RedRobin Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I don't think having sex necessarily makes any one at the 'short end of the stick'... having sex isn't or shouldn't be any kind of power play. He simply isn't demonstrating an ability to build trust and intimacy. THAT behavior is what would keep me from having sex with him. He's basically knocked back your trust to a big negative. Not even at square one. Another reason why I wouldn't give a guy who does this another chance. You shouldn't have to 'train' a grown-*ss man to respect your time. He either does or doesn't. Guys who push boundaries to see what they can get away with... then only 'behave' when he's punished or called on the carpet... well, those guys suck as partners. Sure, misunderstandings happen. Miscommunications happen. I don't see that being the case with this guy. 5
Art_Critic Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 You're gonna feel worse when he does it a third time.... IMO, I'm with Grumps and would throw in that he also knew what he was doing, he re-set his priorities and moved you down. It was a decision he made by himself rather than a decision made for him.. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I don't think having sex necessarily makes any one at the 'short end of the stick'... having sex isn't or shouldn't be any kind of power play. Not what I was thinking at all. Not about power (or perhaps it is). I was being cynical here and looking ahead to what could be a very uncomfortable position the OP would be in if, after giving this guy a chance, getting, closer, having sex, they guy flaked again. I just feel that he would, ESPECIALLY after sex. Eh, I'm stretching to simply say, don't give this guy another chance to prove that he respects you when he's shown 2x that he doesn't.
StanMusial Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 This is the kind of behavior I'd expect from someone younger or not serious about finding a relationship. When I was in college I may have blown off a date here and there and maybe once or twice after, but never once I got serious LOL. Time is precious when you've got adult responsibilities.
Tayla Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Two guys are set to meet up and play hoops, they had a ruff week, want to have beers, play ball...and the one guy cancels. Does the other guy get upset and decide...man he aint my friend anymore??? Nope!. Next week, same thing happens,,,,and amazingly they still remain friends... Case in point, build your foundation of friendship first. This is not the time to play "I should be priority". The only priority is to be there when it counts the most. Being flexible and understanding will go along way. For you, obligations are non negotiable, for him...he seems flexible in that area. The key is to set healthy boundaries that allow some leeway. If he is a perpetual (habitual) changer of Last minute notice, then have the chat. Equality in a relationship is not "me first". It goes both ways. The Not giving him the right to convey his regret /remorse with respect, makes me wonder if there is growth to be had in this beginning stage....
quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Two guys are set to meet up and play hoops, they had a ruff week, want to have beers, play ball...and the one guy cancels. Does the other guy get upset and decide...man he aint my friend anymore??? Nope!. Next week, same thing happens,,,,and amazingly they still remain friends... Case in point, build your foundation of friendship first. This is not the time to play "I should be priority". The only priority is to be there when it counts the most. Being flexible and understanding will go along way. For you, obligations are non negotiable, for him...he seems flexible in that area. The key is to set healthy boundaries that allow some leeway. If he is a perpetual (habitual) changer of Last minute notice, then have the chat. Equality in a relationship is not "me first". It goes both ways. The Not giving him the right to convey his regret /remorse with respect, makes me wonder if there is growth to be had in this beginning stage.... Its a good point. However making friends is simple and a different set or rules to dating and relationships. There are lots of do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. Can't really be compared to friendship to me. And standing people up is a big deal when dating 4
soccerrprp Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Its a good point. However making friends is simple and a different set or rules to dating and relationships. There are lots of do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. Can't really be compared to friendship to me. And standing people up is a big deal when dating AGREE completely. Not the same as dating someone or even involving a SO, spouse. YOU DON'T DO WHAT THE GUY DID 2x! This shows a lack of respect. People can take advantage of friends, neglect them and know it will probably be okay, but you don't get away with such disrespect with a gf or SO. 2
RedRobin Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I don't back out on my friends either. Unless I'm sick or something major comes up. In that case, I call so that they can hear how I sound and can tell that I'm sincere. Standing someone up without a valid reason is rude behavior no matter who does it. 7
Chocolat Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Two guys are set to meet up and play hoops, they had a ruff week, want to have beers, play ball...and the one guy cancels. Does the other guy get upset and decide...man he aint my friend anymore??? Nope!. Next week, same thing happens,,,,and amazingly they still remain friends... I dunno about this. I have a feeling I would not remain friends with someone who cancelled on me at the last minute in order to do something with a different friend instead. And if that friend did it twice, well, I'd be seriously reconsidering whether this was actually a friend. 5
soccerrprp Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I dunno about this. I have a feeling I would not remain friends with someone who cancelled on me at the last minute in order to do something with a different friend instead. And if that friend did it twice, well, I'd be seriously reconsidering whether this was actually a friend. At least you'd be reconsidering where you stand in terms of priority compared to other "friends." Uncomfortable position to be in...
