sinkerswim Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 I joined an online dating site a few weeks back and met this awesome guy a couple weeks ago.. We hit it off right away when we met and even kissed within the first hour we met. Hes what Im looking for in a man...hes sweet, good looking, successful... Says all the right things. I know his job keeps him sooo busy. He is the boss over 20 people, has meetings w/doctors all the time and sometimes isnt even in his office during the day. We only saw each other twice...but we had instant chemistry and also just held each other all night and talked. I did sleep with him though...I told him I dont normally do that..well, because I just dont. But he felt so right and it was all so comfortable. He didnt make me do anything...I, infact had a choice. When he was leaving he told me he couldnt wait to see me again. He is divorced with a 10 year old daughter and he sees her on weekends...and thats fine with me. Its just that in the past week..he will send me these sweet emails telling me he is thinking so much about me, but he is soo busy with meetings and on the road. He calls me all kinds of cutsie names. When we talk he tells me he is not interested in anyone else but me and we also talk about doing stuff together...(like for instance a Motley Crue concert coming up in the future) But yet his online profile is still active and that bothers me, because I made sure and hid mine. We havent made definite plans on when we are getting together again. Gosh..I want this to work out more than anything... I first came on this site last February in a horrid depression over my fiance leaving me..and this is like the first guy Ive dated since him. (besides an online relationship thing I had going with another guy in the fall) I really like this guy and I think I fall too quickly. What should I do? I want it to work out..but yet I dont hear from him everyday. But yet in his emails he makes it sound like we are together. How should I talk to him about his profile online? Without sounding like I am checking up on him or being nosy? Because like I said..he tells me I am the only one he is interested in. Im confused...I like him...but I guess he is taking it slow...or maybe hes just not that into me? HELP!!
Bronzepen Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Don't get all worked up. Your going to be alright. I think your biggest fear is being hurt again. You've also connected with someone and you don't want to lose him. Maybe he is taking it slow. How many dates have you been with him? Do you consider your relationship to be exculsive? Have you had the talk? Meaning, you and him should just date each other? Take it slow yourself. If after a month you want to get more serious then you should let him know. Good Luck.
Author sinkerswim Posted January 28, 2005 Author Posted January 28, 2005 I know that you are right..I AM afraid of getting hurt again. I seem to get my hopes up about things as well. For instance, the guy I had the online/phone relationship with in the fall..I liked him sooo much and we connected so well. Things went grat for awhile...I couldnt wait to meet him, then he lost interest. We are still friends..but still. With this guy..Ive been out twice with him. I havent heard from him now since Wednesday. I dont know what to think. We havent really had an "exclusive" talk or anything about anything. But if I mention something about going somewhere (future plans) he will say yes..he will go. He told me I am fabulous and all. But..like I said..seems like he is always busy and doesnt take a couple minutes out of the day to at least say hi. I hate when people lead you on...Im sick of being made a fool out of. I just hope hes not this way. I cant deal with it.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 My one rule is that if you aren't exclusive and it wasn't established as an "exclusive" relationship and what he's doing....technically, you can't get mad. I have a lot of people that tell me they miss me and blah blah but i still have other people that i see.....you guys don't have a label....so stop acting like you do (sorry if that sounded mean, its not meant to be) You only saw him twice and i know you slept with him but you shouldn't take sex that seriously either....you need to lighten up...go with the flow and see how things turn out when your not stressing so much.....
mt_joy Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 Take this slow. You're afraid of getting hurt again and he has a demanding job. Maybe after talking a few more times, you can ask him if he still looking for other people because you noticed his profile is still up. Trust your gut. I know it's hard, but don't fall too fast. Keep yourself busy. Joy MT Student
Author sinkerswim Posted January 28, 2005 Author Posted January 28, 2005 Thanks you guys...I know..I should just go with the flow....I was with my fiance for 8 years and It took me quite a long time to heal.. and now I guess Im looking for a new relationship... (Im sooo sooo new to the dating scene) and I thought he was too. Another thing....I sent him the last email...I guess I should just wait now until I hear from him??
