off, but I'm being aloof about accepting. I didn't give him the gears tonight, just told him I wouldn't accept being treated like an option. I don't think I would have minded so much if I didn't get all dressed up and say no to my friends because I had plans with this new guy. I can swing either way at this point. I like him, and we have fun together- but I don't know if I should give it another chance. Am I a push-over if I give him another chance? I'm on the fence. OP...don't take it too personal, it happens all the time for various reasons. It happened to me this past Friday...started talking to this woman on Thurs night, she showed interested and we even stayed up until midnight writing and planned to meet the next day after exchanging number...she sent me a text etc I mentioned specifically my line of work, and based on that from what I found out now, she canceled the date because her ex was in that line of work. I mean WTH? I did tell her though that she is a liar and could have had more credit if she just flat out told me why instead of making up a cock and bull story. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because the next day, this other woman have been talking to said we should meet up for dinner and a movie.....it turned out to be one of my best dates EVER. She paid for the meal, got me to follow her to Victoria secret to pick out a new Bra in the same mall (odd I know on a date), kept touching me , I paid for the movies and I escorted her to her car in the end.....the touching continued and a BJ came out of it in her car. It was a happy end for both of us
Assasda Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 OP...don't take it too personal, it happens all the time for various reasons. It happened to me this past Friday...started talking to this woman on Thurs night, she showed interested and we even stayed up until midnight writing and planned to meet the next day after exchanging number...she sent me a text etc I mentioned specifically my line of work, and based on that from what I found out now, she canceled the date because her ex was in that line of work. I mean WTH? I did tell her though that she is a liar and could have had more credit if she just flat out told me why instead of making up a cock and bull story. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because the next day, this other woman have been talking to said we should meet up for dinner and a movie.....it turned out to be one of my best dates EVER. She paid for the meal, got me to follow her to Victoria secret to pick out a new Bra in the same mall (odd I know on a date), kept touching me , I paid for the movies and I escorted her to her car in the end.....the touching continued and a BJ came out of it in her car. It was a happy end for both of us hahaha way to... kiss and tell. Anyway, I've said that ive canceled on a girl too, and I may seem like the villian, but, she could miss out on something good. I wish OP came back and told us if anything happened
Brett123 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Yeah, you are right, he was disrespectful and you should be annoyed. As a guy i'll tell you what i'd like you to do if i was this guy: First don't cancel your appointments to go with him. You should look for a time you are both available. Second and most important, if you are going to give him another chance, TELL him its his last chance, don't just think it. Otherwise if he has a complication and can't go he will think its not a big deal. If you tell him its his last chance he will only cancel if its a life/death situation you can forgive.
Shaun-Dro Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I guess I'm just venting, but I'm super pissed. I've been seeing someone for a few weeks, we're taking it day by day. We've been hanging out 2-3 times a week thus far. We had plans tonight, he was to come by and pick me up at 9:30 after his game. At 9:30, he calls to say a buddy on his hockey team wants him to come out for beers and can he come by afterward, say around midnight. I said no to coming by afterward as we're not sleeping together yet and I don't want him to think it's okay to just come by late at night when we haven't defined anything yet. I'm not needy for a guy's time, I would have been fine if he'd just wanted to hang with his friends after their game- because I could have made other plans. So here I am, on a Friday night, all dressed up and cancelled on. He asked if I was upset and I told him truthfully that I was- all of my friends went to a restaurant opening tonight and I bowed out on a ticket because I'd accepted his invitation to go out for dinner and drinks. So... Three weeks, and this is the second time he's cancelled last minute. My thoughts are that one time is acceptable- but this second time tonight really makes me believe he doesn't respect my time. He offered to not stay and have drinks in order to fulfill his obligation with me, but let's be honest, how could I feel good about making him follow through with me when he's clearly excited about doing something else? He has been texting ever since saying he feels bad with offers of making it up to me. I go back to work tomorrow for 5 days of afternoon shifts which means we can't see one another until next Thursday. I'm pretty pissed. Am I right to be? I've seen him twice already this week, 3 times last week, and the first time he cancelled was our third date because he said he was super tired after work (he gets up at 5:00am). I didn't give him a hard time the first time he cancelled at all. He's been texting about nailing me down for next Thursday when I'm off, but I'm being aloof about accepting. I didn't give him the gears tonight, just told him I wouldn't accept being treated like an option. I don't think I would have minded so much if I didn't get all dressed up and say no to my friends because I had plans with this new guy. I can swing either way at this point. I like him, and we have fun together- but I don't know if I should give it another chance. Am I a push-over if I give him another chance? I'm on the fence. To be honest, this is interesting to see coming from the other side of the field, because often it's us guys who are cancelled on.
Author D-Lish Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 From a man's point of view....he isn't that into you. If I am into a woman, I do not cancel just to hangout and drink with a bunch of sweaty guys I've just been with all night. Once, just isn't important to get upset about because stuff happens out of our control....twice, shame on him but three times, shame on you for letting him treat you like you don't deserve courtesy and his time. Wouldn't waste my time or energy on this guy. JMHO, Grumps Yep, I'm leaning towards this assumption, because that's the advice I'd most likely give someone else. It's the kind of advice I was looking to hear I think. I get that our schedules are opposite, but all the more reason to capitalize on the times we can spend together! I've been somewhat aloof with him since the other night, made the decision to explore other options. He's remained apologetic and it seems that the more apathetic I've become, the stronger he's come on. I agree, he sees his buddies all of the time. I don't want to be a b*t@#, but I don't want to be a pushover. I'm usually one or the other, and I need to find a balance... The aforementioned is why I appreciate everyone's input. 3
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