anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Hey folks - being able to come on here and speak/vent/listen/share has felt great... for the more experienced members - i was just curious if you think it's unhealthy to keep coming back to this site? I come on every day - several times.. and i read stories.. and also share... but i feel - maybe it just keeps me in that "break-up" zone.. rather than moving on with life zone... does that make any sense? 2
David87 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Since december I've came to LS and posted everyday. At first I've spent all my time on the Breakup section, this can be depressing sometimes. But as time passed by, I started to experience the dating section, the water cooler, coping, second chance. And I've learned alot during this time, and I think that I helped may people here. Another great plus is the fact that I post on my threads when something happens and over the years I will read them and see what went wrong, what to improve etc. it's like a journal or diary. So thanks LS. And a big thank you for all the good people who helped me during my dark times, especially Haydn and Pickflicker. 8
oracle Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Depends... Anything in life can be unhealthy. key is moderation and progress. If you are needy and constantly seeking attention and posting the same cr*p for months and months and months without listening or taking in what anyone is saying and adding it to your bank of experience and knowledge (you people out there know who you are).. then yes. its not healthy. I pop in a few times a week, to see if anyone has replied directly to me in my thread, and sometimes I browse others and give my 2cents. Reading and giving advice tends to put things into better perspective for myself. It reinforces what I know and have learned, and reminds me that I still don't know enough, and probably never will but I continue to live my life open to expanding my horizons. 7
BC1980 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Agree with the above. It's been very therapeutic for me to give others my two cents based on my experiences. 4
Chi townD Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Well, obviously I've been here a while. My life is awesome. What happened to me happened years and years ago. I'm not hurting anymore. I'm well adjusted and I feel great! So, why am I here? No other reason but to help. I'm so familiar with the pain of losing someone or the games that get played when someone is burning you. I just feel that I have something to contribute. And I speculate that's why a lot of veterans are here too! The goal for us is to get that person healed and moving on with life. To give them the tools to heal. And, if they accept that advice, it is an awesome feeling to see them healing and doing better things with their lives, until...one day, they stop posting. They're gone. Flown the nest. They don't need us anymore. And even though you kinda formed online friendships with these folks, it feels good to see them leave. (although, I LOVE it when they come back and update us on how their lives turned out. The success stories! It's for those, I really love to hang around.) So, there might be a day where you say, "Nah, I don't need that site anymore." and that's okay. Actually that's way cool! But, there's nothing wrong with hanging around while you're still on the mend and helping people that have fresh wounds. To become veterans yourselves! 6
lofi_tokyo Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I've gone through three break ups on LS. Been on and off for 5 years. I think it really depends! LS's breakup section can be really useful for helping you get feedback on your situation and learning from it. If you're reading others' stories too, you can learn a ton from what others are going through too. That being said, if you're continually following people's stories in some twisted way of finding hope for you and your ex, or if you're continually letting yourself feel angry and spewing hurt on others' threads, then you may be holding yourself back. There have been times, for example, where I've had to ban myself from reading the Getting Back Together section, because I knew it was just me looking to find success stories. Other times, I've made myself leave the Breakups section all together because I knew I was clinging onto hurt. I do think its very healthy to eventually move on, and I think its concerning if one is staying on breakup forums endlessly - there's more to life than discussing breakups! Just my two cents. If you've hit the stage where you think you're on LS too much, maybe you could try tactics like: - On LS instead of going on a run? Go on a run. Call a friend. - On the Getting Back Together section? Go to the Mind, Body, and Soul section. Don't let LS be something that enables you to stew over problems! 2
erklat Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I think often that reading breakup section put a sense of hope in me and prolonged my healing. The progress is clearly there, but there are days that I miss my ex badly and days I miss her not so badly. It is hard to not think that if you both were genuine you will find a way to each other eventually, even though a part of my evolving put 500km between us. 1
Author anemptycup Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 It's cool seeing some very cool people interested in helping people here. For me, LS is currently an important element in my Support Network... even though i don't know anyone on here - just feeling that i have some folks that are going through the same thing - and some of the veterans around to help guide and make sure we are moving on. I hope someday i'll not even think about my EX and get on with my life - - mornings and weekends are the hardest still - but i also know it's only been 2 1/2 months since we broke up - and 6 weeks of NC - and I am feeling better week after week - LS has helped me to put my issues in perspective... and realize that, this **** is a process and it does take time... and i'm not the only one going through it... i truly wish everyone on here success moving forward - here's something i posted on my facebook today - might help some of you... and it is related - i like the idea of using my post as a daily jorunal and i think i'll start doing that after i post this... from my Facebook: there's nothing more powerful in existence than our own thoughts and beliefs - they can be our greatest allies or the most powerful opponents we'll ever face - there's a good Rocky quote that says "no one hits harder than life itself..." but, it's what we think and believe that can hurt the most - and once we realize our mind is a tool that we can shape and condition into accomplishing anything we desire - by observing and guiding our thoughts away from suffering and towards prosperity and life - we can be the masters of our own universe and achieve ANYTHING we envision and BELIEVE we are capable of. i know that everyone on here who has suffered and is suffering is doing so because of the THOUGHTS in our heads... NC helps reduce fuel for those thoughts... and getting out, being active and meeting people.. interacting with the world - will help create new thoughts.... it's a daily battle.. but i have learned a lot from LS and will keep everyone posted with my progress.
movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I only found out about LS a few days ago and to tell you the truth it has been one of the source of my strength right now. I don't just wait for a reply on my threads but also read other stories. I mostly read similar stories like what I am going thru and try to understand and use what others are saying in my situation and I also read the other side of the my story (my ex side) so I can at least try to understand it more and forgive a little bit more faster rather than just knowing my side.
Arieswoman Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I think LS is a great site with lots of smart people helping out others with real, intelligent, commonsense advice. I am just sad that it wasn't around when I had relationship problems. I think i would have found it a valuable support network. I don't have all the answers but I hope I can help some others along the way by putting my 2cents-worth in.
crederer Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Yah I haven't been here in months but I'm bed ridden and bored as hell. But yeah I pretty much stopped coming here because it can be quite pessamistic and negative towards both sexes. And if you start hearing certain things enough you start believing them and it can get maddening. You can get some good advice as well. I've been given some good advice and it has given me a different perspective on some things. But for the most part if I come here I try to stick to the humour based sections of the board.
Omei Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I have been coming to this site during my most recent relationship and a entire year after its breakup. I too wonder if its healthy or not while reading other people's stories and knowing im not the only one with pain helps, I wonder if thinking on things all the time halts me, but I also looooove how much I've learned about relationships in this last year im so confident in my someday relationship because of LS
barky2 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 For me it's more of giving back to what I received in my time of need. I'm sure I coulda moved on without the help of LS. But I'm thankful for the information and guidance I got. I've seen many people say their goodbyes since they feel they need to move on from LS because they feel they're healed or it's a constant reminder of what was. That's perfectly fine in my book, we all deal with it a certain way. I stuck around and pop in from time to time to maybe just give one person half of what I received when I needed it. I'm sure they'll be a time when I stop coming here, sure. But until then, y'all are stuck with me Barky
Elias33 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 The internet is what you make of it. If it's going to be a burden, it is because of your behavior towards it. People have these issues with Facebook, porn, games, etc. But it is really how the people perceive these tools/features. So the answer is only up to you.
thecrucible Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I like posting on forums for advice 'cause it stops me getting at my friends. They don't like it if I talk about my problems too much. It also stops me going crazy and venting on facebook and that sort of thing.
mantlefan Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I first came here in January after finding out that a breakup in July after 5 years was more because of her finding someone else than the reasons she told me. I would come here every day for awhile. Sometimes hours a day. Now I go for days, weeks even, without feeling the need to come on here and cry over my keyboard while typing up a post. Breakups are also hard on the people we care about and who care about us. It's sometimes good to vent online instead of overwhelming a few close ones or, God forbid, venting to our exes. It's a mixed bag though. I have to admit, that stickied thread about GIGS breakups isn't helping me kill the hope she will come back. Maybe the "symptoms" are vague enough that everyone can find something similar to each, but at the same time though, like that 95% describes my ex's behavior. I think though the main thing is being able to publish one's thoughts with more or less anonymity. That can be a little more therapeutic I think than writing a letter to an ex and tearing it up. Here, you get it off your chest, and it is SEEN, even if not by your ex.
