ShellyGrahams Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 My father doesn't approve of my boyfriend and I dating...He'll say things like "When Randy(my bf)goes to college and won't give a f*** about you anymore! And at first, i was like "Gee, my dad must really care about me getting hurt and all that jazz. Then one day, i went to take out the trash, i see my bf and father laughing and having a jolly ol' time fixing the car. So im like what the hell? Then abruptly my bf leaves and father goes back in the house without saying a word. Does this mean my father just doesn't care about me personally and just projects that onto other people because he's in denial?
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Just because he's your dad doesn't mean he has a handle on interpersonal relationships. I would chalk it up to parental concerns -- desire to protect you even from heart ache. Odds are that your relationship may not survive the transition from high school to college & when that time comes you will get hurt. It happens to a lot of people but that's not reason not to enjoy the time you have together now. It is very special. Based upon what you saw, I'm guessing your dad likes your BF as a person. He just expressed his longer view of the world in sort a mean way but unless you offer more evidence, we'll assume he had the best of intentions. He probably is also nervous about his little girl growing up & becoming a woman.
quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 My father doesn't approve of my boyfriend and I dating...He'll say things like "When Randy(my bf)goes to college and won't give a f*** about you anymore! And at first, i was like "Gee, my dad must really care about me getting hurt and all that jazz. Then one day, i went to take out the trash, i see my bf and father laughing and having a jolly ol' time fixing the car. So im like what the hell? Then abruptly my bf leaves and father goes back in the house without saying a word. Does this mean my father just doesn't care about me personally and just projects that onto other people because he's in denial? I would never let my parents, or anyone for that matter get in the way of me and a partner. They can have an opinion, but it is not in their right to say what he said to you and the way he said it was awful. I would tell him you are unhappy with the way he spoke to you. Perhaps he was being over-protective and came around to your boyfriend. Now that you have seen them getting on, gauge how everyone feels about each other. But really it is only you and your boyfriends business
Author ShellyGrahams Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 I would never let my parents, or anyone for that matter get in the way of me and a partner. They can have an opinion, but it is not in their right to say what he said to you and the way he said it was awful. I would tell him you are unhappy with the way he spoke to you. Perhaps he was being over-protective and came around to your boyfriend. Now that you have seen them getting on, gauge how everyone feels about each other. But really it is only you and your boyfriends business Well, I actually thought seeing my father and my bf all "father/son"-ish was a good sign. So, the next day i had confronted my bf about it his porch. (We literally live right next door to eachother) and when my father saw us., he went into a fit of rage and sent me in the house. And I saw them through my bedroom window talking about the cars in my bf backyard. Idk if this helps..but my father is close friends with my bf's dad but his dad is completely ok with his son and i relationship or friendship if anything. Its like my dad dont think im good enough for any guy instead of the other way around
Pineappls Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 you sound really young. talk about it with your mom
slizl Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Your dad is right, when he goes to college it's probably over within 3 months.
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I would never let my parents, or anyone for that matter get in the way of me and a partner. They can have an opinion, but it is not in their right to say what he said to you and the way he said it was awful. I would tell him you are unhappy with the way he spoke to you. Perhaps he was being over-protective and came around to your boyfriend. Now that you have seen them getting on, gauge how everyone feels about each other. But really it is only you and your boyfriends business Quidprquo89 -- The OP is in HIGH SCHOOL. She's a young teenaged girl. While your advice is fine for a young adult, I think it's absolutely appropriate for a parent to weigh in on a teenager's relationship. Yes, the way dad phrased it was horrible but IMHO it's irresponsible for someone on a message board to suggest that a teenager defy her parents. 2
Phantom888 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 You sound like a neat young lady, so I'm gonna offer you some grown up advice that I wish I had listened to when I was your age: Your dad really loves you, and wants to protect you. That's a given. He is also realistic. He may very well get along with Randy, and thinks he is nice. But that doesn't mean Randy would be a good match for you. At your age, even if Randy sticks around after college, the chances of your two being together 10 years later is almost zero. This is always true because people change as they grow. Dating at such a young age is almost like a learning experience that is guaranteed to end badly, yet we all opt to go through with it, and even fight our parents over it. I think you and Randy should give it a chance. I also think that you will break up in a couple of years, if not sooner. But we all have to go through these painful experiences so we can appreciate love when we find it later in life. I guess your dad just doesn't want you to experience such pain. No parents would. But hopefully he will be there to catch you when you fall.
Phantom888 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I would never let my parents, or anyone for that matter get in the way of me and a partner. They can have an opinion, but it is not in their right to say what he said to you and the way he said it was awful. But really it is only you and your boyfriends business She cannot ignore her old man because SHE IS STILL A CHILD!!!!!! It would be the biggest mistake to fight your parents over a boy at this young age. We all experienced it, and wish we were wiser. As Donnovain states, it's very irresponsible for you to give such bad advice to a child on this board. Even if she chooses to ignore her dad, she should know that her father loves her, and will be there to support her when her heart breaks.
quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I've read your comments in regards to mine, and I might have not taken the age in to account enough. I take on board what you have said
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