386dx Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Hi Everyone, Here was a situation I had a month ago around the holidays. I met this woman at a speed dating event and we seemed to hit things off real well. I really liked her a lot and every date we went on was great. On xmas day I was invited to her family's house for dessert which was kind of unusual being I was just getting to know her but everyone in her family was nice and I did feel welcome. The last time a saw her was before New Years and although she was with her family for that holiday she wanted to go out that following Sunday and things seemed to be going great. Well - I did not hear from her for the rest of that following week after calling and e-mailing (not every day - just one call and e-mail to find out what happened). The week after that I finally get an e-mail from her saying that she was trying to work out things with her ex-fiancee. She did tell me when we were dating that she did have an ex-fiancee she lived with but I did not know how long ago that was or the circumstances of how they broke up. The reality is of course this was not a long term thing at all and who knows what would have happened if I had more time but I did like her very much and at the time she did seem to like me. In my reply to her I did say that I did like her a lot, how nice of a person she was, and how lucky of a guy her ex fiancee was to get her back, etc. Many friends told me what I wrote was way too nice and I "showed all of my cards" which was not a good thing. I also suggested that if things do not work out well in the future that she could contact me but that was up to her (I doubt that will happen - I can't compete with an ex-fiancee). I'm out there looking for someone else of course (nothing exciting like what I had yet but you keep trying..) but what are anybody's thoughts on gving a call a few months down the road if nothing else is happening in my life at that point? Some friends say just a casual call is not a big deal if you liked the person while others say she was not true with me what she wanted in going to speed dating and really did not want a relationship so calling like that is a no no. Has anybody had a similar situation where you got dropped for an ex like this? Did you ever hear from the person again?
Hund1976 Posted January 27, 2005 Posted January 27, 2005 Go ahead and give it a try, the worst that could happen is she says "well me and my ex decided to get back together" All you lost was the 2 minutes of your life you spent on the phone with her. I've had girls where stuff was going well then fizzled out, then I didn't see them for awhile and when I finally ran into them again we winded up getting together. So you never know what might happen. So anyway wait a couple months, if you're single give her a holla.
Author 386dx Posted January 27, 2005 Author Posted January 27, 2005 Yes - that was one of my thoughts that its just a phone call if nothing else is going on at the time. things were not left on bad terms and you sometimes never know what may happen. But some friends were very adamant about saying to not do it. Thanks for the reply - anyone else??
kanga Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 I agree with Hund. I don't see why it'd be a problem to call. Did your friends who said not to call say why? I guess her dealing with an ex-fi could be a red flag. But really a month or so from now -- the worst thing you get is a no, thank you.
Author 386dx Posted January 28, 2005 Author Posted January 28, 2005 Well some friends said the reasons why were that she was not being honest in whether or not she wanted to really meet someone or not. When you get up in your 30's you usually do meet women with exes, women who are divorced, etc. so saying you have an ex fiancee I think is not a red flag in itself. The thing is she still cared for this guy whatever the circumstances were, I come in for a brief moment, the ex and/or her decide to try to work things out and I was out in the cold just like that - the ex was a better deal to have. The red flag I guess was that she was not really over him and was not ready to move on so when the chance came to get back together that was it. And honestly I think if that was me with the fiancee if I cared about the person and I thought it was worth trying to work things out I think I would go for it as well. It really all depends on what the history was which I'll never know. Its a phenomenon though - I have known many couples who broke up for a long while saying it was not meant to be, got back together, and now they are married. I hope they are happy - on the outside they seem to be. Thanks for the advice....
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