Atticus9292012 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I met this guy 2.5 months ago at a bar restaurant I frequent (I am 26 and he is 28). We also have a lot of mutual friends which adds a little bit of a wrinkle to it. We immediately hit it off. I met him early afternoon on a Sunday and we ended up spending the entire day together and into the night. Well, as you can probably guessed, we ended up hooking up that night. He left my house around 11:00 p.m. In my experience, that is not exactly the makings of a relationship so I didn't expect much to come from it. I had a great day with a great guy, the end. Well, he texted me all that week and eventually asked me on an actual date. We went on a date, we ended up coming back to my house and started fooling around. He said that he "didn't want to do this and really wanted to get to know me." Okay, fair enough. We hang out several times over the span of probably a month and a half or so. Nothing more than hugs and kisses goodnight. We have soooo much in common, like a lot of the same things, and are very compatible as far as our views in general. Well, I invite him over to my house for dinner one night. It is going well as it usually does, then he starts getting really anxious. He says we need to talk, and sits me down and tells me he "sees this going somewhere and just isn't ready for a relationship." At that point I agreed to keep things casual...I mean we hadn't been seeing each other that long, lets see where it goes. I decided a couple of days later I wanted a relationship with him eventually and, being burned by this type of situation in the past, I could be waiting indefinitely. I tell him that we need to stop seeing each other. Well, we don't talk for a week. I run into him at the bar restaurant where we met. We start hanging out again (I know I was weak). This time though in the span of us hanging out he introduces me to his friends. He tells me how much his friends like me, etc. We have another conversation about our relationship a few weeks later, and things are still the same for him. I decide I need to go with the flow and just let things unfold naturally. One night he invites me over to this house, and we just hang out with his roommate drinking and chatting. Well, its late and I need to get home. I had to work the next day. As I am leaving he grabs me and kisses me very passionately. I mean this kiss was freaking hot. I thought about it for an entire week. He texts me all week. One time trying to get me to come out with him and his guy friends. I finally had a realization that this is stupid. If this guy really cares about me, he'd be with me. I tell him I want to be with him, and I know where he stands and that we need to stop seeing each other. I apologized for waffling back and forth, but this is what needs to happen unless he feels differently, but otherwise good luck. He apologizes and tells me good luck and we have not spoken in about a week. Now when I say hang out, we spent time together. I have had sex with this man twice; the first night we met and one other time (we had been drinking). As I said, we have some mutual friends and go to the same places. I have feelings for this guy. I need to let this go and move on because he is just not going to wake up and decide he wants to be with me. In my experience, that just doesn't happen. Does anyone have any insight? Should I avoid the places I like to go for awhile? Try to be his friend? Thanks. Sorry for the length.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 You did the right thing breaking it off, OP. You want different things at this point and there's no sense wasting your time with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. I would continue to frequent my usual places if I were you. However, if and when you see him, be cordial but not cozy. Don't make a point of speaking with him. Meet other guys. The more often you get out there, the less and less frequently you will be thinking about him. 2
newmoon Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 he probably does see potential with you, which is good, but he's going to string you along from this point forward - if you allow it. you told him what you want and he isn't prepared to give it back. that - sadly - should tell you that he isn't on the same page, despite shared interests. you have your answer. I wouldn't avoid the places he goes, just don't allow it to go further; tell him you decided to move on and then do that. 1
Author Atticus9292012 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Thank you for the responses.
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