quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 This girl on a dating site I'm on keeps bombarding me with messages and if I don't reply straight away or plain haven't seen them yet she sends more. I've barely said anything yet and more messages pile in. I was going to nicely tell her that she's coming over way too strong. Is this a good idea? I feel everyone can do with a helping hand and by telling her that, she will learn to cool down and this will improve her chances in the future. Also I don't want to, in turn look like a mug, some people would just plain ignore someone like that, winding them up more and making them worse. Should I do this? Its not a big deal, just thought I'd ask
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 If you're not interested just block her. not really about me, thought it might be doing her a favour
mammasita Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 not really about me, thought it might be doing her a favour Eh, if it were me I wouldn't invest that much time or thought.....she might actually end up being insulted verses thankful. 1
J21 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 It's up to you. But maybe she's just doing this to you because there's something about you she really likes. If you don't have any intention of meeting up you should just block her and not say anything.
Conners Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Some of the replies seem quite selfish.. If you think you are doing her a favour, go ahead and tell her. Because truthfully, she won't find many dates if that's how she's approaching men. Good on you too for thinking of doing this. Don't be so heartless people! 3
Atticus9292012 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 I usually ignore and block someone like that. This early in the game that is just too much for me. I need space and not responding immediately does not equal lack of interest. We all have lives.
jay1983 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 These are some bad signs, right off back. Are you getting messages from other girls? When I say messages, I mean good messages, that show they obviously like you. When I tried online dating, I got almost no messages from girls, despite being fairy good looking. Well except for this one chick a while back. There was this one chick who was really interested. Boy did she turn out to be a nut job Only one that was really interested was the crazy one. Big surprise
OhThatGirl Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Actually OP, I think it's fair to tell her in a nice way. Maybe a lighthearted comment about the fact she sends so many messages and then saying something generic like "don't forget, we are men and appreciate a woman that lets us do the chasing." I don't think I'd be offended and may find it useful. I've actually wondered about this myself. Do people on OLD appreciate feedback? I sure would. Hell, I'd probably even appreciate an mini exit interview each time a guy knew he wasnt to going to ask me out again. LOL But for something as simple as a tip on a profile or the way a guy sends out messages, I would love to send out some feedback. Like "you know, I just don't think we would be a good match. I'd like to suggest maybe not starting out future emails with 'girl your sexy as hell' next time. Us 'sexy as hell' girls like it when a guy mentions something we have in common and asks questions about ourselves. Good luck, hope you meet someone great!" No? Is that my narcissism showing? (True story, there was a guy that had 37 posted as his age. This dude was at LEAST mid 40s, probably 48ish, and it was quite evident that he had money and therefore felt entitled to a much younger selection of girls. He sent a message to me (being 29) and the only thing I sent back was "37? Really though, how old are you?" He simply said "well that's a nice way to start the conversation. Want to get drinks?" .... No. No I do not.) 1
jay1983 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Actually OP, I think it's fair to tell her in a nice way. Maybe a lighthearted comment about the fact she sends so many messages and then saying something generic like "don't forget, we are men and appreciate a woman that lets us do the chasing." I don't think I'd be offended and may find it useful. I've actually wondered about this myself. Do people on OLD appreciate feedback? I sure would. Hell, I'd probably even appreciate an mini exit interview each time a guy knew he wasnt to going to ask me out again. LOL That's called common courtesy. People now a days don't have it. Some cause they're selfish and don't give a f**k. Others cause they fear and rather avoid they'd an ugly defensive argument. For example you: you send me too many messages them: yeah, well other people like it! I can do way better than you, your........ 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Some of the replies seem quite selfish.. If you think you are doing her a favour, go ahead and tell her. Because truthfully, she won't find many dates if that's how she's approaching men. Good on you too for thinking of doing this. Don't be so heartless people! That's what I thought, we have all made mistakes, but if you don't realise what you are doing wrong you will continue to make them. I did tell her and she said thanks and that she didn't take offense. She will hopefully do better now and it didn't hurt me to help her
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 These are some bad signs, right off back. Are you getting messages from other girls? When I say messages, I mean good messages, that show they obviously like you. When I tried online dating, I got almost no messages from girls, despite being fairy good looking. Well except for this one chick a while back. There was this one chick who was really interested. Boy did she turn out to be a nut job Only one that was really interested was the crazy one. Big surprise On and off I'm talking to about 4/5 girls, but probably wont go anywhere at the very least its a bit of banter right
