ChinaCat Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Hi again. Here's my original post/thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/464695-financially-dependent-boyfriend-how-find-way-out-2.html I broke it off with my BF two days ago. The first day was filled with crying and doubts that I did the right thing, but after sleeping on it, I was convinced that yes, it hurt (really effing badly) for a day, but it was definitely the right move. As much as I feel like a cyborg for saying it, I'm actually starting to get over it already and feel optimistic about the future and like a weight's been lifted. He expressed only understanding when I broke it off. We've always said we'd stay friends if we ever split up. We have a dog together who we both love very much, and I still love him in a lot of ways. We haven't discussed dog specifics, but I want to co"parent" her if at all possible. I stayed at a friend's the first two nights to give him space, because conventional wisdom says that in order to reconcile as friends after a breakup, there needs to be a big cool-off period where we have zero contact. Of course, he still lives in my apartment (for now, I gave him a timeline of two weeks to move out), so I've seen him a couple times over the past two days when I stopped in to pick up overnight stuff. He's hung out with my college friends, and I found that I actually was pretty OK with that. This morning he was still in bed when I came to pick up stuff and he invited me to bed, just for cuddling and talking, and I couldn't resist. I don't really miss my boyfriend, but I miss my best friend a whole lot. He's sad, but feels no animosity towards me. I didn't mention this before, but we had an open relationship over our entire 2.75 year relationship and I feel very compersive towards him (I feel good when he feels good, including when it's someone else making him feel that way). I'm weird, but I was just imagining being his wingwoman at a bar and extolling his good qualities to other women so he can find someone and be over me, and it was a good daydream. I feel like on my end, I could make a relatively uncomplicated transition to just being friends at this point. I just don't know if it'll be quite as easy for him, even though our conversations so far have been really very friendly and warm. I don't want to risk a huge fallout that would prevent us from being friends if it gets harder for him, but I don't actually think that's a huge risk. We care enough about each other to keep things kind. I haven't asked and I don't think he knows yet whether he'll stay in this city or go somewhere else. I'm going back to my apartment tonight because he doesn't want to keep me out of my own bed. I have a feeling we might end up (literal) sleeping together for the sake of having a warm body nearby. I think would be better to limit our interactions to just light conversation for his sake, but I don't know. I can make it clear that reconciliation isn't an option, only friendship, because I know that positive signals alone are a bad idea. If we reconciled, this would just happen all over again a month from now and it would be a lot more painful. Is it at all possible to wean yourself out of a relationship after a breakup? I have a feeling I know the answer I'm going to get, but I dunno. If there's .1% of relationships that have this option, I might be hubristic enough to think we're one of them.
Recommended Posts