waterwoman Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 We went to my sons' parents' evening and then decided to go for a meal afterward. I am coming off my anti-depressant meds at the moment so my moods are a bit volatile. Was doing OK, chatting away, drinking, eating, laughing when all of a sudden a huge sense of sadness hit me like a wave. I started to cry silently at the table. I had suddenly remembering coming to this place just after NY 2012 with H, and our kids and some friends. I had forgotten that occassion. It was a week or so after my brush with suicide and I was trying really hard to be light and bright and OK about everything. H kept popping outside 'for a smoke'. It was the lowest time of my life - I has just gone (reluctantly)back on my meds, started a running program again (running in the dark and cold on my own), trying to lose weight, desperately joining classes etc to get out of my own head. I have never felt so alone. I needed my H so much but he was giving a helping hand to someone else. I think he gets it now. But it's up to me to heal these scars. Regardless of what he does, whether we are together or not. 5
Spark1111 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Ahh, WW (((((HUGS))))). Did you communicate why you were crying to him? sad thoughts and rememberances are normal. Triggers come, often unexpectedly and out of the blue. resentment is normal and a necessary step towards eventual acceptance. Focus on you, healing you, and staying healthy and whole. 2
gettingstronger Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Yes I too have unexplained bouts of sadness. We are doing great so they are a huge surprise to both of us. I handle them better but they scare the heck out of husband. He says he feels like I will never fully love him again and the bums him out. He accepts responsibility for all of it , so it's kind of a sadness from him, not frustration. 2
confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 You always sound a lot like me. Trying to get out of my own head. It's what I do every single day...try to do anyhow...photography classes, volunteering at my son's school, cooking, cleaning, anything to keep myself from thinking about it all too much.
confusedandhurt2002 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Yes I too have unexplained bouts of sadness. We are doing great so they are a huge surprise to both of us. I handle them better but they scare the heck out of husband. He says he feels like I will never fully love him again and the bums him out. He accepts responsibility for all of it , so it's kind of a sadness from him, not frustration. This is how my husband feels too with my breakdowns. I had a bad one yesterday.
Betterthanthis13 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I hope you are having a better day today. I haven't been posting lately but been reading. Wishing you a peaceful happy week.
Author waterwoman Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Thanks for the good wishes and understanding. Coming off the meds is doing odd things to me. Having processed dday and the whole bloody infidelity carnival as a medicated person, I am sort of having a second go as a non-medicated person. It's not as bad, not as painful but things keep coming back to me and I am being forced to reevaluate them. It's as if I am relating the experience to a friend I hasn't seen for years and she is saying 'What ?? He never did!' and getting upset on my behalf. Emotions are stronger off the meds, but I feel somehow healthier, more whole. I have been on and off them for about 14 years - mostly on - I know I feel better off them but sometimes have to be on them to keep my little black dog from turning into a wolf. So far is all going well.
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