Atticus9292012 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I wouldn't see him again. I'm a single mom and a guy did that to me once after I had already paid for a babysitter. I did not accept another date from him. That is a bad sign to me for not respecting your time. 1
WP4046 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 From a man's point of view....he isn't that into you. If I am into a woman, I do not cancel just to hangout and drink with a bunch of sweaty guys I've just been with all night. Once, just isn't important to get upset about because stuff happens out of our control....twice, shame on him but three times, shame on you for letting him treat you like you don't deserve courtesy and his time. Wouldn't waste my time or energy on this guy. JMHO, Grumps So a man is never ever ever supposed to hang out with dudes because he has a woman?
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 From a man's point of view....he isn't that into you. If I am into a woman, I do not cancel just to hangout and drink with a bunch of sweaty guys I've just been with all night. Once, just isn't important to get upset about because stuff happens out of our control....twice, shame on him but three times, shame on you for letting him treat you like you don't deserve courtesy and his time. Wouldn't waste my time or energy on this guy. JMHO, Grumps I'm with Grumps on this too. If someone wants to be with you, they will move mountains to make it happen, ESPECIALLY at the early stages of courtship! And that goes for both men and women. It's clear you're not a priority for him right now for whatever so carry on with your life as you were. You're a pretty girl so I'm sure you'll have no problem finding another "great" guy to hang out with who will appreciate you and your time. Good luck!
Chocolat Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 So a man is never ever ever supposed to hang out with dudes because he has a woman? Of course not. But common courtesy says that if you have made plans with Person A, you do not cancel those plans at the last minute because Person B (or Persons B, C, and D) have extended you a better invitation! This is irrespective of the genders of all involved.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 So a man is never ever ever supposed to hang out with dudes because he has a woman? That's not what he's saying at all - of course he can just as SHE can. It's very healthy to have a life outside of your relationship. BUT if you're one to make plans with someone and then cancel last minute on MORE than one occasion, THAT is a problem. I think this is particularly crucial in the very beginning stages of dating when you're trying to establish something.
Phoe Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 So a man is never ever ever supposed to hang out with dudes because he has a woman? he can hang with those dudes all he wants on the days when he hasn't already made plans with her. It's not like he cancelled with ample time to spare, she was already DRESSED and WAITING. Rude. 2
deathandtaxes Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Three weeks in and you've been blown off twice? This guy doesn't deserve a third chance. If he's so inconsiderate and disrespectful of you now, when he supposed to be wooing you and putting his best foot forward, how is he going to be in three or four months' time? 2
Grumpybutfun Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Its a good point. However making friends is simple and a different set or rules to dating and relationships. There are lots of do's and don'ts when it comes to dating. Can't really be compared to friendship to me. And standing people up is a big deal when dating I don't have flaky friends either, no, this may more accepted with guy friends but after a while, even those friends would start disappearing from my contact list. My time is important, if you make plans with me you had better respect it because I have lots of friends and don't need someone who continuously breaks their word. However, I agree that with dating it is a different ball game because for those who are seeking love and commitment, you are potentially interviewing someone to be your life partner. Otherwise, you are trying to get some and those are the guys who will cancel. They can always get in a booty call at midnight. G 2
Grumpybutfun Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 So a man is never ever ever supposed to hang out with dudes because he has a woman? How do you get this line of thought from what i said? He had made concrete plans with her, not the dudes. He had been with the dudes all day. You don't break plans with a girl you really like in order to go drink beer with dudes. If you do, you just aren't ready for a relationship because you are still in your peer pressure stage of life where you have the bros before hoes mindset. G 8
WP4046 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 How do you get this line of thought from what i said? He had made concrete plans with her, not the dudes. He had been with the dudes all day. You don't break plans with a girl you really like in order to go drink beer with dudes. If you do, you just aren't ready for a relationship because you are still in your peer pressure stage of life where you have the bros before hoes mindset. G Because u was saying u rather be around a woman instead of sweaty men. Why do they have to be sweaty just because they men? Maybe he needed a mental break from being around her and wanted to relax
anne1707 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Because u was saying u rather be around a woman instead of sweaty men. Why do they have to be sweaty just because they men? Maybe he needed a mental break from being around her and wanted to relax Grumps did not say "rather be around". He said he would not break plans he had made - ie he would not break a promiseThe men are sweaty because they have been playing hockeyThe OP only sees this man 2-3 times a week so he is getting plenty of time away from her already - no need for a mental breakHe has also already been relaxing with his friends 3
beach Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 The fact remains - he knew you'd be dressed and ready to meet him. Yet he disregarded your feelings enough to cancel very last minute. That is not ok! Unless he had a dire emergency like a relative in an accident or the hospital...but he made a choice = and it wasn't time with you. That's not cool.
WP4046 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Grumps did not say "rather be around". He said he would not break plans he had made - ie he would not break a promiseThe men are sweaty because they have been playing hockeyThe OP only sees this man 2-3 times a week so he is getting plenty of time away from her already - no need for a mental breakHe has also already been relaxing with his friends 3 times a week is not a lot????
anne1707 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 3 times a week is not a lot???? For some people yes, others no. But that is not the issue. The point is, he made a promise and he then broke that promise. 2
regine_phalange Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Life is too short to spend on lukewarm people. 5
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