Bronzepen Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Thanks you guys...I know..I should just go with the flow....I was with my fiance for 8 years and It took me quite a long time to heal.. and now I guess Im looking for a new relationship... (Im sooo sooo new to the dating scene) and I thought he was too. Another thing....I sent him the last email...I guess I should just wait now until I hear from him?? Yes wait but not sitting idle by the PC. Go and do something. Get busy and stay busy. He has stuff going on and I am sure you do to. In other words, don't let him consume your thoughts. Keep him in mind but keep other things on your mind as well.
Author sinkerswim Posted January 31, 2005 Author Posted January 31, 2005 Well, I havent heard from him since Wednesday... I wrote him a happy birthday message this morning... But so far, nothing. I guess its not meant to be..
Bronzepen Posted January 31, 2005 Posted January 31, 2005 Maybe and maybe not. Ball is in his court but I wouldn't wait around for a return volley. Don't let this get you down. Unhide your profile. Be bold and contact a profile that you like and your interested in. A little advice. Don't sleep with a guy so soon. For most guys this is a turnoff, in terms of marriage potential. Use the average rule of 2 to 3 months. If your not looking to get married then disregard the above statement. You seem like a nice person, I am sure you will find someone soon.
Author sinkerswim Posted February 1, 2005 Author Posted February 1, 2005 Well, I did hear from him...he says he wants to see me this week. He said hes been thinking alot about me. About the sleeping with him....actually I cant believe I even did that. Ive only been with one other guy in that way...and that was my ex fiance of 8 years.. it took us over a month for us to be intimate when we met. I always wanted to be with the one guy I wanted to marry. Thats why I seriously cant believe I did this with this new guy...but it seemed so right and I guess its because its been so long since Ive been with my ex. :-/ Anyway..thanks Bronzepen..I will keep you posted.
GirlDown Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by sinkerswim Well, I did hear from him...he says he wants to see me this week. He said hes been thinking alot about me. About the sleeping with him....actually I cant believe I even did that. Ive only been with one other guy in that way...and that was my ex fiance of 8 years.. it took us over a month for us to be intimate when we met. I always wanted to be with the one guy I wanted to marry. Thats why I seriously cant believe I did this with this new guy...but it seemed so right and I guess its because its been so long since Ive been with my ex. :-/ Anyway..thanks Bronzepen..I will keep you posted. don't feel guilty about sleeping with him. many people do this. i know few who wait a long time if at all, and many who will say "i am NOT going to do this yet!" and then, oops...they did it! big deal. you did it one time. you don't go around sleeping with people you meet online as a habit. i sincerely doubt anyone planning on marrying you is going to think back and say "well, i wanted to marry you, but you slept with me a bit too early...so sorry, better luck next time." that's about as likely as someone saying "i am not going to marry this girl because she made me wait too long and i need to get back at her by not marrying her." anyone who thinks either of those ways should not be in a relationship anyway. basically, marriage isn't in your cards right now, you just met the guy. go with how you feel, and have fun. don't let him take advantage of you, though!! good luck.
Bronzepen Posted February 1, 2005 Posted February 1, 2005 Originally posted by GirlDown don't feel guilty about sleeping with him. many people do this. i know few who wait a long time if at all, and many who will say "i am NOT going to do this yet!" and then, oops...they did it! big deal. you did it one time. you don't go around sleeping with people you meet online as a habit. i sincerely doubt anyone planning on marrying you is going to think back and say "well, i wanted to marry you, but you slept with me a bit too early...so sorry, better luck next time." that's about as likely as someone saying "i am not going to marry this girl because she made me wait too long and i need to get back at her by not marrying her." anyone who thinks either of those ways should not be in a relationship anyway. basically, marriage isn't in your cards right now, you just met the guy. go with how you feel, and have fun. don't let him take advantage of you, though!! good luck. No she shouldn't feel guilty. I never said it or implied it. Sinkerswim explained why she did it even though no explanation was neccessary. Most men marry women that are not "easy". Before you jump down my throat, Sinkerswim is NOT "easy". I have spoken to many male friends and they love the "wild" girls but they all say they are not wife "material". Maybe it has to do with marrying someone like their Mom. Go figure. He may get this impression but I am sure Sinkerswim's background speaks for itself and he understands where she is coming from. The fact that he wants to get together with her this weekend is proof OR it may be a booty call. Sinkerswim, if I was you I would not sleep with him (if that was your intention) this weekend. See if he enjoys your company not just your bed.
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