Lifegoezon Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Interesting question. I've been wondering something similar myself recently. I have found this site tremendously helpful over the past couple of months and I think I am recovering more quickly and less painfully as a result. Plus keeping up with reading and posting definitely fills time that might otherwise be occupied brooding. However, I have noticed that coming here does make me think about my breakup when I might not have done. Perhaps that just means it's time to stop until I'm ready to pay it forward without knocking myself back. It interests me that our reactions and behaviors are so similar that predictions really are valid. I do notice however that some people will just not accept this and persist in delusions that other people, with more patience than I have, persist in trying to debunk. Thank goodness for those people! Maybe there are people whose healing is helped by LS and who then say goodbye. And those who stick around for the benefit of others. Not decided which I am yet!
lioness84 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I do feel the forum helps, its good to talk to people who are going through the same thing or who have been there not so long ago.
bluegreen Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It makes perfect sense and it can make u feel more blue at times it can. But as someone said no hurt was healed with snap of fingers either. So as some other smart brothers-sisters here said key is in moderation if you need take a break from us to its all fine as long as you get back on track. Now am healed and its my pride and pleasure to keep trying to save others from clutches of pain hurt and humiliation their ex ones caused them. Why well cause for me its pay it forward thing and if I manage to do that with even one or two people WOW how can you beat that !!!! I am here for you
ponchsox Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) It really depends on what your current mental state is. If you are feeling down and depressed, the sad stories on here will cause you to dwell in pain. If you are feeling good and on the road to recovery, the good stories will give you motivation. The biggest thing I learned is people have been through exactly what I went through and there is absolutely no shame in how we handled it. We are humans with emotions, good and bad. Personally, I think those that run and hide from a breakup and don't become honest with themselves are cowards. The people on these forums who can express themselves and admit what they are going through are much stronger. Edited March 27, 2014 by ponchsox
Author anemptycup Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 (edited) I recently spent 4 days back in contact with the EX - very simply one liners, started off with me wish her a happy birthday (prior to that i was 7 weeks no contact) - now i'm back to NC. i don't regret breaking contact because, in my case - we parted ways badly, with me begging and her being the stronger person - on our last exchange i was a different person - strong, in control and i felt she was more fragile this time. I know that in a few days i might start feeling the emptiness again - and that's been my main reason turning to LS - i feel someone is listening - someone is there - and it gives my friends and family a break. I've learned a lot from this site and the stories of others - I have learned the strengths, and weaknesses of NC - i think it's great advice for people to move forward and let go - and above all, because when you contact your ex, you are in very dangerous ground of 1) saying something you'll regret and that will hurt you more... and 2) hearing something that will hurt you... and NC, helps protect you from both. The rest is up to you - NC might not cure you 100% - but it helps by stopping the inflow of information into the thinking mind that can create stories about your ex etc... the rest you have to manage yourself by becoming aware of your thoughts - and managing them away from negative thinking to positive thoughts. NC helps a lot... and doing things that will create new positive memories will help. End of the day - they know you want them and how you feel about them - they can come back for you if they want - and most Exs will think of a way back, if they really want to come back. Otherwise, we have to move on... can't force anyone to want/love us... and nor should we want that. focus on loving yourself - everyday... every moment - love yourself... accept yourself... treat yourself kindly and build yourself up. Stop the negative self talk - and if you ever catch yourself thinking negative thoughts - counter them with 3 positive thoughts. Love and good luck to everyone on here. Edited March 27, 2014 by anemptycup
Art_Critic Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I came here quite a while ago looking for some answers after going through a breakup I didn't understand and I seem to have never left I'm married today and have a beautiful little 6 year old and post almost everyday.. I no longer am looking for answers as much but give advice to help others today.. 3
Trovador Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 It's like an AA meeting, they don't drink anymore but they still talk about alcohol, although without pain nor resentment...
lioness84 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I came here quite a while ago looking for some answers after going through a breakup I didn't understand and I seem to have never left I'm married today and have a beautiful little 6 year old and post almost everyday.. I no longer am looking for answers as much but give advice to help others today.. Hope to be in your situation soon ... 2
Omei Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I like posting on forums for advice 'cause it stops me getting at my friends. They don't like it if I talk about my problems too much. It also stops me going crazy and venting on facebook and that sort of thing. That's a good point too I think a lot of people come to the site when they can no longer burden a friend it usually takes much longer to get over a love, and after the few month mark pretty sure friends dont wanna hear it anymore! 1
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