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 These are some bad signs, right off back. Are you getting messages from other girls? When I say messages, I mean good messages, that show they obviously like you. When I tried online dating, I got almost no messages from girls, despite being fairy good looking. Well except for this one chick a while back. There was this one chick who was really interested. Boy did she turn out to be a nut job Only one that was really interested was the crazy one. Big surprise A lot of it comes from the quality of the message you sent them. A few girls will message you, but mostly it comes from reading their profile and asking them about it. Oh and certainly no comments like 'damnnnn your ass is fine' lol. Sorry couldn't resist. But yeah no physical comments lol
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Actually OP, I think it's fair to tell her in a nice way. Maybe a lighthearted comment about the fact she sends so many messages and then saying something generic like "don't forget, we are men and appreciate a woman that lets us do the chasing." I don't think I'd be offended and may find it useful. I've actually wondered about this myself. Do people on OLD appreciate feedback? I sure would. Hell, I'd probably even appreciate an mini exit interview each time a guy knew he wasnt to going to ask me out again. LOL But for something as simple as a tip on a profile or the way a guy sends out messages, I would love to send out some feedback. Like "you know, I just don't think we would be a good match. I'd like to suggest maybe not starting out future emails with 'girl your sexy as hell' next time. Us 'sexy as hell' girls like it when a guy mentions something we have in common and asks questions about ourselves. Good luck, hope you meet someone great!" No? Is that my narcissism showing? (True story, there was a guy that had 37 posted as his age. This dude was at LEAST mid 40s, probably 48ish, and it was quite evident that he had money and therefore felt entitled to a much younger selection of girls. He sent a message to me (being 29) and the only thing I sent back was "37? Really though, how old are you?" He simply said "well that's a nice way to start the conversation. Want to get drinks?" .... No. No I do not.) Is this the beginning of a better dating world? lol. Where men and women tell each other why they are getting the elbow lol. Definitely think feedback would help one another instead of ignorance. I'm setting up to smack anyone or even hints about calling me a nice guy 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 After telling this girl that she cam over too strong and telling her can we leave it now. She messaged me again, mmm didn't really work did it. Hey ho, she might get the message in a day or two
haribogumsnickers Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 She must be a 1 star if she's coming on too strong. As an equal opportunist, I would reply accordingly and give her a bad romance. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Hell, I'd probably even appreciate an mini exit interview each time a guy knew he wasnt to going to ask me out again. LOL .........................I'd like to suggest maybe not starting out future emails with 'girl your sexy as hell' next time. ................the only thing I sent back was "37? Really though, how old are you?" He simply said "well that's a nice way to start the conversation. Want to get drinks?" .... No. No I do not.) Got several chuckles and one LOL from your post! Keep writing! Love your perspective and we could all use the humor!
Pineappls Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 If you are interested you can say, it in a nice way. and in a funny way maybe put lol at the end. If you are not interested you can still tell her in a nice way. and tell her that you are not interested and wish her the best. Dont be rude. Everything is to learn. You had your time when you did not know how to approach girls etc 2. So give others a chance to learn. Dont break them down.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 Honesty would far and away be the best policy here. Despite virtually all common sense, there are still plenty of people who genuinely don't realize when they're coming on too strong. If you have to get a bit terse/plain-spoken then DO SO. Don't beat around the bush and don't sugarcoat. Let her know her actions are counterproductive but be clear and direct about what that means. "Coming on too strong" can be rather a vague term so take care to be specific. It doesn't have to be rude or a full on editorial or assessment of her behavior; something as simple as "Hey, I appreciate your interest but you are sending me way too many messages. I'm flattered that you're so eager to talk but you've come on way too strong and it's a little off putting. It's clear we're not a match, sorry. Best of luck in your search," should suffice. This of course is assume she's at least a fairly stable individual. If she's a nutter such advice would likely go in one ear and out the other so if she gets angry/offended THEN block her.
jay1983 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 A lot of it comes from the quality of the message you sent them. A few girls will message you, but mostly it comes from reading their profile and asking them about it. Oh and certainly no comments like 'damnnnn your ass is fine' lol. Sorry couldn't resist. But yeah no physical comments lol If you come up with a clever,thoughtful message, you'll get few more replies, but the conversation won't go anywhere. Basically they're just thanking for the nice thoughtful message. But their not really interested in meeting you. If you have some luck, then great. If you try everything and zero girls no matter what you say, then welcome to the club. If you want to know why, message me and I'll show you proof of what's really going on, on these dating sites. It's pretty much your worst suspicion. One of the guys calls it the red pill. lol
OhThatGirl Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 She must be a 1 star if she's coming on too strong. As an equal opportunist, I would reply accordingly and give her a bad romance. I don't condone this at all. That being said, it's hilarious.
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