Call Me Coward!/ Is There Such Thing As Closure To Move On!

[PlentyLV007]

I haven't spoken to my ex in a year. I broke up with him a year ago and I called him yesterday. Not to get back with him, not to know how he is doing but for closure. I broke up with him and did not give us an opportunity for us to talk about it. I just knew in my gut that it was over. Instead of hurting each other and making excuses I just told him to pick up his stuff from my house and go. Here is the thing....I broke up with him over the phone. YES CALL ME COWARD! We were toghether for 5 years and had a great relationship of course with rocky times. Which relationship doesn't have rocky times. I've felt that I have not been able to move on w/ out this closure. Is this weird? I don't expect him to be call me back or actually be nice to me and understand me. I don't even expect him to forgive me for the way that I left him. Is it wrong that I'm calling him for closure? Did I do the wrong thing by calling him and leaving him a message to call me back? Should I have left it alone? The last and only time I ever heard his voice on my phone was to tell me he had the wrong number! Help.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its not weird or unheard of. I hear about it all the time here. Usually from the other point of view, though. I understand what it is that you are probably feeling. You want to know that on some level he has moved on, that you didn't hurt him too badly, that he doesn't think terribly of you, that he can in some way forgive you - but from the way you broke it off I don't imagine your next conversation with him will go too well. Hopefully he won't call you back - then you'll know for sure that he was able to move on and put you out of mind. Then, that can be your closure.

[moon]

I'm sort of baffled by your post. I am just trying to understand. So you totally dumped this guy cold, over the phone, didn't give him ANY closure.......he obviously wallowed off by himself and tended his wounds alone and now YOU need closure?

 

But why did it take a year to realize this? The relationship wasn't even bad? Are you sort of youngish? Was it a case that you needed to go find yourself or something like that? Do you know if he's dating somebody else? Is that why you all of a sudden need this "closure"? I am just really curious. I've only broken up with somebody once and I never needed closure. I felt I didn't deserve it because I was the one doing the dumping.

 

Why do you think you need closure? Did another relationship end for you recently? Just curious.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Yes, I'm curious too. My ex-gf did the same - breaking up with me by phone. I know that I need a closure I haven't had, but I sense she does too. I'd love to know what you're thinking and feeling right now, plentyLV.

[kellydontwanttasleep]

you dumped him, calling him now may add salt to the wounds.

[Isabella82]

Do you actually think that people need closure?? I mean I'm not sure about this whole closure thing? My ex actually when we were together we agreed that it was best not to talk to our exes....I caught him talking to his ex girlfriend from 3 years ago. I asked him why they were talking and he said he needed closure. I didn't understand...you see she cheated on him when they were together but they were only together for 2 months. I just felt like if he needed closure from her, then he wasn't obviously happy with just me. Let alone the fact that he lied to me.

 

I have been cheated on before from an ex, and I moved on without getting closure. What is the point of asking them why they cheated on you? What are they supposed to say.

 

I am just curious as to who thinks they need closure. I kind of feel like I do need closure but I don't think I will ever get it. My ex broke up with me 9 months ago with no real reason. His reasonings didn't make much sense. He has never called me or anything to say he misses me or how are you or nothing. It really hurts me, we were very close. I am thinking maybe I will never get over him until I get these unanswered questions answered or is closure just a bunch of BS???

[Pocky]

Originally posted by Isabella82

I am just curious as to who thinks they need closure. I kind of feel like I do need closure but I don't think I will ever get it. My ex broke up with me 9 months ago with no real reason. His reasonings didn't make much sense. He has never called me or anything to say he misses me or how are you or nothing. It really hurts me, we were very close. I am thinking maybe I will never get over him until I get these unanswered questions answered or is closure just a bunch of BS???

 

Closure can be a helpful tool in coming to terms with events in life. While I don't believe that closure is a necessity and I think everyone is capable of moving on in life even if they don't have closure, it certainly does help to close the past.

 

There is one emotional experience in my life that occurred about seven years ago. I've never had closure. While I move on in my life and have accepted things the way they are, I still dream of her, think of her, wish I knew why things changed and can still remember her face and all the moments we shared. Maybe because I don't know "why" I haven't truly let her go, but I have certainly moved on.

[PlentyLV007]

Thank you all for taking the time to read my post! Now...when I dumped him I was full of in-securities, felt rejection, and was very upset. Me and my ex were toghether for 5 years and I've known him for 7 years in total. Our relationship was very rocky but mostly because of me. I knew that the way I was treating him was wrong, selfish and not supportive in may occasions. It was hard for me to acknowledge the fact that in order for us to be happy we had to break up. Unfortunately we were no happy toghether. Always arguing, I didn't trust him for past reasons that I couldn't forget and I was always on him about the most idiotic things. I knew I had to leave him. We had tried to break up before but we just cared and loved each other too much. I pretty much broke up with him w/ out wanting to. I did it for the best intension for me and for him.

 

Conclusion was we talked last night....for the first time in a year. It went very well. No yelling, no arguments, no name calling and definetly no crying on my part. This past year I took the chance and opportunity to accept my mistakes and become a better person...and the hardest part was that I did it alone and of course that was my choice. We talked about good times and of course bad, and why certain things happened. We didn't talk about who we dated or talked to or what we've done because our purpose was to talk about what we never did when we broke up. ....as for it adding salt in open wounds ...sure...but I accepted the fact that I made mistakes and I apologized to him. No I don't want to get back with him, No I don't want to be his sex buddy or friend. I know it was very selfish of me to leave him the way I did but, in the long run we both new it was for the best. Don't get me wrong...I was expecting the worst! Getting yelled at, told off I mean the works. It was not that way and I was very pleased with our conclusion. I guess you can say I got lucky this time. Do I think of what could have happened? If it would have been different ...? Sure...but I concentrate more on what I have than what could have been, would have been , should have been! Now is now and now I learned from my mistakes....

 

Is closure BS...maybe to some people and I've honestly never really been the dumper....and I have to say...it was difficult especially when I still loved him so! It worked out for the best!

 

Any comments and thoughts I would really appreciate! Thanks

[jellybean]

I think you have been carrying alot of guilt for the past year...I think in your mind it was important to know that he does not hate you for life.

 

Well, so now you have your 'closure'...